Chapter 13
The PE classes were pointless. The teacher had a habit of leaving the students to their own devices and Buffy suspected he went to play hookey with their biology teacher Miss Johnson. While it was better than sitting through a lecture on the American Revolution, it also meant one hour of being bored to tears with nothing to do but jumping rope and generally trying to ignore Parker snickering at her.
The muscles in her legs burned, so she stopped jumping and sat down to stretch. That was when Anya joined her on the gym floor and kind of loudly proclaimed, “I need a man.”
“You’re really not into the whole ‘hi’ thing, are you?”
“Why waste my time?” Anya slumped against the wall. “So let’s get back to my problem.”
Buffy smiled and wiped the sweat from her forehead. “I don’t think I’m qualified to help with guy troubles.”
“Why not? You’re a girl. I’m a girl. Therefore it’s customary to have a girl talk, which includes complaining about the lousy opposite sex.”
The way Anya could simplify things in a matter of a few seconds boggled Buffy’s mind. “Okay, I’ll bite.”
Anya huffed. “You know, a girl can only take so much time without a steady orgasm donor. This is getting tiresome.”
“Oh. Umm… well. That’s… interesting.” She could feel herself blushing.
Anya scanned the gym. “I mean look around. There isn’t even one decent… well, that’s actually nice.”
“What’s nice? I mean, who?” Buffy followed Anya’s line of vision but failed to see anyone worthy of the drool gathering at the corner of Anya’s mouth.
“Who’s that brunette guy in blue shorts?”
The only person Buffy could see was Alexander Harris who was currently running in a goofy manner with his arms sort of resembling a flailing chicken as he tried to evade being passed the ball in a ruthless game of basketball. “You mean Alex Harris?”
“Oh, is that his name?” Anya tilted her head. “Gotta thank the Chinese child labourers for making those shorts. I mean, look at him. All sweaty and muscular, running around with that firm ass.”
“Uhh, I guess.” Buffy was starting to learn Anya never filtered her thoughts, which was peculiar and really amusing if not a little embarrassing. “Maybe you should ask him out. If you like him, I mean.”
Anya nodded, still observing Alex like he was a piece of steak with barbecue sauce on the side.
“Good point. I think I will.” A beat later. “Alex Harris!” she yelled as he was running past them.
Poor Alex jumped up and turned on his heel to face them right when his team mate decided to pass the ball of doom and it hit Alex so hard on the shoulder that he sprawled across the floor.
“Hi, I’m Anya.” She looked at him imploringly and Buffy muffled her laughter behind her hand.
“I’m… currently feeling like I’ve been hit by a car. Also, I’m Alex. I mean, Xander. Friends call me Xander.” He picked himself up and couldn’t decide what to do with his hands so they flopped around him like laundry in the breeze until he decided to tuck them into the pockets of his shorts.
“What are you doing on Friday?”
His ears turned pink. “Um, nothing muc—”
“Good. You’ll pick me up at seven and take me out. Bring a car because I’m not walking around in heels. I’ll give you my address during lunch break.”
He blinked then blinked again before he finally regained the power of speech. “Like, on a date?”
“Yes.”
“With me?”
“Yes.”
“Wow.” Then he puffed up and tried to act manly but the effect was somewhat spoiled by the silly smile on his face. “I mean… sure. I’ll be there.”
“It’s settled then. Don’t be late.”
“I won’t.” He gave her an awkward wave and headed away before he remembered he was walking in the wrong direction.
“I wish I could be as brave as you are,” Buffy admitted. “He’s already wrapped around your little finger and he’s talked to you for barely a minute.”
Anya shot her a self-satisfied, teasing grin. “So who’s your crush then?”
“What! No crush. No, sir.” Buffy shifted her attention to her nails.
“Men aren’t that difficult to deal with, you know. Just take what you want and tell him how it is. Chance is he says yes. If not, then you can move on to someone smarter.”
“It sounds really easy when you say it like that, but I’m afraid I’m not the ‘take what you want’ kind of girl. Besides, men usually go for the Miss America type, which I’m not.” And was she really admitting she actually wanted someone to want her? That was just stupid. She’d always been fine being on her own. Then Spike had to come and… This blows.
“Don’t listen to what people say,” Anya said in a soft voice. “I think you’re pretty. And I never lie. Truth hurts more.” She shrugged. “Honestly, if I was a lesbian I’d totally hit on you.”
Buffy glanced at her self-consciously. “Thanks.”
“I like sex with men but I’m up for some girl kisses if you want. Your lips are nicely shaped.”
“Like a girl make-out session?”
“Sure. Why not?”
Okay, she was so not even considering this. That would be way too weird. “I’ll get back to you on that.” Needing to change the subject, Buffy noticed Harmony and her two lackeys were glowering at them. “I don’t think your cheerleader buddies are happy that you’re talking to me.”
Anya slanted them a careless glance. “Those three are a bunch of morons, Harmony being the biggest one. Parker cheats on her all the time, you know. Usually, I’d sweep in to help but I don’t think I could listen to an hour of her whining.”
“So you’re not all buddy buddy then?”
Anya grimaced. “Definitely not. I joined the squad to keep in shape. It’s like zumba, only I don’t have to pay for it. I’m not all that good at making friends, to be honest. I travel a lot so I don’t see the point. But I like you, Buffy. I totally wouldn’t mind listening to you whine.”
It was strange to think of Anya as mature, but she kind of was. Maybe being so outspoken was just her, maybe she honestly didn’t give a damn about what people thought of her. Buffy could respect that. “I don’t really have anything I could whine about, but the same goes for you. You need help, I’m your gal.”
Anya smiled before focusing on Parker with a glint in her eyes that slightly unnerved Buffy, for some reason. “He’s such a jerk. He’d deserve to get boils on his penis, don’t you think?”
“I wouldn’t say no to that.”
“Don’t you just wish that he’d—”
The teacher chose that moment to rejoin them and yell at them to get their asses up and pair up to do stretches.
*******
This was just plain wrong. While she was being a good employee and going over the inventory, her father was flirting with a customer. Wasn’t that against the rules or something? And as soon as she spotted the woman holding a plastic container filled with food, she knew who this was. It had to be the lasagna goddess herself—Hank’s words, not hers—Ellen.
Buffy sneaked a few glances at the older woman.
She didn’t like her. There was something shifty about the way she fluttered her eyelashes and the way she played with her long black hair, which was in no way lustrous. Apparently, subtlety was not one of Ellen’s qualities. And she looked way too Spanish for Buffy’s peace of mind. Weren’t they like… sex maniacs?
That would explain that deep cleavage, which was way inappropriate for a woman that was probably thirty-five or so. And how big were her boobs anyway? They totally had to be implants.
“Buffy!”
“I didn’t say anything,” immediately sprang from her lips. “I mean… yes?”
Hank looked at her, puzzled, while she returned his gaze with as much innocence as she could muster as she approached him.
“Right. Anyway… Buffy, this is Ellen.” He looked at the other woman in a way that made Buffy want to gag. “And this is my daughter, Buffy.”
“Hi,” Buffy said neutrally. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“Likewise, Buffy. I hope you liked the lasagna?” She gave her a hesitant smile and Buffy refrained from saying it had given her an intense case of diarrhea. Not that it was true but Ellen wouldn’t know that.
“It was okay.”
Hank gave a short laugh and threw his arm around Buffy’s shoulders. “She’s such a kidder. It was phenomenal.”
Buffy mouthed the word phenomenal at him with a quirk of her eyebrow. Since when did he use words like that?
“Ellen here is a librarian.” Ah, now it made sense. Trying to impress her with his extensive vocabulary, was he?
Well, Ellen apparently hadn’t gotten the memo of librarian dress code. “Aren’t you guys supposed to wear tweed and stuff?”
Ellen laughed heartily, pressing one dainty hand to her generously exposed bosom. When Buffy noticed her father’s attention had strayed there, she elbowed him in the ribs.
“I do own a tweed skirt actually but I prefer not to dress like an old maid.” Obviously, Buffy thought. “I love shopping.”
“Then you’re going to hate living here. We don’t even have a mall,” Buffy said.
“I noticed,” she said with a nod. “That’s why I was thinking of opening a fashion store here. If it doesn’t work out, I’ll just work at a local library.”
“I’m sure your fashion thing will work out. It’s a brilliant idea! We could use a decent clothes store around here,” her father said. “Right, Buffy?”
“I… guess? I’m not really into the whole girly stuff. Are you sure you don’t want to open a martial arts shop instead? Or one with weaponry. I could use a new katana, the one I have is kind of worn.” She did feel bad for about a second for taunting their new neighbour but then again, it was fun seeing Ellen flustered.
“She’s just kidding,” Hank said. “She doesn’t really have a katana.”
The only reason for that was Dad’s reluctance to buy her one. What, did he think she’d start mauling the town puppies and kittens? Geez.
Ellen smiled nervously. “I don’t even know what katana is, I’m afraid. Is that some kind of… well, what is it?”
“Well it’s—”
Ellen interrupted him with a wink, “Of course I know what it is. I was just yanking your chain. It’s a Japanese sword. They’re things of beauty, really. My ex used to collect ancient weapons. I took half of them after we divorced. I thought he was going to pop a blood vessel,” she finished with a wicked smile.
There was no way in hell Buffy was going to admit that this woman was kind of cool. No way.
She was saved by the obnoxious jingling that announced a customer. One of these days, she’d rip that bell off and throw it out of the window.
Seeing the bleached head making its way through the aisle, Buffy wondered why she was being punished. Avoiding him for the last few days had worked really well for her. He just… being around him made her lose her head. She’d thrown herself into his arms, for God’s sake. After having a Lifetime moment! He’d been actually very nice about it, but it made her feel even more awkward. She’d prefer it if he’d made fun of her. That way she’d be on familiar ground. If he kept acting like a decent human being, she’d be forced to like him.
That would without a doubt result in an apocalypse.
But no, he had to come buy groceries and put a stop to her avoidance. Couldn’t he just… hunt himself a dinner? Wasn’t that considered more manly than buying half-prepared food?
“Buffy!” her dad yelled. “Where’s your head at?”
“Huh?”
Dad narrowed his eyes at Spike who was currently staring at frozen pizzas as though they held the universe’s secrets. “Should I take out my shotgun?”
“Very funny.”
“Well, you don’t see me laughing, do you?”
Ellen ducked her head to hide her smile as she apparently caught the line of Buffy’s vision. It wasn’t like she’d been staring. God, people should just get off her back.
“You two… keep doing…. Whatever it was you were doing,” she said and gave Dad a meaningful look. “No joking about shooting anyone, please.”
Hank shrugged before patting her on the back. “Sorry.”
She just bet he was, the liar. “I gotta go… help the customer.”
“Don’t be too helpful,” Dad muttered.
She made her way towards a frowning Spike.
“What do you figure tastes less nasty? Pepperoni or salami?” he asked without looking away from the pizzas.
“Now there’s a dilemma.”
“Don’t get cute with me. This is a serious matter.”
Since he wasn’t looking at her, she grinned. “Why don’t you just cook yourself something? Or are you one of those men that can burn water?”
He opened the refrigerator to grab the pepperoni one. “Oh, I can cook, blondie. Just been a bit busy recently.”
“Doing what?”
He finally turned to her, smirking like a devil. “Cuddling with you.”
Ah, there he was. Making her blush again. “There wasn’t any… cuddling,” she whispered. “Just a momentary comfort giving, which I’m starting to regret. I knew you’d make fun of me eventually.”
His smirk relaxed into a boyish smile. “I’m just playing with you. Don’t mean any harm. If you need a shoulder to cry on, I’m your bloke.”
She regarded him warily. “You know, sometimes it’s hard to tell if you’re being sarcastic or serious.”
“Serious as a heart attack.”
“You’re doing it again! God, you’re… insufferable.”
Spike waggled his eyebrows in a way that should have been funny but it sent her heart galloping instead. “It’s a part of my charm, wouldn’t you agree?”
“No.”
Was he pouting? Yes, yes he was. It was so not adorable.
“I don’t think my ego can’t take that snide reply.”
“I don’t think it could take any stroking either.” Wait, that sounded kind of wrong.
“Oh, I assure you I can take a lot of stroking. The longer the better. If there’s one thing I’ve got in spades, it’s stamina.”
“I walked right into that one, didn’t I?” she grumbled.
He laughed, the corners of his eyes crinkling in a way that made her insanely want to make him do it again and again.
“Yeah, you did. Sorry.”
“Your pizza will get all melty. Better go pay for it.” Even though Dad was sending him murder-y looks.
“Are you trying to get rid of me?”
Was she? Maybe. The way he was stirring warmth within her chest was making her uneasy. “Just trying to save your pizza.”
He nodded, his smile fading a bit as though something inside him had switched off and for a moment she regretted her words. Maybe she could have said something different.
“Going to get outta your hair then. Before the pizza… yeah.” He brushed past her then hesitated before he turned around to face her again. “You know, I’ve got these flowering onion things at the house. They’re bloody brilliant. You could...” he stopped then, shaking his head with a bitter smile. “Never mind. Forget I said anything.”
She didn’t know what compelled her to do it. It was just… the way his shoulders slumped. She touched his sleeve to stop him from going.
There was something in his gaze… For all the swagger and self-confidence, none of it reflected in his eyes. The way he looked at her in that moment was anything but sure or snarky. It was so human. For a fraction of a second she wondered whether he was even aware of the loneliness that seemed to burn deeply and project outward once a person got close enough to notice. The harder she tried to look away, the more she couldn’t. He was expecting her to say something but she couldn’t get her tongue to work.
Was this what it felt like to be a fly tangled in a spider’s web?
Then why wasn’t she afraid of being devoured?
TBC
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Hello, writer block. Would you kindly go pester someone else? It's a good thing I always have a few chapters as a back up in case I don't have motivation/time to write. In this case, it's the 38°C (about 100°F for you American folks) that turns my brain into a boiling soup. What a lovely visual, right? ;) Those of you who live anywhere remotely close to sea, I'm jealous as hell.
Beta'd by the lovely All4Spike.
Beta'd by the lovely All4Spike.