She approached Willow’s back door, secretly hoping beyond hope that maybe her best friend wouldn’t notice there was something off. Buffy wasn’t crying or wearing a huge sign that said “My boyfriend’s a lying jerkface, ask me how!”, but Willow had this thing about her. She could almost always tell when something was wrong, usually by listening to another person’s voice.
The Summers girl knocked on her friend’s screen door. Willow’s bedroom led right out onto a patio so Buffy didn’t have to worry about going to the front.
A couple seconds later and she caught sight of the long hair that belonged to her friend, she only saw a wisp of it but she knew it was Willow’s.
Suddenly the girl heard muffled voices.
Who’s she talking to?
Buffy stepped closer to the glass and listened harder. It sounded like another woman.
The blonde frowned and decided to try the door. She gently pulled on the handle and walked inside.
She set her duffle bag down on the floor. The sound of female chatter got louder and she heard giggling. She’d thought Willow’s mom was out of town-
“Tara! Stop that!”
Buffy sighed and mentally rolled her eyes at herself. She’d been getting all suspicious over nothing.
She ran a hand through her hair. Well at least now if Willow caught onto her bad mood Tara would make sure the girl didn’t press on the issue. She was always good about things like that, Tara. She kept Willow from pushing against boundaries the redhead sometimes didn’t even know were there.
“Hey guys, I’m here!”
Silence took over and Buffy’s eyebrows met. “You realize I heard you two right?”
No answer. Just the quiet sound of scurrying.
Buffy left Willow’s bedroom. “Aren’t we a little old to be playing hide and seek?” She laughed as she approached the kitchen.
“Tara are you sleeping over too? Wills didn’t say anything but if you are then that means we can pull off the whole slumber party deal.” Her heels clomped on tile as she walked through the doorway to the living room.
“Ya know- trashy magazines, junk food, movies, and a whoooole lot of Ben & Jerry’s…” The blonde’s sentence tapered off when she saw the image before her.
Willow’s living room had never looked more R rated.
Tara stood awkwardly with a sheet wrapped around her– obviously nude –form, beside the couch where Willow was in nothing but a bra and blanket, holding up what the Summers girl presumed were Tara’s underwear.
The scene had Buffy’s eyes widening and her heart stopping.
“Buffy…” Willow started.
“We were just- W-We-…” Tara stammered.
They shared a glance.
Willow’s face held scared anxiety while Tara’s portrayed worried finality.
The redhead’s voice softened with her next words. “We.. We didn’t want to tell you this way.”
And all of Buffy’s suspicions were confirmed just as quickly as they had appeared.
She gulped, and had absolutely no idea how to respond to this startling development. “Uh… I- I am so so sorry. I didn’t mean to walk in on-”
“No, Buffy it’s not your fault. I- I forgot you were coming over.” Willow stood with the blanket wrapped around her waist. She was internally freaking over how her friend was about to react, and she felt worried for her girlfriend too. “Tara just-”
“No, ya know what, I- I should have knocked. Or, yeah, no I mean- I just… I didn’t know and. and. I um, I came in when I heard you two talking. I- I just thought you wouldn’t mind an- I should have knocked.”
“Buffy… Please, let us talk to you.” Willow asked.
“Oh. Su-sure. I’ll um- I’ll just sit. Or no, should I stand? I’ll stand.”
“Buffy, calm down sweetie, you’re babbling.” Tara soothed.
“No- No I’m not. It’s um, obvious what’s going on.. and it’s cool! I’m okay, really. Just a little shocked is.. all… I- Wh- When… When did this happen?”
Tara and Willow moved closer to each other before finally clasping hands. “We um… We’ve been together now for a little over six months.” The redhead spoke.
Buffy’s eyes bugged again. “Si- Six months? As in MONTHS months? Cuz that, that’s a long time. An- And I had no, uh, idea.”
“You didn’t have an idea because we didn’t want anyone to know, you-…” Tara took a glance at Willow for strength. “You’re the first to find out.”
Buffy nodded, hard. “Oh. Okay so…” She leaned against the wall and suddenly felt that all the air had been taken from her. “So you two are um, a couple? Is tha- Am I, right?”
They both nodded before Tara answered with words. “Yes. We’re um… We’re in love, Buffy.”
“Oh wow.” And the Summers girl breathed out a lungful in need to calm herself. “That’s uh… Well I think that’s great!”
“Buffy we understand if you’re, ya know… surprised. We’re sorry we kept this from you for so long, it’s just we didn’t know how you’d react.” Willow said.
“I’m not reacting! I- I mean I am. reacting. just not in th- the way you thought.. I’d.. react. I- I’m…”
Really taking notice of her friends’ expressions then, the blonde bit her lip. Their faces seemed distressed and sadly accepting, and Buffy didn’t like that.
A minute passed, the quiet deafening.
“Wills… Willow. a- and Tara- Both of you… here.” Buffy regained her leg strength and stood straight, walking over to her friends.
The fact that the two girls in front of her were lovers didn’t upset Buffy, it didn’t anger her or make her feel grossed out. She was simply shocked; from the way she’d found out, along with the concept of it all. But with a little inner rambling followed by a strong self mental alignment of her thoughts, Buffy realized she needed to stop wigging and act mature.
She captured Tara’s left hand in her right one, along with Willow’s right in her left palm. They all stood with their hands entwined, two girls wearing faces of concern and worry, the third one wearing one of assuredness and affection.
“If you guys are happy together, then I think it’s wonderful.” She smiled.
Their features melted into matching looks of relief. Tara relaxed and grinned too, while Willow promptly engulfed Buffy in a hug.
The Summers lady returned the embrace, never letting go of Tara’s hand and smiling over Willow’s shoulder at her.
“Thank you for not wigging too much!”
Buffy laughed. “Oh I think there was much wigging. I was a babbling idiot too minutes ago.”
Willow pulled away. “Only a little bit.”
Buffy smiled kindly again. “So…” She looked at both of the girls. “This why you two never went out on group dates with me in the past when I’d try and set us all up with boys?”
The couple looked guiltily at each other before Tara mumbled. “Maybe.”
Buffy laughed. “Well hey! At least I know now!”
Willow suddenly stopped grinning and frowned slightly. “Oh Buffy, please don’t say anything to anybody! We- We’re not ready to, ya know, tell people yet.”
“My lips are sealed.” The girls relaxed. “But… are you sure? I mean, it’s not like anyone’ll be upset or anything. I don’t think either of your parents are gonna be weird, and the faster you guys get everything out in the open the better you’re both going to feel.”
The two teenagers exchanged a glance before Willow replied. “We know… You’re right, Buffy. It’s just, we’re not quite ready for all the questions yet an- and.. We’ll do it. soon. Just not right now.”
The blonde nodded. “Okay. It’s your decision. But keep in mind that when Xander finds out, the only thing he’s gonna be doing is conjuring up naughty scenarios in his head of a foursome with you two and Anya.”
Tara frowned and Willow rolled her eyes. “That’s not helping.”
Buffy shrugged and cringed a little. “Sorry.”
***
The rest of the evening went on uneventfully, mostly with junk food and movies. Stories of past excuses and lies that were told in order to cover up Tara and Willow’s relationship were revealed, leaving Buffy a giggling indignant mess.
So many times they’d pulled the wool over her eyes and she had never ONCE caught on. The girl was thoroughly astounded and quite insulted.
Apparently the mutual attraction between the two beauties had grown gradually and subtly, with a strong love and bond forming over time.
The whole night helped to keep Buffy’s mind off of her own relationship, and she smiled a lot- something she didn’t think was going to happen much that evening after the whole Spike issue.
Of course an inquiry about her sexy outfit along with general questions about her boyfriend and the date had been asked, but after Buffy gave some blurry explanations and yet acceptable ones, the girls had backed off. She hadn’t brought up the fight and it was easy to get them to focus on something other than Spike, considering their lesbian love affair had just been exposed.
The sleepover was a success, and no one mentioned what Buffy had walked in on when she first arrived at Willow’s house…
The Summers girl never put her cell phone back together, mind blissfully rid of all worries for night.
***
Spike headed home after Annie’s call. He was still internally fuming over the fact that she hadn’t phoned when Buffy was in the car so he could talk to her. He needed to make her understand.
He wasn’t sure how he’d explain himself, only that he really needed to, needed to tell her the truth. He had to clarify everything, and god he hoped she trusted him. His story wasn’t exactly the most believable of sorts, not when there were much worse ones that made better sense.
The Brit drove down her friend’s block a few times, passing the little house he knew belonged to the Willow chit. He wanted to go and see Buffy with every fiber of his being but he couldn’t. That would not only cause a scene, but it would embarrass her in front of her friend and probably piss the girl right off.
If he fucked things up more than they already were he would just have more shit to deal with. He couldn’t put more pressure on her tonight, all he could do was text her and hope she got good sleep.
Spike had stopped the car and double parked it on his fourth pass. He took out his phone and sent Buffy a message telling her to please call him so he could explain everything. He didn’t know exactly how to word it so even after it was sent he still mentally reworked the thing over and over again in his head.
He looked at the house once more, almost shouting out a “Hey!” when the lights went on inside.
The drapes were thin, and Spike saw three forms through them. But all he could really tell was that they all had long hair, so he wasn’t sure which one-
Wait.
A curtain was drawn, which made Spike involuntarily duck.
He peered out of his passenger side window and kept his head low. The person looking out of the glass seemed to be checking out the sky, and she was slender with long red hair. Spike recalled that Buffy had said Willow was a redhead, and the man thought the woman he saw now looked like one he’d spotted with Buffy at Greg’s a while back.
Yeah. His girl was in that house, and he couldn’t go and see her. She was so close.
The redhead never seemed to notice his car and closed the curtain again. Spike took it as his cue to leave. He quietly pulled off the block and drove home.
***
The man had despondently trudged up his walkway, into his house and up to his room. He tossed his coat on a nearby chair after entering and softly sat down on his bed. The room felt dark, and chilled.
He sat staring at his hands for a little bit, not really thinking at all. He was angry but couldn’t yell. He was frustrated but couldn’t do anything about it. He was disappointed and agitated and... He’d tried to make this a nice evening, he’d pushed his troubles with Joyce aside and had tried to relax for a while with his girlfriend, tried to make her happy, but something had just HAD to go wrong.
The emotional rollercoaster he’d been on today was catching up with him. From nervous to dejected to guilt to anger to shame and agitation to fucking joyful and then scared and then mad and guilty all over again.
He was bloody tired.
Spike tensed his jaw and angrily brushed at his eyes when a lone tear made its way down his cheek. He missed her. If he was upset the first person who’d come to mind and could soothe his aches would be Buffy. Given he’d only had her for a short while but he’d never had anyone mean this much to him. Never.
He ground his teeth before angrily tearing off his T-shirt, throwing it on the floor. He kicked off his shoes and stripped out of his jeans, lying down the next instant and turning his phone on high to make sure he’d hear it ring should she call.
He set the device down again and turned over on his side, shutting his eyes in bittersweet reprieve.
…
Spike abruptly spun back around and grabbed his cell. He called her.
*“Hi, you’ve reached Buffy. Leave a message at the very annoying little beepy sound you’re about to hear and I’ll give you a call back.”*
::BEEP::
“Buffy, it’s me again. I know you’ve already got a few messages from me, and a ton of bloody calls.. seeing as you just toddled off on your own without TELLIN ANYONE WHERE YOU WERE GOING- You bloody well scared the shite outta me there, ya know that!” He stopped and bit down on his urge to scream again, it wasn’t time for that. “I needed to leave a voicemail… Well, another voicemail…” He sighed. “Look I just need to talk to you alright. Annie filled me in on what was botherin you, said you heard ‘bout tha lil bet and I promise you it’s not what ya think, sweetheart. Please call me back. We gotta talk, both f’us knows what happens when wires get crossed…” Spike sighed again before finishing. “I love you, you know that, and... my phone’ll be on all night so just call me when you get up- or uh… when you get a chance. Sweet dreams, baby.” He finished the voicemail in a tone laced with involuntary endearment.
Spike closed the phone and lied down on his back, trying to swallow the desire he had to just go find his girlfriend and explain everything to her.
He looked at the clock on his wall, the minute hand steadily moving around in an agonizingly slow circle.
This was torture.
***
Buffy awoke to the sounds of giggling and frying pans clanging. She rubbed her head and groaned. Why did Willow and Tara decide it was a good idea to make breakfast so early in the-
The girl frowned and squeezed her eyes shut even tighter in confusion when her outstretched hand feeling around for her cell phone came in touch with nothing. Buffy sat up.
She squinted at the light coming from the bedroom’s glass doors. No cell phone.
Where did I… Oh right.
It came back to her in a rush. The whole of last night, and the recollection of where her phone was.
Buffy sighed and slammed her head back down into the pillow, deciding to try to rest awhile longer and ignore the day for as long as she could.
But then she remembered…
“Crap! My mom!”
If she called and couldn’t get a hold of Buffy, the teenager was so screwed!
The girl stumbled on the blankets she’d used as an impromptu bed last night and reached for her bag still on the floor. She quickly unzipped it and looked through the sack for her phone’s parts, moving her large purse she’d stuck in there out of the way.
Buffy came across the battery first, followed by the back of the cell, and then at last, the device itself. She dropped the battery while trying to put the thing back together, silently cursing sunshine so early in the day. Her eyes were not ready for this yet!
She turned her phone on and bit her lip while the thing woke itself up.
She was hit with a warning for several missed calls, two text messages, and voicemails.
Buffy speedily checked her latest calls list and breathed out a sigh of relief when her mom’s number didn’t show. All that popped up was Spike’s name.
Spike.
“Shit.” She said under her breath.
She wasn’t ready for that yet either. Buffy stood and took her cell with her as she walked to the bathroom, reading the text messages as she closed the door and leaned against it.
She sighed and let out a yawn. God she was tired. Sleeping hadn’t been big on the agenda last night.
The first text she read simply said “WHERE ARE YOU?!”
Yes, it was in caps.
The second message though must’ve been after Annie had talked to him or something because it was much calmer, just basically telling her to call him so he could explain himself.
Buffy set her cell down and got some Listerine out of the cabinet, remembering suddenly that she’d forgotten her toothbrush. She swished the bitter liquid around in her mouth for about a minute before spitting it out. Why did she have bad luck with dental hygiene? Seriously, first not having any toothpaste at her house that day she’d babysat the Anastasia obsessed children, and now this.
The woman rinsed with water and went to listen to her voicemails.
The first was shaky, but not completely panicked. “Buffy, Fred said she hasn’t seen you anywhere. I’m lookin for you but can’t- Wait. Wait I think I see you.” ::CLICK::
The second was much worse. “Buffy baby, where are you? C’mon you’re not pickin up. I’m goin barmy here, can’t find you. I‘ve looked everywhere. Please call me back, text me, something. Just lemme know that you’re okay, please sweetheart.” ::CLICK::
Buffy bit back her tears when she heard him. He sounded desperate. She felt guiltier than ever for leaving like that last night.
The third message though ruined her.
He was thoroughly undone.
“Buffy, where the bleedin hell are you?! I can’t find you, you’re not anywhere- Did you leave. God, but why would you leave an not tell me… Fuck, you better be okay. I swear if anythin’s happened to you-… Please for the love of God just call me. Please, baby. I’m gonna go out an look for you now, God f’you hear this but can’t call back or somethin I’m lookin for you a’right? I’ll come for you, look out for m’car. Annie’s already out so f’you see her she’ll pick you up jus- Fuck just be okay.” ::CLICK::
Buffy sat down on the closed toilet and bit her bottom lip, silent tears fought against her attempts to bite them back. How could she do that to him? He was so… God she was awful for leaving like she had. She should’ve just gathered up her strength and dealt with everything then and there. No matter how hard it was, she shouldn’t have made him so scared.
She released a shaky sigh as she played the final voicemail. It was made after she’d been dropped off at Willow’s. He was pissed, and she didn’t blame him. But then he mentioned the bet and said that it wasn’t what she thought, and then he said he loved her.
Buffy swallowed hard and couldn’t help a few more tears falling. She called Spike’s number right away before she could talk herself out of it, never noticing that it was 9am. If anything could be done in a quick phone call she could apologize and try to set a time to meet up with him later on, she just needed to hear his voice talking TO her, not through an old message. Especially not one that broke her heart.
“Buffy, s’that you?” The drowsy voice answered after a couple rings.
“Spike. Yeah, i-it’s me. I wanted to-”
“Bloody hell I’m so glad you called! Listen pet ‘bout everythin last night I-”
“Spike-”
“-know you heard about that soddin bet and it’s not what you think. Alright? It was made way before we ever got serious okay, it wasn’t even about sex or nothin-”
“Spike-”
He interrupted again, never hearing the girl and needing to get the truth out to her. “-I was s’posed to nab you as m’girlfriend, right? Since I told the gang ‘bout you an how you were real sheltered like, innocent an all, they didn’t think you’d be the least bit interested in a bloke like me. No matter how much I fancied you. The bet was for me to prove em wrong. Nothin more to it. And-”
“Spike!”
“… Yeh?”
“I only heard about, well, half of what you said. I called for two reasons okay. One, I’m sorry I left like that last night, and I’m sorry I didn’t let you know I was okay. I shouldn’t have done that.” Before he could respond she continued. “And two, I want to meet up with you later today so we can discuss all of this. I’m sure whatever the ‘bet’ was truly about will be… interesting, to say the least, and I wanna talk about it in person.”
There was silence on the other end of the line for a minute, before finally he spoke. “I’ll come pick you up. I wanna see you as soon as possible, ‘fore you’re good sense and mood disappear.”
She laughed lightly. “Give me an hour will you? I should probly head home first.”
“I’ll get you, drive you back there.”
“No, no. If mom sees she might think I stayed out all night or somethin, besides… I think a walk would do me good.”
“… Are you sure?”
“I’m sure. I’ll talk to you later Spike. Probably be home in about two hours max. I just got up so I need to like, ya know, WAKE up.”
He smiled, and she felt it through the phone. She swore she did. “I’ll see you later, lamb. Promise you this whole thing was blown outta proportion, s’not what you think, I-”
“Spike. Relax. I’m sure everything’ll be fine. I know… I know you love me. And I love you too.”
“... You have no idea how much I wanted to hear you say that.”
The amount of emotion on her chest almost hurt her. She wanted to reassure him so much with her touch right then, and she suddenly realized that she’d never held more faith in a person than at this moment. “I’ll be home in an hour. See you soon.”
He released a breath that sounded relieved. “Til later, kitten.”
She hung up then, and smiled kindly at the phone in her hands. She did love him, way more than she could put into words.
The girl yawned and decided it was time to alert her friends to her awakened presence. She reached for the doorknob and pulled, breathing in the yummy smell of blueberry pancakes once the entryway was cleared.
Maybe early morning loudness was acceptable if it came attached to fluffy breakfast foods and decent sort-of-makeup-session phone calls with your boyfriend.
***
So she’d eaten, talked with the girls whilst they ate too, and did her makeup under fifteen minutes. Buffy was immensely happy she’d gotten a shower in last night because there was no time for that now. She wanted to get home and talk to Spike.
It was 9:30am when she got out of her pajamas and into real clothes. She slipped her bag over her shoulder and put her shoes on (not the sexy boots, mind you).
Buffy hugged her girlfriends, mentioning maybe getting together later on would be fun.
“Either today or tomorrow? Whadya guys say?”
“Sure thing, Buffy.” Tara offered kindly, her arm wrapped freely around Willow’s waist.
“That new place is opening up in town tomorrow, we could all go.” Willow said cheerfully.
“New place?” The Summers girl frowned.
“Oh yeah, I think it’s called The Bronze or something?” Tara said, looking at the redhead for confirmation.
“Yeah. It’s supposed to be like this clubby coffee place type thing. They serve alcohol but anyone’s allowed in. It’s sounds like fun!”
Buffy made a face. “Sounds a little strange but.. okay. I guess there’s no harm in checkin the place out.” And she smiled.
Plans for the next day were made, with Tara suggesting Spike come too and Willow promising to call Xander and Anya.
***
Buffy entered her house a short while later, sighing blissfully at the air conditioned enclosure and promptly running up the stairs to put her things away from the night before. She didn’t need her mom finding the sexy outfit or anything else, so her first move was to conceal the clues to her late night adventures.
The teen was nervous, but only because when she saw her boyfriend next it’d probably be a quick argument followed by much makeup goodness- hopefully. She was beginning to trust that the whole bet thing had truly been a misunderstanding the more and more she thought about it, but she could still be wrong, there was a chance. And it scared her.
She took a deep breath to calm herself.
Buffy went to the bathroom to splash some water on her face. She was already a little on edge and that combined with the fact that you could fry an egg on the pavement outside had her needing to cool off. She turned on the faucet and set a dry cloth on the sink before filling her cupped hands with water. The refreshing feel of the liquid was like an instant mental renew, and she reached for her towel.
Her eyes were still closed and she accidentally knocked it off the sink, hearing it hit the plastic bag that lined the garbage can. Buffy groaned and peeked out of one eye to spot another hand towel which she reached for and then used to dry her face. Putting it back first she knelt down to retrieve the other rag she’d dropped.
Buffy lifted the washcloth out of the little garbage can and went to stand back up, which she would’ve done had something not caught her attention.
The teenager frowned slightly and grabbed hold of a small white thing, staring at it hard as she rose once again, with a towel in her right hand and something that couldn’t be true in her left.
Buffy set the two things down on the toilet lid and then hurriedly ransacked the garbage, finally finding what she was looking for at the bottom of the can.
Two lines.
She checked the stick. Two lines.
“What the fuck?” She asked the air, her face bewildered, eyes dancing between the box and the tiny white mechanism.
Buffy stayed there for a full minute, just sitting, before finally the sound of the back door opening drew her attention back to the present.
The teenager shook her head, finally deciding what she was going to do and putting the two lined liar in her back pocket.
She was sure this had to be a mistake, it wouldn’t make sense otherwise.
It just wouldn’t, she would have had some warning if this were a possibility.
Buffy walked downstairs and into the kitchen, wobbling slightly on her feet. She saw her mother searching for something underneath the sink. “Mom?” Was all the girl said.
“Oh!” The woman shouted, her face turning to meet her daughter’s and her hand going to the place over her heart. “Buffy! Don’t scare me like that. I didn’t know you were even home.”
“Sorry. I didn’t know you were home either.”
“Well.” Her mom rolled her eyes. “You could’ve called me to tell me you were on your way back from Willow’s.”
Buffy shrugged. “Where’s Dawn?”
“She’s over at Cassie’s.” Buffy nodded in response. “H- how was your night, dear?”
The teen noticed the other woman’s voice was slightly shaky, her mom didn’t sound like herself. “Fine. How was yours?”
“Oh good, good. Dawn and I watched some movies together.”
Buffy nodded silently again.
“I was just um, taking the garbage out.” She pointed to the half empty trash can by the door. “But uh, I guess I should start with the bathroom first shouldn’t I? This one’s not even-”
“Are you dating?” Okay so she wasn’t going with the completely direct approach, not really anyway. But if Buffy knew her mom, even though this latest discovery showed that Joyce didn’t really want her eldest to know her, the teenager figured she had to have a solid guy around for… THIS to happen.
Her mother’s eyes bugged and Buffy thought they might actually come out of their sockets.
A silent minute passed, but it felt closer to an hour. Joyce’s expression changed bit by bit, from panicked to realization, and then to understanding, ending with acceptance.
“Spike told you.” It was a statement said with a sigh, and it had Buffy’s red flags waving.
“Spike… told me what, mom?”
Now Joyce looked a little confused. “About Drake.” She let out a large and pained exhale. “Look honey it’s not.. it’s not that I didn’t want to tell you. You have to believe me on that.”
“Be-… Believe you on WHAT, mom?”
“Buffy, I- I just wasn’t sure how… I didn’t want you to get hurt.” Her mother offered sadly.
“Get hurt?” She stepped forward. “What do you mean, ‘get hurt’?”
“Buffy-”
“No. Look. I- I have something to show you…” The girl took the used pregnancy test out of her back pocket by its handle, tossing it down on the counter for both of the Summers women to see.
Joyce seemed immediately shocked, her eyes suddenly taking on an appearance that held self depreciation inside them. She looked like she’d just exposed something, like she had just let loose a secret rather than hers had just been found out.
She looked lost, which had Buffy confused, and that made the girl angry. Her voice took on an accusing edge, and her eyes betrayed her emotions by watering. She was so damnably confused, and somehow everything happening involved her boyfriend, too.
She didn’t know what was going on and she hated it. “Either this is yours, or Dawn has gotten herself into a lot of trouble.”
Joyce closed her eyes and didn’t respond. Her mind was blank, she kept searching for suitable words that could be said but nothing would come to her frazzled mind.
“Tell me mom.” Buffy said. “Is Dawn the next Virgin Mary or is she just another ‘children having children’ case that’s gonna end us all up on some talk show?” Her tone wasn’t cruel, but it was accusing.
Joyce gave her a look and Buffy swallowed hard to push back her frustrated emotions. “Are you pregnant? I-Is this…” She looked her mother in the eyes, her own shining. “Is this test right?”
A beat.
“His name is Drake.”
That was all the answer Buffy needed. “I need to sit down.” And she approached a chair by the counter, letting her body fall into the seat.
“How long?” She asked in a hard voice.
“About a month and a half.”
“I-Is he the first guy you’ve been with- I- I mean, seen. Is he the first guy you’ve SEEN since dad?”
“Yes. I met him through the gallery.” Buffy nodded with false understanding, staring at her hands. “Sweetie, I didn’t tell you or Dawn because I wasn’t sure how you two would react. I didn’t want either of you getting-”
“Hurt. Yeah I got that.” She looked Joyce in the eyes, her expression pained. “Why couldn’t you just tell me… I- I mean, were you ever going to?”
“Yes, Buffy. In my own time, after I knew Drake and I were… After we were together for a while, then I was going to introduce him to both you and Dawn, I promise. Things just got… comfortable and-”
“And now you’re pregnant.” The words were whispered, Buffy’s mind still trying to wrap itself around that particular bit of information.
“No I’m not.”
The teen’s head whipped around. “What?”
“I’m not pregnant, Buffy.”
“S- So it… it was a false positive? But how do you know?”
“I THOUGHT I might be pregnant. I took that test earlier today and when it read positive I made an immediate appointment with the doctor. Her test said negative.”
“B- But I thought… Are you sure?”
Joyce sat down next to her daughter. “I’m sure. I had another one done after my doctor’s came back negative because false positives are VERY rare and I wanted to be sure, but both said the same thing. NOT pregnant.”
She swallowed again, looking back at the table surface. “Are you… okay, about that?”
Joyce laughed a little. “Oh yes dear. I’m very okay. I still have trouble taking care of you and Dawnie, I don’t need another baby.”
Buffy nodded. “Alright.” She was still hurt that her mom hadn’t told her about this ‘Drake’ guy, so even though she now knew that her mom wasn’t going to have another kid, she was still upset.”
Joyce saw her daughter was withdrawing now, she saw the pain in Buffy’s eyes and it cut deep. “How ‘bout I put on some hot cocoa?”
Buffy didn’t respond, her mind suddenly traveling back through the conversation. When her mom stood up she asked a question, halting the other woman. “Mom?”
“Yes, sweetie?” Joyce asked, her guilt attacking her from all ends it felt like. Her daughter’s face was like a canvas of hurt, something she’d been trying this whole time to avoid.
“Why’d you bring up Spike earlier?”
“Uh, um.. What do you mean?”
“When I asked you if you’d been dating. Remember?” Buffy looked at her.
“Oh. Right, uh…” The older woman looked down into her eldest’s eyes and saw suspicion there. She hated herself for slipping earlier, and had hoped Buffy would forget about Spike’s name ever being brought up at all in the conversation.
She should’ve known better.
“Mom? D- Did Spike…”
There was no fixing this now. Buffy’s face took on a look of pure betrayed bafflement as the girl quickly realized what was going on. “Did you tell Spike? Did Spike know a- about Drake?” Her voice rose as she abandoned her chair.
Joyce frowned sadly. She was to blame for this, and now Buffy would hate her for putting William in such a position, while also hating him too, for going along with it. He’d only been a poor bystander; this shouldn’t affect him or her daughter’s relationship with the boy.
“It-… It was an accident, Buffy. He was never supposed to find out but he saw a- and, I told him not to say anything to you.”
Buffy ‘s eyes filled immediately with rage, followed by water which she used all of her will to ignore. “What?”
“I- I... Sweetheart when he came over to talk to me yesterday Dr- Drake was here and Spike saw him, I knew he’d found out an-”
“S- So you told him to LIE to me?!” She backed away, needing distance from her mother.
“No! No sweetie, I jus-”
“Told him to hide it from me. What’s the difference mom?!”
“I- Buffy, you have to understand, it wasn’t the time. William just, he showed up at the wrong moment.”
“What, we’re you and 'Drake' goin at it on the living room floor?!”
“Buffy!” Joyce scolded, but all it earned from her daughter was a glare.
“How did Spike ‘find out’?” Her tone was barely controlled, and she hugged herself tightly.
“He showed up at the back door while Drake was over. William- SPIKE’S face said he’d figured it out then and there. I just couldn’t let him tell you Buffy! I asked him not to say anything because I didn’t want you getting hurt, I’m sorry!”
Buffy swallowed again. “So you asked my boyfriend to lie to me- Oh wait, no I’m sorry. You just didn’t want him ‘mentioning’ it.” She turned around, her arms crossed, mumbling something to herself out of anger.
“What did you just say?” Joyce asked, taken aback by what she thought just came out of Buffy’s mouth.
The blonde turned around, one lone tear escaping from the clutches she had clamped on her pain. “I said, you’re un-fucking-believable.”
Her mother’s eyes widened, her heart plummeting “Buffy-”
“You didn’t want me to get hurt, mom? Well…” She locked eyes with the other woman, her jaw clenched and her body rigid. “You did a real good job.” She spoke with hurt and sarcasm coating the declaration, her whole voice choked.
The girl stormed off, suddenly needing more air and just… to be gone.
Her mom called her name, she ignored it.
Joyce’s footsteps hurriedly sounded after her but she only moved faster, not hearing anything.
Buffy flung open her front door just as her mom grabbed her arm. “Buffy please don’t-”
She yanked herself free. “Back off mom!” She yelled.
The girl ran down her front steps and didn’t respond when her mother yelled to her in a panic asking where she was going.
She needed, God she needed space and a place to cry, she needed to be alone and think, and she needed-
Her anger seemed to scream when her heart and head automatically called out for Spike. She needed him but he was also the last thing she needed.
She was hurt and torn, and of course who happened to walk out of his house just then and spot her running down the block?
“Buffy!”
Her wet stare met his for a split second before she broke eye contact. She never slowed down, not for a moment.
He was running after her, she was sure, heard him calling her name again and heard his heavy stomps on the sidewalk.
This wasn’t going to be good.
He took her arm in his grasp, his icy blue eyes melting into immediate concern and fret when he stepped in front of her. “What happened? What’s the matter?” He asked urgently.
“What’s the matter?” She couldn’t and wouldn’t hold back her anger. Spike was going to get all of it. “How about the fact that you’ve been lying to me?!”
“What?” His face looked horrible right at that instant, all confusion and fear. She hated it.
And she hated that she hated it. “You knew! You knew this whole time about my mom and her secret little relationship and you didn’t tell me!”
His eyes widened. “Buffy-”
“No!” And she tore away from his impending hand. “Do you know what this means?! It means that not only did my mother not trust me enough, or CARE enough about me to tell me she was dating again-” She was screaming, and the tears were freely flowing. “but she actually felt that she had to hide this from me so badly that she asked my boyfriend to LIE TO ME!”
“I’m so sorry, love-”
“And you actually went along with it! You- You were able to lie to me about something like this- You…” Her yells died down then, and her voice betrayed nothing left but broken mistrust and a desire for everything she’d learned today to be false. “… that you could actually-…” She broke off and looked down.
He invaded her space, taking her face in his hands and pushing his forehead to hers. “Buffy, please- Listen to me, hear me out. I din’t want you to be hurt I-”
She tugged away and gaped at him, a new fire burning in her green eyes. “Why the FUCK does everyone want to stop me from ‘getting hurt’?! All they do’s make everything worse! And YOU- You of ALL people should have told me the truth, you should’ve said something to me, told my mom that you couldn’t LIE to me! You-”
“This had nothing to do with me! I couldn’t tell you, you woulda hated your mum for not sayin somethin herself-”
“And things just worked out SO much better this way?!” She mockingly yelled. “I find out about my mother’s secret boyfriend because she got sloppy and INSTEAD I also figure out that you helped her cover it up! God, I am so SICK AND TIRED of being coddled, you were supposed to stop that! You were going to-”
“I know! I know Buffy, and I’m sorry! I am so bloody sorry, but I couldn’t- I couldn’t stand the thought of you hurtin, and f’you hated your mum cuz a me I’d never forgive m’self! I-”
She rolled her eyes and ran a hand through her hair. “Well nothing worked out the way you’d planned, did it Spike?! Nothing went right. And now not only am I left with the knowledge that my mother hates me, but YOU- YOU can’t even- Fuck! I can’t trust you!” She was openly crying still, and it tore at them both.
“The hell you can’t! Listen to me Buffy! This is not-”
“No! I’m done. I- I need to be- alone. Don- DON’T follow me!” And she ran off, hating the sound of his calls in her ears.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I know I don't respond to all of your guys' reviews, but every single one of them is important to me and gets me writing! I really hope you all continue to enjoy this story, here's chapter 32- It's a long one!
Chapter End Notes:
I really hope you guys liked! (and I also hope I didn't make Buffy freak out too much over Willow and Tara, I was just taking it from a different perspective combined with the episode where Willow first told her and she wigged a little.:3 ) Reviews as always are appreciated! :) *begging face*