The gang was in a state of emergency and for once, no apocalypse was to blame. At least if you didn't count the one that had killed the vampire Buffy and Dawn were so upset about slash angry at slash needing to see. It seemed incomprehensible that only hours before, Buffy had been obliviously in Rome and the most exciting thing the rest of them had to deal with was a major spat between three 'Slayer fledglings', as Dawn called them and a minor problem with a group of Nik'prim demons.
Now, however, there was the matter of a resurrected platinum blond pest. Nobody had expected to have to deal with Spike ever again. He had died, after all, killing thousands of Turok-Han with a cheesy amulet and his soul. And while there was a certain amount of gratitude towards him for doing so and the unspoken agreement not to hold past deeds against someone who had sacrificed himself to save the world, they hadn't thought Buffy would take it so hard to not have him around anymore.
Willow kept saying that she loved him, had to in order to see him in the Mirror of Erised. He had been the one out of everyone she had loved that appeared there. The witch seemed to be at peace with the thought of them resuming their once-destructive relationship. In her opinion, if that was what the fates had intended for Buffy, it couldn't be bad for her – not after all the heartache and – well – deaths she had gone through to do her job of protecting the innocent and saving the world. And there was no doubt in her that Spike would rather die than hurt her again.
Xander was less happy about this unexpected development, but for once, he kept his mouth shut about it. No, he didn't like Spike. He really, really, really didn't like Spike. And while part of him couldn't help but almost believe he would never intentionally cause Buffy pain after everything he had done for her, it didn't change the fact that he was a vampire – evil by nature, soul or no soul – and that unintentional harm could happen just the same. Plus, he REALLY, REALLY, REALLY didn't like Spike.
And what was up with Buffy? If she supposedly loved him, shouldn't she spend time with him or something? As in any time at all? And shouldn't they be all nauseatingly lusty around each other as they had been under the 'My will be done' spell? But no, they hardly ever met. Spike kept around Dawn – Xander really had to refrain from commenting on that – and Buffy went about her day as usual – no lovey-doveyness or anything of the kind could be sensed.
Things seemed more than awkward and if Buffy wasn't so obviously hurting over that, he would rejoice and run off into the beautiful land of denial, where he could believe she would simply send Spike back to LA one fine day without anything ever happening between them.
Sigh.
He'd probably have to get used to having the bloodsucking jerk around.
~~~~~
Buffy was stalking Spike. Now that was new. Usually, it was the other way round. Spike was the one leaving hundreds of cigarette butts underneath her window, the one who wouldn't let her have a moment of peace and quiet introspection during patrol, the one who chased her to either kill or love her, depending on the moment.
It was strange to suddenly be put in that part.
They hadn't talked much on the plane. He had happily munched down the decidedly human meal served on the plane – which she still didn't quite understand – and he and Dawn had teased each other a bit, but other than that, the mood had been so awkward with a stiff and strange Buffy there that there hadn't been much to do that wouldn't result in more horribly embarrassed silence.
Upon reaching the estate, he had kept to himself, mostly, occasionally accompanying her sister on her quest to train Slayers, taught the many girls mooning over his sexy body and handsome face a trick or two and quite a lot about vampires and got in a fight with Xander.
And then there were the patrols. It wasn't like this was a Hellmouth. There was preciously little to be done on the fighting demons front, so a group of five more experienced Slayers usually took care of it. But now, there was Spike and he went out separate from them and they complained there wasn't anything left to do for them.
It wasn't like she could tell him to stop, though. Sure, in theory she could and he would listen to her, but it was bad enough she couldn't find a way to just talk to him and make him feel better about being here, she couldn't take away his one outlet of anger. If there was one thing she knew about Spike, it was the fact that violence made him feel better. Not like she would ever admit to it, but Buffy really understood that. Maybe it came with the territory of being a Slayer, maybe it was just her.
So she let him and - more often than she'd care to admit - stalked him.
Like right now. Right now she was standing in a doorway, looking in on some catching up between two estranged people who loved each other.
She had to admit, she was jealous. Everything was so easy for those two. Spike and Dawn, all happy to be reunited, bad memories left in the past and living in the moment. Why could Dawnie be so open, kind, a natural at this friendship thing? Why was there no resentment or awkwardness between them? They had this connection that made him feel so at ease around her and her shining brighter than her ex-key-ey self was capable of around anyone else.
She didn't know what was said, just out of hearing range to prevent intruding too much, watching how happy Dawn was in comparison to before, like a weight had been lifted Buffy hadn't even previously known existed. She guessed that was what happened when you got your best friend back.
Buffy had gotten a taste of it the last few days. Yes, there was still a long way to go in mending fences with Willow and she still felt guilty even looking at Xander and Giles was a different topic entirely; nevertheless her emotional breakdown and the way the people who used to be her family had suddenly treated her again – albeit tentatively – had felt like a big ball of fluffiness. She had missed it. And at least with Willow, she had a good feeling everything could go back to the way things used to be. Who knew, maybe Xander would forgive her and perhaps there was a chance she could get over the betrayal she still felt from Giles.
Either way, for now, she was gazing in at a picture of friendship regained. Mostly, though, she was watching Spike. Spike who looked completely relaxed for the first time since she'd seen him again.
~~~~~
She had been so engrossed in the tableau before her that she only noticed Giles when he spoke up. He must have been standing behind her for quite some time now, watching her watching them.
"She's quite glad to see him, isn't she?"
Strangely enough his words didn't startle her, as if she'd been expecting him. Maybe it had been her train of thought that made her so decidedly unsurprised, even though her entire focus had been on the vampire and the girl who was now acting out a scene that obviously showed a clumsy 'Slayer fledgling', as she called the new girls, amusing Spike immensely. Buffy smiled.
"Yes, she really is."
She didn't turn around to face him, unwilling to miss out on a single flicker of joy in Spike's eyes. Besides, a part of her knew only too well this conversation could determine a lot more than just whether or not Spike was welcome in the mansion. It could go two ways and although she admitted to herself she was longing for one, it seemed no less frightening than the other.
"I didn't know her feelings for him ran so deep."
Something told her he wasn't just talking about Dawn. Her answer fit either way.
"I didn't either."
A pause. They both watched the two people in front of them in a silence which felt a lot more amiable than usual. She was almost sorry to break it, but there was a question that had been plaguing her. For the sake of actually looking at him, she temporarily abandoned her quest of keeping an eye on her sister and her-… her-…. her Spike. They would be fine without her keeping watch and this was important.
"Giles? What did you see?"
He looked like he understood, but she clarified it anyway.
"In the Mirror?"
For a little while she thought he wouldn't answer. He certainly was quiet for a long time. Not one to waste the opportunity, she looked at his face, actually at him for the first time in years, searching for the person she had known. He sure looked the same. Same tweed, same glasses-… no, actually they weren't the same glasses. When had he gotten a new pair? And why? They looked strange on his nose, even though they fit him really well, simply because she hadn't noticed them before. She wanted to ask about them, but decided against wasting that precious piece of small talk when the topic on the table was so much more serious.
Giles had gotten older beneath those glasses. A few additional wrinkles weren't what made her see that; it was more like he was weighed down by something. Maybe it was the hard line that had formed around his mouth that gave off the impression. There was a certain vibe of both grief and determination in it. His eyes, though… His eyes were exactly the same. They were warm and open and just a little vulnerable right now. Buffy felt a sudden surge of deeply rooted affection for the old man who was still the closest thing she had to a father. Sure, an estranged one, but loved dearly nonetheless. She hadn't realized how much she missed him, too.
When he finally answered her question, he took off his glasses, pulled a hanky out of his tweed jacket and carefully polished away, not meeting her eyes. He was smiling rather embarrassedly.
"I'm afraid you'll find it rather foolish."
Buffy was painfully aware of the fact that her guard still wasn't down completely. She didn't know if she was beyond mocking him for it if it really was sappy. But at least she was calm and-… kind of nostalgic. Maybe it would prevent her from lashing out.
"Well, you know mine. It's only fair you'd tell me."
She hadn't seen that smile in a long time, the quick one that showed just how deep in thought he really was. He put his glasses back on; then his eyes finally met his.
"I saw my goal completed. As hard as I am working on it, there's still a long way to go and this fascinating device showed me that the reward will be well worth the hardship."
"What are you working on?"
"A world where you don't have to be the Slayer."
Whatever it was she had expected – and she hadn't known what to expect, that was the whole point of asking him – that was not it.
"I don't mean to take away your choice, Buffy, by all means not. If you wish to continue being the Slayer, then you should. But I do want to give you the chance to say no to all of it and lead a normal life, whenever you're ready for that."
She couldn't say anything. Nothing. Giles had seen himself capable of giving her her choices back.
"To clarify what happened in the past: I'm not sorry I did what I did. I made an informed decision when I bought Wood the time to kill Spike. I don't regret wanting to protect you from the threat he posed you were unable to eliminate yourself. I do however feel deeply sorry for hurting you in the process and for destroying our relationship along with the trust you had in me. No apology could suffice for that. The least I can do is try to make it up to you. I want to be someone who deserves your trust again."
There were tears in his eyes now, undoubtedly mirrored by her own. His gaze lingered on her for a few more seconds, a sad smile both eradicating and emphasizing the line around his mouth, then he turned to look past her at the laughing Dawn and her smirking vampire friend.
"I can't pretend to be happy that Spike of all people is who you need. I still believe you can and should do better. But I do realize it is none of my business who you give your heart to. Besides, I find myself forced to acknowledge he's the one who aided me the most in making that dream of mine come true by closing the Hellmouth for you. And if it's him who can put that sparkle back in your eyes… I'll just have to-.. What's the American term? - …suck it up."
A shared chuckle. Buffy felt the knot around her heart loosen enough to say:
"I'd appreciate it."
They both knew it meant so much more than that. It meant 'thank you', it meant 'I forgive you', it meant 'I still love you'. And though none of that could be said by either of them, they understood. With a smile echoed by hers, Giles walked to leave her to her thoughts.
"Oh and Giles?", she called after him, "Don't ever try to say American things ever again. It's just… wrong."
He laughed briefly and quietly and then he was gone. Buffy looked after him for a long time. She couldn't even begin to understand that they had somehow managed to start mending a relationship she had previously thought of as pretty much irreparable.
She was pulled out of her reverie by the total absence of noise. First she only noticed the silence, then it hit her with an astounding clarity that the laughter and chatting coming from the room behind her had long since disappeared. Turning around, she was met with empty chairs and two mugs, one with the remains of hot chocolate, the other caked with blood.
Blood. Dawn had even thought to get blood for Spike. Not that that was the most pressing issue right now.
Without a moment's hesitation, Buffy broke into a run.
She knew where Dawn was bringing him.
TBC
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Sorry, I got sidetracked by other projects of mine. I hope the update - even though it's not that long - makes up for the wait. I know it's not the final showdown we're all waiting for, but the next one ACTUALLY is. :P
This chapter was fun to write, at least the Giles part and then later, the stalker Buffy part. Apparently, this fic has decided to use my writing as a tool to create unicorns and rainbows all around - no worries, not in the literal sense - and while part of me hates that (sucker for angst), I needed to write it in order to make my peace with the characters and to accept this as my own version of the ultimate ending of the Buffy story.
The first part came later and I basically only wrote it because I had already written the first two paragraphs and it seemed a pity to delete them. I'm sorry if it didn't get very interesting or original.
The Giles story only happened because I had no clue what he could possibly see in the Mirror of Erised. So I made up something sappy. :P But I still like the way it turned out.
Now, though... On you go: Please read and review! :)
This chapter was fun to write, at least the Giles part and then later, the stalker Buffy part. Apparently, this fic has decided to use my writing as a tool to create unicorns and rainbows all around - no worries, not in the literal sense - and while part of me hates that (sucker for angst), I needed to write it in order to make my peace with the characters and to accept this as my own version of the ultimate ending of the Buffy story.
The first part came later and I basically only wrote it because I had already written the first two paragraphs and it seemed a pity to delete them. I'm sorry if it didn't get very interesting or original.
The Giles story only happened because I had no clue what he could possibly see in the Mirror of Erised. So I made up something sappy. :P But I still like the way it turned out.
Now, though... On you go: Please read and review! :)