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Chapter 6: Judgment

One week later:

Dawn has already left for school and Willow and Tara are in class by the time Buffy gets up. Over the last week Buffy’s been more careful on patrols. She hasn’t seen Spike, and hasn’t been to the Magic Box once, after a few days everyone stopped asking if she was coming. Dawn’s been starting to worry about her, and it hasn’t helped any that Buffy’s kept her distance from her sister to keep her from knowing that she’s pregnant. Now she runs her hand over her even larger stomach and sets to finding something to wear for the day. She knows that she won’t be able to hide her condition much longer, and although she doesn’t know exactly how far along she is because of the spell, she’s pretty sure that she’s far enough that she wouldn’t be able to end her pregnancy anymore; at least not in the traditional sense. Buffy knows that it wouldn’t be hard for her to get into a fight with some demon and… but none of that matters now because she’s made her decision and she’s going to keep it.

Buffy gets dressed throwing on form fitting clothes for the first time in a week and prepares to go to the Magic Box. Over the last week she’s run through every possibility she could come up with weighing the pros and cons and running through scenarios in her mind. In the end though none of that mattered in her decision, not really. In the end it came down to the fact that Buffy realized that even now she loves this child inside her and she knows that she’ll do anything to protect it; even if that means telling the truth of its conception to her friends.

Buffy takes a deep breath looking herself over in the mirror one last time before heading out. She’s glad that her jeans still fit, although she’s sure the fact that they’re hip huggers has something to do with that, and she’s actually pleased at the way her body looks in the long sleeved tight black shirt. She turns to the side to see the full roundness of her belly and thinks to herself that this is defiantly moving faster than normal, but that maybe that’s a good thing.

“Here we go,” Buffy says then walks out to head to the Magic Box.

--

That tingling itch to conjure up a cure for Buffy has been rippling beneath the skin of Willow’s fingertips. She stands in the restricted section of the Magic Box looking over the spines of the books they keep safely out of reach of the average customer. She’s felt responsible for her friend’s pain and has been desperately searching for a way to make it right. It’s her fault she was dragged out of heaven and forced to live in this world. Now Buffy’s been keeping secrets, seeing someone behind her back and Willow wonder’s what she’s done to her friend. They used to share everything, now Buffy is pregnant and hasn’t been able to say a word to any of them about it. All Willow knows is that there has to be something she can do to help. She has to make it right.

“Where is it?” The red witch mumbles to herself and finds her frustration growing.

As her eyes gloss over book by book she can’t find the title she searches for, finally she lets lose the energy that’s been capped beneath her fingernails. With a flick of her wrist and the murmur of a spell the book Willow is looking for pulls itself from the shelf. Her eyes dart to it and she lets out a trembling sigh. Her fingertips are still tingling with the burst of electric energy, and for a second that feeling of power scares her. The bell rings below and Willow turns to walk down the stairs leaving the book she went to find on the shelf.

--

All faces turn as the Slayer enters the Magic Box. She moves farther into the room after a moment stepping down the stairs of the entry way hesitantly then catches the eyes of her friends as they look on at her with awe.

“Buffy,” Xander says as he stands and takes a tentative step toward her. “You’re here.” Willow makes her way down the stairs from the loft then and moves closer to Buffy. Anya and Tara hold steady in their places Anya behind the counter and Tara sitting at the table.

“Does this mean you… do you know…” Willow babbles.

“I know what I’m going to do,” Buffy says.

“So what is it, do I get to be an uncle?” Xander asks with enthusiasm and Buffy nods.

“I’m going to keep it.” Bright smiles cover everyone’s face in the room. “Right now though I need to sit down, the walk here seems longer then it used to be.”

“Oh of course,” Willow all but squeals as she directs Buffy to a chair at the round table, as she sits down a moment of silence passes where she feels as though everyone is looking at her waiting for her to say something.

“So are you gonna tell us who the guy is?” Anya blurts out and Buffy takes a deep breath, she knew this was coming.

“Ayn,”

“What? I’m just asking what all of us were thinking, it’s not like she got this way on her own.”

“You don’t have to, I mean, unless you want to,” Willow babbles, “but if he’s not in the picture, or…”

“It’s okay Will,” Buffy says and the red head takes a breath. “I um… God, I…” Buffy’s voice catches in her throat with fear and she pauses for a moment to look at the faces of all her friends. She’s not sure if she’ll be able to get out what she’s trying to say. Buffy takes a deep breath. “Well, first you should all know that the baby has a heartbeat, it has a soul.” Looks of confusion cross everyone’s faces, “which of course you were all assuming because why wouldn’t it, but the thing is… we may need to do some research on mystical births.”

“Buffy, are you saying,” Willow begins then pauses and for whatever reason Buffy thinks that maybe she’s figured it out. She thinks that her next words will be asking if she’s been with Spike, Buffy cringes but at the same time feels relief. “Is this like…”

“Like the virgin Mary?” Tara finishes and Buffy frowns realizing that they’re nowhere near understanding like she thought.

“No… no… not at all really.”

“So there is a guy?” Anya asks and Buffy cringes. In that moment she thinks about the looks that will cross their faces when she tells them she’s been with Spike, the disappointment, the disgust; she thinks about lying, she could easily make up some guy… but she needs to know how a vampire can even have children. She has to tell them.

“Yeah,” Buffy admits, “It’s just that this… guy I was… with, he shouldn’t be able to have kids, do you get what I’m saying?”

“It might help if you actually said it,” Xander says.

“I get it,” Tara then says softly and Buffy’s eyes go wide as she looks at the white witch, “the father, he’s… he’s not human is he?” Tara asks and all Buffy can do is nod. “He’s a vampire?”

“Yes.” The word comes out soft and small.

“Oh God,” Xander says and Buffy braces herself, she knew this was coming. “You slept with Angel,” he then says and Buffy finds that she yet again has more explaining to do; although she thinks she really shouldn’t be surprised. It did seem like a more logical leap to think that the baby is Angel’s. “Okay, I can handle this,” Xander says taking a deep breath.

“It’s not Angel’s,” Buffy says and feels her stomach begin to twist. It flips as she sees Xander’s expression change.

“Oh, okay, that’s good… wait, what? If not then…” Buffy feels nauseous, she bursts up from the table and runs to the bathroom. After hearing the bathroom door slam shut the Scoobies sit in silence for a moment.

“Oh God,” Willow says as she realizes what Buffy has been trying to tell them. Tara just looks down at her fingernails having understood before any of them. She wonders if she was the only one to see how close Buffy and Spike had been getting lately.

“What?” Xander asks still completely in the dark.

“She’s been sleeping with Spike,” Anya says bluntly.

“She been whatting with who, no… no, no she wouldn’t, Spike… he’s…” Xander’s eyes meet Willow’s and he can see the truth of the matter in the surprise of her hazel eyes. Xander becomes quiet and slumps into his chair defeated. Then he hears the bathroom door swing open and he stands. Buffy walks out and finds herself face to face with a baffled and angry Xander. He opens his mouth to speak then shuts it again quickly and grinds his teeth.

“I just… I can’t handle this right now,” Xander says trying to keep the venom out of his voice then he turns from her, grabs his coat off the back of his chair and storms out of the Magic Box without looking back. Buffy feels water pooling in her eyes and she does all she can to keep from crying. After a beat of silence Willow stands and faces Buffy.

“Buffy, are you… I just… what were you thinking?” Her voice is drenched in disappointment. So much for support and un-judgmental-ness Buffy thinks. “Spike he’s…”

“I can’t, I have to go,” Buffy says cutting Willow off and running out of the Magic Box.

--

She hadn’t even realized she was headed toward his crypt until she found herself standing right before it. Its shadow in the harsh light of day is cast upon her. Their voices, Xander’s and Willow’s, still ring through her head. The disappointment, the disgust, it brings tears to her eyes and hurts the very core of her being. The Slayer pushes the door of Spike’s crypt open still attempting to push the thoughts of her friends aside. She sees him immediately when she enters and for a moment it’s as if the world stops moving just like it always does when he’s around; her own personal pain killer, her vampire drug. He looks at her astonished by her very presence and she knows that in his eyes she’ll never see disappointment, never see disgust. In his eyes she’ll only ever see love and that’s when she makes her way to him and crashes her lips against his. Almost violently she pulls him to her.

Spike takes no time responding as he wraps one arm around her and brings his other to tangle in her hair. He’s surprised to feel her belly pressing against him as he pulls her close. It’s even bigger now than before. He had been sure that she wouldn’t keep it. He’d been positive that she’d do whatever it took to get his child out of her. He’d been so sure about that assumption that he’d avoided her the last week afraid of what it’d do to him to see that she’d gotten rid of the thing within her. But she hadn’t.

“Buffy, you’re still,” Spike begins to say as he takes note of her belly.

“Just kiss me,” Buffy replies, and he does.





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