Chapter 7: Confrontations
Spike’s chilly hands grip Buffy’s bare hips as he holds her above him. Her right arm grips the wooden headboard of the four poster bed to steady herself as she moves up and down. Rising and falling and sinking into him. She can feel the pressure building within; her fingers dig deeper into the headboard causing the wood to splinter and she can feel all her thoughts evaporating in her mind as bliss floods through her. Spike’s fingers dig deeper into her sides as she comes crashing down upon him one last time leaving her shaking as she descends. Then she rolls off of him pulling the blanket up over her naked form and they both lie on their backs for a short while breathing deep. Buffy closes her eyes and lets out a moan of pleasure and Spike turns on his side to face her. The Slayer opens her eyes and finds Spike’s deep blue orbs staring at her, she turns to him and for a moment they simply bask in the sight of one another.
“You’re still…”
“Yep.”
“Are you…”
“I’m keeping it.” Spike nods and another moment of silence passes over them.
Buffy finds herself relieved that he isn’t demanding answers from her. He doesn’t ask why or how, he just nods. In that moment Buffy realizes how much she values Spike’s ability to try and be a rock for her. Granted, she knows she’s often pushed him, tried to get him to crack, but he never has. When it mattered he was always there, always knew what she needed.
“I want… God, I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I want you to be in his life.”
“You’re serious?” Spike asks completely astonished.
“But one slip up Spike and that’s it… I’m only saying this… it’s only because I know… I know what it’s like to grow up without a father and I… I want what’s best for my baby, so if you being there is best then… then that’s what I want.”
When Buffy decided she wanted Spike to be involved she doesn’t know, maybe it’s the hormones or the post sex bliss talking, but as she speaks she knows she means it. Every day she finds herself loving this child more and she knows she wants to give him everything, even if it means hard times with her friends and trying to keep Spike in line.
“I don’t have it all worked out yet, but I hope you’ll be there while I figure it out… for the baby.” Spike nods again.
“An’ about us?” And that signals the end of cordial conversation. Buffy freezes and begins mentally searching for her clothes so that she can jump out of bed and take off running if need be.
“There is no us Spike, this… this is just…”
“Right,” Spike says a little offended but not willing to pick a fight about it. She’d already given him more then he deserves.
“This needs to end… I do want you around Spike but not like this… I should get going,” Buffy says as she scrambles out of bed and begins searching for her things.
Spike sighs and rolls over onto his back bringing his hands behind his head. This part he’s heard before. He thinks of just letting her go; after all she’d already told him that she wants him around, but he can’t help but feel rejected and insulted. Spike wonders then on what terms she wants to keep him around, certainly she wouldn’t admit to her friends what naughty little things she does behind closed doors. Spike stands, the anger is boiling in his blood, he hates the idea that he’s good enough to be in her life but not good enough for her, not good enough to tell her friends about, possibly not even good enough to tell their child the truth about who he is to him. He confronts her as she pulls her shirt over her head.
“So what I get to play uncle Spike while you’re friends toddle on with the idea that some wanker got a poke at you an’ we jus’ pretend like…”
“I told them.”
“What?” In seconds Spike’s face and presence change completely.
“I told them the baby’s yours.” All the anger seeps out of Spike’s bones and he finds himself completely speechless. He just stares at her as she leaves. She gives him one last glance then disappears up the ladder into the daylight.
Spike stands in the same speechless spot even minutes after Buffy’s gone. He thinks over what all this means. It scares him. To think that she wants him for something other than momentary pleasure, for something other than relief. Spike can’t quite wrap his head around the idea of being in her life because of something they created. Then his heart sinks thinking that she’s still insistent on there being no relationship between them, certainly not a physical one any longer, but could being in her life in other ways make up for that? Spike isn’t sure, one thing he does believe he knows however is that being in her life in other ways, non secretive affair kind of ways, could possibly lead to a physical relationship again in the future. A real relationship, the kind he’s only dreamed of having with her; and so it may be a long shot but Spike thinks he’ll give it a try. If nothing else he knows he wants to be a part of his child’s life, it’s a strange feeling for the vampire, but one he wouldn’t trade for anything.
--
She knew they’d be waiting for her when she got home. She’d expected it before she walked through the door. Buffy is just glad that her quickie with Spike was actually quick enough to allow her to get home before Dawn got home from school. She’d rather discuss this with her sister after hashing the rest of it out with her friends.
Buffy steps into the living room with her arms crossed. This morning she had been all Buffy when she went to talk to them, but now she needs her slayer strength to protect herself with. Buffy stands stone faced just past the French doors leading into the living room. Before her Willow and Tara sit on the couch and it’s obvious that they’d been talking about her before she came in. She’s surprised not to see Xander here as well, but she also knows that he’s not done voicing his opinion.
“I’m sure you both have more to say, so… let’s just get this over with.” Buffy’s voice is cool and collected.
“I’m sorry,” Willow says and Buffy softens a little upon hearing the apology. She hadn’t expected it. “I can’t say I approve, I mean Spike is… but that’s not the point.”
“The point is t-that we’re still here for you,” Tara adds and Buffy lets some of her defenses fall. She drops her arms out of their crossed position and moves to sit in the chair across from the sofa.
“Thank you,” Buffy says.
“So are you and Spike like… dating?” Willow asks and Buffy can tell from the way the red head’s brow creases and her lip curls down that she fears Buffy’s answer.
“Oh God no,” Buffy replies and Willow lets out a sigh of relief.
“So it was just like… like a fluke?” Willow guesses, “Like a clothes fluke cause I can totally understand that.” Buffy’s brow creases unsure of exactly what Willow is referring to, but she gets what she’s trying to say.
“Yeah I mean Spike is good looking, a-and he does love you… so I can see… you know why you might, you know… fluke,” Tara adds.
“Yeah, just a fluke,” Buffy agrees, and while she isn’t positive that that’s what it really was it seems like the best answer.
“Does he know?” Willow asks. “Do you think he’s gonna want to be involved?” The way she speaks makes Buffy think that she doubts that Spike would want anything to do with the baby and for a moment this makes her angry, but she quickly pushes the emotion away.
“Yeah, yeah he knows… and I told him that I want him to be involved, and I think he wants that too.”
“What are you gonna do if he ever gets the chip out?” Buffy lets out a deep sigh.
“I don’t know… but I guess I’ll cross that bridge if I come to it, I just… after how things were with my dad I can’t not at least try to let Spike be involved.” Willow and Tara simply nod. “So… I’m just gonna see how things go I guess, but we do need to do some research on this cause vampires having children, very not of the norm.”
“Yeah, we’re on it, and we might need to move fast… that revealing spell I did is making this all go faster.”
“Yeah I noticed… do you know how much faster?”
“I-I was looking at the words to the spell Willow did,” Tara says, “and also from looking at you I’d say that… probably three times faster.” The phrase three fold magic from Willow’s spell floats through Buffy’s thoughts and she knows it’s right. “D-do you know how far along you should be?”
“Um… I think a little over a month maybe.”
“So you’re probably a little over three then, maybe even closer to four which looks about right.”
“Should I look for something to slow it down, a reversal spell?” Willow suggests.
“No,” Buffy says. “It might be better having it go by faster with having to patrol and all, and I’m pretty sure it’s human… Spike says he can hear its heart beat, but I wanna be sure, don’t want any surprises you know, and it’d probably be good to know why this is even possible to begin with.”
“We’re on it,” Willow says. “Complete research mode, and we do still have like two months left so I think we’ll be fine.”
“You should also probably meet with a doctor,” Tara says, “get an ultrasound.” Buffy nods then looks down at her fingers for a moment.
“So… Xander’s pretty mad at me huh?” Buffy asks as she bites her lip.
“He’s just worried,” Willow says, “and he’s being a poop-head about it, he’ll come around.” Buffy smiles then takes a deep breath. “If it’s any consolation Anya is very happy for you.” Buffy smiles for a moment thinking of the things Anya could have said concerning her and Spike. If Xander wasn’t mad before listening to Anya’s opinion on the subject will certainly push him over the edge.
“Well, I’m gonna go lay down… don’t say anything to Dawn yet, I wanna tell her myself.”
“Of course,” Willow says as Buffy stands up and makes her way up the stairs.
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Chapter End Notes:
As this story goes on there will be hints here and there to the sex of the baby, however I may or may not be trying to trick you :) If anyone really wants to know I can leave spoilers in responses to reviews.