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Author's Chapter Notes:
Hello!! Hope you didn't forget about me!! I am stage managing a show and our opening night was last night so I didn't have a chance to write, but here it is!! There will probably be about three or four more chapters for this story and I will try to update very soon!! Please review!!
“We’re having the talk. Now.”

Spike was so surprised to see her that his mouth opened and closed like a fish. He expected her to cut out early just to stay away from him.

“What?” he replied stupidly.

“Talk. Now.”

“Fine, we’ll talk. Why have you been avoiding me?” he said with only a fraction of the annoyance he’d felt that day.

“I haven’t been avoiding you…”

“Then where were you? You’re telling me you just happened to come late to school and skip lunch-“

“What are you, spying on me?”

“No, Buffy I’m just-“

“Stop. Just stop, okay.” She paused for a moment, looking him in the eye directly.

“Sorry. You want to talk? Fine. Go. The floor is yours,” he said leaning back in his chair. Buffy contemplated what she was going to say for a moment before speaking.

“How do you see me?” she said simply.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, what am I to you? Because before this whole, fiasco,” Buffy waved her arm emphatically to emphasize her point, “I really didn’t think you even liked me as a student. You used to pick on me on a daily basis. I hated coming here because you would always find reasons to make this class a living hell and make me feel like an ignorant, stupid child!” She took a deep breath and Spike made no move to interrupt her. “But then, that one day you were there and you kissed me and I… I didn’t know how to respond to that. So there I was kissing my English teacher, the very teacher who I’d thought despised me, but he didn’t seem to mind. For a minute, I was happy to feel wanted. It’s a problem I have.

“But then, it occurred to me that you could see me through my window. You’d probably been building me up in your head as some random slut that you could conquer or fulfill some weird fantasy with. After all, your wife was crazy, right? So I tried to tease you… I don’t know, it seemed like a good idea at the time. But it was a dumb idea because it apparently only fueled the fire more! You pursued me after that! You kissed me again and I couldn’t stop it because…”

“Because why, pet?” he asked looking at her intensely.

“Because I wanted you too,” she responded softly before continuing her rant. “But I didn’t want to want you! Not that there’s something wrong with you, but I mean you were the teacher who despised me. But I got lost somewhere in the middle… and when I saw you sitting on your lawn that night, whatever restraint I had just disappeared. You looked so devastated and… alone, and I… I recognized it in myself. I wanted to help you. And this weekend was really wonderful.” Buffy smiled a little, but it faded just as quickly as it appeared.

“And then you loved me?” Spike winced at her words. “I mean, how could you? You didn’t know anything about me! Sure, we have a connection; we both can see that. But love? You may know the color of my eyes and what the expressions on my face mean but you don’t know any of my likes or dislikes or the stuff I do. Lust isn’t love, Spike. If I know anything, it’s that.” She dropped into a chair, exhausted by her speech. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on in your head and that’s fine, but I need to know what’s going on here or I’m gonna explode.”

Teacher and student sat in silence, staring at the floor. Spike was the first to glance up.

“May I have the floor for a bit?” he asked the hands that covered her face.

“All yours,” said a muffled female voice. Spike considered his own words, but gave up trying to word them correctly; there was too much to say.

“I do know the difference… between lust and love. Probably better than most, I’d say. And maybe it started off as a fantasy, but something changed.” Buffy looked up at this. “When I said I love you, it wasn’t a lie or an exaggeration. I love you, Buffy. And it doesn’t matter what your hobbies, likes and dislikes are or even knowing what you’re thinking; I love you because of your goodness. Because when I look at you, I feel myself weaken next to your strength. I know the color of your eyes because when I see them I see wisdom far beyond your years. I get lost in them. You helped me at my lowest when I didn’t cry out for it. You are the best person I have ever known and ‘though I’ve only known you a short time, I feel like I’ve known you my entire life.

“I never thought you were stupid or ignorant, Buffy. I just didn’t know how to handle it. I suppose I thought if I pushed you, you’d work harder. I knew you were smarter than the smart ass you came off as.” Spike smirked slightly and stood up only to kneel in front of her.

“I know you are lonely. That night when you found me, I was a shell of a person and the fact that you recognized that? And yes, I watched you in your room for months and I’m not proud of it, but how could I stop? Not even watching the boys come and go, but seeing the sheer amount of passion you held within you day after day… I didn’t know people could be like that. And no, I didn’t think you were a- a slut I could conquer or some rot. I love you because of things I can’t explain, because everything about you calls to me. I know I’m older than you, but-“

“Not that much older,” she interrupted quietly.

“Yes, not that much older, but old enough to know when it’s right or wrong. I know that this is wrong Buffy,” she turned away tearfully, but Spike guided her cheek back to face him. “But how can I call it wrong when it feels so right to be with you? I tried to convince myself that it was bad to want you, but I just don’t care anymore. You are my savior and I cannot believe it to be wrong,” he finished.

“What if I can’t be your savior?” Buffy asked as a tear rolled down her precious cheek. Spike kissed it away. “What if I fail?”

“You’ve already saved me,” he whispered in her ear. Buffy broke down and cried over his words. She drew him in for a deep kiss.

“I love you too, Spike,” she whispered back.


Chapter End Notes:
Not really a cliffhanger this time! Yay! Please review :)



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