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Author's Chapter Notes:
Well hello again! I wasn't 100% happy with the last chapter, so I brought you another update to hopefully get all the reviews back :)
Spike had never been to The Bronze even though it was the only bar/club in Sunnydale. Xander seemed to be pretty familiar with the bar staff and the regulars, however, so it didn’t feel too strange. Xander turned out to be a funny, sort of nicely awkward, guy. He was glad for the distraction and for the alcohol that spun in his glass as he swirled it.

“Well, let’s stop this whirligig of fun, I’m dizzy,” he stated sarcastically. “Listen man, if you’re just going to stare at your drink for the rest of the night, then I might have to force you to dance someone. And I can tell that’s one thing you definitely do not want to do.” Xander waited patiently for Spike to say something, but he just sighed and swirled his drink in the other direction.

“Come on, man. I know we don’t know each other very well, but sometimes its better to just come out and say it.”

“Why are you trying to help me?” Spike responded rather abruptly.

“What?” Xander asked surprised.

“Why are you trying to help me? What’s in it for you?”

“What in it for… What? Look, I’ve seen you around the past couple of months at meetings, in the lounge and in the halls and whatever and you are just all over the place. The other teachers are worried about you and I figured I’d step up to bat and see if I could help. We all know about… well about Dru and ever since then you’ve been pretty hard to talk to. You just hole yourself up in your office or your classroom and then leave. So, no, there’s nothing in it for me; just someone to talk to you if you want.”

Spike put his glass down on the bar and tried to pick his words carefully.

“Okay,” he began, “you want to know what’s bothering me?” Xander nodded. “I’m in love with… with this girl and I just… I feel like I can’t hold on to her, you know? Like I’ll lose her at any second. And she… well, she shouldn’t really be with me anyway. But I love her and I think she loves me back, but that’s never enough is it?”

“Well, why do you think you’ll lose her?”

“Cause it was doomed from the start.”

“I’m feeling a lot of vagueness over here.”

“Sorry mate. You want me to talk, this is what you get.” Spike downed his drink and ordered another.

“Well,” Xander started slowly, “If you love the girl than you should ask her, once and for all, how she feels. If she really loves you back then she won’t leave you.”

“But she’ll leave me. When the time comes, she’ll have to.”

“Spike, no one has to do anything.”

“Well, she’ll want to,” he retorted.

“If she will want to, then why hasn’t she already?” Xander asked getting slightly confused in his own logic.

“I don’t know,” Spike said quietly. “Maybe she loves me, or maybe I’m just novelty. Who knows.”

“Women are a very different breed.”

“Don’t I know it.” Spike responded honestly. The two clinked glasses and downed their drinks.

…………………………………….

“Buffy. Buffy!” he slurred in what he hoped was a whisper. Spike threw a stone at her window, thinking it romantic in his drunken stupor. After a while, a light turned on in the house but it wasn’t Buffy’s window. Spike scampered off behind a tree and watched for signs of movement. He felt like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible and started humming the tune to himself while he rolled across her front lawn.

He heard the door unlock and jumped behind a bush.

“Spike? Spike, are you out there?” Buffy said holding a flashlight in her hand. She wore a small, pink nightdress that fluttered in the breeze and she was once again the most beautiful sight he’d seen. Hoping no one else was home, Spike sauntered up to her and fell flat on his face. “Spike, what are you doing?”

“You keep sayin my name, Spike Spike and it’s beautiful,” he slurred as he attempted to hold her in his arms. “Keep sayin my name.”

“You’re drunk,” she stated, put off by his behavior.

“No, no, no not drunk sweetheart,” he said, his breath stinking of the stuff. Buffy crinkled her nose.

“Oh, no?” she said as she let go of him and he dropped sloppily to the ground. “Let’s get you back to your house, shall we?”

Buffy attempted to drag him across the street but he was just too heavy.

“Come on, Spike, help a little? Please?”

“Don’t want to,” he said defiantly. “Come lie down on the grass with me.” Spike tried to pat the grass beside him but only succeeded in swatting at the air.

“No, get up and help me!” she whined, not wanting her parents to find him in the morning splayed out on the lawn.

“Fine, fine, fine,” he chuckled and tried to stand. Together, they wobbled until they reached his front door. Buffy was completely out of breath as she collapsed on the step.

“What’s wrong with you?” she asked annoyed.

“I am in love with you, thas what’s wrong with me,” he said as his head lolled back against the doorframe.

“I know, Spike.”

“You know? I know you know Buffy, but I don’t know what you know and the not knowing is killing me!” he confessed illogically.

“What do I know that you don’t?”

“Do you love me, Buffy? Because I have no idea and months and months have passed and I still don’ know.”

“Spike, you’re drunk and you need to sleep this off,” she said as she desperately tried to open the door. He stopped her with a hand to her wrist and gave up the key. Buffy pushed through the door and dragged him inside until he was beside his couch. He reached for her, but she easily maneuvered herself away.

“Please, Buffy,” he said desperately. “Lie down with me for a little while.” Buffy kneeled next to him and stroked his reddened cheek. She intended to kiss him lightly on the mouth, but he deepened it. He sat up, leaned against the couch, and held her in his strong arms. “You smell so good,” he breathed as he licked a trail up her neck.

Buffy willed herself to be strong, but he knew her weak spots too well. She kissed him back forcefully as shudders ran up and down her body. In a fit of need, Spike ripped her shirt in half and suckled on her breast. Buffy’s head fell back and he somehow supported her against him. He touched her smooth skin everywhere he could with his rough hands, but it wasn’t enough.

It was never enough.


Chapter End Notes:
I hope to update soon!



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