A few hours earlier:
Buffy leaned against the desk as she clasped her teacher’s blazer tighter over her chest. What was happening to her? Every plan she had failed miserably because she couldn’t keep it together. She knew they really needed to talk about what they were doing but she needed time to figure things out herself.
Then he came back and she made some lame excuse to not have the talk. She felt bad for leaving in that state, but what else could she do?
Buffy was about to walk home alone again when she saw Willow heading out the front doors.
“Hey! Willow!” she called out, causing said friend to whip her head around.
“Buffy! Hi!”
“Oh Wills, I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.”
“I saw you at lunch!”
“And that was oh, so many hours ago,” the girls laughed as they began walking home. Buffy’s friend lived a street over from her so it made sense to walk together every so often, but Willow’s many after-school commitments made it difficult to meet up.
“So, how was your day?” It was a simple, innocent question, but Buffy didn’t know what to say. Should she tell Willow the sordid details like she usually did, or should she keep her mouth shut considering the particularly fragile circumstances?
“It was… it was long.”
“Long how?”
“Well… I, uh… just one of those days you know?”
“Yeah, I had one of those days the other day. I was just trying to get stuff done for Mock UN and Mr. Giles yelled at me for like no reason. I spent the rest of the day trying not to be so nervous. That man is frightening in a bad mood.”
“What did he say?” Buffy tried to sound casual but Willow’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly.
“He just cursed at the top of his lungs and demanded to know why I was looking at him. But he had a bruise on his forehead!”
“He had a bruise?” Why had she not noticed this?
“Yeah. I mean, I heard a rumor that he used to fight in fight clubs or something. Maybe he does that?”
“Maybe.”
“So anyways, I was so rattled that I ended up just going home. I saw you walking ahead of me, actually, but I thought you’d be with someone. Turns out you weren’t though when you reached your house.”
“Yeah, I’ve been… I don’t want to say ‘taking a break’ from that life but… trying something new, definitely,” Buffy half mumbled to herself.
“Something new? Like what?” Willow seemed naturally interested, but Buffy didn’t know how to respond. “Just tell me, Buffy. You have been skirting around some issue for days now. You have a secret and you’re dying to tell me, so just say it.”
“What? How can you tell?”
“Best friend’s job to tell. Plus, you fidget when you want to say something,” Willow laughed as Buffy tried to keep her fidgeting hands to her sides.
“Ugh, Fine! I’ll say it, but Wills,” Buffy stopped and turned to face her very seriously. “If I tell you this, you cannot say anything to anyone, do you understand?”
“Um, ok I guess-“
“Promise me!”
“Ok, I promise. Now what is it?” Willow said as she looked expectantly at her friend.
“Ok, I… I started seeing someone.”
“Oh, like long term?”
“I don’t know, Wills! It’s still pretty early…”
“Well, what’s his name? Does he go to our school? How old is he? What does he look like…”
“William, in a way he does, older than us, blond with blue eyes and taller. Anything else?”
“Yes. There is something else, so just tell me what it is!”
“Well, he… I… I don’t know what I’m doing!”
“Well just tell me details and we can figure it out.”
“Since when did you become the gossip queen?” Buffy half-joked.
“Since you started being distant and sullen, mostly,” Willow responded, completely serious.
“I’m sorry, Will. I’m really trying to figure out how to word this. Um,” maybe the best plan would be to come out and say it: I slept with Mr. Giles! “I… uh,” slept with Mr. Giles, slept with him, on his desk, in his class. “I slept with him!” she yelled rather loudly.
“Well, not to be crude but I kind of figured you did,” Willow said.
“Yeah, well, I wasn’t supposed to quite yet. I need to figure it out before we go any farther.”
“Ok… well, do you know how he feels about you?”
“I know he wants me,” Buffy said.
“And how do you feel about him?”
“I mean I want him to… Seems like I can’t stop myself when he’s around, but I really need to keep myself under control.”
“Buffy,” Willow tried to phrase it as best as she could. “You are a lot more… experienced than I am, but sometimes you just need to talk it out.”
“I know, I know! We need to talk, but I don’t know what to do.”
“You don’t know what to do? You just said he wants you, you want him; what else do you need to know?”
“He’s married Wills.”
“Oh… Then you might want to cool it for a bit,” she responded hesitantly. “Look, we’re at my street. Think this over very carefully Buffy; there are a lot of guys out there and you don’t want to destroy someone’s marriage. I may not know much about this stuff, but I do know that. See you later; call me if you decide anything! Bye!” Willow finished as she ran to her house.
Buffy knew she’d made Willow uncomfortable. She could just imagine her face if Buffy told her the mystery guy was Mr. Giles.
When she got home, she ran upstairs and crashed on her bed. It was all too much for her to deal with. She wished her mother were there, to hold her if nothing else, she and her dad had taken a vacation for a few days and wouldn’t be back until tomorrow. Maybe she should have brought someone home to fool around with; that definitely would have taken her mind off things. The idea seemed nice for a moment but then shattered as she imagined his face if he saw. She couldn’t do that to him.
It wasn’t like they were together, but Buffy felt like she belonged in his arms. Sure, he had sated her with his “expertise”, but it was so much more than that. Buffy felt for him.
But he didn’t feel that way about her. He just thought of her as a toy he could play around with. At least, that’s how it came across.
Perhaps she could change his mind? Maybe she could make him fall for her. She knew she was playing a dangerous game, but like William said, she just didn’t care anymore.
Willow was right: he wanted her and she wanted him. What more did she have to consider? Of course, there was the problem of him being her teacher… but if things worked out, she would be graduating pretty soon and then it wouldn’t be a problem anymore. As for him being married… he clearly didn’t have a good relationship with his wife. They had their fair share of fights she could see through the window. And William always seemed so put out by her. He couldn’t possibly be happy there.
At least she hoped he wasn’t.
He couldn’t be! If he were happy with Dru, then he wouldn’t have come looking for her.
But was he looking for her or looking for anyone who was willing. And Buffy had been weak.
They really needed to talk. This whole “coming to terms with it herself” plan was not working in the least.
Buffy shook off her emotions and started doing her homework for once. It helped a little, but only until she saw William and Dru fighting in the window…
…………………………………….
“There’s no help for me.” Spike said, eyes cast to the ground.
“Let me try.” Buffy stood up and held her hand out.
He grasped her hand and got to his feet. They walked across the street to her house, hand in hand, and she smiled. Maybe there was hope for them, yet.
Buffy shut the door behind them, not knowing what to expect.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Hey guys! This is a bit less angsty than the last post, so i'm hoping you all like that. It's hard out here for an author! Please review and tell me what you think!
Chapter End Notes:
*Looks up at you with doe eyes* Pretty please review?