Buffy felt herself slowly come out of her slumber, the feeling of cocoon warmth covering her because of a blanket that was placed over her. She stretched herself out until she felt her joints pop and her muscles loosen, readying herself for the day. Before Buffy opened her eyes, she thought about the extremely bizarre dream she had that night. Like Spike would ever turn her! He knew, very well, that to become a vampire would be her worst fear come true. She clawed her way out of her grave fairly recently, another fear she had. Spike wouldn’t dream of making her live through another fear from her 'I don’t ever wanna’ list. She giggled softly before she covered her mouth to stifle a yawn. Spike was one of the only people she could trust completely. She was confident that he would never hurt her.
Buffy rolled over, cuddled into the pillow beside her, continuing her thoughts of Spike. The more she thought of him, the more she appreciated all of the things he had done for her over the last few years. He took a beating from Glory to protect Dawn, kept his promise of protecting Dawn even after Buffy’s death, and let her use him to feel something other than the numbness that consumed her after her resurrection. Which okay, was horrible to do, and even as she protested what they had wasn‘t real, she knew it hurt him to know she didn’t return his feelings. Then he made the ultimate sacrifice, the ultimate gesture; he got his soul for her. He got it because of the massive guilt he had for attempting to do what no man, vampire, or otherwise, should do to a woman. What really mattered though, is that he did get it. Plus, all the little things he did along the way added up, too.
Spike loved her, unconditionally. There was no way Buffy could deny that. At first she thought that he believed he loved her, but really it was only a sick obsession. However, he’d proven time and time again that he more than believed it, he felt it, he truly loved her. Her stubbornness however, continued to find excuses; he couldn’t be a vampire, could barely pass as human, so what better way then to want to be accepted, if only grudgingly, by anyone—including the people that he once tried to kill. He would forever be the black sheep, even if anyone other than Buffy ever truly accepted him. She figured, it was better to be considered a black sheep than have nothing at all. Because if the chips were ever down, Buffy knew that Spike would turn to her, if not the entire Scooby gang. He did sort of find a place to belong within the gang, but that didn’t mean he had to continue to think he loved her, did it?
The more she thought about everything, the more it all became confusing and jumbled in her mind. There were so many ways that she could fight it, so many ways that she could deny his feelings for her. But she refused to do so anymore. She wanted to admit to her love for him. She would probably always love Angel, after all, who could forget their first love? Angel left her though, when things got rough, without attempting to find a loophole to his curse, maybe anchoring it, he just left instead. If Spike knew about the tribe in Africa that could give him his soul back, then it was possible Angel did as well. He could have fought to make his soul permanent, but he didn’t. He up and left with hardly a warning.
Then there was Riley to think about. When she was with him, it was never love. She cared for him, felt for him, but it was never love. She enjoyed his company, but she highly doubted the relationship would have lasted much longer; she couldn’t pretend for much longer. If the whole “Vampire Hooker” thing never happened, the relationship still would have ended, just not as badly. The fact that Riley did that though, bruised her ego and a gave her a severe complex, more than it broke her heart. Just like Angel though, he left when it could have been possible to let their relationship float for just a bit longer. He left even though she was there to try to stop him.
Lastly, there was Spike. Her very own, extremely obnoxious vampire, who unlike the other men, would stop at nothing to prove his undying love for her. Of course she was disgusted at first, wanted nothing to do with him, but in reality, that was just a front she put on. Even from the first time she laid eyes on him, in the alleyway, she thought he was brutally hot and all kinds of sexy. Then when she fought him for the first time, she knew he was one hell of a fighter, maybe her match even. With all that, she still couldn’t get past the fact that he was a soulless vampire. That was the fly in the ointment for her. Once he got chipped and he stuck around, did those all those things to help her, he started to grow on her. She got to know the man behind the demon. The part of William that Spike retained after his turning. The more she saw that man, the more she came to like him; the man and demon.
He still had moments, in which, Buffy wanted nothing more than to dust him, forget about him completely. However, no matter how many times he annoyed her to the point of thinking that, she would never be able to go through with it. A few years ago she would have been able to swiftly lift her stake, poised and ready, a quip on her lips to threaten him into doing whatever she wanted. Now, she couldn‘t even bear the thought of him not being in her life. Spike was her rock, a support, and in a way, he was her safety blanket. He made her feel safe, warm…sane.
Oh, and lets not forget the fact that he is really, really good in bed.
Buffy giggled again as she cuddled deeper into her pillow.
“Mornin’, Buffy,” came a small, shy voice from across the room.
Her eyes shot open, and she found Spike looking at her, as if he were a young boy, standing in front of his parents, willing to take whatever punishment they decided to give him. “Spike! What’re you doing in my—“
“I’m sorry, Buffy. I’m so sorry. I couldn’t make it stop, couldn’t do anything but listen to the words. That song... that bloody song...” he whimpered, holding one hand to his head, the other over his heart. “I didn’t mean to, I really didn’t, Buffy. Forgive me, please.”
Buffy was off the bed, to the other side of the room, by his side in a second, unaware that she had vamped out along the way. All she knew was that she had to stop the stake, that had suddenly appeared in his hand, and was plunging toward his chest.
“What the hell are you doing?!” she snarled, her words slightly muffled around her fangs. She’d barely made it to him in time. The stake had just pierced his skin, only needing a little further to turn him to dust. Not wanting to push him any further, she softened her voice, conveying how worried she was. “Why would you stake yourself?”
His eyes searched hers, as if looking for an answer she couldn’t possibly know. However, what he said next floored her.
“Don’t you remember, Buffy? What happened last night?”
It took a second to register, but when it did, it was as if he had poured a bucket of ice water over her head. She gasped as she stumbled back, the motel bed hitting the back of her legs. With nowhere to go, but down, she plopped down on the cushiony surface.
It was real. The nightmare she had was real, and there was nothing she could do about it. She was a vampire. And Spike was her Sire.
Everything came to her, all at once, assaulting her memory with every excruciating detail of her turning. The smell of her own blood, his nasty words, the feel of his teeth tearing at her flesh, her blood gushing out of her and into his mouth, the taste of his blood, as he forced the liquid down her throat. She remembered the last gasp of air she took, her heart stop beating, her body becoming cold.
“No,” she groaned, standing up and starting to pace. “It isn’t true. You wouldn’t do this to me. You know... you knew that... I don’t want this!”
Spike went over to her, grabbing her shoulders and turning her to face him. “That’s right, Buffy! I wouldn’t do this to you, remember that, yeah? There was someone else there, The First, it was singing, putting nasty thoughts in my noggin, telling me to take you, to taste you. I wouldn’t have done it, I swear! I just.. I couldn’t—“
“That doesn’t change the fact that it happened, Spike!” she all but screamed, pushing his hands off of her, hating the feel of his hands on her. “You still did it, regardless of who or what was there!”
“Please, Buffy, you have to—“
“I don’t have to do anything, Spike. You turned me. You took my life away from me! My family, my friends” She paused, trying to keep her emotions down enough to continue. “What are they going to think? You made me into the one thing, that I was destined to destroy, every night since I was fifteen!”
Spike watched her as she continued to pace, tears flowing freely as she tried to suss out her situation. He didn’t think it was possible, but he felt worse now than he had last night. Now that she was cognitive enough to realize what had happened to her, she was only confirming his previous thoughts. She hated him. Whatever progress he’d made in the way of having a chance with her was blown to hell. There was no way she would ever forgive him, and he couldn’t bring himself to blame her.
“I’m sorry, Buffy. I’ll just... I’m going to go,” he whispered. “I’m sorry.” Spike turned to walk out of the motel room, his shoulders slumped in defeat.
Buffy froze, then suddenly spun around to see him walking away from her, leaving her. She didn’t understand what was going on with her. A part of her wanted him to leave, wanted to shout, ‘Good riddance!’ to his retreating back. However, the other part...the new part of her that she now realized, was completely and utterly in love with him, and wasn't afraid to show it, wanted him to stay.
That part wanted him to be with her always, wanted to find comfort in his embrace, try to figure out where to go from here, how to make things better. She didn’t want to be alone anymore.
She wanted her Sire.
“Spike,wait,” she said, never moving from her spot. When he turned toward her, hope and sadness swirled in his blue eyes. She knew in that moment, he was hurting just as much as she was. “What am I going to do without you?”
Within seconds, Buffy was wrapped up in Spike’s embrace, beside him on the bed, both holding onto the other as if their un-lives depended on it.
They stayed that way, both crying tears of uncertainty until they drifted off to sleep.
The First stood at the foot of the bed, watching the two blonde vampires nestled together, both breathing simultaneously, as if they were one being. “Well, damn,” the First said, clapping it’s hands loudly, causing Spike to wake up with a start. Buffy fidgeted a bit, then rolled over onto her other side, continuing her rest.
“Boy, was I wrong.”
“What the bloody hell do you want?” Spike snarled, his anger forcing his demon to the forefront. Although the form of Angel was standing in front of him, he knew it was the First. “Haven’t you done enough already?”
“Tsk, tsk,” The first, disguised as Angel said, waving a single finger at him. “Don’t want to piss me off, do ya’ boy?”
Spike’s face smoothed over, letting the demon slip away as he tried to rein in his anger. “What do you want?” he asked again, trying to sound less rude. It was right; he didn’t want to do anything to make the situation worse.
“I wanted to drop by, see how Buffy was handling the change. But obviously...” The First walked over to the sleeping Buffy, ghosting a handover her forehead as if to push her hair off her face. “She’s adjusting better than I thought she would.”
“No, she isn’t. She is just confused. The link to me, as her Sire, is the only thing keeping her from killing me, at least I think.” Spike said, barely able to keep himself from lunging at the form in front of him. He knew it was no use, he’d just pass through it, but he had had about enough of being it’s bloody lapdog.
“That’s a bit of alright, I guess,” it said, as it walked away from Buffy, letting Spike calm down a bit. It walked back to the foot of the bed as it morphed into Nikki Wood, the second Slayer he killed in New York. The sudden sting of guilt made Spike cringe, but he quickly pushed it to the side. “You see, there is something I over-looked in my plan. At first, I wanted you to turn her, then she’d kill you, then kill herself, unable to force herself to live as the one thing she hates the most. Then, to my surprise, I found out this juicy little piece of information that will make this so much more satisfying.”
Spike raised an eyebrow, eying the late Slayer with confusion. “An’ what’s that?”
“Uh-uhn. Not so fast, William. Not gonna give my secrets away that easily! Let’s just say...”Nikki tilted her head, as if trying to pick her words to be as cryptic as possible. “Something that wants her dead—just as bad as I do—is on its way, and you’re going to be just as powerless to stop it.”
TBC
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thank you to the wonderful sallyntmare for the beta job!! I hope everyone enjoys!!
Chapter End Notes:
Reviews make me smile!! My muse likes them, too :P Thank you for reading, and I hope you liked it!! More coming soon!! Oh, I almost forgot! I recieved an email yesterday telling me that my oneshot, Sexy Single was nominated in 5 different categories at the SunnyD awards site yesterday, and if the person who nominated me read this fic too, I want to thank you sooooo much, it made me day, you have no clue!! So, big HUGS to all my readers, you're all fantastic :D Thanks again!!