Inside the bedroom it was deathly quiet. The only sound was the joyful chirping of the birds outside the bedroom window. Innocence like the sweet song of birds was lost on Spike. He’d seen too much, been through more than most people face in a lifetime, and now he was about to find out if he was going to lose the best thing that had ever happened to him.
With bated breath Spike waited for Buffy’s verdict on what he’d confessed to her, feeling as if he was teetering between being sent to the gallows or offered a reprieve.
She was still ensconced on his lap, her cheek resting against his chest. Throughout his recollection of his past he had clung to her tiny body, like a drowning man holding tightly to the rock that mores him.
“So, what happened after that?” She asked carefully, not yet commenting on what she’d heard.
He’d admitted to her that he’d killed two people, if unintentionally.
Something like that takes a little time for a girl to digest.
He puffed out a breath and rested his chin on the top of her head. “First I had to get away from the Great Git. Bleeding bastard had enough info on me to put me away for a long time. He probably still could if he wanted to.” Spike told her shamefully.
“That’s why you didn’t want to go to the cops? I mean you’re not some kind of fugitive are you?”
“Not a bloody fugitive but Angelus is vindictive and dangerous. He’s a nasty piece of work, lamb and if he wants to he will find a way to get me sent down for what happened that night with Dru and Darla.”
“How come the police never worked it out?”
“Bobbies obviously were no bloody use.”
“Yeah.” Buffy sighed. “Like with Mom? I mean what the hell will it take to find out who…who killed her?”
Spike averted his eyes, hoping that the guilt of what he knew didn’t show through and changed the subject.
“So yeah, anyway, after I got away from Angelus, I lived rough for a while.” He admitted. “Tried to wean myself off the drugs, but it didn’t work. I couldn’t bloody do it alone. Eventually I managed to find my cousin Wesley. He was living in LA by that time, working for a law firm. He’d been over here from London on business and met some Texan chit who he got all googly-eyed over and so he stayed for her.”
Buffy nodded, silently urging him to continue.
“Wes…he was brilliant. He didn’t ask too many questions but I needed someone to talk to and he gave me an ear to listen.” He absently ran a hand through Buffy’s blonde locks and she tilted her head leaning into the gesture. “He’s the only other one apart from us…and of course Angelus… who knows the truth about how buggered up my life was.”
“I’m glad you had someone.”
“Without Wes, I don’t know where I’d be. He’s looking into the Angelus thing even now. I spoke to him the other night, asked him to find out where the ponce is staying, what he’s been doing these last few years. Helps to have a bloody lawyer in the family sometimes.”
A realization hit Buffy.
“You were talking to this Wes guy on the telephone the other night.”
He nodded.
“So all this is what you didn’t want me to find out? You were scared I would judge you?” Buffy said incredulously.
“Yeah, not just scared, but ashamed, kitten.” He hung his head. “I was a bad man and what I did back then will always be a part of me. I might change, but the things I did will never change.”
He carefully avoided the other part of her question. In his heart he knew that the very last secret that he was hiding from her was the worst of all, but he couldn’t bring himself to reveal that one to her.
Not yet anyway.
When she found out what he’d caused…
“Wes has been good to me. Not just recently, but back then too.”
“So he helped you?”
“Yeah, got me into rehab, helped me move to Sunnydale and financed the dojo.”
“How did you end up all martial arty? I mean kinda big difference from…what you were doing before.”
“When I was a kid it was my passion. I loved judo, karate, all that jazz. Before my Mum left us she used to take me every bloody week to practice, and then after we would go and get some fish and chips from the local chippy. It was…bloody wonderful.”
“It sounds nice…and very very British.” She smirked playfully nudging his shoulder with the heel of her hand. “How old were you when she…left?”
“I was thirteen. Boy that age needs his Mum, but she couldn’t take any more beatings off my Da, so she ran away.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Me too, love. Me too.”
They sat in comfortable silence for a while, both contemplating everything that had happened. Spike combed his fingers through her hair, and she drew tiny shapes over his bare chest.
They had not just bared their bodies to each other that night.
They had also bared their souls.
“You know, I’ve been clean almost four years now.” He told her proudly breaking into the quiet. “Didn’t think I could bloody well do it, but now I know I would never touch that junk again. Probably shouldn’t drink so much…or smoke so much either, for that matter, but I stayed clean.”
Buffy wiggled in his lap, twisting to face him. Looking him dead in the eyes, she smoothed the frown lines in his forehead with her fingers.
“You did it because you’re a good man, Spike. I know you blame yourself for what happened to Darla and Dru, but it’s not your fault.”
He made to turn away, but she wouldn’t let him.
“No, listen to me Spike. I’m not gonna let you get all avoidy on me now, okay? I might only be a teenager, but that doesn’t mean I’m stupid. I’m more than just some dumb kid. I know that sometimes people make bad choices and regret the things that they do, but the only direction we can go is forward. You have to let the guilt go, otherwise it’s gonna pull you down.” Buffy told him, sounding wise beyond her years.
His eyes filled with tears as his chest heaved in a tremendous sob.
“I was supposed to protect them!” He yelled, his whole body trembling. “They were my responsibility. I let them get hooked on the drugs, I let them do the…things that they did. And I got them killed. You don’t know how bad it was, Buffy. I did some stuff that was so bloody disgusting I still can’t look myself in the mirror because of it.”
“You have to try to let it go. If you don’t then it will kill you too. And I don’t want to lose you, Spike. Not now.”
“I don’t know if I can, pet.”
“You can, Spike.” She gazed at him with pure open honesty. “I believe in you.”
His face morphed into an expression of awe. The dullness and sorrow dissipated almost instantaneously, being replaced with elation.
“You do?”
“I do!” She confirmed without hesitation. “I bloody well do!”
They shared a smile at her use of his terminology, and she placed a kiss on his shoulder.
As she snuggled into him, he suddenly became very aware of their mutual state of undress.
Before, their nudity had been irrelevant. Everything had been so emotionally charged, the past rearing its ugly head in such a way that while he recounted his story, neither of them had been affected by their shared nakedness.
However, now there were certain body parts that were starting to respond to her. And if the moisture he could feel on his thigh was any indication, she was also starting to regain the lustiness that had dominated her earlier.
Her tongue sneaked out of her mouth and flicked over his nipple which was begging to be licked in front of her. She grinned surreptitiously as the little jump he gave at the electrifying feeling.
She was suddenly overwhelmed by the need to reaffirm life. After hearing about all that death and destruction, she needed to feel him.
Why keep waiting when there might not even be a tomorrow?
“I want you.” She gasped into his chest.
“Buffy, love, what are you doing?”
“I’m sorry.” The blonde teen pulled back nervously chewing on her lower lip. “I just…everything that’s happened recently…I feel like I need you right now. I know I said that I wanted to wait. But I don’t think that’s gonna cut it. I need you, Spike. And I wanna give you something too.”
He sneered at her. “I don’t need your pity. If you’re saying you want to do this because you feel bloody sorry for poor old nancy-boy Spike. ‘Never gets a break, always comes last, poor stupid idiot.’ Well you can bugger off and find some other poor sap to lavish your bloody pity on okay?”
“No! That’s not it at all!” Buffy groaned with exasperation, adding a cursory eye roll to the mix. “God, I don’t know how to phrase it. I’ve never been wordy-girl and now would be the perfect time when I could really use a good ole dose of wordiness.
But, I guess what I’m trying to say is that if there’s one thing I’ve learned from everything that’s happened and everything you’ve told me, it’s that life is freakin’ short as hell. We could die tomorrow, you know? Especially Angel the Nutjob wanting to kill us or torture us, or do whatever else is in vogue this season for the sociopathic sector of society.
Yeah I do feel bad that you went through all that shit. It sucks major league ass. But this has nothing to do with feeling sorry for you Spike. I want to be with you…because I want this more than I ever wanted anything. And I want it now because no one knows if they will have a tomorrow. Least of all us.”
Her eyes were so open and honest, sparkling with indignity and want.
That was the moment that Spike Rayne knew that he had fallen hopelessly and completely in love with Buffy Summers. She was a perfect mess of contradictions, an angel and a devil, all wrapped into one hot little package.
The outside world was still waiting to beat them down at every turn, but it didn’t matter anymore. Nothing mattered because he had everything he needed right here and now.
Grabbing her face with his palms, he crushed their lips together, pouring the passion he felt into the embrace. She returned it readily, snaking her fingernails down his back, like she was marking her mate.
There were so many things he wanted to do to her. He wanted to lick his way up her body, take each pink puckered nipple into his mouth, and suckle on it until she popped with pleasure. He wanted to see her on her knees in front of him with her red pouty lips wrapped around his cock.
He wanted to do it all, be the one to teach her everything and take her to heights she could never even have dreamed existed.
This wasn’t the time for foreplay though.
Right now he wanted to bury himself deep inside her, and she had already told him that she wanted the same.
Reaching a hand between them, he entered her with a finger to test her readiness for him. She was already dripping wet, writing on top of him like a bitch in heat.
“Please, Spike. I need you!” She pleaded guilelessly.
“You want your Spike to fuck you, Buffy?” He asked in a rumbling baritone.
“Now, please, do it now.”
He rolled them over so she was underneath him, and crawled on top of her, leaving kisses down her clavicle before trailing his lips back up her neck and nibbling on her ear lobe.
His huge throbbing cock, already as hard as steel, pulsed in her hand as she reached down to pump it slowly.
“Mmph…” Spike nearly choked with pleasure as he felt her warm little hand encircle his dick.
He palmed one of her breasts and then trailed his hand down her side eliciting an aroused shiver from the girl as he reached her bare mound, open and glistening with her juices.
She was like a summer rose, her petals unfolding before his eyes.
All of the sudden the realization that they weren’t using protection occurred to him.
“Buffy…we should…use something.”
Ugh, why did he feel like a bloody 15 year old boy about to have his first ever shag?
Understanding his meaning, she smiled softly. “I’m on the pill.” She assured him. “And I’m clean. You are too, right?”
Nodding in affirmation, he rose up a little and wrapped his own hand over the one of hers that was still pumping at his cock. Guiding his penis to her entrance, he glided over her slit, bottom to top, top to bottom, smiling at the wanton expression on her face.
No longer able to wait, he positioned himself above her, and sank down, entering her in one smooth stroke.
Both of them exhaled simultaneous moans, and the pair stilled, as he tried not to come inside her in that first moment and she adjusted to the size of him inside her body.
“Gotta move, pet.” He told her as he started to slowly thrust inside her, her creamy juices coating his dick. Hooking her legs over his arms, he pushed them up so they were positioned over his shoulders and he could plunge deeper inside her.
“Bloody amazing this is lamb.” He gasped, speeding up his thrusts. Arching her hips up to meet him, she started to wail in bliss.
He made to love to her in the most wonderful way, worming his hand between the two of them to rub her most sensitive bundle of nerves as he felt his own orgasm approaching.
When they reached the highest heights of sheer rapture, their gazes locked. In that second it was as if their souls melded together, becoming one and joining them beyond the physical world.
His seed poured out inside of her pussy and cries of ecstasy poured from both their mouths.
In the aftermath of the waves of pleasure they had ridden, they lay together, in each other’s arms, more satisfied than ever before.
Spike curled his tongue as he smiled at her, and it turned her to Buffy-goo. He was hers now.
Buffy wasn’t going to delude herself thinking that things would be easy from now on, but together they could face anything.
Drowsiness started to pull her into the state that exists between wakefulness and unconsciousness, but there was still something that was eating at her…and not in the good way…but she couldn’t work out what it was.
Now was not the time to try and concentrate on it, after the most amazing sex, but it occurred to her that she was missing something in all of this. Spike had been honest with her now, given himself to her in mind and body, so why did it seem like there was still something that he was holding back?
Maybe after a good sleep she would be able to put her finger on just where this little niggling sensation was coming from. But yeah…now was really really not the time to think about it, when she was lying satisfied in the arms of the man she loved.
Now that she knew just how precious life was, she wanted to spend all hers with Spike.
She felt like nothing could tear them apart.
Together the drifted into the first restful sleep either of them had enjoyed in a long time.
For now, the world seemed a brighter place.
[Reviews - 51]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | 
Chapter or Story
Has been viewed 1353 times
- Text Size +
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | Chapter or Story - Text Size +
Author's Chapter Notes:
Thank to you everyone who read and had reviewed this story so far. Your feedback is always appreciated. :)
I hope everyone enjoyed the flashbacks to the past. There are still some secrets to come though. ;)
Here's the next chapter. Warning for sexual situations.
Hope you all enjoy!
I hope everyone enjoyed the flashbacks to the past. There are still some secrets to come though. ;)
Here's the next chapter. Warning for sexual situations.
Hope you all enjoy!
Chapter End Notes:
Thanks for reading and please review! :)