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Author's Chapter Notes:
I OWN NOTHING, JUST FOR FUN...
I UPDATE FAST... SO CHECK THE LAST CHAPTER TO MAKE SURE YOU READ IT!

WARNING: this chapter is full of angst and has a few seconds of Spike/other...

ENJOY! (:
***1 YEAR LATER***



Buffy sat on the tour bus, looking blankly out the window. She had no idea where there next stop was, or what show was next. She felt like a living zombie. She glanced down at her yoga pants and over sized hoodie and confirmed she looked like a bum. She brought her knees up and rested her chin on them.



So much had happened in the past year, and she was starting to feel like her world didn’t even make sense anymore. She was so tired of seeing Spike go from woman to woman. Constantly drinking, she felt like he wasn’t even him. Not really anyway. She looked down at the photo in her hand frowning as tears spilled down her cheeks. She wanted that Spike back, but knew that wasn’t going to happen. She felt like she had lost him forever.



******THE NIGHT BEFORE********



Buffy had just entered her hotel room after a concert in Ohio; she was exhausted and ready to turn in for the night. Everyone else was out partying and she wasn’t for it. After all she had never been in the party scene. She quickly changed and prepared to take a nap before the others came back, drunk and in need of babysitting.



She was just getting comfortable on the couch when the door to the room flung open and Spike came stumbling in with a girl attached to his lips. He had her pinned up against the door and was steadily ripping her clothes off. Spike throw his shirt over his head and was pulling down the zipper of his jeans, when Buffy finally snapped out of her shock and realized what was about to happen.



“What the fuck are you doing?” She screamed, causing Spike to rip away from the girl and turned to a very pissed off Buffy. He slid the zipper of his pants back into place and grabbed his shirt off the ground in lightning speed.



“You need to go.” He told the girl who just whined.



“But Spikey, you told me you’d show me what great things you could do with you big-“



“You better shut her up right now, or I will.” Buffy said glaring at the blonde with huge boobs.



“Sorry love, gonna need you to leave.” He opened up the door and practically pushed the squealing girl out of the room. Then turned to Buffy, who was fuming.



“What the hell Spike? You didn’t even have enough consideration to make sure no one else was in the room before you started going at it like animals. I mean if I wouldn’t have said anything you would be fucking that skank right now.” Buffy leered.



“You’re completely right I’m sorry love. I wasn-“



“Don’t you dare call me pet names when I just witnessed the most disgusting thing of life.”



“Oh so now I’m disgusting.” He said glaring at her.



“No, fucking some bimbo up against the wall in your hotel room is disgusting.” She fired back.



“Well god forbid we not all be virgins waiting for marriage, like you Buffy.” He regretted it the instant it came out of her mouth and she pushed him out of the way stalking to the door to get out of the room.



Spike grabbed her by her arm and pulled her back to him. “Don’t leave Buffy I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. Don’t know why I said that.”



She snatched her arm from him and glared at him. “There’s nothing wrong with my virtue. I’m just saving myself for the right person. You know something at one point in time you were doing too.” She spat.



“Well, I was also 18 had glasses and never been kissed.” He retorted.



“You know what? God it doesn’t even matter anymore.”



“What Buffy, what doesn’t matter anymore?” He went to brush some hair off of her cheek, but she smacked his hand away.



“This.” She said pointing from him to her. “US, we don’t fucking matter.”



“What is that supposed to mean. Were best friends, of course it matters?”



“Maybe I’m sick of being just your friend.” She screamed and his eyes were the size of saucers.



“Buffy-“



“No, you know what. I can’t take it anymore. You are too blind to see it and I’m sick of keeping my feelings inside. I’m going to combust because of all the secrets.”



Spike just gazed at her impassively not really sure what to do or say.



“I love you.” Buffy said to him. He inhaled harshly.



“Buffy you don’t love me.” Spike said staring at her in disbelief.



“Who are you to tell me what I do and don’t feel?” She said with hatred.



“Buffy, it’s me your best friend since we were 10, for the last 12 years we’ve grown up together… I think I would have noticed by now that you felt something more than just a friendship.”



“Funny, because you’re the only person who doesn’t know that I love you.”



“What?” He couldn’t believe this was happening.



“Yeah Spike everyone knows. The whole fucking world probably knows by now. I mean did you ever wonder who my muse was? Where all these songs came from? Hello, in one of them I even mention your blue eyes. Every song I have written has in some way, shape, or form had to do with you. The one I’m writing now. It’s about us! Our damn story Spike.” She was breathing heavily.



“Buffy, I had no idea you felt like this. Why didn’t you tell me? I mean I love you Buffy, I just don’t… I dunno, you’ve always been my best friend, nothing else.” He mumbled not wanting to hurt her.



“I have never wanted anyone in my whole life, the way that I want you. I want you more and more with each passing day, and its killing me. I’ve tried to be strong about this. Watching you with other girls. Admiring them. I can’t take it anymore.” She says shaking her head vigorously as tears started streaming down her face.



“Buffy, I was never with other girls to hurt you; I never checked them out to make you feel insignificant. It was just looking for a good time. That doesn’t really mean much.” He said trying to understand where all of this was coming from.



“No, it just means you’d rather be with someone you don’t even know…than be with me.” Reality finally hitting home. She ran out of the door leaving behind a very stunned Spike.



*********



Buffy wiped the tears off of her face with the back of her hand and blew her nose in her shirt sleeve. She was miserable. She hadn’t talked to him at all since then and was wondering if she even wanted too.



She knew his feelings for her probably weren’t the same, but for him to admit it broke her heart into a million tiny pieces. She felt worse now than she ever had before and was wondering if her broken heart would ever heal….



Glancing up she saw Spike staring at her from his bunker with sad eyes. She quickly looked away and sucked back the sob that wanted to escape. Leaning over putting her head on her knee, she grabbed her aching heart wishing she could rip it out of her chest.



Knowing that he was just staring at her was starting to piss her off so she hopped up off of the chair, soft ball throw the picture at him and padded to the bathroom to get some much needed crying out.



Chapter End Notes:
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