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Author's Chapter Notes:
As always I own nothing... This is just for fun! (:

December is one of the craziest months for me... so I sincerely apologize for the delay on this chapter!
Willow,
I just wanted you to know that I love you. You have and always will be my greatest friend. Because of you I managed to get through one of the hardest years yet. I couldn’t have done it with out you! I know I left suddenly and for that I can not apologize enough but it was time. I just had to. I know you understand you know me better than anyone. Hopefully I’ll see you soon! I’ll be missing you like crazy.
XO
Love Always,
Buffy

Xander,
I can’t even begin to explain the amount of appreciation that I have for you. All the things that you made possible, I would of only dreamed could happen. I hate that I have to leave…. But it’s never really goodbye, is it? Thank you… Just thank you.
Love to you,
Buffy

Anya and Oz,
Hi guys just wanted to tell you both that you will be missed crazily by me! I hope the rest of the tour is fun, and that you continue to write music! If you guys need any help at all with lyrics of cords, you know you can call me at any time!
Love you both so much! Keep the band together.
Buffy

***************************

Spike was pissed. He bared his heart to the only girl he’d ever loved and she tossed it aside like yesterdays garbage. He knew he made mistakes, but he thought they had gotten passed that. He thought giving her his body, and heart would show how sorry he was… that he came to his senses and honestly wanted to be with her.

He was wrong.

It had been 1 month. 1 long heart breaking, throat burning, sick, twisting month and it wasn’t getting any better. He hadn’t talked to her… gotten a letter… nothing. If it wasn’t for the pain, he would have doubted her existence at all.

Spike tried to call once a day. He wrote her, sent her text messages, he never got a response. He begged Willow to talk to her. To see if she could get Buffy to talk to him, but Willow refused. She was done hearing her best friend’s misery and she knew that Buffy needed to get over him.

Buffy told Willow she didn’t want to talk to him, told her she needed time to heal, so as her best friend that’s what she was doing. She refused to add to the pain.

So Spike was alone. He cried, he drank, he fought, and he kept to himself. He was never going to be the same now… Not without his girl.

******************


Buffy lay awake looking up at her ceiling. She had been away from the band… her friends… and of course Spike for a month, almost two now and it sucked. When was it going to get easier? When is the aching pain going to go away? She asked herself almost everyday.

She refused to talk to him. He tried everyday, with messages and phone calls, but Buffy just couldn't bring herself to talk to him.

She left him after she made love to him, and it was the hardest thing she'd ever done... It was earth shattering to her but in the moment as he fell asleep wrapped tightly around her body, she knew nothing was going to change, and that she had no more fight left in her. She made plans to leave and regardless of Spikes sudden interest, she couldn't change her mind

She was miserable and missed him terribly, but what was she supposed to do?

Buffy let out a deep sigh, closed her eyes and let her mind wonder.




“Baby I know your hurting, but it will get better.” Joyce told her heart broken daughter, while she cradled her. She brushed Buffy’s hair and whispered soft words to her trying to calm her daughters sorrow.

“It just hurts so bad mom. I would have given him everything, but I wasn’t enough. He would have rather had those meaningless one night stands than have any kind of intimacy with me.” Buffy sobbed harder, gripping her mother’s shirt.

“Oh baby, I know. Buffy, tell me everything. Tell me what happened?”

She didn't want to tell her mom, how was she supposed to tell her?

Taking a deep breathe and counting to 30 in her head Buffy spilled the entire story to her mother... THE WHOLE THING.

Joyce of course was speechless come the end. She didn’t know what she could possibly say to make her daughters hurt go away now, but she was really worried about Buffy's irrational decision to have sex, especially with Spike.

“Buffy I- Were you safe? I mean Spike has been with all these girls? Are you sure you’re safe?”

Buffy’s eyes nearly bulged out of her head… stupid stupid… She hadn’t even thought about using protection… Fuck!

She started wide eyed at her very concerned mother and only nodded. What else was she suppose to do?

She would be okay right surly accidents never happen the first time. Right?


She lingered on the conversation for a moment but like always her mind drifted back to Spike. They way his hands felt on her heated skin. How he kissed her in all the right places. They way he held her body close to his. The love that they shared with their bodies…

Her stomach churned roughly ripping her out of her daze. She jumped out of the bed and barely made it to the bathroom before she emptied her stomach into the toilet water. Her body racked furiously with dry heaves, while she tried to catch her breath.

Leaning back on her haunches she cried. This was the third day in a row. The third day she couldn’t keep anything down.

She stood on shaky legs and made her way to the sink to rinse out her mouth and wash her hands.

Strolling back into her bedroom, Buffy grabbed the drugstore bag and retreated back to the bathroom.

It was time to know.

She opened the pink box and blankly read the instructions on the page.

After knowing what she was suppose to do, and preparing herself for the yes or no, she sat anxiously on the bathroom floor waiting the three minutes for the result.

Tears flooded her eyes. I can’t be pregnant, she told herself.

Her mind fled her and did a whirl of future thinking while she sat patiently knowing this could easily change her fate.

She sat up after she counted to sixty for the third time and held her breath as she reached for the results.

Once she had it safely in her hand she took one last breathe and glanced down.

She let out a rushed breathe and glanced at her reflection in the mirror…

“Oh Fuck.”


Chapter End Notes:
Short easy chapter... (:
Let me know what you think...
BTW thank you so much everyone who took the time to review!



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