Glancing around the room, Buffy didn’t think she could have caught them off guard more if she had told them she were a vampire. No one would make eye contact with her, yet they were all staring, mouths open, and eyes wide. Was having a husband really that big of a deal?
Xander was the first to break the silence, “You’re married?!?!”
Apparently it was a big deal. She shrugged her shoulders, “Well I mean, I’m in this universe now. I’m technically not married anymore.”
And that opened the dam, a flood of questions were thrown at her coming from a million directions.
“So you are married?!”
“How could you just leave your husband like that?!”
“Why didn’t he come here too?”
“Why is it that we weren’t told of him before now?”
“Do you not love him? Why else would you leave?”
Not being able to take the noise and commotion directed at her, Buffy turned and walked out of the door, only to stop by the door and lean against the wall. She tried to catch her breath and go through all of the emotions that were running through her. She knew the moment that Spike stepped out of the apartment to join her. She could still hear all off the noise and conversations inside. She had also noted that he hadn’t been one of the people to question her, “Why didn’t you ask about my marriage?”
Spike shrugged and shoved his hands in his pockets, “Dunno. Doesn’t seem like it’s any of my business. You have your reasons for what you do.”
Scoffing, “Yeah, they don’t seem to think that it’s none of their business. Thank you.”
He simply nodded his head in her direction and brought out his pack of cigarettes. She watched as he lit one and took a long drag from it, “I met Lee when I was in Colorado. I was eighteen and I had been hopping from one state to the next. I had been out slaying and I came across this group of vampires that had a couple surrounded. They had already killed the girl and they were moving in on the guy. He was screaming at them. Screaming that he would kill them for killing his girlfriend. That’s when I decided to step in.
“He told me to run and that it wasn’t my fight. He said he didn’t want me to get hurt because of him. I thought it was cute. I smiled and told him, ‘That’s sweet of you,’ and then did what I do best. He sat on the ground and just watched as I obliterated the things that took his love away from him. After all was said and done I made sure he got home and I never saw him again. Until two years later. I was in Minnesota, slaying of course. I saw a man fighting three vampires by himself and before I could even step in he had killed them all. One stake all by himself and he took them all out. I didn’t know that it was Lee until he turned around and saw me. He chuckled and asked me if I knew how hard a girl I was to find. From them on we were inseparable.”
Spike watched as Buffy slid to the ground against the wall, “So if you were inseparable then why are you here and he’s not?”
Buffy looked up at him with tears in her eyes that were threatening to overflow, “Because I killed him.”
Shock went through Spike, “You killed him? How?”
Taking a deep breath, Buffy thought of how she could explain this, “We had gotten married about a year after we were together. I had found out I was pregnant not long after. When I was close to five months pregnant, I woke up one night screaming in pain. I had been hurt before because of patrol but this was nothing like it. I felt like my whole body was trying to turn itself inside out. I didn’t know what was wrong and all I could think was that I needed to make it stop.
“So Lee picked me up and put me in the truck and took us to the hospital. We were in there for eight days before they let us go home. I had begun hemorrhaging from and old slaying wound and if it weren’t for Lee both the baby and I would have died. I remember never seeing him that scared before. Not when I first met him surrounded by vampires. Not when he was going to ask me to marry him. We were on our way home and I just kept looking at him thinking that I was so lucky and that our baby was so lucky to have him in our lives. He looked at me with stars in his eyes and I could just see the love he had for us both.”
Buffy stopped to take a deep breath. Tears were streaming down her eyes and she was having a hard time breathing, all the emotions coming back to her as if they were fresh, “And that was it. I don’t remember anything else except there being pain and loud noises. I woke up two months later in the hospital. I was so scared. I didn’t know what had happened or how I had gotten there and all I wanted was Lee to come and tell me that it was all going to be okay. I had to push the nurse button for someone to come in and when they did they all just looked so sad.
“The doctor told me that our car was hit and thrown to the other side of the interstate where we just got hit more. We ended upside down in the median. They said that the firefighters and police found Lee practically attached to my door trying to cover me. A slice of glass imbedded itself in his neck and he bled out. Our baby was under too much pressure and stress and she didn’t make it. I was the only one that survived. After that I kind of changed my life. I avoid places that have children like schools. I don’t get into any vehicles because I’m scared that I’ll just remember that day again and it would hurt too much.”
Buffy looked up at Spike and shrugged her shoulders, “The only way that I made it through the pain was because of Whistler. That’s why I’m so close to him and so protective of him. Yeah he seems like this self-absorbed ass hole and for the most part you’re right. But he had been my best friend through all of it. I couldn’t handle that I had lost my whole world in one night and I didn’t even know about it until two months later. I couldn’t handle myself because of the pain and memories and I just shut myself off from everything.
Spike watched as Buffy stood up and turned to face the door of Giles’ apartment, where he noticed that the rest of the group had huddled, listening to Buffy’s story. He watched as she stood straight, shoulders square and her eyes hard and assertive, “I wanted a new life. I wanted a second chance to have friends and love without fear. I wanted some place new. So that is why I chose to transfer. That’s why I chose to come here and help you all. It wasn’t for you. It wasn’t for your universe. I hate to say it like that but it’s the truth.
“I was completely selfish and absorbed in myself in making this decision. I made it for me because I know what’s best for me and what’s best for my life. No one else knows how to take care of me like I do. So don’t forget that I’m much older than you remember. Don’t forget that I am not your Buffy and that I haven’t gone through some of the things that she has. Remember that I’ve been through more and I have more balls than she apparently did. Because she never told you to shove it and that she would make those decisions for herself. And just in case you want to try to get used to what that is going to look like, here’s an example. Shove off.”
With that, Buffy turned on her heel and walked off into the darkness. No one dared move toward her direction. They were all processing what they had just heard, none of them really knowing how to go forward from there.
TBC
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Author's Chapter Notes:
This has been a task to write. I hope that you all enjoy it and that it answers some questions that you have. Well.......here goes.....
Chapter End Notes:
And what did we think??? I'm so nervous about this!! It was such an emotional chapter for me to write. By the time I was done I had tears and snot running down my face. I hope you liked it!