CHAPTER SIX:

Once again, Buffy found herself sitting next to Spike, watching over him as he continued to impersonate a corpse. His injuries were looking better, they were mostly closed now, the large bandages Buffy kept in her trunk no longer necessary to staunch the blood loss. She knew, however, that his internal injuries would take more time and blood to heal. Making a mental note to not involve her mother or sister again, she recalled her body's reaction to the blood-letting and flushed, feeling her panties dampening and her core clench and throb.

Joyce entered her room, observing her morning ritual of checking the windows, ensuring Spike was safe from the sun. She also checked the bedding, looking to see if they were still clean from the last time they had been changed. Just as she was leaning over Spike to check, she heard it... a faintly murmured word... just one... her name.

“Joyce?”

Buffy's eyes flew to Spike's face just in time to see him crack open his eyes, and there they were, those orbs of blue she had missed for so long. She couldn't contain the gasp of relief that escaped her as she moved closer to him. Joyce, having pulled back slightly in surprise, was now leaning over her shoulder.

“Spike? Can you hear me?” Buffy was inwardly proud her voice didn't crack under the barrage of emotions she was currently being assaulted with.

“Buffy? What..... where?”

“Sssshhhh, it's OK, you're--”

Spike's eyes suddenly widened massively and he sat up sharply, groaning in pain, his left arm coming to hold his damaged ribs on his right side.

“Dawn! Where is she? Is she OK? I....I....The tower....Glory! What--”

Buffy was overcome with emotion, her inner voice speaking to her, it seemed, with an air of reverence and awe, 'He's in pain, broken, and the first thing he thinks about is Dawn! What was I thinking, when I thought he couldn't love!?'

As if sensing the emotional turmoil her daughter was currently going through, Joyce stepped in to reassure the blond vampire, laying a gentle hand on his shoulder as she spoke softly. “Spike, everything's OK. Calm down, Dawn's fine. I promise. She's fine, you protected her.”

Spike blinked, trying to clear the cobwebs from his mind and focused his eyes on Joyce, his expression still on the verge of panic. “Dawn's...safe?” he rasped, his voice rough from disuse, searching the elder Summers woman's eyes for the truth.

Joyce nodded, unable to speak, her heart in her throat as she tried to contain her emotions; but in the next moment she lost the battle. She couldn't hold back the tears that had welled in her eyes as she saw relief wash over the face of the man who had saved her children.

“You did it, Spike, you saved her.” Gently easing him back onto the bed, Joyce continued, “You saved them both, both my girls. Thank you. Thank you so much, Spike.” Leaning forward, she placed a kiss to his forehead and then pulled back and smiled through her tears at the shocked, and perhaps a little confused, vampire.

“She's OK.” Spike repeated, his voice growing stronger. He leaned back further into the pillow and closed his eyes, letting out an unneeded breath of relief. Dawn was safe. But he knew it wasn't because of him, he'd been lying in a heap at the bottom of the tower while someone else rescued her. He'd been taken out of the fight by his first opponent.

Opening his eyes, he turned to Buffy, and smiled tightly, hiding the grimace from the pain and guilt he was now becoming fully aware of. “She's OK.”

Buffy could only nod her head, her eyes misting slightly at the sight of him. She reached out and took his hand in hers as she smiled, a true, happy smile, the first in what felt like forever. Having Spike come back to the world of the living, so to speak, finally forced everything home to her.

They'd done it. They'd stopped another apocalypse. Only this time, for her, the stakes had been so much higher than before, in a way. She'd known that if she'd failed before, the world would have ceased to exist as she knew it, and she and her friends and family would have died, but this time? It seemed more... real....more close to home...more personal... more....just more.

But they'd survived, every one of them, because of him, because Spike had done his best and was prepared to die to protect her sister. He'd stopped the apocalypse, and saved Dawn, all in one stroke. What she owed him, she couldn't guess; but what she felt for him, well, that was different. She would not deny it this time; she felt something for Spike, something that was frightening and unknown, but at the same time was intense and caused her stomach to flutter with butterflies. She didn't love him, she knew that with absolute certainty, but she also knew she was perched at the top of a chasm, and if she'd let herself fall, she knew Spike would be there to catch her.

Joyce backed away from the silent couple and went to fetch Dawn, who was currently clearing away the breakfast things downstairs. Ever since Spike's arrival in the house, Joyce had noticed Dawn taking a more active role in the housework, especially early in the morning, no doubt thinking that it would spare her more time to spend with Spike during the day.

Standing at the top of the stairs, Joyce called down to Dawn, her voice carrying easily in the quiet house.

“Dawn?... Dawn? Can you come up here please?”

“Coming, Mom.”

Joyce waited outside the bedroom for Dawn's arrival, and for what she was sure to be an emotional reunion.

Silently sitting beside him, his hand still held in hers, Buffy listened as a few words were exchanged between the pair outside, followed by a loud squealing-sob. That was the Slayer's cue. She released Spike's hand in one moment, and turned and launched herself off the bed in the next, intercepting Dawn's breakneck rush to hug Spike.

“Dawnie, calm down, please. He's awake, but he's still hurt, OK? Be gentle.”

The brunette nodded solemnly and extracted herself from her sister's grip. She slowly and carefully moved towards the bed, towards her friend, saviour and surrogate big brother.

“Hey, Nibblet.”

That was all it took for Dawn to break down, hearing his voice, seeing his eyes open and awake. She slowly collapsed down onto him, careful to avoid his right side, and clung to him, sobbing into his shoulder, as Joyce wrapped an arm around Buffy and watched the pair.

Spike held onto Dawn as best he could with his left arm and spoke softly to the crying teenager, “'S alright, sweet bit... no worrying 'bout me, yeah? Take more than a little plunge from the high-dive t' do me in. Just bloody happy you're safe...” Spike's voice broke and he dropped his forehead against her shoulder as a sob shook his body.

Dawn shook her head against his shoulder, unable to speak, as she held on to him like he was a life-preserver and she was drowning.

Buffy wiped at her tears as she watched the vampire-- the soulless, evil monster-- weep against her sister's shoulder in relief. Again, Buffy was struck with the revelations she'd had the previous day: Spike really could love, and whether he chose it or not, he loved her sister and her mom.... and her. She was also ashamed to admit that she was slightly jealous of the ease with which the other two other Summers women interacted with William the Bloody, neither one exhibiting any awkwardness or distrust whatsoever. Buffy knew this was her fault, that she could also have had that relationship with him, just like Dawn and her mother, if she hadn't pushed him away and treated him as she had. 'Take a good look, I could've had that, and for a while now too, if I wasn't so stubborn and self righteous, if I just let myself see HIM, and not let others make up my mind for me!'

Buffy's tears came harder as she stood with her mother and watched the chipped vampire and the teenage key reunite. She cursed herself for her foolishness. She cursed herself for listening to others, particularly Angel, Xander and Giles, and letting them influence her unduly. She cursed herself for living in a black and white world when clearly she was surrounded by grey. How could she have been so blind for so long? How could her mother and sister have seen the change in Spike, seen the lightness in Spike, while all she could see was the darkness? Buffy wiped at her tears, again feeling jealous and foolish for refusing to see what had been right in front of her all along.

Finally pulling back from Dawn, Spike laid a hand on her cheek and, seemingly forgetting that others were in the room, gave voice to the thoughts that had been running through his mind since discovering that she was alive.

“I'm sorry, Bit. I tried, I really did... I ... …” Spike swallowed hard, trying to get all the emotions raging through him under control, fighting back the tears that wanted to continue to fall. “… I’m sorry. Let you down, when it counted, I did. Didn't mean t' leave ya up there alone, Bit. So bloody sorry...Would do anything t' take that back. Didn't mean to let you down, Dawn... never... ever want t' let you down... ever.”

Dawn shook her head and swiped at her tear-stained face with her fingers, swallowing back the lump in her throat. When she was finally able to speak her voice was rough and filled with emotion. “What are you talking about? You saved me, nobody else, it was you. You protected me long enough for Buffy to get to me, Spike, you did it!”

Spike sighed softly and looked at her sadly, shaking his head in disagreement. “I got beat, Dawn. That little sod pulled me off the tower. I failed. I shoulda' done more... shoulda' got you down from there. Was m' place to... promised to protect you. I’m so bloody sorry.”

Dawn opened her mouth to object, but Spike continued on, “What if it hadn't been the Slayer who got up them stairs, huh? I ballsed up, got beat by that manky lizard, and left you all alone. What if the next person up there had been the hell-bitch, or another one of her scabby minions? I made a promise to protect you, 'til the end of the world, and I broke it. So... I’m sorry, Niblett.”

By the time Spike had finished, tears were again streaming freely from those azure eyes Buffy had missed so badly, and running slowly down his cheeks, his eyes downcast in shame. He couldn't look at Dawn; he couldn't deal with her misplaced pride in him, when deep down, he knew he'd failed her, failed Buffy...failed them all.

Buffy turned to her mother with disbelief plastered over her face; he really thought that, thought that he'd failed Dawn and her. Buffy had hoped to see some agreement in her mother's expression, confirming that Joyce also thought that Spike was wrong; she was not prepared to see the seething anger on her mother's face. Stepping forward, Buffy laid a hand on Dawn's shoulder and pulled her back, leaving Spike to the tender mercies of her very pissed off mother.

Feeling the bed shift in weight as Dawn stood and backed away, and sensing movement, Spike raised his shimmering eyes, only to find himself confronted by a very unhappy-looking Joyce.

Spike braced himself for the rebuke he knew was coming. He'd failed her... he'd not protected her daughters. Joyce had never been anything but kind to him, and he'd let her down. If she staked him where he lay it wouldn't be too severe a punishment. He was a pathetic excuse for a vampire, and an even more miserable excuse for a man.

“Now you listen to me, William, 'cos I’m not gonna say this twice,” Joyce began harshly, shaking a finger in his face for emphasis. “You will NOT say that again, do you hear me? Buffy and Dawn are alive because of you, because of what you did that night. You saved them, and the world, so I DO NOT want to hear you speak like that again, understand? There will not be another apology from your lips-- not to me, not to Dawn, not to Buffy … not to anyone. ”

Spike looked at Joyce in shock and awe, completely taken aback by her fierce insistence that he hadn't failed them. Turning wide, glimmering eyes to look at Buffy, she gave him a weak, watery smile and nodded her head in agreement.

“Okay then, now that that nonsense has been settled, Spike you need blood, so if you'll excuse me, I’ll go to the butcher's and get some.”

Turning to leave, Joyce pulled Dawn with her towards the door and spoke firmly, leaving no room for argument, her words clearly audible to the room at large, taking into account Slayer and vampire hearing.

“He stays in bed, and you let him rest for now, no hugging him while he's hurt, and no bothering him, alright? He needs to rest; he doesn't need you pestering him, am I making myself clear? ”

Dawn nodded sheepishly as Joyce gave her one last hard glare, then headed down the stairs. Dawn had planned to spend the day talking to Spike about anything and everything she could think of, and reassuring him that he hadn't failed her. Those thoughts were dashed, however, when she turned back to the pair of blondes in the room. Nothing needed to be said. Dawn knew that Spike wanted to spend time with Buffy, even in his current state, and maybe, just maybe, Buffy wanted to spend some time with Spike. Smiling at the pair, she followed after her mother, intending to catch her at the car, leaving the two heroes to themselves.

Spike kept his eyes on Buffy, he couldn't resist, she was so beautiful, he could spend days just looking at her. So lost was he in his thoughts of her he almost didn't hear her words when she spoke to him.

“Mom's right, you know? You did save her, and the world....Thank you, Spike.”

“Was just trying to keep my promise, Buffy. Swore to you I’d protect her... did what I could... still not sure it was good enough. Reckon we're all still here, so that has to count, yeah?” He added a small smile at the end, trying to soften his words and distract her from the self-deprecating tone.

Taking a seat on the bed next to him, and reaching for his left hand, she looked straight into his eyes, those blue eyes that she'd thought about yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that, every day since that night. Those azure orbs still glistened with unshed tears; his cheeks were still damp with his guilt for not protecting Dawn as he'd promised.

Buffy reached out and gently wiped the tears from his cheeks with her fingers, careful not to reopen any wounds. “You made me a promise, and you kept it, Spike. What you did was good enough, believe me... it was more than anyone else could have done. I don't even want to think about what I owe you, or how to repay you.”

The second that phrase was out of her mouth, she knew it was a mistake. She knew that Spike would take it and run with it, but the difference this time was it was now something slightly funny and flirty, and since her recent revelations, flirting with Spike wasn't so nauseating, gut churning or guilt inducing.

Looking back, she knew now the nausea and gut churning were actually caused by the anxiety of thinking about how her friends would react, and the guilt stemmed from the fact that she, kinda, almost, deep down, enjoyed the flirtation and back and forth they had. That enjoyment was...wrong. Or she had thought so then... the Slayer shouldn't enjoy flirting with the evil undead, with a soulless monster, with darkness. But now Buffy could finally see what her mother and sister saw, she could see the light, even if the darkness was still there. Spike was the only guy she'd met that could match her, wit for wit and barb for barb, and she finally admitted to herself, she liked the dance they did.

Even with these thoughts running through her head at a mile a minute, she didn't miss the suggestive waggle of his eyebrows and the slow grin that came to his face at the talk of her being indebted to him and the prospect of repayment.

So it was with a small, light smile and giggle, she told him to get his mind out of the gutter, which earned her an even wider grin.

“And how would you know where my mind was, eh? Unless you were in the gutter with me. And if you were, I’d like to hear about it, in detail! Start with what you were wearing... or not wearing. 'm partial to that short, silky skirt with the slit up your thigh... and that glittery pink top... ya know, the one with the baubles that sparkle when ya move...”

Buffy rolled her eyes and huffed out a disgusted breath, but for the first time there was actually a small smile on her lips rather than the scowl he would've normally received for such a remark. “No preference on shoes? Panties? Hair style?” she teased back, quirking a brow at him.

“Well, now that ya mention it, always got a preference on your knickers, luv: off. Hair, Goldilocks? Always down, love to watch it flow as you move. And shoes....” Spike furrowed his brow in deep thought for a moment. “Reckon I could leave them up to you, kitten, can't have me making all the decisions now, can we?”

“You're a pig, Spike,” Buffy shot back, but her tone was teasing and light and she couldn't stop the smile that graced her features. Spike was back! Maybe she wasn't too late after all.

Spike tried adjusting his position, sitting up slightly more than he was, and let out a grunt and hiss of pain as he felt his broken ribs grate together at the movement. Once again his left arm clutched his injured side as he finally took stock of his current situation.

Buffy's smile faded and her next retort to his comments died on her lips as she leaned forward and tried to help him. “You probably shouldn't try to move too much... as in: not at all.”

“Feels like I’m pretty banged up, luv, how long have I been here?”

“Four days, and trust me, you're a lot better than you were. You got messed up pretty bad when you fell, but you're healing now, so it shouldn't be too long and you'll be back on your feet. You need to take it easy though... like Mom said.”

Spike studied the slayer. Something was different about her, but what was it? She'd seemed almost playful a moment ago, even tender towards him, but now she was all business again, stoic and subdued; her moment of forgetting who, or more accurately what he was apparently past. His cheek tingled where she'd wiped his tears away, but now she wasn't touching him any longer. She sat on the chair near the bed her hands folded primly in her lap, her eyes downcast. He wished she'd touch him again... smile again. Her smile would do more to heal him than all the blood in the world.

Spike nodded, taking it all in. Four days being taken care of by the Slayer's family, but soon he'd be able to function on his own, then, back to the crypt and probably forgotten about until the next apocalypse. He knew Dawn and Joyce would still welcome him in their lives, but the rest of the gang? He was just the hired muscle and harmless pet vamp they seemed to have adopted! And what about Buffy? He'd failed her, regardless of her words or Joyce's, he knew that he'd failed. Buffy'd be in her rights to toss him out, to never trust him. He'd not kept his promise.

As he tried to process everything, Buffy began to speak, telling him about that night, about everything that had happened after Spike had failed to save Dawn. Spike listened and nodded appropriately, but his heart was breaking-- the small amount of lightness, of camaraderie, had definitely passed. She was back to business; back to the Slayer and her pet vampire.

By the time Joyce and Dawn had returned from the butchers, Buffy had filled Spike in on the events of that night following his fall from the tower and what had happened in the days following, leaving out the orgasm incident and some of the personal revelations she had experienced.

While Buffy had no doubt that Spike still loved her, she thought it best to give him some time before sharing some of the things she had decided, and the fact that it gave her more time to think about things was an added bonus.

If she was going to give Spike and herself a chance at a relationship, she wanted to start the thing properly, and slowly. She really wanted to bounce the whole idea around with her mother and sister first, too, as they would be the ones most likely, in her opinion, to give her an objective view of things, sans any bias or preconceptions.

And so it was, that evening, with Spike asleep upstairs that Buffy first voiced her idea of her and Spike as a couple to her mother and sister.

Dawn's reaction was as expected, elated excitement at the thought that Spike would finally get what he wanted, and her firm belief that he could make Buffy happy, something, in her opinion, her sister had been seriously lacking since forever!

Joyce's reaction was more measured, but no less encouraging, stating that if that was what Buffy wanted, then she would support her, and, as long as she was happy, that was all that mattered, regardless of who that person was. Joyce did admit to being relieved that Buffy had finally stopped denying the fact that Spike could love. That was something that Joyce had known for a very long time, since she first shared hot cocoa with him after Dru had dumped him. Joyce also pointed out that Buffy would now have a slaying companion, someone that could watch her back and actually be of help to her.

“At least Spike knows how to take care of himself, so you won't be constantly worried about him, like you were with Riley, and he'll actually help you, rather than just watch, like Angel,” Joyce said with conviction, much to the surprise of her daughter.

“How did you know....?”

“Spike told me,” Joyce stated flatly, but continued on before Buffy could voice her objection. “And don't get mad at him; I asked! You never tell me anything about your slaying. I know you don't want me to worry, but I need to know, Buffy. I can't help you if I don't know what's going on.

“And don't think for one minute that he was telling me lies about them. I know he told me the truth. Spike is a terrible liar, at least when it comes to lying to me. I can always tell. Unless you're gonna tell me now that what he said wasn't true. Were you not worried about Riley? Did Angel not really help you patrol?”

Buffy rolled her eyes, but looked at her mother with a somewhat reluctant smile. “No, Spike wasn't lying about them, Angel didn't help...well, not much, and I was worried about Riley.”

Joyce nodded knowingly. “So, what's your next step gonna be? Are you going to tell Spike? Because, well, I would like to speak to him also, I want him to know, he can count on me, you both can, to support you. I’m guessing that Xander and Giles will NOT take this well, and if necessary, I’ll have words with them. I can't see those two having any reasonable objections once I’m done with them!”

Buffy laughed at her mother's protective streak, and how quickly and deeply Spike had been drawn into it. “Yeah, next step is talk to Spike, and see what he has to say. I mean, for all I know, he might not be interested anymore...or not interested in a relationship.”

At this statement Dawn, who, after her initial outburst, had been keeping relatively quiet, letting Buffy and Joyce hash out the important, emotional and practical sides to the situation, almost fell off her chair, she was laughing so hard.

Once she had calmed down enough to speak, she let Buffy know, with no doubt what she thought.

“How dumb can you be?? Do you honestly think that Spike wouldn't want to be with you, Buffy? Do you seriously think he's gonna reject you? God, how thick can you get?!”

It was at this point that Joyce gave a sigh and left her two daughters to good-naturedly argue in the kitchen as she headed to bed. It Looked like tomorrow was going to be an eventful day.