Author's Chapter Notes:
I'm posting this in a rush. Please excuse any errors. I’m sorry it has taken so long to update. Hope you like it. Please Read and Review!
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Chapter 8
He found her exactly where he thought he would, in his
old mansion. She sat by the fireplace, staring at it
while deep in thought. She rubbed her arms in a failed
attempt to get warm. The moment she heard him she
looked up. She noticed the way his coat was smoking and
furrowed her brows.

"You need to be more careful. You should have waited
until sundown to find me."

He shook his head no as he leant over and gave her back
her clothes, then settled on the floor in front of her. She smiled at him.

"Thanks. Turn around," she ordered him.

He did as he was told. "Uh, Buffy? I'm sorry about earlier.”

"Angel…"

He turned around thinking she was done and swallowed hard at what he saw. She was putting her jeans on, her back facing him. He couldn't move his eyes away from her gorgeous bottom as she leant forward to get her legs in the pants. The motion of leaning forward made her bottom push back toward him and he wanted nothing more than to walk up to her and wrap his arms around her waist in order to feel her against him. He almost drooled as he watched her unlace the tie on her hospital gown and let it slide to the floor. He fought the urge to turn her around and admire her breasts as he watched her back wiggle into a tight t-shirt. He frowned when he saw the many small scars that crossed each other on her back and almost sighed when she took her pigtails off and shook her head to loosen her hair. He quickly turned back around at the same time she turned to face him.

"Okay, you can look."

Her t-shirt was extremely tight and her nipples pressed hard against the material. Her jeans were low on her waist and he could see a small amount of her flat, toned stomach. She was driving him crazy. Buffy smiled at him as he stared at her completely unaware of the thoughts that were running through his mind. She took a seat on the floor where she had been in front of the fireplace.

"Here," he said, "I think I might have left a lighter around somewhere."

She nodded at him as she rubbed her arms again. He took off his jacket and wrapped it around her.

"Thanks." She smiled up at him. "I think Spike's only let me wear his duster once and that's because I won it in a game of pool."

He looked at her and nodded as he leant over the fireplace and tried to get a fire started. He didn't really care about Spike or his leather duster. She grabbed his arm to get his attention.

"He loves me." He looked at her and nodded then sat back down across from her. "That's why he's so protective, so jealous, he wants everyone to know I'm his. I have his mark on me." She leaned her head to the side in order to show him Spike's bite marks on the left side of her neck.

"Buffy, don't." He covered her marks with his hand. She shivered slightly at his touch.

"They were mine once," he whispered bringing back memories of how she'd let him drink her once. Now Spike had covered them with his own.

"They're still there." She was talking about her feelings for him, not his previous bite marks. Angel nodded and traced two fingers lightly over the marks. She relaxed under his soft touch and allowed him to keep his fingers in place.

“And the one from today?” he asked her softly and in her ear.

Feeling her entire body warm up from his gentle touch and soft whispers Buffy brought her head down as he crawled behind her to inspect her newest scar. He pushed her hair to the side and ran his fingers around the incision that the doctor had made into the back of her neck.

“It’s almost healed.” She lifted her head to look at him. “Angel.” She turned her body around so that she was standing on all fours, her face dangerously close to his.

“Buffy,” he whispered back.

They went for each other’s mouths simultaneously, unable to contain themselves any longer. Angel allowed himself to give in to his desire. “mmm.” She moaned and moved to sit on his lap, her legs wrapped around his waist all the while never removing her lips from his. He placed his hands on her back and she did not
struggle as he pulled her toward him and laid them back onto the floor. He allowed his hands to tuck her t-shirt up and roam her bare back. He moaned at the warmth and silkiness of her skin. The last time he’d felt a warm body on his had been more than two years ago.

Buffy let her hands roam through Angel’s hair then she moved them to his shoulders and pushed him up and over so that he was on top of her. She deftly worked to remove his shirt and he pulled away from her in order to pull it off. His lips were on her mouth again and she let her hands come around his back to feel his strong muscles.

She enjoyed the feeling of his body on hers. His muscles were larger than Spike’s and his shoulders wider. He engulfed her completely as he rained kisses softly all along her neck and into her ear.

“Buffy,” he gasped, “I missed this.”

She took it all in with eyes closed and guard down, breathing deeply as she felt his hand slip under her shirt and cup her breast. Buffy felt her heart tighten and ache, making her open her eyes and watch as Angel gently caressed her nipples. She was no longer aroused, her thoughts were focused on the strangeness she was feeling in her heart and the melancholic feeling that had suddenly come over her.

Why am I feeling this? She closed her eyes just as Angel’s lips came down on hers again. She kissed him back and he didn’t notice she was not fully there with him. She struggled to understand the feelings that were taking her over when all of a sudden she mumbled,

“Spike.”

“Uh uh,” Angel answered between kisses, “Angel.”

“No.” She sat up and pushed him off her. “Spike. I can feel him.”

“Oh.”

“Angel,” her voice was sympathetic. She watched him look at her with passion in his eyes. He sat on his knees, bare chested, his muscles were so large.

“I know,” he said, responding to the look of sadness in her eyes. “We can’t do this.”

She shook her head at him and extended her hand out to touch his cheek. He placed his hand over hers as he looked at her with sadness and regret in his eyes.

“I love you,” she told him. He nodded then took her hand away and stood up, helping her to her feet as he did so. “He needs me. He’s alone and scared I might have left him. He thinks I’m angry because of what happened but he’s angry too. Because I chose you over him. I love him. He knows me better than I know myself. He knows how to find me when I get lost inside of myself and you know that’s hard to do. No one knows that better than you, Angel.”

“You love him.” Angel said.

“Yes. We connect in this way, this amazing way that almost scares me.”

“Like just now?”

She saw the pain in his face and regretted having gone on about her love for Spike. “Angel,”

“I get it. You love me but it’s not the same, not enough, not anymore.”

“Where was this going to go? Things are still the same between us. We still have a calling. We each have a purpose and it carries on different paths.”
Angel nodded at her in agreement.

“Plus the whole thing with you losing your soul if you have one moment of happiness thing,” she added with a smile.

“Buffy, I came because I needed to know that you were okay. I felt horrible about the way things had ended between us the last time. I heard about you and Spike and I had to see for myself that he was being good to you. When I saw you all of my old feelings came back. I was so overwhelmed by you that I didn’t see how deep your love for Spike is. You change each other for the better. You feel each other and you understand each other without needed to speak. Buffy, you and I can never have that.”

She smiled at him. “What we had was good. I would not trade the time we spent together for the world. Those feelings came back to me when I saw you too, but I need Spike. My body and my heart ache for him. I can’t explain how I feel.”

“I understand.” He took a step toward her, placed his hand on her cheek one last time and watched as she closed her eyes and allowed him this last goodbye. “Go to him,” he whispered.

She hugged him then, tightly. “I do love you, Angel.”

“I love you too, Buffy.” He watched as the only woman he had loved with his entire soul turn and walk out of his life forever. He let out a deep sigh and sat back down to watch the flames in the fireplace burn. If his heart could still beat he knew it’d be breaking right now.





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