“How could you not tell me he was alive?”

“Well first of all he isn’t, and he wasn’t always… well corporeal.”

“Angel I have been on a plane for an entire day. I am not interested in word games. What are you talking about?”

“When he first appeared here. He was a ghost.”

“A vampire ghost?” A very slight mocking in his voice. 

“Hey it’s true. We weren’t even sure he wouldn’t disappear at some point which he was doing quite often.”

“And when he didn’t why didn’t you call me?”

“He didn’t want you to know. Why are you getting so upset about this you love him? He said casually.”

When Buffy didn’t respond he looked her over carefully.

“You do. You love him.” With a tenderness to his voice. “Wait, you love him. Are you kidding me?”

“Angel stop. I do. I love him.”

“Unbelievable. Why him?”

“I can’t explain it exactly. But in the past few years he was there for me when no one else could be. In ways that no one else was. He sacrificed his life or unlife I guess so that I could live. I wasn’t planning for it to happen but it happened and then he was gone. I am furious with you for not telling me, you should have regardless of what he said because it was fair to me, but you didn’t. Look you were my first love. I’ll always love you in a way, but it’s different with him. I’m not seventeen anymore. I’ve died twice, I’ve lost people I care about. Spike is by no means perfect. We had major issues but in the end when it was important he did what he almost always does.”

“What is that?”

“He put me first.”

After a long pause “So what about those cookies?”

“Still not done.” 


She had been drained after the conversation with Angel and had major jet lag. Finding her vampire gone she decided it could wait a little longer until she was rested and thinking clearer. After giving Andrew a promise that they would be having a conversation in the morning, she went to bed. Unfortunately, once there she slept fitfully and gave up at four in the morning. 

“Might as well greet the morning” she grumbled “while it kicks you in the head.” She put on sweat pants and a less baggy top and went down to the kitchen for some coffee and food.


Spike couldn’t rest. Couldn’t even hide. He just wanted to go back to her. Even if she stakes me I need to look at her. Not that I think she would. Though he had not entirely convinced himself. He had sat in the attic staring out at the LA sky for hours without realizing it. He looked at the hall clock as he walked down the stairs. It’s late or early, guess I have to wait till morning to know my fate. He wandered the house knowing that she had long gone to sleep. Until he felt the familiar vibes alerting him that a slayer was around. His slayer. You can hide like a wanker or go and face the music. 

When it came to slayers, Spike was always one to dance. 

“All the kiddies tucked away then love.”

She shouldn’t have been surprised to see him standing there, but in a hotel with two vampires and a demigod or whatever she was, Buffy’s spidey senses were hazy on specific locals. 

“Yes, where did you disappear too?

“Amulet. Weren’t you paying attention?”

“I mean after we came back to the hotel.”

“Well, decided to give the very pissed off slayer a little breathing room before she found me.”

“You think I would do that?”

“Not stake me necessarily, but I wasn’t up to hearing what you might have been saying then.”

“Will you sit down? I want to talk to you, not scream or fight just talk.”

He sat down beside her silently. 

“Why didn’t you tell me? I would have come back. Don’t you think I would have?”

He paused to gather the words “When we said good bye- I thought maybe we should leave it at that.” His voice barely above a whisper.

“But we didn’t.”

“Didn’t what pet?”

“We didn’t say goodbye. I told you I loved you and left.” 

“I guess we said all we needed to say then.” He was straining to control his quivering voice. 

“No we didn’t. I never thought you wouldn’t be there when we won. You asked me the night before what we were but I didn’t know. I couldn’t think about it with the weight of the world on me and everyone I cared about in danger. But I thought I would get the chance to figure it out and then you were gone, and you shouldn’t have been.” She gasped for air through her tears trying to finish before he could leave. “I meant it. When I said I loved you I meant it.”

“And Now?”

“I still mean it.”

“Buffy.” His voice, barely above a whisper. He cradled her face in his hands. “God I’ve missed you.” He leans in to kiss her. Their lips almost brushing against the others. A clank jolted them apart as Andrew came stumbling into the kitchen. 

With vampire reflexes Spike had Andrew pinned to the wall by the throat. “I will kill you, soul or not if you don’t get out of here right now.”

“Buffy wouldn’t let you do that.” His shaky little voice whined. 

Buffy stood behind Spike “You’d be surprised what I would let him do to you right now Andrew. I think he told you to get out.” 

He bolted back through the door the direction that he had just came from. 

“Timing has never been our strong suit.”

“Yeah well it’s overrated.” He reached our grabbing her wrist and pulling her towards him. Instead of the kiss she was expecting, hoping for; he simply held her to his body, tucking her head beneath his chin. 

He felt her tears soak through his shirt. “I never thought I’d see you again” she sobbed.  

“Here I am. With you.” There was awe in his voice. 

When she was cried out Spike let her go, she sat back down in the chair. 

“So what are you going to do now the apocalypse is averted once again?”

“Go home, well Giles’ home. He has a property in England, I live in a cottage on the edge of it. I think it was a care takers house or something.” She waited a moment before making up her mind. “Spike.”


“Will you come with me?”

“You want me to come with you?”

“Kind of why I asked. And hey if you start feeling homesick for LA you can just hop a plane and come back. Wait do vampires fly? I mean can you go on planes? And I’m babbling.”

“With his usual cocky smirk “S’alright, nice to hear again. I’m not much for planes but yeah we can. Buffy- what are you trying for? I mean what is this?”

“I’m still figuring it out. I mean I tell a guy I love him then he’s gone then he’s not. I’m not exactly sure, yet. – You want to figure it out with me?”

There was no question “I’m in.”

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