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It was the cold that woke her up. A damp chill surrounded her, and her eyes snapped open with force. That was a move that he immediately regretted as the mother of all hangovers made its presence known.

She wasn’t in her room, as she’d been expecting. She was in a darkened crypt on a soft bed with a stabbing pain coursing through her skull.

This wasn’t good.

However, the pain in her head wasn’t anything compared to the feelings that flooded her when the memories of the previous night came rushing back.

They swept over her like a tsunami and she couldn’t clear her head of the image of Spike as he suckled hungrily at the apex of her spread-eagled thighs or as he moved relentlessly against her, over her, under her, behind her until she pulsated with unsurpassed ecstasy.

Reluctantly she glanced over her shoulder and saw the cool body lying on the pillow next to her.

“Fuck!” she swore under her breath as those memories slotted into context.

She’d had sex with Spike.

Again.

Fuck!

As amazing as it had felt, she knew it was wrong. She’d been drunk, vulnerable and needy. And as much as she had wanted him in the moment, it was a mistake. Even if it felt incredible, this couldn’t keep on happening.

She had to get the hell out of here.

Slipping out of the bed she hunted her underwear and the clothes that were strewn around the lower level of the crypt. They’d been shed in the unparalleled heat of passion, as Spike ripped them from her body before ravishing her. A frisson of pleasure raced through her when she remembered just what he’d done to that body when he released it from its prison of clothes.

As she bent over to retrieve the garments, she heard a voice pipe up from behind her.

“Now that’s a bloody view a bloke would be happy to wake up to every day for the rest of his unlife.”

Buffy sighed. She had hoped to get out of this less than comfortable situation before he awoke. But apparently the Powers that Be weren’t feeling that kind.

“Don’t get used to it,” she warned him sternly, refusing to turn and meet his eyes.

“Why not?” he asked pointedly. “Seems to be a regular occurrence nowadays.” The vampire let out a chuckle and the Slayer steadied herself to keep from punching the smile right off of his smug face.

“Well it’s never gonna happen again.”

“What the bloody hell does that mean?”

“Pretty self-explainy, Spike.” Buffy ran a shaky hand through her mussed hair. “What with the never happenings of this horrible mistake. Listen, I’ll keep this short and…bitter. You and me can never be together like this again. It’s wrong.”

“Bollocks!” He rose from the bed like an Adonis rising from a river. “What we shared was fucking fantastic. There was nothing wrong about it.”

He tried to catch her eyes but she refused to meet his gaze. She couldn’t allow herself that contact for fear that she might crumble into his arms.

Because the truth was that she had not only found solace in his arms, but she had found peace. In the midst of the throws of ecstasy she had truly found herself. The happiness that had been elusive for so long had finally saturated her entire being and her spirit had once again soared.

But with contentment of finding herself came the fear of losing herself again. The fear of losing herself in Spike’s heart. She just didn’t think she could go through the pain of being with a vampire again.

Swallowing hard, she pulled on her clothes as if the hounds of hell were on her heels, ignoring Spike’s piercing stare.

“So that’s it then?” he finally asked. “You’re just pissing off?”

“I have to go,” she said flatly, avoiding his eyes. She knew that if she looked at him then her resolve would immediately crack and she couldn’t risk that. She had to be strong.

“Thought you might be up for another round,” he leered.

“No! No more…rounds. I’ve just told you. We’re done with that.”

“You can try and convince yourself of that, sweetheart. But we both know that you couldn’t get enough of what I’ve got to offer you last night. You think you won’t want more?”

“I won’t.”

He sighed, deflated. “How can you say that after what we shared?”

Buffy steeled herself and flashed him her most fierce glare. “Shared? What did we share, Spikey? All it was for me was a drunken fuck.” She paused to swallow back the bile that her words brought up into her throat. “How many times do I need to say it? Last night was a mistake,” she said with faux confidence that she didn’t feel.

“It wasn’t a mistake! It was a bloody revelation. You can’t use the excuse of a spell this time. It was just you and me and sod all else.”

“There is no you and me. Not in any sense except the ‘you: vampire…me: slayer’ sense. That’s all there can be.”

“You’re an enormous bitch. You know that?” Spike shouted.

“Then you should be glad I don’t want more,” Buffy mumbled, turning to leave.

“I can’t be,” he said sadly. She paused and turned her head to look at him, a wave of horror washing over her at the pain in his eyes. “I can’t because I’m in lov…”

“No!” Buffy interjected, holding up a hand in front of his face. “Are you out of your mind?”

“No, just being honest.”

“Oh my God!” She shook her head disbelievingly. He couldn’t mean it. He couldn’t feel it…not without a soul. Buffy didn’t want to hear his twisted lies. “Don’t say it, Spike. Just please don’t. It’ll only make things harder than they already are.”

“I can’t help the way I feel,” he admitted.

“Neither can I,” she sighed. “Neither can I.”

“Then let yourself feel, love. Stop trying to be a bloody robot.”

“Why are you doing this to me?” Buffy yelled, tears running freely down her cheeks. “Why can’t you just leave me be?”

“I can’t do that because I love you, Buffy. I know I shouldn’t. It’s against the laws of nature for a vampire to fall in love with a bloody Slayer.”His mouth twisted wryly. “But that’s me. Never been one for following protocol.”

“Love? You can’t love, Spike. You have no soul, you idiot.”

“Well apparently my heart missed that memo because it won’t let me quit loving you.”

“You need to stop…l-loving me. It’s never gonna work.”

“Why not?” He crept closer to her causing her to back up against the wall. She felt trapped and cornered and her muscles tensed as if she was about to bolt out of there.

“It won’t work because…we’re too different.”

“We’re not all that different, pet.”

“Are you freakin’ kidding me? I’m the Chosen One and you’re an evil demon. That’s pretty much the definition of polar opposites, Spike.”

“Two halves of the same whole,” he disputed with a smirk that he knew would infuriate her.

“You’re wrong!”

“And am I wrong that deep down you feel the same way about me as I do about you?” he asked with hopeful eyes.

“That’s irrelevant.”

“I’ll take that as a no then,” he smiled. “I’m not wrong. You do have feelings for me. Just a guy and a girl wanting each other…let yourself feel, Buffy.”

She shuddered at the way her name rolled off of his tongue like velvety, molten chocolate and visibly steadied herself.

“My feelings for you are not important. All that matters is that we can’t be together. I’m not just some girl, Spike. I’m the Slayer. Remember her? Slayer comma the? One and only girl in the entire world? Chosen to protect the earth? My feelings aren’t important because when I get involved with vam…guys that I shouldn’t get involved with, people die and worlds almost end.”

“Aha! So it always comes back to this?” Spike started pacing, muttering nonsense to himself, before he spun back around to face her. “You won’t be with me because of the legacy that wanker of a grandsire of mine left during his not-so-soul having days.”

“People died,” Buffy murmured sadly. She still lived with the guilt of what happened with Angelus every single day of her life.

“Buffy, that ponce hurt you. I know that he did. But I’m not him. I don’t have a bloody soul to lose.”

“You don’t have a soul, period.”

“I don’t need one!”

“I can’t be with you, Spike!” Buffy declared decisively, waving her hand as if that was the end of the discussion. Spike’s face fell and he made no attempt to disguise the hurt that shone from his eyes. She sighed and scrubbed a shaky hand across her forehead. “Just forget me. Move on. You have to do that, Spike. For both of our sakes.”

With one final glance at him, she strode out of his crypt and into the sunlight.

Where he couldn’t follow.





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