Buffy had been asleep for over a day straight when she finally woke up and stretched. She'd been in a deep, dreamless sleep; she couldn't remember any dreams she might have had. It was more like a brief coma than normal sleep; her body and mind really needed the rest.
It took a few moments for her sore muscles to start complaining, reminding her of the punishment her body had endured on that long, grueling night. But she was alive, she'd survived it.
Buffy sat up, turned, and put her feet on the floor. Her mind was still fuzzy, but the events following Drusilla kidnapping her flashed through Buffy's mind.
Spike. He'd saved her from Dru. Buffy remembered letting herself get very close to him. She closed her eyes and shivered, hugging herself. Spike had been so gentle and caring when they'd gotten back to his crypt... The feel of soft leather under her hands made her realize that she was still wearing Spike's coat, she'd slept in it. Buffy fingered the lapel and brought it to her nose, Spike's scent lingered on the supple leather.
And then Buffy remembered that shrine. She had let herself believe Spike could be a good man, she'd let herself feel things for him, she'd been stupid enough to think there might be a future for the two of them, she'd wanted him. But that shrine was proof Spike hadn't changed, he wasn't a man, he was still a monster.
She felt tears stinging her eyes, and shook her head. "No, I won't let it make me cry again. I won't. I won't even think about him. I'll just concentrate on recovering and then getting back to normal."
Buffy took off the coat and set it down on her bed... she'd decide what to do with it later. She walked over to her vanity table.
"God, I look like shit," Buffy muttered, looking at herself in the mirror. Though she didn't look as bad as she thought she would.
The cuts on her body were mostly healed over, but there were still dark marks on her skin where she'd been slashed; her eye was only a little bit swollen; her bottom lip was almost back to normal; the spots where Dru had clawed her face looked like only shallow scratches now, not slashes; her left hand felt a bit stiff, but it was much improved; and the bruising on her ribcage didn't look as bad. Buffy took the bandages off her wrists, and was pleased to see there'd been improvement there too. The quick healing thing was one of the best perks of Slayerdom.
Then her eyes wandered to the bite mark on her shoulder. It was mostly healed too, there were only two dark spots where Spike's fangs had plunged into her skin. She touched the bite lightly with her fingertips, seeing the events leading up to and following it flash behind her eyes.
'Don't try inventing a way to start blaming him for that. It wasn't his fault...' the little voice in her head told her. But Buffy wanted to hate Spike for biting her, she wanted to find every reason in the world for why she should hate him and continue hating him forever, or until he was dust, whichever came first.
"That was the real Spike who said those things to me... the one who hurt and bit me," Buffy countered her inner-voice's defense of Spike. "Everything else was... just a lie." The little voice only sighed sadly in response.
There was a light knocking at her bedroom door.
Buffy hurried to put on her fuzzy blue bathrobe and cinch it around her waist. "Come in."
Joyce entered the room and smiled. "Thank goodness you're awake! You've been asleep for almost two days."
"Two days?" Buffy blinked, wondering how she could have stayed asleep for such a long period of time. And why did she still feel like she could go back to sleep? She had a nagging feeling that she'd slept through something important...
Looking over at her puppies and kitties calendar on the wall, she groaned -- 'English Lit 10:00!' was written in red magic marker on today's date. "Damn... I had a class this morning."
"I'm sure they'll understand..." Joyce began.
Buffy hmmphed, interrupting her. "They don't care about excuses -- you writing a note to excuse me from missing school because I was kidnapped by a psychopath won't fly in college."
"Honey, you needed to sleep. But don't worry, Willow has your schedule and she said she'll get your assignments from your teachers while you're recuperating."
Buffy sighed, feeling slightly relieved. "That's good. Now I just have to find time to do the assignments." She put her hand on her stomach when it growled. "I guess being asleep for two days would explain why my stomach feels so empty."
"I'll fix you something to eat in a minute." Joyce walked over to her and held her arms out. "Can I hug you yet?"
Buffy smiled and nodded. "Lightly, though."
They hugged each other.
"I was so worried about you," Joyce said as she released Buffy from the hug.
"I'm sorry you had to worry..."
"It's okay. You had no control over any of that... unpleasantness. But you're home and you're on the road to recovery now -- that's what matters. How are you feeling?"
Buffy grimaced a little and shrugged. "Better, but I'm still really tired. Would it be weird if I ate something and then went back to sleep for a while? I think my Slayer healing ability requires more sleep to work its magic."
"Whatever you need to do to feel better, honey. Why don't you take a nice, relaxing bath while I make you something to eat?"
"Yeah, that sounds good. Where's Dawn?"
"She's downstairs. Dawn's been very good about checking on you while you slept; she was worried about you, too. Willow and Tara said they did a healing spell for you while you were asleep. Do you think it helped?"
Buffy turned her attention inward, concentrating on how her body felt again. "I think it did help, yeah. I'll have to thank them next time I see them."
"I'll call the Magic Box and let everyone know you're doing well. But I'll tell them to hold off on coming to see you until you feel more rested."
"Thanks. I still don't really feel up to rehashing everything that happened with Dru yet... Is anything going on in town that I should know about?" Buffy asked. "And please, don't pretend nothing's going on if there really is just because you don't want me running out to slay a demon."
"Nothing important has happened -- that's the truth, I promise. You know what's strange, though? Spike hasn't been here yet. I expected to see him at the front door tonight as soon as the sun set."
"Oh... well, it's not too strange, really." Buffy swallowed nervously; she still wasn't ready to tell anyone what really happened between herself and Spike. "I told you he took a lot of punishment that night."
"Yes... but," Joyce started to say.
Dawn poked her head in the door. "Hi, is it okay if I come in?"
Buffy smiled at her sister and waved her into the room. "Hey, Dawnie."
The sisters gave each other a small hug.
"How're you feeling, Buffy Van Winkle?" Dawn asked.
"Huh?"
"Ya know, like Rip Van Winkle," Dawn explained. "The guy who slept for like a hundred years in that story."
"Oh okay, I get it now." Buffy rubbed her sleepy eyes. "I'm still groggy. Rip Van Winkle... isn't that Vanilla Ice's real name?"
"Yeah, you're still a little groggy," Dawn giggled.
The three of them laughed, happy that they were all together again.
"I'm doing better," Buffy sighed. "But I'm still really tired, and I've got some more healing to do."
"How about I make you Chicken n' Stars soup with some crackers on the side?" Joyce asked. That was something she'd made for Buffy many times when her daughter had felt under the weather.
"That'd be great, Mom. Thanks."
"Dawn, you want to help out by running a bath for your sister?" Joyce asked as she walked to the door.
"Run her a bath? What am I, her butler?" Dawn joked.
"Dawn..." Joyce said with an admonishing tone.
"Okay, geez... I was just being funny." Then Dawn tried doing an imitation of an English butler, "Very well, I'll draw Miss Buffy's bath."
"Hey, I like that idea," Buffy continued the joke. "You can be my little helper and attend to my every whim," she said, ruffling Dawn's hair.
Dawn giggled and ducked away from Buffy's hand.
Joyce stopped and smiled at her daughters before continuing on her way to the kitchen. It was good to have her family back together again.
"I've gotta put on some fresh clothes," Buffy said, going to her dresser. She started taking off her robe, then paused and looked at Dawn.
Dawn noticed Buffy's hesitation. "Are you feeling suddenly shy, or is it that you don't want me to see how beat up you are?" Dawn asked.
"It's a little of both. But I don't look nearly as bad as I did when I came home."
"I'll go fill up the bathtub." Dawn started out of the room, but then stopped and turned back around. "I'm really glad you're okay."
Buffy smiled. "Thanks."
Dawn wanted to say something, but she wasn't sure if she should bring it up. "Um... I don't want to give you a hard time right now 'cause you got tortured and stuff by a psycho, but I do want to talk to you about blabbing to Xander and telling him I have a crush on Spike. Did everyone have to know about it?"
Buffy sighed, her shoulders slumped. "Thanks a lot, Xander..." She looked apologetically at her little sister. "I'm sorry, Dawn, I was telling Xander about Spike crushing on me, and it just kind of slipped out that I thought you... kinda liked Spike. That's how our conversation about crushes and love started when I was walking you home from the crypt, remember?"
"Xander talked to me like I was retarded." Dawn did an extra whiny imitation of Xander, "Eww! How can you like hiiiim?!" Dawn pouted. "It was really embarrassing."
"Xander was totally jealous, that might be why he gave you an extra helping of condescension. Xander laughed about Spike possibly being in love with me, but he was upset when he heard you had a crush on Spike."
"Good." Dawn smirked.
"Would it help if I kicked Xander's ass for making you feel dumb?"
"It might. Please tell me you didn't tell Spike about my crush." Dawn gulped, looking at her big sister nervously.
"No... I don't think I did." Buffy honestly couldn't remember if she'd let that slip at any point during the evening.
"You don't think you did?" Dawn put her hands over her face. "Oh my God, I'll die of embarrassment if you told him! I'll never be able to look him in the eye again!"
"Dawn..." Buffy wasn't sure what to say -- Spike knew he wasn't allowed to talk to Dawn again, so her being embarrassed wasn't an issue. But Buffy didn't know how to tell her that without upsetting her even more.
"I just... never mind. You need to get all better first. We shouldn't talk about stuff like that right now," Dawn said. She managed a weak smile and then closed the bedroom door.
A minute later, Buffy heard the water being turned on in the bathroom.
Almost two hours later, Buffy was bathed, fed, and climbing back into bed. She'd also applied some healing balms that Tara and Willow were considerate enough to make for her and leave with her mom.
She'd put on a loose-fitting, pink nightgown (which felt better on her skin than her Yummy Sushi pajamas she'd originally put on). She felt very relaxed and comfortable, and ready for at least a few more hours of sleep.
Before Buffy slid under the covers, she saw that Spike's coat was still on her bed. She picked up the coat and hugged it to her chest for a few moments.
"Why'd you have to ruin everything, Spike?" Buffy asked sadly. She closed her eyes as pleasant moments spent with Spike ran through her mind: Spike smiling at her, his eyes warm and loving; the joking and laughs they'd shared after all the torment they'd faced that night; Spike being so sweet and attentive when he cleaned and bandaged her wounds; Spike's mouth on hers, her tongue joining his in a gentle duel; Spike's hands and tongue stroking her body, making her desire for him grow with every touch.
She sighed and shook her head. "Don't think about him. It's over. I won't feel anything for Spike ever again."
Buffy went to her closet and hung up the coat, she didn't want to have to look at it. As she made her way back to her bed, she wondered what she'd do with Spike's favorite garment. The thought of giving it back to him rankled her anti-Spike side -- it told her that the coat should be destroyed, like Spike had destroyed her trust and feelings for him. After all, he'd taken the coat off the body of a Slayer he'd killed, so he had no right to wear it, anyway. But the other voice (which she was coming to actively dislike) told her that Spike deserved to have it back -- no matter what else had happened, Spike had done everything he could to protect Buffy and risked his life to save her.
"Shut up, stupid little voice," Buffy growled and turned off the bedside lamp.
A thought ran through her mind, 'I wonder if Spike's okay? He doesn't have anyone to take care of him. What if Harmony, or loony tunes Dru, came back?'
She squeezed her eyes closed. "Don't think about him anymore... Don't feel sorry for him. He's out of my life forever." Buffy vowed again to herself to push any thoughts of Spike right out of her head.
Buffy's subconscious mind, however, had other ideas...
Buffy's Dream
Buffy walked into her house through the front door. No one else seemed to be home.
She looked down at her body and noticed that she was wearing the pink nightgown she'd fallen asleep in -- with Spike's coat over top, and she was barefoot. "Why was I wearing this outside?" Buffy wondered, frowning.
Buffy looked in the living room. Colorful helium balloons, with a black crow stamped on each of them, covered the ceiling. There were at least thirty tabby cats meowing, some milling around and some just laying on the floor and furniture; two adult lions, one male and one female, were sitting serenely together on the couch amidst the smaller cats.
The lioness looked at Buffy. Buffy got a feeling of familiarity when she looked into the female's big, green eyes, like she knew the lion personally. Lions didn't usually have green eyes, did they? Buffy wasn't afraid of what the wild animals might do, she trusted them. The lioness emitted a little growl, as if to say 'hello', before resting her head on the male's back.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt," Buffy said and waved to the lions. Then she shrugged and went upstairs to her bedroom. "I'll feed the cats later, I need to go to sleep while it's still dark outside."
She shut the door and went to her closet, starting to take off Spike's leather duster. "Why am I wearing this thing again? Stupid coat and its stupid vampire owner..."
"I was wonderin' when you'd get here," Spike's voice sounded from across the room.
Buffy gasped and spun around. "Spike!?"
Spike was lying on her bed on his side, propping his head up with his hand and holding a red rose between his teeth. Red rose petals were scattered over the bed and the floor surrounding it. Spike was shirtless, his lower body was hidden by a black silk sheet. His injuries must have healed because there wasn't a scratch on him. Not a scratch on his perfect... chiseled body.
Buffy stared at him with wide eyes, not able to say anything for a moment. "What are you doing in here?! Get out!" She was infuriated that he dared come back to her bedroom after the warning she'd given him. The fact that her inner-voice whispered, 'Oh God, he's so fucking hot! I wonder if he's naked...' pissed her off even more.
"Are you... naked under there?" she asked curiously, her eyes going to the sheet-covered portion of his body. Buffy shook her head to clear it, then refocused on her anger. "If you're naked in my bed I'll... I'll --" she spluttered.
"Join me?" Spike asked as he took the rose out of his mouth, arching an eyebrow and smirking.
"Kill you!" Buffy finished. "Get out of my bed, and then get the hell out of my house!"
Her eyes widened further when he slid out from under the covers -- part of her was secretly hoping he'd be naked. But he was wearing black jeans. "You're sick, you know that?! And incredibly stupid! I warned you about coming here again!"
Spike put an index finger to his lips. "Shhh."
Buffy growled. "It's MY bedroom -- I'll yell if I want to!"
"You don't wanna wake them, do you?" Spike pointed to a birdcage hanging from the ceiling, which contained two sleeping doves, one white and one black. The birds were huddled together on the perch, sleeping peacefully. "They just drifted off a few minutes ago."
"Oh... no, I don't want to wake them up... But I wouldn't have to yell if you weren't here -- it's your fault for being here!" Buffy insisted, trying to keep her voice low.
She stormed over to her bed and looked under and around the bed, checking to see if Spike had done anything to it. She shook the rose petals off of the top cover. "You're sick!"
"You already said that, luv."
"Yeah, well it bears repeating -- and don't call me 'luv'! I swear to God, if you don't leave by the count of five, I'll dust you!"
Spike looked unconcerned. He smiled and hooked his thumbs into the waistband of his jeans. "No you won't, luv."
"I SO will!" Buffy picked a stake up from her nightstand and held it in the air. "One! Two!"
Spike still looked unworried, he still had that infuriating smirk on his face. "You won't do it."
Buffy made a frustrated sound and threw the stake on the floor. "I hate you!"
"Then why can't you do it?" Spike asked.
"Because... I won't kill a defenseless, pathetic creature, that's why -- it would be like killing a kitten," Buffy responded, raising her nose in the air and walking to her bedroom door. She angrily yanked the door open and turned to Spike. "Get out!"
Spike sauntered toward her. "I don't think you want me to leave, pet."
"I can see how you might misinterpret me saying the words 'get out' repeatedly," Buffy said acerbically. She narrowed her eyes at him. "Were you going through my stuff again? Did you steal more things for your crazy stalker-shrine?"
"Wanna frisk me?" Spike asked, holding his arms out to the sides and then poking his tongue out.
"No! I don't want to touch you!"
Spike turned, put his palms flat on the wall and widened his stance, assuming the frisking position. "Make sure you're thorough when you pat me down -- I'm cunning, I try hiding things in areas I think you won't look."
"Stop it!" Buffy shoved his shoulder, making him stumble sideways.
Spike regained his balance and smiled at her again. "C'mon, Slayer. Was the shrine really all that bad? I only took things I didn't think you'd miss. S'not like I nicked your nitro pills."
"Whether or not you stole things that wouldn't be missed right away isn't the point! And, FYI, I did miss my blue sweater, you freak!"
"People have done a lot worse to you than worship you, and you forgave them."
"I don't want to be worshipped!"
Spike half-shrugged. "And I don't want to be this good-looking and athletic, but we all have our crosses to bear."
Buffy closed her eyes, groaned, and massaged her temples.
"Does what I did, with the pictures and items I nicked... Does that really cancel out the other good things I did?" Spike asked softly.
"N-no... but..." When she looked up, Spike was standing right in front of her, staring into her eyes.
"You wanted a reason to go back to hating me."
"That's not true... why would I want that?" Buffy asked uncertainly. Something about that rang sort of true...
"'Cos there was still that part of you that couldn't accept me. That part of you didn't want to feel anything for me, it didn't want to care or want me. Being my girl would be too messy, too complicated. And explaining to your friends that you had feelings for me? I know you weren't lookin' forward to that."
Buffy rolled her eyes and pushed him out of her way, she walked to her window and looked out on the dark, deserted street. "That's... crazy. You're crazy -- all those years with Dru obviously rubbed off on you. And I'll never be your girl!"
"Is it really that farfetched, Slayer?"
"Yes. And we don't have to worry about any consequences from me having feelings for you -- you killed any feelings or desire I had for you."
"Talk to me, Buffy."
"I am talking to you -- unfortunately. I just want you to go away."
"No, talk to the real me, not the Spike here in your dream."
"Oh right... this is a dream..." Buffy frowned, not having realized that this had to be a dream until he mentioned it. The living room full of cats and lions should've been a huge tip-off.
"You owe me the right to explain myself, why I did what I did... to try an' make things right between us again," Spike explained.
"I don't owe you anything." She turned back from the window and gave him her coldest, most uncaring look. "Nothing could ever make us 'right' again. We were never 'right' -- in fact, there was never an 'us' to be right!"
Spike smiled. "I know you don't mean that."
"Arrrg! You're impossible to talk to!" Buffy raked her fingers back through her hair, at her wit's end. "Get the hell out of here before I really do stake you, dammit!"
A song started playing from an unseen source.
{{
Hear the song at the following YouTube Link (and a bonus - it's a Spuffy fan vid :D ):
Wicked Game - Chris Isaak
}}
Buffy looked up and around the room, searching for a speaker, but there wasn't one. "Where's that music coming from?"
"From your heart," Spike said simply.
Buffy rolled her eyes. "God, you're so cheesy... You're that rare combination of cheesy and psychotic." She felt herself start to falter and getting a little swoony. It was harder than she thought it would be to hate Spike, to keep herself from wanting him. When he looked at her, like he was looking at her right now, his blue eyes smoldering with desire, she felt the urge to just surrender to him -- to let him take her in his arms and hold her, and then he could just take her. The song wasn't helping either, 'Wicked Game' was one of her favorite sexy songs, it always put her in the mood.
The world was on fire
No one could save me but you
Strange what desire will make foolish people do
I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you
Buffy gathered what remained of her resolve. "Why are you still here? Go away!"
"You don't want me to go," Spike said confidently.
"I told you a million times -- I don't want you here!" Buffy maintained.
Spike gave her a rapacious grin and stalked closer to her. "I think you do."
"I don't!" Buffy stepped backwards until she bumped into the wall. "Don't tell me I don't really mean what I know I mean!"
Spike stopped when he was only inches away from her. He put his hands up on the wall on either side of her shoulders, trapping her. "Ah, your lips say no, but your eyes say..." He searched her eyes for a moment. "Alright, the eyes say no, too. But that's not what you really want, Slayer, and you know it."
"Wrong, bleach brain!"
"You have absolutely no desire for me?" Spike asked, his voice deep and silky.
"None." Buffy did her best to convince him (and herself) that was true.
"Okay, I'll go. And I'll never darken your doorstep again." He dropped his eyes to the floor, looking resigned.
"Good!"
He met her gaze again, and Buffy knew she was in trouble by the devilishly sexy look on his face. "But only if you let me kiss you first," he added, raising and lowering his eyebrows. "Gotta get wanting to kiss you outta my system."
"No way in hell is that happening, bub! Just the thought of kissing you..." her eyes strayed to his luscious lips for a moment, "makes me want to puke!" Buffy unconsciously moistened her lips to prepare them for kissing. "I hate your guts!"
Spike smirked and slowly shook his head. "No, you don't."
No, I don't wanna fall in love
(This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I don't wanna fall in love
(This world is only gonna break your heart)
With you
With you
Spike's eyes bored into hers, smoldering with lust. "I love you, Buffy. And you care for me, too. You want me in your life, you want to work it out. Admit it."
"That's it! I've had enough of your bullshit!" Buffy tried to punch him, but he caught her wrist easily and raised it over her head. He took her other wrist and held both her arms up over her head and against the wall. His blue eyes were blazing with a passion that took Buffy's breath away. She lamely struggled in his grasp -- not trying nearly as hard to get away as she thought she should.
"Now, about that kiss..." Spike drawled.
Buffy's eyes were hooded with desire, her chest heaved with excitement. And yet, she still tried to convince herself that she wanted nothing to do with him. "Just do it... Do it and get out of here. It'll be worth it if it means you'll be out of my life after it's over."
Spike leaned in slowly, brushing their lips together, driving Buffy mad with anticipation. And then his mouth covered hers, starting a slow, sensuous kiss. Buffy felt like she could melt into a puddle of goo (how someone whose body was room temperature could make her feel so hot, she didn't know) but she had to end it before he got her any hotter and pretending she didn't want him as much as he wanted her became impossible.
But then the kiss turned more demanding, more passionate. Buffy tried to pretend she hated it, she tried telling herself she was just kissing Spike so he would leave, and not because she was burning for him. She couldn't want him... because that would be wrong.
What a wicked game you play
To make me feel this way
What a wicked thing to do
To let me dream of you
What a wicked thing to say
You never felt this way
What a wicked thing to do
To make me dream of you
Spike finally broke the kiss, leaving Buffy out of breath. When she opened her eyes, she did her best to look at him coldly and seem unaffected.
"There... you had your lame-ass kiss -- now, let go of me and get out of my house!" Buffy huffed.
Spike released his grip on her wrists, and ran his hands slowly down her arms, but he gave no indication that he was satisfied quite yet.
Buffy thought about shoving him away or hitting him, but his eyes... those twin blue pools of intensity, kept her pinned to the wall and immobile, rendering her capable of only staring back at him.
"You can't tell me you don't want me, pet." Spike's hands moved down over her sides to her hips. "I know it..." His hand moved inward from her hip. "I can smell it."
Spike's hand moving over her mound made Buffy gasp. Much to her dismay, she was feeling a bit squishy in the panties from that kiss. She pushed his shoulders, though not hard enough to send him more than one step back from her. "Don't ever touch me again! You're sickening! I don't want you!"
"You can't fool me, luv. If I couldn't smell it, then I could bloody well feel it -- you're gettin' wet for me, I felt it through this flimsy nightgown." Spike raised his fingers to his nose, and plucked at the front of her nightgown with his other hand.
"Ugh! You're such a pig!" Buffy slapped him across the face.
Spike turned his face back to her, just looking silently and intensely into her eyes.
Suddenly overcome by desire, Buffy growled, took his face in her hands and crushed her lips to his. Spike's hands were immediately back on her body, roaming and groping. Buffy slid a hand down his chest to the growing lump in his jeans, Spike moaned into her mouth when she gave his package a lusty squeeze.
Buffy gasped with sinful delight when Spike ripped her nightgown off. Her body was on fire, she needed him like she'd never needed any other man.
And I wanna fall in love
(This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I wanna fall in love
(This world is only gonna break your heart)
With you
Spike moved his mouth down over her throat. Buffy closed her eyes and tilted her head back as he roughly kissed her neck, and then moved down to nibble and suck at her breasts. "God, I hate you!" she panted, running her hands over his chest and shoulders. She hated him for making her want him like this, and she hated herself for being so weak and needing him -- needing his body, his mouth, his hands, his...
Buffy's hands flew to his belt, frantically unbuckling it. More savage kisses were shared as she worked to free his cock and Spike planted his hand between her legs, rubbing and fingering her through her thin, white panties.
Spike put his free hand over hers at his belt, and pulled back to look at her. Buffy blinked at him, confused as to why he'd stopped her. If he changed his mind and tried to leave now, she'd kick his ass.
The tip of his tongue poked out. "I'm feelin' peckish. Think I'll have me a nummy treat."
Buffy didn't know what he meant at first -- was he saying he was going to bite her again?
Their eyes stayed locked as Spike sank to his knees. Buffy wanted to be a good Slayer and object, she shouldn't yearn for this twisted, sick vampire to do sinful things to her. The Slayer part of her psyche told her to yell at him, to beat him within an inch of his unlife, to demand he leave. But she couldn't form any words. Her body thrummed with excitement and seemed to have a mind of its own, not needing any conscious commands from her brain to know what she really wanted. Her right leg flung itself over Spike's shoulder, and she braced herself with her arms against the wall, silently giving him permission to do as he liked.
Spike ripped her panties off and had his face buried in her pussy within seconds.
Buffy gasped and threw her head back, banging it against the wall. "Ohh God! I hate you!" She grasped at the sides of his head and tugged on his hair as he devoured her with a beautiful kind of hunger. Buffy didn't want him to leave, she wanted him to do this to her forever. She desired Spike, she couldn't fight it or deny it -- especially not now with his agile tongue sweeping over and probing her sex.
Spike paused and looked up at her face. "You really want me to stop, pet?"
"Don't you dare!" Buffy growled, pushing his face back against her. She could tell it wouldn't take a lot to make her explode. She needed to feel his cock inside her when she came. "God, I need you, Spike! Fuck me now!" Buffy cried, pulling his hair more urgently.
The doves in the cage were flapping their wings and making noise; they weren't happy about Buffy's shouts waking them up from a sound sleep. Buffy and Spike didn't notice the birds complaining though, they were too wrapped up in each other to notice anything else.
Spike pulled back and smiled up at Buffy, licking his lips greedily. "As you wish." He grabbed her around the waist and brought her swiftly down to the floor with him.
Spike plastered his mouth over hers, their tongues thrust into the other's mouth as Spike pushed her onto her back on the floor. Buffy's hands went to the front of his jeans again, pulling the zipper down. She used her feet to push his jeans down his thighs, and then wrapped her legs around his waist. Spike quickly positioned himself at her opening and thrust in to the hilt.
Buffy gasped and then moaned loudly, her back arched as Spike's cock filled her. "Ohhhh! Fuck yes!" She panted, scratching and clutching at his back as he began fucking her like a man possessed.
"Ahh Buffy!" Spike groaned, burying his face in her hair, his hips pistoning against her.
"Uhhhaa! Ohhhh God! Yes, Spike! Fuck me, baby! Fuck me harder!" Buffy howled.
Buffy jolted awake, her mouth was dry from all the heavy breathing she'd been doing in her sleep. The dream had been so real and vivid... she half-expected to see Spike next to her in bed. But it was just her in the room -- no Spike, and no doves in a cage. And her nightgown was intact; her breathing hitched and her eyes closed in bliss as she remembered Spike ripping it roughly off her body.
Her eyes opened wide. "Oh my God... I'm having sex dreams about Spike? Very, very hot sex dreams..." She heard the last thing she'd screamed in the dream echoing in her head. "Since when do I wail and talk like a whore in my dreams?" That was the only dream she'd ever had where she'd behaved that way. Buffy was usually quiet during sex in real-life too, she'd just never had the compulsion to scream with pleasure or talk dirty. Dream Spike brought out the dirty porn star in her, apparently.
Buffy's heart was still beating wildly, tingles still raced through her body.
Shaken, Buffy got out of bed and padded her way to the bathroom to get a drink of cold water. She quickly drank a few small cupfuls and splashed a bit on her face, then sighed and looked up into the mirror on the medicine cabinet.
How could she still desire Spike, even subconsciously, after what he'd done?
"I'm having dreams, with... erotic elements, about Spike -- so what?" Buffy said to her reflection. "That doesn't mean anything... except that I'm deeply disturbed."
It wasn't crazy enough that Dream Spike had broken down her defenses, gone down on her, and then fucked her like a jackrabbit (and that she'd been ready to pop when the damn dream ended abruptly, leaving her desperate for release), but some of the things Dream Spike said resonated with her too.
The shrine was a bad thing -- no argument there -- but was it really that bad? Was it such a horrible, unforgivable offense? And wasn't it true that she did owe Spike a chance to at least explain himself? Spike had saved her life in that mansion, she shouldn't just dismiss the fact that he had been willing to lay down his life to save hers. Didn't he deserve a chance to make amends somehow? Spike had seemed so sincere when he said he didn't mean to hurt her by creating the shrine. Maybe he was just extremely desperate and misguided, and he didn't know what else to do to sate his unrequited love for her. Even normal humans could be driven to do foolish things if they were in love with someone who hated them in return. A line from the song recurred to her: Strange what desire will make foolish people do.
Buffy shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut. "No. Don't cave in, dammit! He was wrong. Sick, twisted, and wrong. I'm not the bad guy here..."
She went back to her bedroom and crawled under the covers.
Buffy tossed and turned and squirmed, still worked up from the dream. She was so damn horny she couldn't stand it! She was angry and disappointed with herself for it, but she'd give anything to have Spike lying in bed with her right now... he would take care of her little problem. He'd be happy to take care of it.
It wasn't just the real-life licking and soft kisses she recalled very fondly, she remembered how good it felt just to have Spike's arms around her. And he had the most adorable boyish grin she'd ever seen. It was strange that a soulless creature of the night like Spike could look so... sweet.
Evidently, she couldn't go back into total denial mode when it came to being attracted to and wanting Spike; she'd let the genie out of the bottle, and it refused to go back in -- it was like trying to pour rain back into a cloud.
Needing to get some kind of satisfaction, Buffy rolled over and got her "lady's personal massager" out of her nightstand. She turned on the clock radio at a low volume to have something that would (hopefully) help disguise the buzzing noise from the other occupants of the house.
Buffy knew very well who she was going to be imagining was doing naughty things to her. "It doesn't mean anything," she told herself, breathing a bit more heavily as she moved the 'massager' under the covers. "Spike gets me hot -- so what? I just need some relief, then I'll never think about him again..."
The little voice in her head scoffed and snickered, recognizing what a complete lie that was.
It only took a minute for Buffy to find that temporary satisfaction she'd been desperate for (Fantasy Spike, as well as Dream Spike, was a helluva lover), and then she was able to fall asleep with a little smile on her face.
Buffy's Dream, Part Deux
Buffy found herself (fully dressed this time) on her usual nighttime patrol, she was coming up on the gates of Restfield Cemetery. What was unusual about it was another, identical, Buffy was walking next to her.
"What's going on?" Buffy asked her twin. "Why are there two of me?"
Buffy #2 shrugged. "You can always use more help on patrol, right? And who can you count on more than yourself?"
Buffy shrugged and nodded, and they continued walking down the sidewalk.
"I can't believe you got yourself off thinking about him," Buffy #2 said, shaking her head. "Dreams, you can't control -- but you thought about him doing stuff to you while you were awake and pleasuring yourself. Gross much?"
Buffy fidgeted. "Shut up. No matter what else Spike is, he's a hottie."
"You're so damn weak, it makes me sick! You're actually thinking about forgiving Spike. You're thinking about doing a whole lot more than just forgiving him. He's a psycho! He doesn't have a soul, and all he'll do is cause you endless pain if you let him in again!" Buffy #2 asserted.
Buffy groaned and rolled her eyes heavenward. "Oh, this is just what I needed -- getting hassled by my evil twin in a dream. Give me a frickin' break, will ya?!"
"No, I won't. I won't let you crumble because you're horny and you want to get laid!"
Buffy stopped and whirled on her twin. "That is NOT what it's about!"
"Yeah? Then how come you only started thinking about forgiving him after that dream?" #2 asked smugly.
"Because..." Buffy sighed. "Look, I do... want him, that's a part of it. But I saw how much Spike loved me at that mansion -- he fought like a lion to save my life. Oh hey, you think that's why there was a lion in my other dream? The lions represented --"
Buffy #2 snorted a laugh, ignoring Buffy's dream speculation. "Spike only saved you because he's obsessed with you. It wouldn't've been good for his fragile mind if the object of his obsession was killed. That's all it was."
Buffy shook her head. "No... it was more than that. I saw the look in his eyes, I heard the sincerity in his voice, and I felt it in his touch." Tears built up in Buffy's eyes, she could see the truth now. Spike really did love her, it hadn't been a pack of lies, and it wasn't just obsession. She had gone temporarily loco in the cabeza when she saw that shrine, it had seemed to confirm all her worst fears about him and his love for her, and Buffy hadn't been in a good enough place mentally to wrap her mind around it at the time.
Did Spike deserve an ass kicking for stealing her stuff? Yes. Did Spike deserve to have her treat him like dirt and excise him from her life after all he'd done to save her? Maybe not.
Buffy #2 grabbed Buffy's shoulders and shook her violently. "Don't you go soft on me, Slayer! Spike is bad, he's evil -- he's a monster!"
Buffy knocked her evil (and getting eviler and more irritating by the minute) twin's hands off of her. "I don't care if you do look exactly like me, touch me again and I'm knocking you on your ass!"
"I don't just look like you, I am you, you idiot," Buffy #2 said, rolling her eyes. "I'm the smart part of you -- I don't get out much, obviously."
"Ha-ha," Buffy said flatly with a twist to her lips. She frowned when she noticed a bunch of cats milling around ahead of them. "Are those the same cats from my other dream?"
"Evenin', Slayers. Out for an evening stroll, are we?" They looked up to see Spike sitting on the wall of the cemetery, his legs dangling over the side. He was holding and idly strumming a red guitar on his lap. He tipped an imaginary cap to them. "Am I dreamin'? 'Cos I had a real doozy once involving two Buffys. Would you ladies care to go back to my crypt? I could show you my etchings." He smirked.
"You're a pig, Spike!" Buffy #2 spat. She grabbed Buffy's arm and walked briskly away from Spike. "We want nothing to do with you, creep!"
Buffy felt weak when it came to her twin, it was hard to say no to her, as if the other part of her that the twin represented was stronger. She let herself be pulled away, looking back at Spike regretfully.
Spike smiled and waved. "Drop by anytime!" Then he addressed the herd of cats gathered below him, "I'd like to dedicate my next number to a girl who's got me by the short an' curlies. She knows who she is."
The cats meowed louder, seeming to sing along, as Spike started playing the guitar and singing soulfully.
{{
Hear the song at the following YouTube Link:
You Really Got A Hold On Me - Smokey Robinson & the Miracles
}}
"I don't like you, but I love you
Seems that I'm always thinkin' of you
Tho' oh, oh
You treat me badly
I love you madly
You really got a hold on me
You really got a hold on me
Baby"
Buffy smiled a little, surprised that Spike had such a good singing voice. She could easily imagine girls going crazy for him if he joined a band and performed at the Bronze. And she discovered she didn't like the thought of groupie bimbos throwing themselves at Spike. "I didn't know Spike could sing."
"He sucks -- he couldn't carry a tune in a bucket!" Buffy #2 growled, continuing to pull Buffy along with her around a corner and out of view of Spike.
Though she couldn't see him, Buffy could still hear Spike singing. She could understand why he chose this song (or rather, why her subconscious chose it), it described them very well.
"I don't want you, but I need you
Don't wanna kiss you, but I need to
Tho' oh, oh
You do me wrong now
My love is strong now
You really got a hold on me
You really got a hold on me"
"I need to go back there and talk to him. Let go!" Buffy pulled her arm out of #2's grip. It took an effort to defy her twin, but Buffy felt strongly about talking to Spike.
Buffy #2 glared at her. "I'm not letting that happen. You're going to stay away from him from now on."
"You can't tell me what to do!"
"Well, I guess you'd have no choice if Spike's only a big pile o' dust. I'll just have to take care of that."
Buffy stood toe-to-toe with her doppelganger. "You'd better keep your mitts off him. I won't let you hurt him."
"Baby, I love you
And all I want you to do is just
Hold me, hold me, hold me
Tighter"
Buffy #2 put her hands on her hips. "It's a damn good thing I'm in charge of us again. I can see the big picture; I do what needs to be done. You, on the other hand, are a flighty little bimbo. An evil vamp -- who's tried to kill you and your friends on several occasions -- utters a few frilly words to you, and you're ready to spread your legs. Disgusting!"
"I told you it's not just about sex! And Spike has changed. I'm not saying he doesn't need to... work on certain things -- like knowing that stealing is bad -- but he's on the right path, and I want to help him stay on that path."
Buffy #2 held up her hand and rolled her eyes. "Oh please! You're deluding yourself."
"I wanna leave you, don't wanna stay here
Don't wanna spend another day here
Tho' oh, oh
I wanna split now
I can't quit now
You really got a hold on me
You really got a hold on me"
Buffy looked back in the direction she'd come as Spike finished his song. "I'm going to talk to him, I don't care if you approve or not."
The quarrelling Buffys stopped their argument when a bald man wearing glasses and a brown suit appeared next to them. He held out a silver tray covered with slices of cheese. The Buffys frowned in confusion and looked at each other.
"Nothing says 'welcome' like a cheese platter. Remember that for your next party or get-together," the man said, and then walked away. He turned the corner and disappeared from view.
"That was the cheese guy from that dream I had about the first Slayer," Buffy said. "Hey, cheese guy, wait!" she called after him. "What are you supposed to represent?!"
Buffy ran around the corner, only to find herself in a new place. The room was dark except for slivers of light cast by a glittery disco ball on the ceiling. But she could see well enough to recognize it, she was back in the mansion on Crawford Street. The room was still set up for Dru's party, she could make out some of the balloons and streamers in the dim light.
"No... uh-uh, I don't want to be here again..." Buffy said nervously, backing up until she bumped into the other Buffy.
"Don't worry," Buffy #2 moved past her, undaunted, further into the room, "you're not in danger this time."
The lights came up, Buffy blinked against the sudden brightness. When her eyes adjusted, she saw that the room looked as it had when Spike had first gotten to the mansion with Dru. Then she was distressed to see Spike chained up in the same archway where she'd been bound. His head was bowed at first, but then he slowly raised his head to look at her. He seemed to have the same injuries Buffy had suffered at Dru's hands: his eye and lip were swollen, there were twin slashes on both of his cheeks, he had a picture carved into his stomach, his sides were bruised, and blood ran down his arms from the shackles cutting into his wrists.
Buffy #2 strode over to Spike and smiled icily. "Well, how sexy does he look now, Buffy? Still want to jump his bones?"
Buffy rushed to them. "Spike, are you okay?!"
"Yeah... never felt better," Spike groaned, trying to smile. "I've got 'er just where I want 'er now..."
Buffy tried to control her temper and turned to her doppelganger. "Did you do this to him?"
#2 shrugged. "And what if I did? He deserves a lot more than just getting the crap beaten out of him. It's just a little payback for all the evil things he's done."
"Buffy," Spike whispered.
Buffy looked at him, her heart ached at seeing him so weak and beaten. She had to free him -- not just because it was wrong to do this to anyone, but also because it hurt her heart to see him like this; she had big feelings for Spike, it was undeniable. She thought this is how Spike must have felt when he saw what Dru had done to her; it was like a knife to her heart.
"Please... don't let her do this to me," Spike said faintly, his eyes pleading with her.
"I didn't give you permission to speak, scumbag!" Buffy #2 growled and punched him hard in the face. Spike grunted on impact, his head whipped violently to the side.
Buffy shoved her twin away. "Leave him alone! What the hell is wrong with you?! Stop hurting him!"
Buffy #2 crossed her arms. "Why should I stop until he's a pile of dust? 'Once he starts something, he doesn't stop until everything in his path is dead.' Does that sound vaguely familiar to you? So, give me one good reason why I should stop!"
"Because..." Buffy swallowed and blinked back tears. She couldn't say she was in love with him -- not yet -- but she was in the process of falling for him. "Spike can be a good man, he's changed. He turned a corner that night at the mansion -- I believe in him."
Spike turned his battered face to her and smiled slightly, tears shone in his eyes. "I can, Buffy. I can do it if you believe in me."
Buffy #2 rolled her eyes and groaned. "And if all the kiddies in the audience clap their hands real hard, Tinkerbell will come back to life!" she said with mock excitement. She laughed and shook her head. "God, so damn naive. You're a soulless piece of shit, Spike. You'll never change; you're not capable of doing anything good. She might be stupid enough to believe your lies, but I'm not."
"Take those cuffs off of him -- now!" Buffy firmly told her doppelganger.
Buffy #2 smiled smugly. "No."
"Alright, then I'll do it. Where's the key to his cuffs? Hand it over," Buffy demanded, holding her hand out. She hoped she wouldn't have to reach down her twin's shirt for the key if it was hidden in the same place Dru had kept it.
"He's not going anywhere -- in solid form, anyway. He'll be more of a dusty consistency -- like finely sifted bakers flour, when I'm done. Hmm... I wonder if you can bake cookies with that..."
"Give me the damn key!" Buffy repeated. "I won't ask again."
"You want the key that bad? Why, it's right over there." Buffy #2 pointed to the far wall, near the table with the punchbowl. "You can go ahead and take it if you want to."
Buffy could see a shiny, silver key on a hook next to the buffet table. She looked at her twin suspiciously. "And you'll just let me unchain him without interfering, huh?"
"If you feel you really need to, go on and do it. But I refuse to unchain him myself." She re-crossed her arms and looked away arrogantly.
Buffy set her hand lightly on Spike's shoulder. "I'll get you out of here, Spike."
He closed his eyes and nodded. Buffy recognized the look of relief on his face, that's how she'd felt when she'd realized that Spike was actually going to help her escape Dru's evil clutches.
Buffy ran to get the key. As she was taking the key off the hook, Spike yelled her name, sounding panicked.
She spun around and saw her twin raising a stake in the air. Buffy sprinted, running as fast as she could, toward them. She didn't think she'd get there in time. Buffy felt the same urgency she would if this all weren't just a weird dream: her pulse raced, her heart beat rapidly, she felt the same sense of panic and dread she would at the thought of anyone she cared deeply for being in grave danger. The weakness she'd felt when defying her twin earlier in the dream had faded markedly since this new 'scene' had begun, Buffy was feeling stronger and more confident -- she was now the stronger, more dominant of the two.
Buffy didn't know she could move as fast as she did, she mused that she would've looked like a blur to anyone watching -- like the Roadrunner when he left Wyle E. Coyote in the dust. She caught Buffy #2's arm just before the stake made contact with Spike's chest, then threw her away from him.
Buffy #2 barely kept from losing her footing and sprawling on the floor. She glared at Buffy. "I'm only trying to do what's best for you, you idiot! You'll thank me later!" She walked determinedly back toward Spike, raising the stake again.
Buffy stood in front of Spike to protect him from another attack. "Get away from him, you bitch!" She punched her evil twin in the face.
Buffy #2 grit her teeth and swung high at her. Buffy ducked under the swing and kneed #2 in the stomach, then followed with an uppercut.
This time Buffy #2 did go sprawling backwards onto the floor. Buffy got ready to fight again, but her twin's body began turning transparent, until Buffy #2 completely vanished.
Buffy sighed with relief. "Good. One Buffy in the world is enough. I never knew I could be such a huge bitch."
"That was a good Ripley imitation, luv."
"Huh? Oh, the 'get away from him, you bitch' thing? Well, that is one of my favorite movie lines, it just occurred to me in the moment." Buffy had kept her fingers curled around the key while fighting with her other, less pleasant self. She opened her hand to show Spike the key. "Ready to get out of here?"
"You actually saved me..." Spike said with a little smile, looking at her with love and a bit of disbelief in his eyes.
"Of course I did," Buffy replied as she unlocked the cuffs.
Spike started to fall once she'd freed him, Buffy caught him, putting her arms around him and holding him close. "You'll be okay now."
Spike smiled and held onto her shoulders. "You're my hero."
"Sorry my evil doppelganger hurt and then tried to stake you."
"We can't help what our evil doppelgangers choose to do. You... really care for me?" Spike asked.
Buffy nodded. "I do."
"Does that mean you forgive me for all the... unwholesome things I did?"
"Unwholesome... that's a word for it." Buffy snorted and smiled. "You'll have to show me you're still serious about changing your ways... but yes, I can forgive you. If it wouldn't hurt your lip, I'd kiss you right now."
Spike smiled wider. "Sod the lip, it'll be worth it." He didn't hesitate to press his lips to hers.
They smiled against each other's lips as they kissed. They broke the kiss and looked around when 'Up Where We Belong' started playing out of the blue.
Spike looked at Buffy and raised an eyebrow. "Interesting outfit, luv. I've imagined you in lots of different getups, but that's a new one."
Buffy looked down at herself and saw that she was wearing the white Navy dress uniform this time. She laughed, reaching up to touch the cap on her head. "Well, I guess all that's left is for me to carry you out of here in my arms as the music rises."
"Might be better for my pride if I walk, or hobble, out with your assistance. I will take the hat though." Spike took the cap off her head and put it on, cocking it to the side.
"Very dashing." Buffy chuckled.
They put an arm around each other, and Buffy helped Spike walk out the front door of the mansion.
"I love you, Buffy," Spike said, turning his head to kiss her again.
Buffy woke up slowly, it took a minute for her to realize she was kissing her pillow.
She laughed groggily, and then gasped and jumped when she opened her eyes and saw Dawn standing next to her bed and looking at her with raised eyebrows.
"Dammit, Dawn! You scared the crap out of me!"
"Sorry, I was just checking on you, and accidentally saw you... making out with your pillow."
"I was not making out with my pillow," Buffy said petulantly, sitting up in bed.
"Okay... if you say so. Feeling better?" Dawn figured, who was she to judge? She'd practiced kissing on her own pillow more than once.
Buffy took a deep breath, testing her ribs. "Just a little sore, but much better. Wow, I had some weird dreams..."
"Seemed like they were the good kind of weird though, judging by the pillow kissage," Dawn teased.
"I was just... wiping my mouth on the pillow."
"I did notice some drool... I guess that story checks out."
"You aren't going to go around telling everybody about the pillow thing, are you?"
"Nope." Dawn smiled sweetly. "Just like you didn't tell anyone about me having a crush on Spike. I'll go tell Mom you're awake."
Buffy sighed as Dawn skipped out of the room.
She wasn't crazy about everyone knowing she had a kissing dream, but it could've been worse -- Dawn could've been there when Buffy woke up from the highly erotic dream or Buffy could've been moaning Spike's name.
Buffy looked at the clock, it was 3:30 in the afternoon. She couldn't believe how much she'd slept over the last few days. She slid out of bed, planning what she wanted to accomplish before the day was over: eat something, take a shower, get dressed, go see Spike, and a visit with her friends would be in order at some point.
But the thing she really wanted to do was talk to Spike. As long as he didn't do or say something horrendous, she was prepared to forgive him. She truly believed that Spike had made the choice to be a good man that night at the mansion, he really had turned a corner. The kooky shrine was something he'd done before that night, so she shouldn't judge him by that alone. Buffy had already forgiven Spike in her heart, she just needed to make it official.
The issue of whether the chip was working or not did worry her a bit. What might a heartbroken and depressed Spike do if he thought he had nothing to lose and nothing holding him back?
Buffy thought, 'Please God, don't let him have done anything crazy and/or stupid since the last time I saw him... I don't think I could take it if he's gone over to the dark side again.'
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Many thanks to my master-beta Passion4Spike! And big, sloppy kisses to all my loyal readers *SMOOOOCH*
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