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Author's Chapter Notes:
Mucho thanks to all my readers and my amazing beta Passion4Spike :D

Banners by Edgehead and xoChantelly
Buffy and Spike walked along the sidewalk together. She opted to carry the cardboard box, leaving him with his hands free for fighting, should the need arise. Buffy hoped no demons would jump out at them and interrupt their walk, she wanted some more time to work on getting Spike to change his mind.

"Nice night, isn't it?" Buffy remarked, looking up at the sky.

"Hmm? Oh... yeah, it is." Spike looked up at the sky too. The moon was full and hundreds of stars twinkled in the heavens; it was a night made for lovers to go for a stroll and stargaze.

"You look like you have something on your mind," Buffy said leadingly. She hoped he was still thinking about that kiss and wanting more.

Spike stopped walking and sighed, hanging his head. "I have absolutely no backbone... I'm a bloody jellyfish."

Buffy stopped beside him. "What're you talking about? You're ultra-brave."

"No... I'm a bloody weakling." Spike looked down at the ground and rubbed at the back of neck. "I know I'm not good enough for you," he began. "I know I don't deserve you."

Buffy rolled her eyes. She'd thought he was close to giving in, but he was just repeating the same crap he said back at the crypt. "Spike..."

"But..."

Buffy rolled her eyes forward again, a hopeful smile lifted the corners of her mouth. "But?"

"You've gotta understand, luv... I've spent the last few days arse over tits drunk and hating myself; it's not easy for me to cut through all that misery to see what I know is the truth."

"And what's the truth?"

"The truth is..." Spike took a breath and looked into her eyes. "I know I can make you happy, I've got it within me to be the kind of man you need, the kind of man you deserve. We're a bloody good match, like one of those super couples on soap operas. Would you think any less of me if I took back all that bollocks I said before?"

Buffy grinned and set the box down on the ground. "Let me answer your question this-a way," she said, putting her arms around his neck. "Was it that kiss I gave you that showed you how wrong you were?"

Spike's arms wound around her, he smiled. "That wasn't playing fair... You don't know how bloody hard it is to resist you..."

"Then stop resisting," Buffy said breathily.

Their eyes slid closed as their lips connected. It started off as soft and searching, but progressed quickly into a heated, plundering kiss. They tightened their hold on one another as their lips mashed together and sparks shot through their bodies.

Buffy broke for air after a minute. "Wow... it's so much better when you participate and I don't have a busted lip," she panted, her hands fluttering over his face and through his hair.

"Mmmhmm." Spike smiled and lowered his mouth to hers again.

When they had to break for air again, they rested their foreheads together as they tried to catch their breath and control the lust surging within their bodies.

Spike burned for Buffy; he felt like he might spontaneously combust, not from shame this time, but from sheer happiness and desire. The woman he loved was giving him a chance with her, she wanted him -- could he really be this lucky?

Buffy wanted Spike real bad too, but she recalled the taunts delivered by her evil twin in that dream she'd had. Buffy didn't want just sex, she wanted to have something meaningful. She wanted both of them to be sure their attraction to each other wasn't just about lust. She wanted to be in love with Spike before she fully gave herself to him and took his love in return. She couldn't let herself fall in love with Spike if it turned out he was only deeply in lust, not love, with her. They needed time to see if they liked being around each other -- without the immediate promise of naked fun.

Buffy looked at him demurely. "Maybe we should..."

"My thoughts exactly, pet." Spike grinned and took her by the hand, if his heart could beat it would be pounding double-time in his chest. He started walking briskly back down the sidewalk the way they'd come, pulling her along with him.

Buffy laughed, pulling back and dragging her feet to make him stop. "Spike, wait! Where are we going?"

He stopped, turned around and looked at her, puzzled for a moment. "To the crypt. Did you have somewhere else in mind? 'Cos I'm up," he waggled his eyebrows and smirked, "for anything."

"But we're almost to my house..." Buffy looked back over her shoulder toward her house.

"Oh," Spike's smirk expanded, he stepped up to her again, putting his hands on her sides and moving them slowly down to her hips, "are Joyce and the Nibblet out for the evening, then?"

"No, they're home."

Spike's forehead crinkled. "But... if they're home, we won't have privacy..."

Buffy raised an eyebrow. "Privacy for what?"

"For... what we're gonna be doing..." Spike said slowly, looking at her expectantly. Surely she'd been thinking the same thing as him. The way she'd kissed him spoke of hunger and need; she obviously wanted him too.

Buffy's cheeks reddened with a blush, she looked down. "Spike, I don't want to just hop into bed with you."

"...You don't?" Spike was disappointed and still confused. "But the kissing..."

"Kissing isn't sex -- kissing can lead to sex, but just kissing is awesome, too. Haven't you ever just made out with a girl without it leading to being naked?"

"Yeah..." Actually there weren't many occasions in his life Spike could think of where kissing and groping hadn't led directly to shagging. Waiting and 'getting to know each other' were human concepts, vampires were usually much more spontaneous and governed by their urges (and they were usually sluttier than humans, too -- lacking a soul tended to have that effect).

"I want us to be about more than just sex. That's not all you want from me, right?" Buffy looked up at him, batting her eyelashes.

"Of course... I want more than just sex from you. I love you, Buffy. I want all of you -- your mind, heart, and soul -- not just your body..." His eyes trailed down, he lightly licked his lips. His voice was a bit rougher, "Your nubile... tight... firm... perky..."

Buffy cleared her throat loudly, which made Spike jump and look back up into her eyes. "Sorry, pet... I get carried away when I start thinkin'... those sort of thoughts about you."

"I want us to be in love when we first... get together. That's important to me," Buffy persisted.

"You haveta know I love..." Spike paused and looked down. "Ah, you mean you want both of us to be in love..."

Buffy touched and lightly stroked his cheek. "I'm getting there, Spike, I really am. I just need... a little more time. I've had some bad luck with boyfriends in the past, I don't want to just jump into something like this. I want us to be on the same page and able to share everything we are with each other, completely. Think how much better it will be with both of us feeling the same way. Sex without love can be lots of fun, but it's ultimately an empty experience."

"Yeah, but it's one of the best empty experiences." Spike smiled. At her un-amused expression, he said, "Just a joke, luv. It was a Woody Allen quote, you set me up for it."

"Boy, you sure are full of helpful quotes tonight, ain't ya?" She rolled her eyes and blew out a breath. "I knew you wouldn't be happy with waiting... but I was hoping you'd understand." She pouted.

Spike stopped and thought before he said anything else. His first instinct was to try like mad to change Buffy's mind -- he wanted her so bad right now he might explode if they didn't shag immediately. But... he had to try acting more thoughtful, more civilized, if he wanted to be her man. He had to put her wishes and needs first (though his own needs were hard to ignore, especially since they were currently putting a heavy strain on the zipper of his jeans).

Spike took a deep breath and swallowed, ordering himself to not act like a barbarian. "I... understand. I'll go along with it if that's what you want."

"You do? You will?" Buffy asked, wondering if he really would be okay with her plan.

"Yeah... and once I get my libido to shut the bloody hell up, I'll be happier that you want to actually build something real with me. You don't want me just for my hot, tight little body." He smiled and poked the tip of his tongue out. "Which, by the way, is yours anytime, anyplace, anywhere -- just say the bloody word."

Buffy smiled and put her arms around him. "I do want your hot, tight little body, believe me. But I need to work up to that level of closeness. I think waiting is better than just... just doing it right away; waiting makes it more special. There's all kinds of anticipation and a buildup of lust."

"I've got the anticipation and the lusty buildup already... but I'll be a good boy. It's just not gonna be easy for me... I want you, I crave you. I want to feel your bare skin sliding against mine; I want to explore every plane and crevice of your body with my eyes... hands... and mouth." His eyes caressed her, wandering over her face and down her body, as he thought how glorious it would be to do all the things to her he'd imagined so many times.

"I want to give you everything, Buffy. I want to take your body to heights you've never touched before... make you feel things you've never even dreamed of. I long to make you mine, to take you into the heavens and dance with you amongst the stars."

Buffy's eyes were glazing over, her brain was saying, 'Ohh yes, I want that! Gimme that!' But she kept herself under control and merely said, "Uh-huh," as she stared into his smoldering blue eyes.

"I love you so much, Buffy. And I want you to feel completely ready to give all of yourself to me. I'm a lucky bloke just to touch such a golden beauty for even a brief moment," Spike said, cupping and gently caressing her cheek.

Buffy smiled and hugged him. "You can be so sweet and understanding. I love seeing this side of you."

Spike prayed for the strength to be 'sweet and understanding' for an indeterminate period of time. He told himself to just try appreciating how lucky he was that Buffy had feelings for him; it would happen eventually, and their relationship would be even stronger for the waiting. He inhaled the scent of her hair (green apple shampoo, if he wasn't mistaken) and held her snugly in his arms. "I'll wait for you forever, if that's what it takes." Then he whispered in her ear, "But please... don't make me wait forever, yeah?"

Buffy pulled back and laughed. "I won't keep you waiting forever, I promise. In fact..." she gave him a soft kiss on the lips, "you saying sweet things might make it happen a lot sooner..." Buffy added quickly, "But not 'soon' as in tonight or the next few days, so don't start laying the sweet-talk on thick thinking you'll 'score' tonight."

Spike pursed his lips, smiling slightly. "You're gonna make me earn my abstinence badge, eh?"

"I swear I'm not doing this as some kind of test for you. And it's not because I don't want you, 'cause I do..."

A naughty voice in her head whispered, 'Are you crazy?! Spike's hot, tight body can be all yours, and you're saying no? He wants to take you dancing amongst the stars! Jump him! You're super-horny and he's more than willing. Rip his clothes off with your teeth and ride him like a pony!'

Buffy had to stop and concentrate to get the naughty voice to be quiet, and reaffirm her resolve to wait. "I just want everything to be perfect."

"Waiting for 'perfect'... that might have us waiting a very long time. I'm not askin' this to put pressure on you, but... is there any timetable on how long you'll be wanting to... wait?"

"I wish I could tell you I'll be ready in a day or a week or whatever, but I don't know. Just... try to be patient with me, okay?"

Spike chuckled. "As you know, I have many virtues, but patience ain't one of 'em, pet. But... I'll do my best."

"Thank you." Buffy said with a teasing smile, "My grandma used to say 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free'. How do I know you won't be satisfied after just one time with me?" She was actually a bit worried that would turn out to be true, but she was trying to laugh it off.

Thoughts of previous men she’d trusted flashed through her mind… Parker, Angel -- even Riley had eventually gotten tired of her and left; the possibility that one time was all Spike wanted frightened her more than she cared to admit. What if she just wasn’t any good? What if he mocked her like Angel had afterwards or just ‘took a poke’ and moved on like Parker? Buffy really didn’t think she could handle it if anything like that happened again. Spike seemed sincere, but did they really know each other? Apart from trading well-aimed barbs back and forth, they’d never really talked seriously before the whole Dru thing.

Spike laughed and shook his head, thinking she was out of her mind if she thought he'd have his fill after just one go. "I can guaran-bloody-tee that's not gonna happen, Buffy. Sleeping with you will be addictive, and I'll be needin' a regular fix. What I'm sayin' is: I want you. I want the cow."

"Aww, there you go saying sweet things again." She laughed, forcing her thoughts away from the past and back to the present, and gave him another kiss. She looked around. "Come on, we can't stay here talking on the sidewalk all night." She went and picked up the cardboard box. "Let's go."

Spike sighed and followed her. Waiting to be with Buffy was going to be a true test of his willpower, which was another of his less used virtues, but he knew in his heart that Buffy was worth any amount of waiting.

He fell into step beside her. "The first kiss of the night you gave me back at the crypt really was somethin' else," Spike said with a smile. "I didn't expect you to be all over me like..."

"A monkey on a cupcake?" Buffy supplied.

Spike laughed. "A what?"

"I've heard that monkeys go coo-coo for cupcakes."

"Alright... then yeah, you were on me like a monkey on a cupcake. I didn't know you could do that."

"Do what?"

"Kiss with so much... passion and ferocity. I know you're a passionate woman, I can see it when you fight; you show your dedication to your calling and your family every bloody day, but I didn't know you had that kind of kiss in you. Was all I could do to keep standing upright when you kissed me, thought my legs were gonna give out."

"There's more where that came from," Buffy said, blushing. Spike saying things like that definitely helped her confidence. "I don't know what it is about you, but I haven't kissed like that often -- or at all -- in the past. You just make me want to..."

"To what?" he asked, cocking his scarred brow.

"To do things we're waiting to do."

Spike was really trying to be good and commit himself to waiting as long as it took for Buffy to be ready. But by the sounds of it, she was already 'ready'.

As if reading his mind, Buffy said, "My body's ready -- and the part of my brain that only cares about sex is ready. But I want my heart to be all in it too."

Spike sighed. "Yeah... I think I understand. Regular kissing is good, but maybe we shouldn't do any more power-snogging, like the one you planted on me back at the crypt. I don't know if I'll be able to control my libido under those circumstances. I was putty in your hands after that kiss -- made me do a bloody U-turn with that 'we shouldn't be together' bollocks."

"My power-snogs have the ability to make even the most stubborn of vampires give in to anything I want, huh? That's good to know." Buffy smiled. Maybe this would work out okay, after all. Maybe she just hadn't found the right man -- maybe Spike was that man... maybe...





They were coming up on Buffy's house. She was relieved to see her friends' cars were gone, she wanted Spike to have a nice visit with her mom and Dawn for tonight. Telling her friends that she and Spike were going to be dating could wait until tomorrow... That was gonna be a fun conversation, as in 'not'! Buffy hoped that they could deal with it and not give her a hard time. After their talk on the way home, she felt even better about her and Spike's chances of having a real, solid relationship -- they might actually be able to make each other happy. But she still didn't want to jump into anything too deep too fast.

They stopped on the sidewalk in front of her yard.

"Well, here we are," Spike said.

"Yep."

"S'pose I'll be goin' now... I'll see you sometime tomorrow?"

"You don't have to leave just yet, do ya?" Buffy asked, smiling and putting the box down on the grass. She gently pushed him until his back was against the tree in front of her house.

"Well, I could stay a bit longer." Spike smirked.

"I want to kiss you again, but will it be too hard?"

"Before I answer that question, I want to make sure what you mean by it and hard."

Buffy giggled and swatted him playfully on the chest. "I meant, will making out with me be too difficult for you because we're waiting before we... take our relationship further."

"We've gotta at least kiss or I'll lose my bloody mind. It's only the power-snogs we should avoid. And I can deal with any problems that... arise, myself."

They wrapped their arms around each other and locked lips again. Spike would think he'd dreamt the whole evening, but it obviously wasn't one of his dreams or fantasies -- if it were, he and Buffy would be naked and rutting like weasels by now. But just holding her in his arms, and feeling the passion in her kiss and embrace, was enough to let him feel like he could die happy.

"You're sure about this... about wanting to be with me? Dating, boyfriend/girlfriend type stuff?" Spike asked between kisses.

"Mmmhmm," Buffy murmured against his lips.

"You won't change your mind? 'Cos I don't think I could bear it... it would literally dust me."

She pulled back slightly and shook her head. "I won't change my mind."

"You won't yank the football away?"

"I won't yank..." Buffy was still smiling, but furrowed her brow. "Football?"

"Never mind, luv." He smiled and pulled her to him again. Spike mumbled as they kissed, "I swear... I intended to do what I thought was the right thing and stay away from you. I only want the best for you, pet."

"Having good intentions is better than actually doing the thing you intended to do," Buffy said, continuing to kiss him.

"It is?"

"Sure, why not! Shut up and kiss me."

They kissed deeply, soulfully. Buffy kept her arms around his neck, her hands idly tangling his hair. Spike's hands roamed over her back and sides. He kept his hands away from her naughty bits for the most part, he forgot himself and fondled her bum once or twice. Buffy wasn't complaining about it though. She also didn't complain when his hands made contact with the sides of her breasts. Spike wanted to feel her up good an' proper, but he contented himself with just brushing his hands over the sides of her breasts. And since Buffy wasn't objecting, he reckoned she liked it and didn't think it went over the line.

With her mind getting fogged with lust and her body heating up under Spike's attentions, Buffy was starting to reconsider all that 'waiting to sleep together' nonsense...

Spike's half-open eyes were drawn to the front porch as they kissed. He noticed the porch light flicker on and off, and then broke the kiss. "I just saw the light go on and off a few times -- you havin' electrical problems?"

Buffy looked back over her shoulder. "Oh... I think we've been spotted."

"Spotted?"

She sighed and reluctantly took a step back. "Turning the porch light on and off was a subtle way my parents invented to tell me to come in the house if I was out playing after dark when I was a kid, and then when I was older when I'd come home from a date and spend some time talking to or kissing my boyfriend outside."

Spike straightened up and smoothed back his hair, trying to look unflustered if Joyce or Dawn were peering at them from a window. He hoped Joyce hadn't been looking when his hands had strayed down to Buffy's ass... "Well, I guess this is goodnight, then."

"Well, there is one more thing you could stick around for." Buffy fixed her slightly rumpled clothing and smoothed back her own hair.

"What's that, luv?"

"My mom and Dawn said they'd like to thank you for helping me get away from Dru. It'll only take a minute."

Spike looked down and stuffed his hands down in the pockets of his duster. "Nah, that's alright."

"They really want to thank you."

He absently kicked at an old cigarette butt leftover from one of his late night vigils at the tree. "You relayed their thanks, that's good enough."

"Is this you being modest? What is it?" Buffy asked, poking him in the arm.

"No, definitely not that -- I don't think I'm even capable of modesty. I didn't have much time to gussy m'self up before I left the crypt, and I prefer to look my best for them." That was part of the reason for his reluctance; the other part was that Spike felt guilty for stealing things from their house. He wouldn't want Joyce and Dawn to think he'd only been using them to get closer to Buffy, he genuinely cared for all the Summers women.

She chuckled. "You still look great with little effort... you bastard. You know, there might be a cake in your future..."

Spike looked up interestedly. "They'd make a cake for me?"

"There was talk of cake. And I know there's a pint of rocky road ice cream with your name on it. Dawn bought it 'cause she knows you like it."

"I told Dawn that was one of my favorites, she remembered." He smiled.

"Of course she remembered," Buffy said with a roll of her eyes.

"What do you mean 'of course'?"

"She... uh..." Buffy didn't want to piss Dawn off by telling Spike about her crush. "I mean, she just likes you. You're her friend, so she remembers that kind of stuff."

"She's a sweet girl."

"Yep, she is... in an annoying kid sister kind of way. But she does have her moments," Buffy joked.

"Alright... I s'pose I can drop in for a minute."

They started up the front walk.

His gait slowed when something occurred to him. "Wait... did you tell them about the shrine?"

"Um..." Buffy bit her lip.

"Right!" Spike said, spinning around and stomping away from the house.

Buffy dropped her box of stuff again and went after him, grabbing the bottom half of his duster that was billowing out behind him, and pulling back on it to keep him from getting too far. Spike strained to keep walking forward despite her hold on him.

"Come on, Spike, don't go! So they know about it, so what?"

"So what?" Spike asked incredulously, stopping and turning around to face her. "Yeah, I'm sure they'll be real cordial to me after they know what a pervy bastard I am." He ran a hand back through his hair. He felt downright panicky at the thought of facing Buffy's mother now. He groaned, "Bloody hell, Buffy... Why'd you have to tell them everything?"

"I didn't tell them everything -- I left a lot of stuff out, like the... biting. I left the shrine part out of the story when I first told them... but my mom made me tell her."

Spike looked at her and arched an eyebrow. "She made you tell? How'd she do that exactly? Bamboo shoots under the fingernails? The Chinese water torture?"

"Well... she used her psychic mom powers and she knew something happened between us that I wasn't telling her. I didn't want to lie right to her face, Spike. She pulled it out of me, I couldn't help it. You're really that afraid of what my mom might say to you? She's not an ogre, ya know?"

"I'm not afraid of her... but it's like I told you before, I actually like Joyce. It's just that... your mum and Dawn were the only two people who treated me like a person and not a freak, like the rest of your gang does. I don't give a toss what anyone thinks of me... 'cept you... and your mum and sis." Spike glanced warily at the house. "I don't want to go in there and see that look in their eyes that tells me they see me for what I really am now..."

"What they'll see is the guy who went against the love of his life and saved my life. Would you stop being so hard on yourself? Did you get re-souled while I wasn't looking? All your self-flagellation and broodiness is throwing me for a loop."

"I haven't eaten any Gypsies lately, so no," he muttered. "An' I'm not broody."

"Would Mom and Dawn want to thank you or bake you cakes if they didn't like you anymore?"

He shrugged as he studied a very interesting crack in the sidewalk, unable to meet her eyes.

Buffy kissed his cheek softly. "It'll be fine, Spike. I promise. Mom said she wasn't happy about all that shrine stuff, but she still likes you."

Spike looked up at her with doubt in his eyes. "How can she still like me after that? I'd kill the bastard who did that to my daughter..."

"She just likes you. She thinks the same way about you that I do now, that you can be a great guy with the right guidance and encouragement -- and my mom's a good judge of character. She's way more grateful that you saved my life than she is mad. She's not going to yell at you or anything," Buffy assured him. "And Dawn's opinion of you hasn't changed either."

Spike made a grumbling sound and looked back down at the ground.

"Do I have to power-snog you again to get you to do what I want?" Buffy teased.

Spike looked up at her, smiling slightly. "Don't resort to pullin' out the big guns, luv. I'll..." He stood up straight and squared his shoulders. "I'll face the bloody music."

Buffy breathed out in relief. She never expected trying to convince Spike to be her boyfriend or trying to convince him to go into her house would be so hard. It was exhausting! She went to pick up the cardboard box again.

"You're gonna be carrying the box... your mum is gonna comment on it," Spike said uneasily.

"I can put it next to my old 'sneakin' out of the house' tree here and climb out and get it later." She looked at him to see if he liked that plan better.

Spike nodded. "If you wouldn't mind. She might mention that I nicked things from you, but there's no reason to remind her of it straightaway."

They walked up the porch steps after she left the box at the base of the tree.

"Your mum isn't using the thanking me thing just so she can lure me into the house to hit me on the head with an axe again, is she?" Spike asked jokingly.

Buffy laughed as she opened the front door. "No, it's not a trap. I don't think she even keeps her axe in the living room anymore," Buffy teased. At Spike's worried expression, she added quickly, "Joke, Spike... lighten up!"

"Mom, I'm back," Buffy called cheerfully, heading for the kitchen. "And I brought someone with me who wants to say --"

When Buffy entered the house, Spike took a deep breath, preparing for what might be an awkward conversation with Joyce, and then started forward through the door -- only to bounce face-first off an invisible barrier at the threshold.

He was momentarily stunned from his nose and forehead colliding with what felt like a brick wall, and stumbled backwards. He lost his footing and fell on his ass on the porch. "Bloody hell!" Spike yelled, putting a hand to his aching nose.

Buffy spun around. "Spike!" She rushed back out the door and crouched beside him. "Are you okay? What happened?" Then her eyes widened when she remembered about the dis-invite spell. She thought, 'Oh no, I forgot to invite him in again! No, I said 'come in, Spike'... didn't I? I know I said it!'

"I don't know what the bloody hell happened!" Spike growled, holding his bleeding nose. He was still sitting on the porch, too confused and dazed to stand up yet. "I was just tryin' to follow you and..."

Dawn and Joyce came out of the kitchen to see what was going on. They hurried to the front door.

"Are you alright, Spike?" Joyce asked. "What happened?"

Dawn figured it out quickly. "Buffy, did you forget to invite him in? How could you forget?!"

"I-I remembered!" Buffy insisted, though she was becoming more convinced that she had forgotten, and she felt like shit for it. She took Spike's arm and helped him back up to his feet. The dis-invite spell had completely slipped her mind -- after the emotional talks with Spike this evening, combined with the red-hot kisses, her brain had turned to mush.

"I don't need an invite after the first time it's given, Platelet," Spike said, still wondering what the hell had happened. On top of the confusion and ebbing pain in his nose and forehead, he was embarrassed about falling on the porch. He normally had the reflexes of a cat, and wasn't prone to falling down like some uncoordinated drunkard.

Dawn's brows formed a V, she looked at Buffy. "You didn't tell him?"

"Tell me what?" Spike asked, looking from one sister to the other.

Joyce tried diffusing the situation when she saw how anxious Buffy looked. "Spike, I wanted to thank you for helping Buffy the other night. I can't tell you how grateful we all are."

Spike was distracted (as Joyce had hoped he would be) and smiled at her. "Yeah, well... you don't have to thank me, Joyce. I've always got Buffy's back, no worries."

Dawn rushed into the living room and then came back with a Kleenex, handing it to Spike.

"Thanks." Spike took the tissue and wiped the blood from his nose. He figured it was more polite than licking his nose blood; he didn't want to gross out Dawn and Joyce like he had Buffy that one time. Spike's distraction from the issue at hand didn't last long, he was puzzled and wanted to know why he hadn't been able to enter the house.

He looked at Dawn. "You seem to have an idea why it is I bounced off the threshold, Sweetbreads. Want to clue me in?"

Dawn swallowed, her eyes darting to Buffy for a moment. Buffy looked kinda panicky, but Dawn couldn't lie to Spike. "Willow cast a dis-invite spell on the house. Buffy must've forgotten about it." She wanted to add, 'I don't know *how* she could've forgotten, though. It's a really stupid thing to forget!'

"Why would Red...?" Spike began, then trailed off and looked at Buffy, tilting his head. He could see guilt written all over her face.

Buffy gave herself a mental kick in the ass. Spike's expression broke her heart. Confusion, shame, and embarrassment warred it out on his face. But it was the hurt she saw in his eyes that got to her the most. It was plain that Spike was deeply hurt at realizing Buffy had actually taken that drastic step to keep him out of her home, and ultimately out of her life.

Buffy had thought the difficult and bad part was over -- Spike had lightened up and they'd made with some very nice smoochies on their way to her house. But now things had turned rotten again all because she'd forgotten one little, but extremely important, detail.

At the palpable escalation of tension Joyce spoke up again, "Spike, why don't you come in and --"

Spike shook his head and tried smiling at Joyce. "No thanks, 'fraid I can't sit an' visit," he said thickly. He had to get out of there before he made a bigger fool out of himself and let a tear fall. "I've gotta be going. Places to go, people to see. Thanks for the invite -- little late, but still much appreciated."

Spike turned and went quickly back down the porch steps.





"Spike, wait!" Buffy called, going after him.

Joyce closed the front door to give Buffy a bit of privacy for the argument that was about to happen.

Spike didn't stop walking, but Buffy caught up with him before he left the yard. She ran around in front of him and made him stop.

Buffy held up her hands. "I'm sorry, okay? I forgot about the spell."

"Why? Why didn't you tell me?" Spike asked, his expression stony. "You let me look -- and feel -- like a complete prat!"

"I forgot about it! I'm sorry," Buffy repeated. "People forget things sometimes, y'know? I've had a few things on my mind lately."

"Did you let me bounce off the doorway on purpose? Is that it?" Spike asked tightly, clenching and unclenching his jaw, his eyes glistening. "Did you want to put me in my place by showing me you can shut me out at any time? Did you do it for a larf? Did you do it to hurt me because of the way I hurt you? Congratulations, Slayer, you're a fucking expert at pullin' that football away at the last moment."

Buffy had no idea what the football thing was about, she focused on the rest of what he said. "I did not do it on purpose! You have to know that, Spike. After everything I've said to you tonight, you have to know I wouldn't hurt you like that. You're as bad as I am at jumping to wrong conclusions. I had Willow do the spell before Dru kidnapped me -- it was before I let myself really see you."

"You mean, it was before you let gratitude and some touchy-feely dreams change your mind about me again. You knew what I was then, a monster, and you were properly disgusted by me havin' feelings for you."

At first, Spike thought Buffy had the spell done after the shrine incident. He thought she'd been so afraid of him and what he might do to her and her family that she'd taken extreme measures, and that brought back all the self-loathing he'd felt the past few days. But it wasn't much better knowing she'd had Willow cast the spell before the kidnapping by Drusilla even took place. All those negative, awful things he'd thought about himself came flooding back into his mind. He was once again reminded that he didn't deserve a woman like Buffy; he wasn't worthy of her.

Buffy couldn't deny that, at the time she'd asked Willow to do the spell, she really had been disturbed at just the thought that Spike could be in love with her. "I'm not blind when it comes to you now like I was then. I said I was sorry, Spike."

"That's the thing, luv: you don't have to be sorry. You were taking precautions to keep an obsessed psychopath out of your house -- you were being smart." Spike laughed miserably. "You didn't even know how right you were to do the spell at the time -- I'd been stealing your stuff and stalking you for a long while at that point. You shoulda done the spell long ago. You should 'ave Red do it again."

"I told you, that was before the whole thing with Dru chaining me up. It was before I knew how you really felt. It was before I knew you were capable of changing for the better, before I knew you were capable of truly loving me."

"It was before you let gratitude and sentiment interfere with your decision-making process. You knew better then."

Buffy rubbed her forehead and sighed. "God, Spike, will you please just stop it?"

"Good thing I didn't know about you doing the dis-invite when this all started, eh?" Spike laughed again. "Maybe I wouldn't have tried quite so hard to bust you out of the mansion." That was a lie, of course. Spike would've saved Buffy no matter what, but right now he was hurt, reeling, and felt humiliated.

Buffy frowned, tears stung her eyes. "...You don't mean that. You didn't know about the dis-invite, but you had no reason to think I'd ever choose to be with you."

Spike smiled ruefully. "Ah, but you forget what a vindictive, demented bastard I am, Slayer -- it woulda made a difference. Knowin' you shut me out and snubbed me woulda made me bloody well seethe."

"I don't believe you would've let me die in that mansion, even if you knew about the spell," Buffy said, her voice shaky.

He snorted and shook his head. "Believe whatever the fuck you want, doesn't matter to me. You didn't revoke my invitation for years, and I always wondered why that was. After all the nasty things I've done to you and your mates, you didn't take away my invite. And what finally tipped the scales? Your little sis telling you that I might possibly be in love with you. My hatred was fine with you, but my love disgusted you enough to finally shut me out.

"If I hate you and everything you stand for, that's alright with you; but if I dare to actually have the gall to love you, you want me out of your life. Bloody brilliant!"

Buffy's frustration boiled over. "You know what? I'm exhausted from trying to finesse you all damn night. I'm surprised I'm not freakin' hoarse from trying to convince you we should be together and that I care about you! You want to leave so bad? Then leave! I'm tired of this shit!" Buffy crossed her arms angrily and turned her back to him.

Spike gave her an acidic look (which was lost on her since she wasn't looking at him), and then turned on his heel and walked swiftly away, leather duster flapping out behind him dramatically.

After ten seconds went by without Spike saying anything, Buffy turned her head to see him walking away. "Hey!" Buffy called, frowning. "You weren't supposed to actually leave! Get back here! Spike!"

She scowled at his retreating back as he completely ignored her, cut through a neighbor's yard and disappeared from view behind a house.

"Dammit!" Buffy put her hands to her temples and rubbed.

This was not how she envisioned the night ending...





Buffy hung up her jacket, and then stomped into the kitchen and went to the sink to get a glass of water, grumbling about "stupid, overly sensitive vampires". Joyce was sitting at the island with a cup of tea, and Dawn was standing near the refrigerator, both were wondering what to say.

"It didn't go well, I take it?" Joyce asked delicately.

"No, it did not." Buffy leaned back against the counter. "Spike's so damn touchy and stubborn! And he's paranoid, too! He actually asked me if I did that to trick him or to teach him some kind of lesson... It took so much work to get him here and it had to end like that... This sucks!"

"You really hurt Spike's feelings, Buffy," Dawn reprimanded her.

"Thanks, I hadn't figured that out, Dawn." Buffy rolled her eyes.

Dawn had given Buffy her blessing to be with Spike, but she couldn't help but feel protective of him (and a teensy bit jealous). She crossed her arms. "If I was his girlfriend, I never would've hurt his feelings like that."

"You're a 14-year-old kid and he has zero interest in you -- so I guess we'll never find out if that's true or not," Buffy replied testily.

Dawn narrowed her eyes, but then a small, malicious smile appeared on her face. "Yeah... I guess I'm really more Angel's type, huh? He likes jailbait."

"Dawn!" Joyce chastised her, surprised.

Buffy's mouth dropped open too. "That was really low, Dawn."

Dawn shrugged. "And calling me a stupid kid and saying Spike wouldn't look twice at me wasn't low? You know how much I like him!"

"I didn't say you were stupid. And what's Spike been telling you? Has he been talking trash about Angel to you?" Buffy didn't like the idea of Spike trying to poison Dawn's mind against Angel -- she knew Spike was still very much liable to do something like that, no matter how much he'd changed.

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Oh yeah, I can't form opinions all by myself -- someone has to tell me what to think. Spike doesn't even like the mention of Angel's name -- all my info was gathered from other sources. Fact: Angel was perving on you way back when you still went to Hemery. Fact: He was 240 years old, pretended to be all cultured, well-read and stuff, but he was interested in a 15-year-old high school girl -- I'm sure he was only interested in having intellectual discussions with you. You guys had nothing in common. Fact: He hung around, followed you, and --"

"That's enough, Dawn!" Buffy said brusquely.

"That's enough out of both of you girls!" Joyce interrupted them. "What's wrong with the two of you? Snapping at and being just plain mean to each other like that over men. You should be ashamed of yourselves."

They both looked down, feeling suddenly guilty for behaving that way and saying what they'd said; they'd let their emotions get the best of them and realized how mean they'd been. They mumbled, "Sorry, Mom."

"Apologize to each other," Joyce said sternly.

The sisters sighed, looked at each other and apologized sincerely. Their mother still looked cranky, so they gave each other a little hug and apologized again.

"That's better." Joyce got up from the table. "I don't want to hear you two talking to each other like that ever again. You hear me?"

They nodded.

"What I said was way out of line... I really am sorry, Buffy," Dawn said.

"Me too." She hugged Dawn again. "I'm just having a really frustrating night... I'm sorry I took it out on you. I've had enough rides on emotional rollercoasters to last several lifetimes."

"I had a flare-up of my Spoiled Brat Syndrome," Dawn joked. "I promise I won't say stuff like that again... I'm still okay with you and Spike going out. I just kind of felt... protective of him 'cause he got hurt and he looked so sad..."

"I don't think you have to worry about me going out with Spike -- I'm done chasing him." Buffy raised her nose in the air. "I'm not gonna go crawling to him and begging forgiveness again. I never had to work this frickin' hard to get a guy, who's supposedly madly in love with me, to ask me for a date. If he stops acting like a baby and wants to talk, he knows where to find me."

"Well... Spike's sensitive, and you hurt his feelings -- unintentionally. It might take him a while before he's ready to talk to you again," Dawn pointed out.

Buffy shrugged and casually rearranged the storage jars on the kitchen counter, acting indifferent. "Whatever."

"Can I feel secure leaving the room now?" Joyce asked. "You two aren't going to start arguing again?"

"We're fine, Mom," they droned.

"You'd better be. I'm going upstairs to take a bath before bed." Joyce gave them another cautioning look, then went upstairs.

"You really forgot about the dis-invite spell?" Dawn asked, sitting down at the island.

Buffy groaned. "Yes, I'm just that stupid and I really forgot about the spell. I was going to tell Spike I had Willow cast the spell, I really was -- but there wasn't a good time to bring it up. He was so broody and depressed when I first went to talk to him... And then I just forgot. I could swear I invited him in though..."

"You know, Spike's really hot," Dawn said matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, I noticed. And?"

"And if you don't close the deal, some other skank could swoop in and try stealing him."

Buffy put her hands on her hips. "What do you mean by 'other skank'?"

"I meant like Harmony, not you," Dawn clarified. "You're totally un-skanky."

Buffy shook her head, dismissing the idea that Spike would go trolling for bimbos. "Spike could've had his pick of women since he's been in Sunnydale, and the best he could find was Harmony. He obviously wasn't even trying to find anyone better than her or he would've."

"Yeah, but now he's all upset and might be an easy target for a motivated bimbo."

"I don't care," Buffy said, trying to sound apathetic.

"You're really just gonna give up trying to talk to Spike?" It was incomprehensible to Dawn, she'd stop at nothing if she really had a chance of being Spike's cuddle bunny.

"I talked to him all damn night. I've got some pride left, y'know? I'm done."

"I wouldn't give up if I were you -- and yeah, I know he isn't interested in me and I don't have a snowball's chance in hell -- but if I had a chance, I wouldn't give up until he was mine."

"I just don't know what else I'm supposed to say or do, Dawnie," Buffy sighed, frustrated. "I tried everything I could think of. It was finally going great... right up to the point when he ran into the anti-vamp barrier. And I know I said, 'Come in, Spike'. Willow must've made it a super-powerful spell that requires multiple invites or something..."

Dawn doubted Willow had screwed up a simple dis-invite spell, but didn't want to say so. She only shrugged.

"I'm going to bed, Spike can do whatever, with whoever, he wants. I don't care anymore -- it's not worth the headaches he gives me. Who knew vampires could be so damn touchy?! One little innocent mistake and he's all off the deep end! He's a pain in the ass that I just don't need." Buffy walked out of the kitchen toward the stairs. She wanted to turn and go upstairs, but found herself walking on to the front door instead.

"Tell Spike I said hi." Dawn waved.

Buffy sighed and took her jacket back off the hook. "I will."





Spike didn't go back home right away. He was still out of just about everything and needed to hit the shops. First he stopped at Willy's and had a few pints, then he got into a proper fight to get out some of his bottled up aggression, then he went shopping.

Spike had some time to think about what happened at Buffy's house, and he felt badly for some of the things he'd said to her. Accusing Buffy of purposely not telling him about the spell was just plain stupid -- he knew in his heart she wouldn't do that, not after all the sweet things she'd said to him earlier. But he'd let his hyper-emotional and insecure side take over.

It still upset him that she'd had Willow cast the spell, she'd been that freaked out about him possibly being in love with her. But things really had changed a lot since then, Buffy didn't see him as nothing but a muzzled animal anymore, she cared about him... at least he thought she did.

But he'd also told Buffy he might not have saved her life if he'd known about the spell. That was a lie, but he'd still said it. Would he have been angry and hurt? Yes. Would he have let Buffy die? Definitely not. Spike had taken a lot of abuse from Buffy and her friends in the past and that hadn't stopped him from helping and protecting her when he could. Knowing about the spell would have wounded him, but it wouldn't have made him stop loving her.

Buffy was probably reevaluating the whole being attracted to him thing now. Maybe he'd try talking to her in a day or two, he wasn't in the mood for any more conversations tonight. If she did still care about him after what he'd said, he didn't know if the two of them should even try having a relationship. Perhaps they were just doomed from the start.

Spike's ego and feelings were still smarting, he needed some time to think things through before he felt ready to see Buffy again. He had no idea what the hell was wrong with him lately -- he was thinking and feeling like he had a bloody soul. But he'd lost his soul long ago and it wasn't possible for a soul to come back without some sort of magick being involved. He wondered if falling in love with Buffy had planted a seedling of a soul within him, and now the seedling was starting to blossom.

"That'd be my soddin' luck... Didn't ask for a bloody soul." Spike started for home with his grocery bag of blood, smokes, and lots of whiskey.





Buffy was sitting on a tombstone near the crypt waiting for Spike to come home.

She wasn't really worried that Spike might have gone looking for another woman to bed, but she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep with the way things were left between them. She wasn't going to let days go by without putting things right with Spike.

Part of her wanted to give up on the idea of getting together with Spike and think of it as dodging a major bullet -- imagine all the headaches he would've given her in the future. But a bigger part of Buffy thought that Spike was worth all this trouble and aggravation. She was a woman on a mission, and she wasn't going to quit until the air was cleared and Spike forgave her. Then they could embark on the next part of her plan... getting to know each other better... and more kissage... definitely more kissage.

Buffy was beginning to wonder if Spike was spending the night out (or maybe he did pick up a skank), when she heard the sound of someone approaching. She looked toward the entrance of the cemetery to see Spike on his way home, carrying a grocery bag.

She could hear bottles clanging together. 'Yeah, that's what he needs -- more booze,' she thought with a roll of her eyes.

When he got closer, Buffy stood up and brushed off the seat of her pants. "Well, look who finally decided to come home."

Spike stopped, hung his head back and groaned. He'd been lost in thought and didn't notice her until now; he hadn't expected to see her again tonight. "'M not in the mood for any more in-depth discussions, Slayer." He was trying to contain it, but seeing that she hadn't given up on him made warmth bloom in his chest and sent a tingle up his spine.

"I've been waiting here..." Buffy checked her wristwatch, "for almost an hour. I didn't wait all that time just to scurry away when you order me to."

"Sorry you wasted your time," he said dryly.

"It wasn't a total waste, I dusted two vamps while I was waiting. That counts as a patrol."

"Good on ya, Slayer." While Spike was happy to see her, he really didn't think he could handle any more emotional conversations tonight. He'd rather do this in a day or two, but Buffy, as usual, seemed to have a different opinion on the subject.

"You're back to calling me just 'Slayer' all the time again, huh?" Buffy asked. "You weren't supposed to leave when we were talking in front of my house, y'know? You were supposed to stay and make nice -- again."

Spike raised his eyebrows. "Even though you told me to leave, turned you your nose up and turned your back on me?"

Buffy shook her head. "You still don't understand women after 120 years?"

"I could live to be a thousand and still not understand you bloody women," Spike said, continuing on his way to the crypt.

Buffy followed him. "I think I understand you now."

Spike stopped and turned to face her. "Oh, think you have me figured out, do you?" he asked derisively. "How could you possibly know what makes me tick?"

"I should've said I understand you better than I did -- I could live to be a thousand and still not totally 'get' you. For so long, I only saw you as a bad guy who was forced to behave because of the chip. But you're like one of those 3-D paintings, you know the ones you have to look at a certain way and squint super hard to see the real picture?"

He responded by raising an eyebrow.

"It's a good analogy," Buffy defended with a frown. "It took what happened with Dru for me to squint at you and see what you try keeping hidden below the surface."

Spike looked at her suspiciously. "Have you been drinking?"

Buffy rolled her eyes. "No. It's just something I was thinking about while sitting on the headstone and waiting for you, and trying to ignore how numb my ass was getting."

"Can we give the talkin' a rest for tonight?" Spike asked wearily, reaching out to open the crypt door. "I've really had enough; I'm knackered."

Buffy moved into the doorway and blocked him just as he was about to go inside. "I've forgiven you for a lot of stuff, Spike. Why can't you do the same for me? You really can't forgive me for the dis-invite spell?"

Spike looked into her eyes and then looked down. "There's really nothing to forgive. I'm not angry with you."

"It sure seems like anger to me."

Spike looked back up into her eyes. "I was brassed off when I ran into the barrier and realized what it was. I felt like a bloody fool... I thought the joke was on ol' Spike again and everyone would have a good laugh. But I've simmered down a bit since then."

"So you don't think I set you up to laugh at you or 'put you in your place' anymore? That accusation hurt, Spike." Buffy pouted slightly. "I thought you knew I wouldn't do something like that to you."

He shook his head, looking a bit guilty. "You were right about me jumping to the worst conclusions... I'm sorry I thought you'd do something like that to me after all the kind things you said earlier. I was just sorta... dazed and confused at the time.

"And... I didn't mean that other thing I said about... not helpin' you escape from Dru if I'da known about the spell. That was my bruised feelings and ego talkin', not me. I'm so sorry I hurt you again..." Spike sighed. "Why do we keep hurting each other?"

Buffy shook her head and shrugged. "We do have a talent for pissing each other off."

"I do love you, Buffy, that'll never change. Being with you would make me the happiest man on the planet. But maybe we're just not good for each other... We've gotten close and kissed a few times now, and just when everything seemed to be going well, we blew up on the bloody launch pad."

Buffy shrugged. "Maybe that just means we have to really want it. Spike… look, we’ve made a habit of tossing insults at each other for a long time and just letting them bounce off, now it seems we’ve swung one hundred and eighty degrees and any little thing that happens, even though it’s unintentional, is hurting our feelings. We need to find a middle ground where we can be comfortable and trust each other so we can move forward and build a real relationship. I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to try to do that. We owe it to ourselves to at least try. I wouldn't be here right now if I didn't think you were worth it."

Sometimes Spike could swear he had a beating heart in his chest. Hearing Buffy say she thought he was worth the effort to make something real between them -- to build a relationship, and seeing the determination in her eyes, made him feel lightheaded as if his pulse was racing. "Mind if we take this inside? I want to put this bloody bag down."

Buffy opened the door and went inside, followed by Spike. He put the grocery bag down by his mini-fridge while Buffy made herself at home and sat on a sarcophagus.

"You don't think I'm afraid of things going horribly wrong between us again?" Buffy asked him. "And I don't just mean that I'm afraid you'll do something bad and/or stupid -- I'm worried about me screwing things up, too... like when I forgot about the dis-invite spell. I didn't mean to hurt you or make you feel stupid... but I did. None of my relationships have worked out. I blamed the guys I was with, but it's me -- there's something inside me that makes me... unlovable." She looked down sadly. "I think there might be something wrong with me."

He frowned and shook his head. "Piffle. No, luv, there's nothing wrong with you. Don't let what that ponce Finn did make you think it's you who has the problem. He was lacking, not you!" Spike said hotly. "You deserve a mate whose manhood isn't threatened by your strength and abilities, you don't need some insecure little wanker who can't stand the fact that his woman could wipe the floor with him. And he was too bloody needy, thinkin' he should come first in your life above all else. He didn't understand you or your calling, Buffy. Don't blame yourself for his shortcomings."

Buffy looked up at him, smiling a bit. "Riley wasn't the right guy for me, that's obvious to me now. And it really was for the best that he left, even though it hurt at the time. I've got a feeling you're the right guy for me, Spike; I can see everything pretty clearly now. So you'd better stop turning me away before I get really cranky -- you wouldn't like me when I'm cranky."

Spike smiled and snorted. "I've seen it... and no, I don't wanna see you cranky again." He took the containers of blood out of the bag and put them in the fridge. "You know what's really been naggin' at me?" Buffy shook her head. "You went so quickly from hating me to liking me, and then back to hating me again after you saw the shrine... and now you're back to fancying me again -- who's to say it won't happen again? Next time you get brassed off am I gonna find myself bouncing off the threshold again?"

"That won't happen," Buffy promised sincerely. "I've been an emotional yo-yo lately, but I'm done going back and forth now. I know what I want. I want you, Spike. I think we could have something amazing if we can just get past these bumps in the road."

He smiled, then sighed. "I wish I felt as confident about it... What if I bollix something up again? It is me, after all -- I'm bound to do something bloody stupid sooner or later. What if I can't control my impulses and do something you don't approve of? I don't want to hurt or disappoint you again..."

"If anybody can fight their bad impulses, you can. The fact that you even care if you hurt me or might disappoint me in the future shows how different you are than other vampires, and how much you've changed since we first met. You're special... That's special-special, not the 'riding the short bus to school' kind of special."

Buffy got up and walked over to him, wanting to look him in the eye. "I saw your strength when you went against Dru to help me. You fought your demon and won. You did the right thing and chose to save me even though you didn't think anything would ever happen between us. You chose me over having your old life with her back. You have the strength inside you to live any way you want. I believe in you, Spike."

Spike smiled and tilted his head, his eyes welled with tears of happiness. Her saying those words to him brought everything into focus again. Buffy believed in him, so he should believe in himself, too. "You mean that?"

"I really do. I thought I told you that before, but there's a good chance it was Dream Spike."

His smiled widened. "Dream Spike was a lucky bloke." First, Spike had been jealous of himself in Buffy's Dru-induced hallucination, and now he was jealous of his dream-self. The real Spike was happy to finally be getting some of that encouragement and affection from Buffy too.

Buffy smiled. "Dream Spike was a very passionate, very naughty, very sweet bloke. He made a crude comment to me and my evil twin, but other than that he was great." She put her arms around his neck. "But I think the real you will prove to be even more interesting." Buffy was about to kiss him when she stopped and asked, "How's your nose?" She gently touched, then kissed the tip of his nose. "Did you get hurt too bad when you ran into the anti-vamp barrier or when you fell?"

Spike rolled his eyes. "I think I'm a bit tougher than that, Buffy. The only thing really hurt was my pride..." He added with a slight smile, "...and my nose... and bits of my spine when I fell on my ass."

Buffy traced the outline of a red mark on his cheek from the fight he'd been in. "Looks like you ran face-first into someone's fist a few times since I saw you last, too."

"Yeah... I had a disagreement with a few large demons. I find that getting into a brawl helps when I've got inner turmoil and problems to suss out."

"I have to admit, dusting those vamps while I was waiting for you made me feel a little better too. See? We have stuff in common." Buffy grinned and wriggled against him, pressing his back against the wall.

Spike held her in his arms, moving his hands slowly over her back and hardly believing he could be lucky enough to catch Buffy's fancy without the aid of magick. "You really think two crazy, unlucky in love sods like us can make a go of it?"

"Let's be real: We're both going to do stupid and/or thoughtless things in the future. We just have to have faith in each other and try not to get bitchy."

"Sounds like a challenge." Spike smirked and held her tighter. "I like a challenge."

"So do I. That's another thing we have in common."

They smiled and kissed softly.

"I don't wanna hear any more of that 'I'm not worthy' crap from you, or that I deserve better than you. Got it?" Buffy said with a light tone, but clearly meaning it.

Spike shook his head. "No more of that bollocks, I promise. I know I can make you happy, pet." He was through being worried and beating himself up over things he couldn't change. Buffy wanted him and Spike knew that, with her love, he was strong enough to fight his demon and be the man she deserved.

"And I don't want to hear any more of that 'there's something wrong with me -- I'm unlovable' bollocks from you, either," Spike challenged and Buffy nodded slowly, a small smile gracing her lips.

"So, no more broody Spike then?" she teased.

He narrowed his eyes, but was still smiling. "Told you, 'm not broody."





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