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Author's Chapter Notes:
Yet another two-part chapter.

Banners by xoChantelly and Edgehead
Spike leaned back on the Harley and had a smoke while he waited for Buffy to emerge from the Magic Box. He'd walked out of the shop as soon as he was sure his legs wouldn't give out while making his exit. There was no bloody way he was about to stay in there to be subjected to the Scoobies' condemnation just because he'd roughed Xander up a little bit. They hadn't said anything, but he knew they were about to.

The effects of the chip going off had lessened, so he was sure he could drive the bike with no problems. He didn't expect to feel so much better so quickly after the bad shock the chip had given him; it was probably because of the pleasant surprise Spike had gotten when he realized Buffy was mad at Xander, and not just him, about what happened. It was a shame he couldn't get just one punch in before the chip shocked him.

Spike sighed wistfully and blew out a slow stream of smoke, musing how fantastic it would've been if Dru's hypno-blocking of the chip had lasted a while longer, or if he could find a hypnotist to do it again... He shook his head, no good could come of that sort of thinking. No one trusted him now, they sure as hell wouldn't trust him if he were free to do as he pleased.

Spike growled quietly as he ran the scene with Xander through his mind again. The nerve of the little tosser, speaking to William the Bloody like that... Xander was the only person (besides Angelus) to ever speak to Spike with such outrageous disrespect and still be able to walk away at the end. At no time should anyone piss off a Master Vampire -- even if the vamp has a chip in his brain and can't punch a hole through your body and turn you into a hand puppet like he would normally do. No one should ever do something as dangerous and unwise as taunting even a chipped Master Vampire... because the chip situation could change, and that Master Vamp will remember who it was that disrespected him... Harris either had a massive set of wrinklies or he was just tragically stupid -- Spike was betting on the latter.

A few of the things Xander said were stuck on repeat in Spike's mind. Could it be true that Buffy was settling for him? She'd gotten dumped by 'Wonder Bread' not long ago, and she'd been weepy and depressed after that... And what if Buffy wasn't ever able to love him? What if her feelings never went that deep? What if she just couldn't bring herself to love him because of all the evil he'd done in his life?

As fun as all those 'What ifs' were to contemplate, Spike still didn't know what Buffy would say to him about the incident with Xander. Yes, she'd taken Xander aside to bitch at him -- but that didn't mean Spike wouldn't have been the next one pulled into the training room. He had no idea how angry Buffy might be with him... and that made him nervous.

Spike dropped his cigarette on the sidewalk and ground it out under his boot when he saw Buffy coming out of the shop. She didn't look happy, not that he expected she would be. She was mostly looking down at the ground as she walked over to him. He stood and licked his lips anxiously, waiting for her reaction to what he'd done.

But Buffy didn't say a word, she kept her eyes on the pavement. Spike tilted his head to try and see her face better. "You alright?"

Buffy nodded and looked up at him, and Spike noticed tears in her eyes. His phantom heart constricted at seeing those tears, he never could stand to see her sad and crying... not since he realized he was in love with her, anyway. Spike wanted to take Buffy in his arms and comfort her, but he didn't know how much of that anger and sadness he was seeing was because of him.

"How's your head? Still hurting?" Buffy asked softly.

That she seemed concerned about him gave Spike a smidgeon of hope. "Yeah, but I'm feelin' much better now. The tiny, sadistic man in my head with the sledgehammer finally fucked off. I think I'll be able to drive just fine."

"Good. Let's get to the cemetery and patrol," Buffy said flatly, getting on the back of the bike. She needed a few minutes to regroup and gather her thoughts before beginning another serious conversation.

Spike got on and started up the motorcycle. Buffy didn't hold him as tight as she did on the way to the coffeehouse or the shop, which worried Spike again. He gave his utmost attention to driving, but his mind was also whirring to think of any good excuse he could give her for why he'd attacked Xander. He didn't want to tell her everything, maybe he'd just tell her the bits Xander had said about him, not the shit about him only wanting to fuck a Slayer. It was wholly untrue, but Buffy might get that tune stuck in her head, too. Spike wondered again how much Buffy was able to overhear.

But would any excuse fly with the Slayer as to why he'd blown up at one of her besties? Maybe she'd seen the old Spike at that moment and was reminded that the demon was still inside him, just waiting to come out the next time he got angry... like the Incredible bloody Hulk. Maybe Buffy was thinking Spike really hadn't changed all that much, after all...

Spike parked the bike outside the Restfield Cemetery gates, and they dismounted.

Buffy took her stake, Mr. Pointy, out of her jacket and walked through the gates. She seemed a bit detached, lost in her own thoughts. Once he concealed the bike amongst some foliage, Spike took a steadying breath and jogged to catch up with her.

He glanced at her as they walked side-by-side. She looked unhappy, her delicate brow slightly creased. Spike didn't want to draw this out, if Buffy was going to tear him a new one, he'd rather she did it now. Letting anger build up wasn't a good idea, like the way his anger had grown until he exploded and tried to hurt Xander.

"So... just how brassed off are you, luv?” Spike asked hesitantly.

"Very brassed off," Buffy grumbled. "What happened at the shop really sucked! And I didn't want to have to talk to Xander like that, but he had to go and act like an asshole and left me no choice."

Spike couldn't help smirking slightly for just a second, wishing he could've been a fly on the wall to witness her yelling at Xander. That would've been priceless.

Buffy frowned at him. "Don't look so smug, Mr. Punchy. You're not off the hook for what you did."

Spike took and released a long breath. "Alright... let me have it, then." He looked at her with a question in his eyes, afraid to ask it, but he had to. "Just tell me one thing before you lay into me... Do you still want to be my girl... or did I blow it?"

Buffy sighed and smiled sadly, she hadn't meant to scare Spike into thinking she was furious enough to break up with him by being so closed off since they'd left the Magic Box. She'd just needed time to herself and her own thoughts. "You thought I'd break up with you over what happened with Xander?"

"I put my hands on one of your best mates in anger..." Spike lowered his head, rubbing at the back of his neck. "So, yeah... I thought it might've changed your mind about me." He kept his head down, but glanced over at her out of the corner of his eye.

Buffy shook her head and stopped walking. Spike stopped a moment after she did, turning toward her and wondering if she was going to hit him or just shout at him. Head still down, he jammed his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket, preparing for the worst.

Buffy stepped up to him, put two fingers under his chin, and tilted his head back up until their eyes met. Buffy gave him a little kiss on the lips, even though she wasn't really in the mood for smoochies. Spike just looked so adorable and nervous, she had to let him know she wasn't that mad at him. "It didn't change my mind, Spike, I still want to be with you. If you'd attacked Xander out of nowhere and for no good reason, then we'd have a problem."

Spike smiled with relief, took his hands out of his pockets and put his arms around her waist. "I didn't know what was goin' through that cute little noggin o' yours." He kissed her on the forehead. "I was sweatin' bullets for a while there."

"I'm not happy about what you did, Spike... but I know Xander was pushing your buttons again," Buffy said with a frown, remembering what she'd overheard.

"He was pushin' buttons like a bloody lab rat on amphetamines," Spike agreed, growling. "I felt myself gettin' more and more pissed off... and I did warn him repeatedly that he'd best shut his gob, but he didn't take heed... It actually had the opposite effect and encouraged the git. I made the mistake of lettin' what Harris said get to me rather than responding in kind with some button pushin' of my own..." He took a deep, calming breath and squared his shoulders. "Won't happen again, luv."

"Yes, it will," Buffy sighed wearily and patted his face.

Spike frowned. "No, really... I mean it. I'll ignore --"

She shook her head, laid a hand on his chest over his un-beating heart, and looked into his ocean blue eyes. "It's like you said, your favorite pastime is stickin' it to each other. That's the kind of relationship you and Xander have. It's going to happen and keep on a' happenin'."

"Well... yeah. I only meant I won't try to rough the boy up again," Spike explained. "I've got his number now, I know what he's tryin' to do; I won't let him play me again."

"Oh, well, that's good -- absolutely no more physical violence. No attempts at physical violence, either. The constant picking at each other is bad enough... I don't have to tell you it was wrong to lose your head and attack Xander, no matter what he said, do I?"

"I know it was wrong..." Spike admitted somberly. "And I'm sorry, Buffy."

"You're really sorry for going after Xander?" Buffy asked doubtfully. She assumed, if anything, Spike was only sorry he hadn't been able to successfully attack Xander.

"Yes... and no. The spotty little twerp deserved a thrashing... I'm mostly sorry you're disappointed in me for doin' it..." Spike looked away, his jaw ticced. "I'm disappointed in m'self too -- I shoulda been able to let what he said roll right off my back." He shook his head and looked up at the sky, saying in a sigh, "But I played right into his soddin' hands, took the bait, and went right off the deep end. I hate bein' played, but I hate it even more when I'm daft enough to fucking fall for it... Outwitted by Xander bloody Harris... not my proudest moment."

Buffy didn't want to have to ask this, but she needed to hear his answer. "What would you have done if the chip didn't work?"

Spike pursed his lips, pondering her question. "I didn't think much beyond punching him in his big bloody mouth... I wouldn't've killed him, if that's what you mean," Spike assured her. "Not sayin' I wouldn't've wanted to... But I know how important your friends are to you, I wouldn't hurt you by takin' any of them away from you... not even that gourmless tit Harris."

"I wanted to punch him in his big bloody mouth, too," Buffy confessed, her right hand curling into a fist for a moment. "Both of..." She paused, her brow furrowing. "Did you call him a 'tit'?"

Spike smiled and nodded.

Buffy snorted and shook her head, then got back to what she'd been saying. "Both of us need to develop thicker skins. People are going to say that us being together is wrong, we just have to learn to ignore them. We need to be more duck-y."

"'Duck-y'? Peking or a l’Orange?”

“Not cooked ducks!” Buffy explained with an eyeroll. “We need to be live ducks... just let it all roll off our backs.”

"Ah." Spike nodded... he’d never really been good at being ‘duck-y’... never had any reason to be in over a century. "Do you think Harris will tone it down after your talk with him?"

"I honestly don't know. I'd like to think what I said got through to him, but..." Buffy shrugged and sighed. "I threatened to get in Anya's face the way he gets in your face, and that definitely scared Xander for a minute. But I think he knows I wouldn't've gone through with it. If he calls my bluff and starts on you again... I got nothin' else. I just want it to stop..." She sighed again, her shoulders slumping.

Spike wrapped his arms around her and held her close. Buffy leaned against his chest; feeling his hard body pressed flush with hers and his strong arms surrounding her was helping her feel more relaxed. Breathing in his scent also helped her feel more at ease. Buffy inhaled deeply through her nose -- leather was the dominant scent, but others were mingled with it: tobacco, the Sumatra blend coffee he'd had at the cafe, what she thought might be engine oil, something spicy (like those chicken wings he's so fond of), and a clean, fresh scent like an ocean breeze. Spike was definitely the yummiest smelling vampire she'd ever had the pleasure to sniff. Ordinary vamps tended to be smelly, that was another way Spike differed from most of his kind.

They hugged, trying to lend each other some comfort.

"I heard what Xander said to you..." Buffy pulled back to look at him. "I heard the things that made you so angry."

"How much did you hear?" Spike asked warily.

"Enough. I didn't catch everything, but Xander let a few other vile things he said to you slip when I was talking to him. All of it just made me sick..." Buffy made a face like she had a bad taste in her mouth. "How you only want to have sex with me to conquer a Slayer, and how you're just convenient to me... It was just nasty bullshit, he doesn't know what he's talking about, Spike. I'm sorry he said those disgusting things to you..."

They both had some big insecurities. What Xander said about Spike just being convenient to Buffy did indeed strike a nerve. Spike was worried that Buffy might really just be on the rebound from getting dumped, feeling lonely and needing validation that she was desirable and lovable. After Dru left him, Spike had felt so low and needy that he'd hooked up with Harmony... Spike knew how loneliness, combined with low self-esteem, could make you do really stupid things that you'd eventually regret; someone could pick the wrongest person in the world for them if they felt bad enough about themselves. Was that what Buffy was doing with him? In his most insecure moments, Spike had a nightmarish vision of Riley or Angel coming back to town to reclaim Buffy, and her saying, 'Well, it's been fun, Spike -- but the man I love wants me back. Bye!' It would destroy him if Buffy tossed him aside for either one of those wankers.

And Buffy worried that Spike's love and lust for her might fade once they slept together. Sometimes people find they aren't as happy as they imagined they'd be once they get what they'd wanted so desperately, it was the old 'be careful what you wish for' rule of life... Or he could just be in for a big ol' downer when he does finally sleep with her and finds out Angelus was right... and she wasn't 'worth a second go'. Spike had been dreaming and fantasizing about her for months -- how could she possibly live up to the hype his subconscious had created?

They both worried that voicing their biggest fears to the other might make them look foolish or that being so insecure would be a huge turn-off, or that they'd be offended by the apparent lack of trust. Nobody wants to be with an insecure, needy person whom they constantly have to reassure. So... they kept those deeper fears to themselves for now... hoping that the thing they feared would never materialize... hoping the ‘there is nothing to fear but fear itself’ rule of life would kick the ‘careful wishes’ rule’s ass.

Buffy laid a hand on Spike's cheek, he smiled softly at her and leaned into her touch. "Spike, none of what Xander said is true. I care about you... I care so much."

Spike thought, 'Care... but not love. Will it ever be love?' He pushed that thought away, reminding himself to be happy with whatever Buffy was able to give him. It might never be love, but what he had with her right now was a bloody miracle and he knew he was very lucky to have it. Spike was a proud man, but he would take crumbs from Buffy if that was all she could give... even her crumbs were delicious, like manna from heaven.

Spike put his hand over hers, turning his face to kiss the inside of her wrist before looking back into her eyes. "The thing Xander said... about me just wanting to conquer you, it was complete bollocks. You know that, don't you, pet? If all I wanted was a shag... That's not what I want, Buffy." He smiled tenderly and ran a hand lightly over her shiny, shampoo commercial, blonde hair. "You're my golden goddess, I adore you. I don't have any hidden motives in wanting to be with you. I love you, that's all the motive I have or need."

Buffy pulled him into a hug. The insecure Buffy within her whispered, 'He calls you a goddess... Spike's put you on such a high pedestal... You can't live up to his flawless ideal of you.' She closed her eyes as she held him tightly in her arms, telling that voice in her head to shut up, trying to convince herself that all her fears were unfounded... but the ‘nowhere to go but down’ life rule kept creeping into the back of her mind.

"You think it's possible for us to salvage the night?" Spike asked hopefully. "I was having such a grand time before..."

Buffy hadn't thought it was in the cards for them to continue their evening of romance after what happened at the Magic Box, but she was feeling calmer since they'd arrived at the cemetery... most likely because she and Spike were alone again and had time to talk and be affectionate with each other, with no naysayers to bring them down or interfere.

"Yeah, let's pretend we came straight here from the coffeehouse. None of that other bullshit happened. Well... it's worth a try, anyway." Buffy leaned back and smiled brightly at him. "Hey, wanna go kill some stuff?"

Spike laughed. "Thought you'd never ask, luv!" They held hands as they set off through the graveyard together. "Don't pay me no mind if I call a demon 'Xander' while I'm beating the shit out of it. I'll just be workin' out some issues. It's cheaper than seeing a shrink."







They had no trouble finding several baddies to slay, there was no shortage of things to kill like on their previous few patrols. Both of them felt somewhat better after the fights, it helped to get some of their aggression and frustration out. For their last fight, they got a pack of four vampires at once. These vamps weren't inexperienced fledglings, they'd all been around at least a few years, which made the fight tougher (and more satisfying) than the other ones Buffy had engaged in recently.

Buffy and Spike each had two vamps to fight, they were both able to take one out without too much trouble, but the ones they were left with proved to be a bit harder to kill.

Spike dusted his second vamp, took a moment to revel in victory, and then strolled toward Buffy just as she finished staking her last opponent.

Her back was to him, her shoulders moving up and down slightly with exertion. The way the moonlight bounced off her golden hair mesmerized him for a moment, she was so beautiful yet so deadly; so strong and yet so vulnerable. 'Ah, ma belle Buffy... she's all good things rolled into one pretty, sexy li'l package.'

Spike grinned and laid a hand on her shoulder, about to congratulate her for another victory.

Buffy whirled around, leading with her fist, and punched him in the face. Spike grunted and went flying backwards.

It wasn't until her fist made contact with his jaw that Buffy realized it was Spike and not one of the vampires they'd been fighting. Buffy had been pumped and ready to take on the next enemy; she'd thought there was still one of them left to fight. Her eyes went wide and she gasped as she watched Spike sail through the air.

Spike landed on his back on the ground with a hard *thud*, staying motionless for a few moments. "...Oww..." he muttered.

"Spike!" Buffy shouted, dropping the stake in her hand like it was hot. She ran to him and straddled his waist, sitting down hard on the tops of his thighs. She bent over him to inspect his injury. "Are you insane!? I could've staked you! You're lucky I was throwing a punch instead of stabbing that stake into your chest!"

Spike shook his head to shoo away the cartoon bluebirds orbiting it, then slowly rubbed his smarting jaw. "Yeah... didn't really think that one through, did I? Sneakin' up on a Slayer without announcin' my presence first ain't a good idea... I get that now." He felt stupid for making a mistake like that, he knew better. But Spike had been waxing poetic about Buffy and wasn't thinking straight... He'd have to be more careful about that in the future.

Buffy dropped down on top of him, hugging him painfully and squeezing her eyes shut. "My God, Spike... I could've killed you..." she whispered against his neck. "Please... please never sneak up on me like that again."

Spike brought his arms up around her, stroking his hands up and down her back. "No worries, darlin'... learned my lesson, I did. I'll be standing a good distance away next time. Maybe I'll use semaphore flags to congratulate you on a battle well-won."

Buffy snorted a laugh, wondering how it was that he could still make her laugh when her heart was racing with anxiety and dread. The image she got in her head of Spike standing on a distant hilltop and waving flags around made her giggle. She raised up and looked down at him, gingerly touching his reddened cheek. "I don't want anything happening to you... you stupid, gorgeous vampire." She added with a wry smile, "Why are the pretty ones always so dumb?"

Spike smirked up at her, putting his hands on the outsides of her thighs. "Fancy me, do ya, luv?" He gave her his patented cocked eyebrow, and curled his tongue up over his top teeth (also patented).

"Yes, I do fancy you. I really fancy you. So be more careful from now on, understand?" Buffy smacked his chest.

"Count on it. Hmm..." Spike's smirk turned more lewd and he wriggled his body under her. "...I must say, I'm feelin' pretty good at the moment. Your TLC is makin' my pain fade away to nothing. I wouldn't mind you knockin' me on my ass again if we can do this afterwards..."

Buffy blushed and smacked his chest again. "Not even a near death experience can make you non-horny for a minute, huh?"

Spike puckered his lips and looked upwards at the sky, mulling that over for a nanosecond, then looked back at her and said, "Nope."

"I didn't think so; you really are incorrigible." Buffy touched his cheekbone, lightly tracing down to his lips and thinking how particularly beautiful Spike looked by moonlight. If she'd decided to whirl around with her stake extended instead of her closed fist, she wouldn't be admiring Spike's rugged beauty right now... She was still feeling shaky inside from the near-staking, it had been way too close for Buffy's liking.

The thought went through her mind, 'God... what would I do if I lost him now?' But Buffy didn't take time to pursue the thought and examine how it would make her feel to lose Spike. All she knew was that it would hurt her badly, worse than it would've hurt after their first date; her affection for him has grown by the day. She didn't want to think, even for a moment, about losing someone who had become so special to her.

Buffy was about to stand up, but then changed her mind -- she dropped back down against Spike's chest and started kissing him fiercely. She felt a sudden, desperate need to kiss him, to affirm that he was okay and that he was hers. She had to unleash some of her passion for Spike or she'd explode.

Spike was taken by surprise and Mmmphed! when Buffy was suddenly mauling his lips and her tongue forced its way into his mouth. But, of course, he quickly got into it. Nothing turned him on more than Buffy being all demanding and fiery.

They moaned and grunted, holding each other tight and rolling around on the ground together for a minute. They came to a stop with Buffy back on top. She sat up to straddle him again, both of them were breathing heavily.

Buffy could feel how the frenzied makeout had excited Spike, his stiffening dick was right under her butt. And Lord knew it had excited her, her panties were getting damp in the crotch and her heart was beating wildly. She had the strong desire to just start grinding down on Spike and let nature take its course... But screwing on the grass wasn't any more romantic than screwing against a tree. She wanted to stick to her 'unbelievably romantic first time' plan.

Spike raised his head, panting and looking at Buffy with anticipation. If she gave the go-ahead, he was ready to give her a night to remember... what would hopefully be the first in a long series of nights for both of them to remember.

"I... uh, think we should get back to it -- patrolling, I mean..." Buffy said as she stood up, extending a hand to him to help him up.

"Yeah... patrolling," Spike groaned, dropping his head back onto the grass. He looked up at the stars and breathed deeply. "Exactly what I was thinking..." He thought, 'Bloody hell... this waiting bollocks really is gonna kill me...' He said, "I'll be right with ya... just give us a minute, luv."







The pair continued patrol after they got their hormones back under control and recovered from their attacks of the hornies. They weren't finding any more demons or vamps to slay, though. It seemed like they'd cleared out the cemetery for now.

Spike rubbed at the minor, lingering ache in his jaw from Buffy's powerful right hook. "Been too long since you popped me one... I kinda missed it," he joked. Though it wasn't a total joke, he did sometimes enjoy it when Buffy got rough with him, but it was better when he could hit back. Fighting (or sparring, as he'd rather call it now) with Buffy always got his blood pumping, figuratively speaking.

"Getting hit turns you on..." Buffy shook her head and chuckled, "You're beyond weird."

"Not gettin' hit, per se, it's the dance I get off on. The back and forth, having to think on m' feet, blocking out the pain and givin' as good as I get, tryin' to best an opponent who's my equal... Having a clever, talented, and beautiful partner such as yourself to dance with is a rare treat."

Buffy smiled at the compliments. "Well... I guess that kinda appeals to me, too. An intense fight with someone who pushes you to be your best... It is sort of a rush..."

Spike smiled and nodded knowingly. He knew fighting aroused her too, but she was too much of a good girl to admit it... and that made him so hot. It'd be easier to list things that didn't make him hot when it came to Buffy.

"So, you got... excited when we fought all those times?" Buffy asked, blushing once again.

"Well... yeah. You were always so strong and creative, I loved goin' toe-to-toe with you... even if I did get my ass kicked every bloody time." Spike smiled, but then frowned a bit when he looked at her, worried again that she might not be over the way things used to be between them. "Did you enjoy fighting with me?"

Buffy tried not to smile, but she did a little. "Yeah... I actually did enjoy it. I mean, at the times when we fought I didn't think of it as 'hot' in any way... not consciously. I couldn't think of it that way, it would've wigged me big-time to admit to myself I wanted you or that I got off on fighting on any level. I would've felt like a giant perv."

"See, that's one way we're different -- I take pride in bein' a giant perv. I can teach you to eventually embrace your pervy side. You gotta let your freak flag fly sometimes or you'll go mad, pet."

They laughed lightly, and then got focused back on patrol.

As they quietly enjoyed their stroll, they both thought of (but didn't bring up) when they'd been fighting in that church what seemed like a lifetime ago now. Buffy had switched with Kendra, wanting to fight Spike herself. Spike had said, 'I'd rather be fighting you, anyway.' And Buffy had replied, 'Mutual.' And that was the way it had always been with them -- they got a thrill from fighting each other, even if Buffy never admitted or acknowledged it to anyone (including herself) before.

Buffy was putting the less than pleasant aspects of their fights in perspective, Spike had evolved so much since those days. Though Buffy would never tell him so, she was glad Spike got chipped, not just because it prevented him from killing humans, but also because it had forced Spike to change and tap back into the man he'd once been. None of this would've been possible if Spike hadn't been humbled and neutered... erm, muzzled by the chip.

Buffy recalled something she'd said to Willow about Riley last year...

'But I can't help thinking -- isn't that where the fire comes from? Can a nice, safe relationship be that intense? I know it's nuts, but... part of me believes that real love and passion have to go hand in hand with pain and fighting.'

That nice, safe relationship had turned out to be a big bucket of shit. Buffy had convinced herself that she loved Riley because she'd wanted it to work so badly, and it was the relationship that everyone else thought she should be in. Riley had had the 'Scooby Gang Seal of Approval', the approval that Spike might never get, ironically. But Buffy needed that fire and passion which Riley could never deliver on his best day; normal guys would never do, not for her, she saw that now. But Spike had that fire and passion she needed, in spades -- he was 95% fire and passion. He was intense and powerful, and so enthusiastic about everything he did, but he also had a romantic, tender, softer side -- that combination was really what Buffy wanted and needed in a man. She wished it were possible for her and Spike to fight again -- not a serious, to-the-death kind of fight, but just to test each other's abilities and get that rush.

The silence was broken by the loud growling of Buffy's stomach.

Buffy slapped a hand over her rumbling tummy, smiling sheepishly. "Sorry."

"Peckish?" Spike winced. "Damn... we were gonna stop and get something for dinner before patrol, weren't we? Completely slipped my mind."

"Yeah. But don't feel bad, I forgot I was hungry after we went to the shop. Kinda lost my appetite after that."

"Well, seems like your appetite's back with a vengeance, yeah? Let's get you fed," Spike said, putting an arm around her shoulders. "I need to stop at the crypt 'fore we go. You mind?"

Buffy shook her head, and they started walking toward Spike's place.







When they got to the crypt, Buffy reached out to open the door, but Spike stopped her and said, "Wait out here, I'll be right back."

"I don't care if the place is dirty, Spike. I mean, I have seen it before, you'll never make the cover of Good Housekeeping. You really don't have to clean up for me."

"Just wait here," he repeated, then gave her a quick kiss before hurrying inside and shutting the door behind him.

"Okay..." Buffy wondered why he was making her wait outside, but shrugged and leaned her back against the wall while she waited for Spike to come back out.

A minute passed and Spike still wasn't back.

Buffy started getting impatient. She called through the door, "Did you get lost? C'mon, Spike, I'm hungry! Buffy want food!"

Spike came back out a few moments later carrying a picnic hamper and with a blanket slung over his shoulder. "Your wish is my command, luv."

Buffy grinned. "What's that?"

"A little something I prepared earlier." He spread the big, red and white checkerboard blanket out on the ground near the open door of the crypt. "I went by Chez Henri and had them fix another cheeseboard for us."

"Oooh, yum! That was the best cheeseboard I ever had," Buffy exclaimed as she sat on the blanket. "This beats fast food any day."

Spike knelt down and took the food out of the basket. Just like the one they'd had at the restaurant, the assortment of cheeses was accompanied by fruit, crackers, toasted nuts, and a baguette. Buffy's mouth watered, she couldn't wait to start digging in.

"You said you could make a meal outta the cheeseboard alone, so..." Spike gestured at the spread of cheesy goodness, "have at it, pet."

"You were going to surprise me with this the whole time."

Spike smirked.

"Getting something to eat 'completely slipped your mind', huh?" Buffy asked with a smile. "You bad boy, making me think you forgot about buying me dinner."

Spike winked. "Like I would forget to keep my girl fed and in tippity-top condition? Not bloody likely. I wasn't going to not buy you dinner for our second date, that's why I suggested you get just the danish at the coffeehouse... Hope you didn't think I was just bein' a cheap bastard."

Buffy laughed and shook her head no. She leaned over the picnic hamper and gave him a soft, lingering kiss. "This was very sweet of you. It's exactly what I needed."

Spike kissed her back, nibbling at her bottom lip. "That's what I was hoping you'd say."

Buffy sat back, her heart expanding and her affection for Spike going up yet another notch. She wanted to smother him with kisses for doing something else so damn sweet for her.

"The only hitch in my plan was us bein' in sorry moods after we left the shop. I didn't think you'd be in the mood for a picnic or merriment of any kind after that..."

"Well, I am in the mood now. I'm starved!" Buffy didn't waste any time tucking into the food.

Spike smiled with amusement as he watched Buffy stuff her face, her hands almost a blur as she brought more food to her mouth. "I s'pose this isn't a 'traditional' dinner... technically, it's not; it was just the starter at the restaurant."

Buffy started to talk while she was chewing, but stopped to wipe her mouth when a few crumbs flew out. Spike laughed and she swatted at his arm while she finished swallowing the mouthful of food.

"You were saying?" Spike asked, lifting an eyebrow.

"I was saying, I don't care that it's not 'traditional'. It's yummy and filling. But if you feel bad... you can always buy me a traditional dinner on our next date." She grinned.

Spike sighed happily, seeing her smiling brilliantly again made his insides go all jelly. And to hear her say she wanted a third date did wonders for his mood, too. "You sure you want another date already? Don't want to wait 'til the end of this one to decide?" he teased.

"Mmhmm, I'm sure, I want a Date #3. Before you start planning something extravagant, I want you to know that I'll be happy with a cheeseburger and fries... and a chocolate milkshake... and maybe one of those apple pie thingies."

"Hmm, how about a night at the Bronze? You've gotta try the flowering onion -- it's brilliant! And some spicy --"

Buffy waved her hand, waiting until she swallowed to say, "But didn't you say 'the flowering onion got remodeled off the menu'?"

"Aw, you remembered me tellin' you that?" Spike was touched that she remembered his attempt at small talk before her change of heart about him.

Buffy nodded as she stuck another piece of cheese and hunk of bread in her mouth. She remembered that conversation between her and Spike, it was right before the whole thing with Dru happened. Buffy had been surly and dismissive of him, even though Spike had just helped her fight Glory at the hospital. She'd been unfair to him back then... It seemed so long ago now.

He smirked, then continued. "Well, I'm proud to say I had a talk with one of the managers and fixed that problem. The flowering onion is back where it belongs. Prices are still bloody ridiculous, though. They know there's a lack of decent places to go in Sunnyhell, got the citizens by the short 'n curlies, they do."

"I'm not much of a 'bar food' type of gal, but I will sample your favorite foods and give them a chance," Buffy promised.

Spike took two wine glasses and a bottle of red wine out of the hamper. "Wine, mademoiselle?" he asked, showing her the bottle.

"Oui, monsieur!" Buffy took a glass.

"Mmmm, I like hearin' you speak French, pet. Very hot..." Spike waggled his eyebrows and gave her an open-mouthed smile.

"Well... that's pretty much the extent of my French speaking. Maybe I'll have time to bone up on French in between apocalypses."

Buffy blinked when Spike suddenly went into game face.

Before she could ask him why he'd changed, Spike bit down on the cork in the wine bottle, then pulled back until it popped out. He turned his head to the side and spit the cork out onto the grass at the edge of the blanket.

Buffy laughed. "Okay... first time I ever saw anyone remove a cork like that... Why did you do that?"

"Lost m' corkscrew," Spike replied, shaking his head slightly as he morphed back into his human face. He smiled, showing his non-pointy, human teeth. "That didn't scare ya, did it? Me changing like that?"

"It... startled me a little, maybe." She raised her wine glass. "But you made me laugh, so I don't mind the brief startling. And your vamp face is pretty, too."

"Pretty?!" Spike said with mock outrage as he tilted the bottle and filled her glass. "Piffle! I'm a frightening, dangerous, dead-sexy beast. 'M not pretty... or broody, for that matter."

"Sorry, I still say you're pretty -- in a very frightening and extremely dangerous sorta way." She did find Spike's vampire visage eerily, primitively beautiful... and sexy. Buffy was taken aback at realizing she'd gotten a little thrill up her spine when he'd changed into game face. She got hot at the thought of him doing things to her while he was vamped out? That was a surprising realization... but not one she was prepared to discuss with him at the moment or dwell on herself. She did have lots of trouble letting her freak flag fly, but she definitely possessed one. She wondered if she would ever be able to bring it out into the light of day... and if she did, would it be full of moth holes and smell funny from being stored in that trunk in the attic too long?

Spike poured himself a glass, and then held it up next to hers. "To... new beginnings."

"I'll drink to that." Buffy smiled and clinked glasses with him.

They sipped their wine and noshed on some more food.

"Okay, now that we're relaxing and enjoying our tasty vittles, it's time for more demons to come out of the woodwork... or the ground, whatever. Having a picnic in a cemetery at night guarantees ants and/or demons will crash the party." Buffy looked around, fully expecting to see a vamp or other demon coming at them.

Spike shrugged as he popped a piece of fruit into his mouth. "If any party crashers drop by, we'll slay 'em and then get on with the rest of our meal. Let 'em come to us for a change, we've done enough walkin' tonight."

Buffy nodded. "But let's try to slay them away from the blanket. I don't wanna get demon goop or vamp dust on the food."

"Damn, forgot somethin' else I wanted to bring... I'd forget my bloody head if it wasn't attached." Spike sighed and got up.

"Where're you going now?" Buffy asked.

Spike leaned inside the open door of the crypt without answering her, and brought out his boombox. "Some music for atmosphere."

Buffy smiled as he sat back down and turned on the CD player. The first song was 'You Really Got A Hold On Me', which took Buffy back to that dream she'd had, the one where Spike had sung that song to the herd of cats. And it made her wonder again what it might mean, if anything, that little things from her dreams kept popping up in real-life.

"You don't like the song?" Spike asked, mistaking her pensive expression for one of disapproval of his song choice.

"Huh? Oh, no I do like the song; I've always liked it. I was just thinking... I didn't tell you about that song, did I?"

"Did you tell me about it?" Spike asked, confused.

"It was in a dream I had, you sang it to me... well, Dream Spike sung it to the cats, but dedicated it to me," Buffy explained.

Spike chuckled. "Ah, that's the ditty I sang to the cats, eh? You did mention it once before, but you never said what song it was. So, no, you didn't tell me about it, my little hummingbird."

Buffy giggled at the term of endearment, trying to disregard the weirdness of that song coming up in her dream and in real-life. She thought of something she'd rather talk about. "You know what, I should come up with a good pet name for you since you have several for me," she said, taking another piece of cheese. "Hmm, what's a good pet name...?"

"Don't force it, you'll come up with one naturally. But here's a few that you cannot call me: Spikey, Blondie Bear, your Platinum Baby, or..." he paused, then finally mumbled almost too quietly for Buffy to hear, "Sweet Boo-Boo."

"Sweet Boo-Boo?" Buffy made a 'yikes!' face. "Those are Harmony's, huh?"

"Yeah," Spike groaned. "How'd ya guess?"

"They're silly, that's how. Well... 'Platinum Baby' is kinda cool, I could hear me calling you that," Buffy told him, trying to look as if she were seriously contemplating it.

Spike gave her a reprimanding look. "Don't even think about it..."

Buffy laughed and waved her hand, showing she was just kidding.

"Is there anything you want to ask about my... bloody hell, I don't want to call it a 'relationship', but... Is there anything about Harmony and me you want to ask?" Spike wanted Buffy to raise any concerns or issues she might have about A) the fact that he was with Harmony in the first place, or B) that he'd treated Harmony like crap.

"An extreme no to that," Buffy said, shaking her head. "I don't want to even think about you and her being... together." That she'd momentarily pictured Spike and Harm having sex on top of a sarcophagus once would remain unsaid.

"Harm was right about one thing the night she tried to kill me... I did treat her like a dog, it wasn't fair. You might say I had some... issues after Dru left me, and Harm was just the unlucky recipient of all my frustration and anger toward Dru, and womankind in general."

"Bad breakups leave a mark on us... I know," Buffy sympathized. "Taking leftover crap out on a new boyfriend or girlfriend isn't right or fair... but it can happen when our self-esteem and feelings get all messed up."

Spike hoped she didn't hold his behavior toward Harmony against him. "I want you to know I'd never treat you like that, Buffy."

"I know you wouldn't..." Buffy looked back at him and smiled slightly, wanting to inject some humor. "'Cause I'd kick your ass."

He snorted and shook his head. "Well, there is that. But... I meant that I'd never treat you badly, because I love you... I've finally outgrown my deeply selfish stage, and I'm completely over Dru."

Buffy really wasn't worried that Spike might be mean to her like he was to Harmony. She'd seen no hint of the disrespect he'd shown Harmony directed toward her since they'd been together; theirs was a much different kind of relationship. "I don't know how you could stand to be around Harmony as long as you did. You could've done much better just by picking a name at random in the phonebook."

"I couldn't stand Harmony 99% of the time. Havin' a conversation with her was... God," he blew out a breath, "it was like Chinese water torture. I never had an emotional bond with her, she was just... convenient." Spike hated using that word, 'convenient', after what Xander said at the shop, but it did fit. "I used her... and I really should've treated her better since I knew how it felt to be mad about someone who's less than... friendly toward you."

Buffy did have compassion for someone in love with another person who hated them, but she didn't want Spike beating himself up over his treatment of Harmony of all people. Maybe she'd feel differently if it was someone even halfway nice or deserving of the sort of thoughtfulness and romance he'd shown Buffy the last few days. "Harmony used other people her entire life, mostly for popularity. I'm sure she used you too... like for protection from me, for one thing." Buffy added silently, 'And the sex was probably terrific...'

After she got her mind out of the gutter, Buffy continued, "Harmony was never nice to anyone unless there was something in it for her, far as I know. She was a lousy human being and she was even worse as a vampire. And she came back to you even though she already knew about your 'issues'. I just can't feel too sorry for that brainless bimbo."

Spike smiled sadly. "I 'preciate you saying that to make me feel better, luv. But I know it must bother you at least a little."

Buffy shook her head. "Harmony, and anything that happened between the two of you, is in the past. 'You and me' are totally different than 'you and her' were."

"Like night and bloody day," Spike agreed, nodding. "If you ever do have a question about one of my exes or relationships, don't hesitate to ask. I don't want you holdin' back and keeping worries to yourself. Alright?"

"Same goes for you. You probably don't want to hear anything about... my exes, though."

Spike just shook his head no, not wanting to start another unpleasant discussion tonight. He knew he'd end up going on and on like a jealous, insecure prat about how much he hated the other men Buffy had been with.

Buffy was thankful she hadn't felt brave enough to tell him about her deeper insecurities. By the look on his face when she only mentioned her exes, she knew Spike wouldn't want to hear her talk about those other guys. And he'd probably get upset and wonder if she still had romantic feelings for any of them. Things got murky when it came to Angel; he was her first love and lover, and would always have a place in her heart -- but Spike would probably get insanely jealous if she said that.

"There might be somethin' else in the basket for you," Spike said, nodding toward the picnic hamper.

"Yeah?" Buffy smiled again. "What is it?"

"Look in and find out for yourself..."

"Okay..." Buffy started leaning over cautiously to look into the basket, "better not be something that'll jump out at me..." she joked.

"Nah, it's dead," Spike remarked casually as he chewed a bite of food.

Buffy sat back up quickly, giving him a look.

Spike laughed. "I mean, it's inanimate, luv, it was never alive."

Buffy rolled her eyes, then looked in the basket to see a small book with a red bow stuck on it. She took it out and read the cover, it said 'Great Love Poems'. Buffy usually dreaded getting books as presents -- she recalled one disappointing Christmas morning when she'd unwrapped the first in a series of encyclopedias. But she was very pleased with this book.

"Aw, love poems! This is the first book I got as a gift that I actually like. Thank you, Spike." She cuddled the book to her chest, and then kissed him on the cheek.

"Welcome." Spike, seeing that she liked the book, grinned with satisfaction. "I thought it'd be appropriate after we attended the readings at the coffeehouse. Some of my favorites are in there."

"That's two presents in one date." Buffy smiled and shook her head, flattered but thinking that Spike was going sweetly overboard again. "I don't want you to think that you have to buy me gifts -- or several gifts -- every time we go out."

"But I love doin' it, Buffy." Spike reached over and held her hand, looking into her eyes. "I love giving you things. I've wanted to give you tokens of my affection for a long time... but I couldn't up 'til now. It makes me happy to see you smile, and knowing it was something I gave you that made you smile... well, that makes it even sweeter."

"Well... okay, if you enjoy buying me stuff, I wouldn't want to deny you that," Buffy said coyly. She squeezed his hand reassuringly. "But seriously, you don't have to give me gifts all the time. I'm not in it for the swag, I'm happy to just spend time with you in our new and improved relationship."

"Alright," Spike conceded, "maybe I have gone a bit overboard with the gift giving tonight. I'll cool it with the presents..." he added, arching an eyebrow, "...a little."

Buffy rolled her eyes, still smiling. She opened up the book of poetry and noticed an envelope stuck in the middle. "What's this?" she asked, holding up the envelope.

Spike licked his lips, suddenly regretting what he'd done. "Uh... damn, put that in there by mistake." He reached out to take it, but Buffy held it away from him.

"What is it? It's not money, is it?" Buffy frowned. "I don't want you giving me money."

"...Yeah, it's money!" Spike said, latching on to that idea. It was obvious to Buffy that he was lying. "That was awfully presumptuous of me, wasn't it? What was I thinking? I'll just take it back, no harm done." He reached for it again, but Buffy quickly switched it her other hand and held it out of his reach.

Spike groaned and hung his head. "C'mon, Buffy... just give it back."

"Tell me what it really is first."

"It's just a... little poem..." he mumbled.

Buffy's face lit up. "A poem? A Spike 'original'?" Spike nodded, keeping his head down. Now she was extra-eager to read it; Spike had been too self-conscious about sharing a poem with her on their first date. "Oh, that's so..." Then she frowned. "Why don't you want me to have it? You put it in the book, so you must've planned on giving it to me."

"Yeah... but now I'm thinkin' I made a mistake."

"Do you think I won't like it?" Buffy asked sympathetically.

"There's that, too..."

"Spike, I'm touched that you wrote something for me... please let me read it?" Buffy pouted.

Spike looked at her and broke into a reluctant smile. "That killer-pout o' yours is still effective... turns me to jelly, it does. The thing is... what I wrote is very... it's about how I..." Spike struggled to express himself.

"Is it about... sex?" Buffy guessed.

"It's about how I feel..." Spike had to pause as he was taken back to sitting in that parlor with Cecily in 1880. His poetry hadn't received a warm reception back then... He pushed those unhappy memories away and said, "It's about how I yearn for you, how much I want you..." He sighed and shook his head. "I shouldn't've given you one like that yet. I won't try takin' it back again, you can read it. Just... don't take it as me pressuring you."

Buffy nodded and opened the envelope. She unfolded the paper and read the poem.


Never Like This

I’ve held others before,
But it was never like this,
Where my body inhales you
And quivers with bliss,
Where my senses are reeling
From the strength of desire,
And if I can’t have you soon,
I’ll be consumed by the fire.


Buffy was moved that Spike had written this for her. That she could inspire such passion in a man gave her a thrill and made her tingle all over; it made her want him even more than she already did. It did make her feel nervous, too; that insecure part of her whispered again that Spike was going to be disappointed with the reality of sleeping with her when the time came... But she concentrated on the good feelings the poem created in her -- it was touching, flattering, and very arousing.

Spike scratched absently at the label on the wine bottle while Buffy was reading, anxious to hear her verdict. "If it's no good..." He stopped, again reminded of talking to Cecily.

Buffy took a shaky breath and looked back up from the paper at him. "It's beautiful, Spike. I love it."

"You really like it?" he asked timidly, glancing up at her. Spike hated feeling so unsure of himself, but that's how he felt when it came to his poetry. "And you don't feel I'm trying to rush you?"

"'Yes' to the first question, and 'no' to the second," Buffy assured him with a smile.

"You understand that it's just... me expressing how I feel about you, right? I wasn't saying that I won't wait and be patient; I intend to keep my promise about that."

"I do understand," Buffy said as she looked back at the poem. "No one ever wrote something like this for me before... I --" A drop of water landed on the paper. Buffy looked up at the sky. "I think it's starting to rain..."

"What?" Spike squinted up at the sky. "Nah, it's not supposed to --" A raindrop hit Spike in the center of the forehead. "Bugger..."

The rain suddenly started falling in earnest, making Buffy and Spike scramble to gather up everything and scamper inside the crypt. The first thing Buffy did was tuck Spike's poem back into the book, and then stash the book inside her jacket to make sure it didn't get soaked. Luckily, the book was small enough to fit inside an inner pocket of the jacket.

Buffy wasn't bothered by the sudden rainstorm, they'd been just about done with the food and wine anyway. But Spike was bothered at having another of his plans go awry.

He growled as she shut the door against the storm. "They weren't callin' for rain tonight! The bloody weatherman said it was gonna be 'clear and mild'! A bloody wino off the street could do as well! I've half a mind to go down to that TV station and rip out his --"

"Spike, it's not a big deal, relax. We just got wet." Buffy set the picnic hamper down on top of a sarcophagus. "We won't melt like the Wicked Witch of the West."

"I wanted to dance with you under the stars before the end of the night..." Spike sulked as he tested the boombox to see if it was ruined (it still seemed to work fine). "If it's not demons and vamps or Harris spoilin' our fun, it's idiot weathermen and that right bitch Mother Nature..."

"Oh, don't get all mopey." Buffy walked over and put her arms around him. "We can still dance indoors; technically, we're still under the stars, they're always up there whether we can see them or not."

Spike smiled a bit, he couldn't stay angry when she was smiling at him and had her arms around him. "Nothing gets you down for long, eh? How do you stay so bleedin' positive?"

Buffy shrugged. "So much crazy, unexpected stuff happens to me all the time, I'm used to rolling with the punches. You should be used to things going wrong by now, too," she teased.

"Yeah, I really should," Spike concurred, chuckling. "Still, it'd be nice if one of our dates went off without a hitch."

"I happen to like the hitches," Buffy joked. "They keep us on our toes."

He wound a lock of her damp hair around his finger. "Got some towels downstairs if you want to dry off."

"Okay. There's more room to dance down there, too." Her insecure side whispered, 'That big bed's down there too... you'd better stay up here... you'll be too tempted if you go down there...'


Continued...





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