[Reviews - 3]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Microsoft Word Chapter or Story | ePub eBook Chapter or Story | Printer Chapter or Story

Has been viewed 1614 times

- Text Size +




Author's Chapter Notes:
I had to split this chapter into 4 parts this time.

Banner by xoChantelly
The next morning started like the last: Buffy checked her messages and found nothing new from Spike.

Buffy felt like a balloon that'd had all the air let out of it. She tried to bolster herself by repeating all the positive things her friends and her mom said; she tried to have faith in Spike and what they had together. But this was now Day Two of not hearing from him... it wasn't easy for her to believe things would be okay.

Buffy was still upset and worried, but now she was getting mad too. 'Yes, I did something that hurt his feelings... but he won't even give me a chance to explain?! I said how sorry I was like a million times! He'll be really lucky if I don't kick his shiny white ass when I see him again!'

After that angry thought, she was back to feeling gloomy and just wanting to hold Spike in her arms. Buffy visualized the good scenario again -- Spike would come to her, he would listen to her and understand about her fears, he would still love and want to be with her. But was she setting herself up to be devastated by thinking so positively? Won't it hurt even more if he rejects her after she convinces herself there could be a happy ending? But she had to remain positive; she had to believe their problems weren't insurmountable... unlike all the other problems she'd faced with her other boyfriends. She sighed and rolled her eyes, thoughts like that weren't really helping...

"It'll be a miracle if I'm not totally insane by the end of this..." Buffy muttered to herself as she went downstairs for breakfast.

Buffy volunteered to drive Dawn to school again, since she had a class scheduled for this morning at the college anyway. Buffy also thought her mom was a little too preoccupied with going out tonight with friends for the first time since she'd been diagnosed. Joyce was already buzzing around the house nervously, but it was a happy kind of nervousness. Buffy and Dawn thought it was cute, and they were both just so pleased to see their mother looking forward to something and taking another big step toward resuming a normal life.

On her way out to the car, something told Buffy to check the area around the big tree in the front yard. She found a few soggy cigarette butts scattered around the base of the tree, Spike's brand again. Had they been there before... or was that tingly feeling she'd had last night genuine? Had Spike been here, looking up at her window and she just didn't see him in the dark?

The thought that he'd come that close without even trying to talk to her pissed Buffy off again. Was this some kind of game to him? Maybe this was his way of punishing her for hurting him -- giving her the silent treatment, making her wonder what he was thinking, making her afraid he didn't care about her anymore.

Buffy took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. "That's stinkin' thinkin'. I've gotta have faith in him... Spike wouldn't do that to me."

While Buffy was investigating, Dawn had come out of the house. She stood next to the Jeep with her bookbag slung over her shoulder. "Could you talk to your friend the tree after you drive me to school?"

Buffy rolled her eyes and walked over to the car. "I wasn't talking to the tree, I was talking to myself."

"That's crazier than talking to a tree," Dawn commented as she got in the car.

"Yeah, well..." Buffy fastened her seatbelt, "I've been more crazed than usual the past few days."

"Um..." Dawn eyed the passenger side door handle. "Maybe Mom can drive me to school..."

"I'm not going to wreck the car, Dawn," Buffy assured her tiredly, starting up the Jeep.

"Why are you fighting with Spike again?" Dawn asked, cutting to the chase.

Buffy glanced at her sister. "We're not fighting."

"Then why are you talking to yourself and looking all haggard?"

"Haggard?" Buffy frowned. She looked at herself in the rearview mirror. "I don't look that bad... do I?"

"You guys need, like, couple's counseling or something." Dawn shook her head. "Or you could go on the Jerry Springer Show and let him help you work things out. Or maybe Dr. Phil."

"Relationships are... complicated, Dawn. At least my relationships are... I'm waiting for Spike to call or come to see me, there's a lot things we need to talk about."

Dawn sighed.

"Yeah, I know... you'd never fight with him if you were his girlfriend."

Dawn just shrugged, thinking, 'You got that right!'

"I know I'm in love with Spike now," Buffy admitted, hoping Dawn wouldn't consider that bad news. "Haven't had a chance to actually tell him yet, though."

"It's about time!" Dawn grinned and lightly swatted Buffy's arm. She knew she didn't have a chance with Spike, so she was happy to hear Buffy was finally ready to love Spike the way he deserved. "What took you so long?"

"Baggage from my unlucky romantic past was piled up in my mind... I was afraid to let myself love him. I'm still scared, but I really do need Spike in my life; I'll risk whatever bad things might happen. Spike's worth any amount of risk."

"I noticed when you were with Riley, you never got too upset about stuff... not like you did with Angel." Dawn kept to herself the fact that she'd made that observation to Riley himself. Buffy was over the Enormous Hall Monitor (that was one of Dawn's favorite things Spike called him), but she still might get mad about Dawn saying that to Riley. "And now you and Spike are making each other spazz out every other day. Is that part of being in love? When a guy can make you all crazed and not want to eat or sleep... and yell at your wonderful, sweet little sister for no reason?" Dawn asked, raising an eyebrow.

Buffy sighed. "Yeah... those things do seem to be part of the 'love' package. Sorry I yelled at you last night... I was just frustrated and in a bad mood."

"It's okay. I'm sorry I said some mean stuff, too. Hmm, I guess one reason some people are sluts and jump from person to person just having fun, is 'cause they don't want to deal with the bad emotional stuff that comes with relationships."

"But there's great stuff about being close to someone and in love too," Buffy added, not wanting to scare her sister into avoiding serious relationships. "I wouldn't trade the time I've spent with Spike for anything... even if we can't work out our problems. Being with someone who only wants to make you happy... that's a wonderful thing to find. Spike made me feel happy, special, and... loved." Buffy sniffed, willing herself not to cry. She looked at her sister out of the corner of her eye. "By the way, you're not allowed to be a slut, so don't even think about it."

Dawn laughed. "Me, a slut? I'm so nervous just talking to cute guys, it's all I can do to not puke on them."

Buffy smiled. "Good. That's how it should be... at least for a few more years."





Buffy went to her class, and it wasn't too bad. She forced herself to focus on something else besides Spike for an hour. But after class was dismissed, she was right back to thinking about him.

She stopped at the crypt again, but there was still no sign Spike had been back there. Buffy was getting angry again. She whipped out her cell phone and called Spike's number. She wasn’t surprised at having to leave another message.

"Okay, now I'm getting pissed! Guess where I am again. I'm at the crypt and you're still not here. This is it -- I'm not coming back here hoping to find you! I'm tired of running around chasing my tail and getting nothing but disappointed every damn time.

"I found cigarette butts under the tree in front of my house this morning. Were you there? If you were and didn't even try to talk to me, I'm gonna kick your ass! Oh, and I went to the Bronze last night and the bartender told me you left just before I got there. I've been one step behind you for almost two days now -- are you doing this on purpose to drive me insane?

"I know wigging out and running away was messed up and I’m sorry I hurt you, but avoiding me and giving me the silent treatment is intentional cruelty! I want to know if you're alright, but you won't even spare me a few seconds just to..." Buffy paused, getting her emotions under control. Spike wouldn't be more inclined to call her back (eventually) if she was ranting and raving like a lunatic.

In a calmer tone, Buffy went on to say, "I'm mad and frustrated... but I still want to see and talk to you, Spike. There are some important and good things I need to tell you. I'm going crazy not knowing how you feel about me and what you’re thinking after what happened, it's... it's killing me," she said tiredly, her voice shaky. "So if you wanted to hurt me for hurting you... mission accomplished. Now can we please work on fixing things instead of hurting each other more? I know we can get past this... if you'll just talk to me. I hope I can see you soon... Bye."

Buffy heaved a sigh and put her phone away.





Buffy intended to go straight home, but she found herself parking outside Willy's bar instead.

"I'm just checking in with Willy to see if he's heard rumors about any new demons in town, that's all." Buffy wondered why she was lying to herself -- she knew very well why she was going to 'check in' with Willy. She couldn't let go of the hope she'd find Spike. It was only early afternoon, the bar wasn't open for business yet, but she knew Willy would be in there.

"H-hey, Buffy!" Willy exclaimed nervously from behind the bar when she came through the door. His shifty eyes moved quickly around the room (to make sure there wasn't anything out in the open the Slayer might have a problem with) before settling on her. "What brings you here?"

There were a few demons in the bar already, quietly eating and drinking and talking amongst themselves.

"I thought you didn't open until later?"

"Yeah, I've been openin' for lunch the past couple weeks. Business is boomin'! How about some fish fingers with my special homemade tartar sauce? Or just a drink? All on the house, of course!"

Even the thought of eating anything cooked here turned Buffy's stomach. "No thanks... all I want is information. I’m just checking in with you," Buffy said as she discreetly looked around the barroom. She glanced at the door to the back room, wondering if Spike had been in there recently or would be there tonight playing poker.

Buffy couldn't help but notice the song 'Hopelessly Devoted To You' was playing on the jukebox. 'Weird song to have on a jukebox in a demon bar...' she thought. She was about to ask Willy why the song was on the jukebox, when she found herself relating to the lyrics.

{{

Hear the song at the following YouTube Link:

Hopelessly Devoted To You - Olivia Newton John

}}

"Slayer?" Willy waved a hand in front of her face. "Anyone home?"

Buffy flinched, she'd been getting lost in thoughts of Spike again and hadn't heard what Willy said. Then she scowled at him. "I was just... thinking about something. What?"

"I said it's been pretty quiet around here lately. Not much goin' on since you got rid of Drusilla -- great job on that, by the way! Havin' loose cannons like her around is bad for business. But I have heard something you might be interested in. Word on the street is..." he looked around and then leaned in closer, "there's a big bad that has lots of folks nervous."

Buffy resisted the urge to cringe away from Willy's lethal garlic breath, it was curling her nose hair. She grimaced and tried to breathe through her mouth. "Yeah? Know anything about this big bad?"

"Yeah, it's a hot chick, or it looks like a hot chick, calls herself Glorificus. She hangs out with some ugly guys with really bad skin, they're like her servants or somethin'."

Buffy groaned and leaned away from him. "I know about Glory and her scabby minions already. Do you know anything important about her or them?"

"Those scabby guys've been seen sneakin' around town. I've seen just about every kind of demon come through here, and those guys still give me the creeps. I guess I don't have any good gossip for ya," Willy said with a shrug.

"Has Spike been in here?"

"Why? He in some kinda trouble?" Willy asked curiously.

"Just answer the question," Buffy demanded, stone-faced.

"Sorry, Slayer, haven't seen him in here for about a week. Havin' trouble keeping that one on a leash, huh?" he chuckled.

Buffy tried to keep her expression unreadable, she didn't want Willy to start spreading any gossip about her -- like how her relationship was on the rocks.

"Wouldn't you know where he is better than me?" Willy asked. "You're his girl."

Buffy's eyes narrowed. "How'd you know that?"

"I hear things," Willy replied simply, picking up a glass and polishing it with a cloth. "A Slayer dating a vamp is big news... well, usually it is. Not so much with you, of course, but... still, people talk."

"If you know what's good for you, you won't go around telling anyone about me and Spike dating," Buffy warned. The reason she didn't want Willy spreading the news about her and Spike being a couple was because she was afraid Spike would get even more flack from the demon community if it was common knowledge.

Willy made a lip-sealing gesture (which was almost as funny as when Anya did it -- nothing could shut up Willy the Snitch). He took her warning to mean that she was ashamed of her trysts with a lowly, evil vampire, and she didn't want anyone else to know. He could understand that; good girls like the Slayer didn’t like being outed as slutty, bad girls with low standards.





After calling Willow and telling her there was still no word from Spike, Buffy stopped by the garage where he kept his car. But the garage was locked up tight and no one was there. That was the last place Buffy could think of to look for Spike, she was officially out of ideas. Well, there was Spike’s friend Clem, he might have a clue as to the whereabouts of her broody boyfriend. But she had no idea how to get in touch with Clem, either.

Buffy drove back home, more frustrated and depressed than she'd been when she'd left.





Buffy was able to swing back into positive mode while she helped her mother pick an outfit for going out this evening. And then Dawn was home from school to help, too. They talked about fun, frivolous, girly things. Buffy was surprised she could smile so easily (or at all), but it was hard to not be in a good mood seeing her mom looking so happy and healthy.

At six o'clock, Joyce gave each of her daughters a kiss (and $40 for Chinese food). She informed them that she wasn't sure what time she'd be home (it would depend on how much fun she was having), but promised to call if she thought she might be late.

Buffy and Dawn stood in the doorway and waved goodbye as Joyce pulled out of the driveway.

Dawn leaned her head against Buffy's shoulder, both girls smiling and a little misty-eyed. "It's so great that Mom's doing regular stuff again. I was so scared we'd lose her... but now I feel like everything's going to be okay again."

Buffy gave her sister's shoulder a squeeze and nodded. "I know what you mean, Dawnie."





They ordered a sinful amount of Chinese food and had it delivered. Dawn ate heartily while Buffy mostly picked at her food. It was delicious, she just didn't have much of an appetite.

Dawn cracked open her fortune cookie. "Ooh, it says: 'A financial windfall is coming your way'. Maybe it means I'll win the lottery or something..."

"It probably means you'll find a penny in a parking lot," Buffy muttered half under her breath.

"Oh, you're a bowl full of cheery goodness!" Dawn countered with a frown. "What's yours say?"

Buffy opened her fortune cookie. "It says: 'Take a leap of faith. Don't let your chance at true love pass you by'. Does that mean I missed it?" Buffy groaned. "Even the Chinese are against me..."

Dawn took another cookie out of the bag and handed it to Buffy. "Do another one."

Buffy sighed, humoring her sister. "It says... 'Something you lost will soon turn up'."

"That's better!" Dawn nodded. "Spike will turn up soon. Listen to the cookie, they know things."

Joyce called shortly after Buffy and Dawn finished their dinner. She informed them she was having a great time. She thought she might be home late and the girls shouldn't wait up for her. Carol was having everyone back to her house for coffee and party games.

For a moment, Buffy was a little upset that she'd have to stay home to watch over Dawn. 'Now I can't go out looking for that broody bastard Spike 'cos I have to watch Dawn. I mean, I can't go patrolling... I'm not knocking myself out searching for him anymore,' she corrected herself. But Buffy felt guilty for being selfish for even a few seconds -- protecting Dawn was Buffy's most important duty, and her mom really did deserve to have lots of fun and stay out as late as she wanted.

Buffy and Dawn zapped some popcorn and watched TV in the living room for a while after dinner.

"I'd better go do my homework," Dawn groaned when the last of the popcorn was gone, and stood up.

"I didn't know you had homework. You should've started it earlier," Buffy chastised her, looking at the clock. It was about 9:30.

"I only have to read a chapter of my History book and make some notes for tomorrow. Will you be okay alone? I could stay if you want."

Buffy shook her head, smiling. "Don't worry about me, I can keep myself entertained for a while." She really wanted to ask Dawn to stay, she'd be less likely to fall into another pit of despair if she had someone to talk to. But she wasn't about to keep Dawn from homework just to keep her company.

For a half hour Buffy tried just watching TV like a mindless zombie, but thoughts of Spike pushed their way back to the surface. She sighed and slumped on the couch.

"Just think of the good things... and how we'll have a chance to do them again," Buffy admonished herself.

She thought about their first date and smiled. The dinner and the dancing, how they'd talked and laughed, those things were all so good. She felt warmer at remembering Spike's words of love in the hansom cab. He understood that one of her biggest fears was leaving the people she loved behind when she died. When she recalled how touched she'd been by his promises, Buffy realized she'd fallen completely in love with him at that moment. Unfortunately it had taken her a while to be self-aware enough to realize it and let herself feel it and admit it, her inner demons still had firm control over her until recently.

The cab ride had been such an unexpected and romantic surprise. Buffy wanted to repeat that date with Spike someday -- dinner, dancing, and a carriage ride around the park. She heard the clip-clop of horse hooves outside, at first thinking it was her imagination.

Buffy turned around, getting up on her knees on the couch and looking out the front window. She saw one of Clem's hansom cabs going past her house and continuing down the street. For just a second, Buffy's heart leapt, thinking Spike had borrowed one of the cabs to surprise her. But her heart sank when she saw there were no passengers in the carriage, just the driver. Judging by the driver's ponytail, it was Dave the stoner vamp again.

Then a thought occurred to her. 'I bet I can get Clem's number from Dave. That's his boss, he'd have to have a way to contact him if there was some kind of trouble. There's a chance Clem's seen Spike or knows where he is.'

Buffy was off the couch in a flash and racing out the front door. She ran down the street after the hansom cab. "Wait! Stop!" she yelled.

Dave looked over his shoulder to see the Slayer running after him. His eyes widened. "Aw shit! She's gonna stake me!" he muttered.

Dave whistled, trying to spur the horse into a run, but Rusty was trained to walk at a relaxed pace and wouldn't be rushed.

Buffy growled at seeing Dave try to speed away instead of stopping. She ran faster, catching up with the cab and jumping into the back, sprawling on the floor of the cab. "Hey! I said stop, dammit!"

Dave finally did pull the cab over to the side of the road, then turned in the elevated seat to face Buffy. He held up his hands and pled with her, "I don't know what you heard, but I totally haven't been munching on people! I didn't do anything bogus, I swear!"

Buffy sighed as she got off the floor of the carriage and sat down properly on one of the seats. "I'm not going to stake you, dumbass."

Dave lowered his hands and breathed out with relief. "Oh, cool. Whoa... fear is such a rush. My life was, like, flashing before my eyes! Whoa! Awesome!"

'Some life... Get stoned, play Frisbee, get vamped, get stoned, get stoned some more, lather, rinse, repeat.' Buffy thought, rolling her eyes. "I just need to ask you something."

"You want me to hook you up? No problemo, babe! I can get you some bodacious doobage for a price so low you'll think the dealer's got brain damage... it's epic!"

"No, I don't want drugs," Buffy said tiredly, trying not to lose her patience. "I need to ask you two things. First, have you seen Spike?"

"You mean the legendarily gnarly vampire Spike? I told ya I know a few different dudes named --"

"Why the hell would I be asking about any other..." Buffy shook her head and groaned, growing more irritated. "Yes, Spike the vampire, the one I was on a date with."

"Sorry, babe, haven't seen him. That dude needs to chill, he's, like, totally aggro. I don't know what his beef is, but whoa he could use some bliss. Sure you don't want me to hook you up? Spike needs to mellow out."

Buffy figured Dave seeing Spike was a long-shot, but she'd had to ask anyway. "My second question is, "Do you have Clem's number? And don’t call me ‘babe’... I am sooo not your 'babe'."

"The boss is off tonight, incommunicado, nobody's supposed to call him about anything."

"I don't care, I need to talk to him. I'll say I forced you to give me his number -- which I will if you don't give it to me in the next ten seconds."

"Uh, well... since you put it that way..." Dave searched one of his coat pockets and brought out a piece of paper. Buffy was about to take it from him when he inspected it more closely. "Oh wait, this is a banana-flavored pape. Savin' that for later," he told her with a mindless grin. "Hold on, I know I got the number written down..."

Buffy rolled her eyes as he searched through another pocket.

"Score!" Dave exclaimed in victory, handing her the piece of paper.

Buffy looked at the number. "Thanks."

"Make sure you tell Clem you, like, roughed me up for it. Hey, you want me to give you my digits? If you change your mind about the doobage? It's smart to have a backup connection."

"Thanks all the same, but I'll pass."





Buffy called Clem's number when she got back to the house. She waited as it rang several times, and she was afraid she'd be leaving another rambling phone message. Just when she was composing a message in her head, someone came on the line.

"What is it?" Clem growled, sounding annoyed. He was in the middle of a poker game, one of the few he'd been able to attend lately with his busy schedule.

"Uh... Hi, Clem. It's Buffy."

He paused, moving farther away from the poker table for more privacy. "Buffy? Um... hello. Just out of curiosity, how'd you get this number?"

"I caught one of your drivers and... I made him give me your number. I didn't kill him, though, don't worry."

"Oh... uhh, thanks. Well, then... what can I do for ya?"

"Have you seen Spike? I've been looking for him everywhere. I called him but he's not answering his phone."

"Yeah... I did see him a while ago at Willy's. That's where I am right now... playin' cards."

"I was there! That rat bastard Willy lied to me!" Buffy seethed. "I'm gonna beat his --"

"When were you here?" Clem asked since he hadn't seen her there.

"...This afternoon. He offered to serve me something called 'fish fingers' with special sauce. Fish don't even have fingers, unless they're some kind of mutant demon fish."

"Fish fingers are just fish sticks, they're not actual fingers, though I'd still steer clear of any of Willy's food if I were you," Clem agreed. "Let me think... Spike was here about two hours ago... So I don't think Willy was lying for once."

"You saw him? How did he look? Is he okay? Do you know where he went?" Buffy asked one question after another in rapid succession. "I really need to talk to him, it's important."

"Um... Buffy, I don't wanna seem rude, but... don't you think you should just leave him alone?"

"...What?"

"Spike's feeling mighty low... y'know mopey, really down in the dumps after you guys broke up. I don't think he needs you heaping more gloom on him... And please don't slay me for talking to you like this, okay? Normally, I wouldn't, y'know, butt in... I'm just trying to look out for my buddy."

Buffy sighed. "Is that what he told you? That we broke up?"

"He said 'it's over' and went on about how he wanted to do something to prove his love for you was real. He said he'd unintentionally... hurt you in some way, but wouldn't tell me how."

"Do something to prove he loved me? Like what?"

"Yeah... well, that's what my squabble with him was about. He wasn't too happy with me by the time he left."

"What was the argument about?"

"He's got this... crazy plan to find Glory and kill her for you."

"Is he out of his mind?!"

"I think that's pretty much a given, yeah. He said he got his hands on some explosives and plans on blowing up Glory's lair -- blowing it up with him inside the place, too. He said he needed to be in the building to make sure Glory couldn't escape before the bomb went off. He was talking like he has nothing to live for... he even said I could have that sweet crypt of his..."

"Oh my God..." Buffy groaned, her heart constricting with fear. "Why? Why would he do something like that?!" She took several deep breaths to calm herself down. "Please tell me you were able to talk him out of it..."

"I don't know, I sure tried though. I pointed out some definite flaws in his plan, and I thought I was getting through to him for a minute, but then he just got mad and tuned me out, said he had it all sussed out. That's why he was pissed at me. Spike's tough to persuade once he's got a strategy worked out in his head."

"You just let him leave after he said he was going on a suicide mission?"

"Did I 'let him' leave? No, I tried my best to make him forget his kooky plan. But he said he'd kick my flabby ass if I tried to stop him, so... what could I do? I'm hoping what I said to him has time to sink into that thick skull of his before he can do anything really nutty.

"I invited him over to my place for a 'Jeffersons' marathon to cheer him up and distract him from going through with the kamikaze mission; no one can be depressed when the Jeffersons' theme song comes on! We're movin' on up, to the East Side, to a dee-luxe apartment in the sky-ay-ay-ay," Clem crooned for her, clapping along with the song. "See what I mean? Don't you feel better already? I even made up a drinking game for it -- every time George says 'jive', 'honky', or 'Weezie' you have to take a shot. But... he wasn't interested, even when I said I'd supply the Jack..."

Buffy sighed and shook her head. "Didn't Spike listen to my messages?" Buffy wondered, her vision was getting blurry with tears... even 'The Jeffersons' theme couldn't stop them.

"Messages? He didn't say anything about messages to me... but mostly he was just ranting about hurting the girl and proving himself."

"I left..." Buffy couldn't remember just how many times she'd called. "I've left a ton of messages on his voice mail over the last couple of days... but he won't call me back."

"You really still care about him?" Clem asked, confused.

"Of course I do! I didn't break up with him, I love him..." Buffy sniffled. "I'm in love with Spike, but I haven't been able to tell him because I can't find his stupid ass."

"I... I don't understand. Spike said it was definitely over, you broke up with him. That's why he's so set on going out with a bang and not a whimper. I know women are from Mars and men are from Venus... or is it the other way around?” Clem pondered momentarily before giving up. “Either way... you do both speak English... mostly... How could you guys get your lines crossed so badly?"

Buffy leaned her forehead against the wall and closed her eyes. "I don't know... but we seem to do a lotta line crossing." Buffy understood that she and Spike were both wounded souls (though he didn't technically have a soul), they expected to be hurt and cast aside, so they thought the worst of every little (or big) thing that happened. She knew they could help each other heal... But from what Clem had just told her, she may never get the chance to tell Spike how she feels.

"Clem, if you see him or he answers one of your phone calls, please tell him... tell him I love him. I love him and need to see him. I wanted to say it for the first time face-to-face, but... now I don't care how he hears it, he just needs to hear it before he blows himself up."

"Okay, sure, I'll tell him, Buffy. I'll call him right after I get off the phone with you." Clem had high hopes that Spike would quickly abandon any plans if he knew Buffy actually loved him and wanted him back.

Buffy gave Clem her home phone number. "You call me right away if you talk to him, okay?"

"Yeah, sure thing. There's a lot about this I still don't get... Spike told me he 'said goodbye' to you. But you say he hasn't talked to you for days?"

"If he said goodbye, it wasn't in person. Unless his one and only phone message he left me was his way of saying goodbye... I can't believe he's doing something this crazy and stupid!"

"Well, it is Spike we're talking about. I love the guy, but, hey... issues... that whole 'eternal love' thing with Drusilla... I had a cousin once that got dumped for a fungus demon... woo-boy, what a mess! Plus, you know when Spike gets an idea in his head..." Clem let his voice trail off, but then brightened again. "Hopefully one of us can talk to him and stop this mishegus before he blows anything up. Um..." Clem thought for a moment. "If Spike's still determined to go after Glorificus, he might've gone to the park where you killed that snake demon thing. He seemed convinced that she lives somewhere around there."

"I... I can't leave the house, I'm watching my little sister," Buffy fretted, stomping a foot in frustration.

"I'll go," Clem volunteered. "Saving my friend's ugly, tight-skinned hide is more important than a poker game... I was winning for once, though... had five aces!"

"Thanks, Clem. Please get there fast and find him."

"Will do, Buffy. If I don't find him there, I'll check a few other places. You just... try to keep a stiff upper lip, kiddo. Okay?"

She nodded, sniffling again. "Thanks, Clem."





Buffy waited a few minutes (in case Clem was talking to Spike), then called Spike again.

"I just talked to Clem. He said you were talking about hunting down Glory, and then blowing her and yourself up? Spike, if you went after Glory by yourself I swear I will kick your lily-white ass from one end of town to the other! You're not stupid enough to actually do something like that, are you? You'd better call me back -- as in now!"

Buffy took a few deep breaths to calm down. Her voice was scared and wavering when she spoke again. "Please... call me... I'm going crazy wondering where you are and if you're okay. I'm praying you didn't do anything stupid because of me... You promised you wouldn't leave me... remember? And, just FYI, leaving includes getting dusted or blown into a million pieces. I'm counting on you to keep that promise.

"I love you, Spike. I wanted to save telling you --"

A beep sounded in Buffy's ear, signaling that she'd run out message time.

"Dammit," Buffy muttered, redialing the number. It figures it would pick the moment right after she said she loved him to cut her off.

Instead of going to voice mail, a computerized voice came on and said, "Voice mail is full."

Buffy groaned as she hung up the phone. "Great... that's just... fucking great." She resisted the impulse to rip the phone out of the wall and hurl it out the window.

A half hour later, there'd been no word from either Clem or Spike. Buffy hated this, she hated not knowing what was going on. Should she be watching the news to see if anything had been blown up in town tonight? No, she couldn't bring herself to do that. She wanted to hang onto the fine thread of hope that Spike wouldn't go through with his plan.

Buffy wanted to call her friends and ask them to help her find Spike -- but most of them didn't give a shit about Spike. At the very least, maybe someone could come over and stay with Dawn so Buffy could go searching for Spike herself. She called Willow's cell phone (one of the few Scoobies she thought would actually want to help her), but got no answer. The same thing happened when she called Tara's number. She left a message on each of their voice mails.

"I am SO sick of leaving frickin' messages!" Buffy blew out a frustrated breath. She considered calling Xander, but thought better of it almost immediately. Yes, he'd said he'd be more friendly toward Spike, but Buffy knew Xander would be happy to hear Spike might be gone forever -- and she wouldn't be able to handle seeing even a hint of a smile on his face about this. She was sure at this point there would be no way she could stop herself from kicking him in the 'nads if he even blinked funny.

Buffy wanted to run to the park and look for Spike herself -- but she couldn't leave Dawn alone in the house. She wanted for all of this to be just a bad dream. Her mind raced and her heart ached, she didn't know what to do.

Buffy felt like she was coming apart at the seams. She went into the kitchen to wash the dishes and clean up, and turned on the radio by the sink. She needed some music to take her mind off of things that were driving her insane.

It was tuned to a Country music station... Tara must’ve had it on when she was over the other day. Buffy didn't care for that kind of music much, but she just needed it as a distraction, so she didn’t worry about changing it. Despite all that, Buffy found herself listening to the song that came on as she absently washed the same dish over and over again.

{{

Hear the song at the following YouTube Link:

The One - Gary Allan

}}

No rush though I need your touch
I won't rush your heart
Until you feel on solid ground
Until your strength is found, girl

I'll fill those canyons in your soul
Like a river lead you home
And I'll walk a step behind
In the shadows so you shine
Just ask it will be done
And I will prove my love
Until you're sure that I'm "the one"

Somebody else was here before
He treated you unkind
And broken wings need time to heal
Before a heart can fly, girl

Buffy sniffled. This was another song that could've been written for her and Spike. The lyrics were the same things Spike had said to her, in so many words. She may have lost the man who felt that way about her just because she'd let her past overwhelm her. She couldn't listen to the rest of the song and turned off the radio before it made her cry again.

"Need some fresh air," Buffy mumbled, heading for the kitchen door. She went out onto the back porch and sat down on the steps. She looked up at the stars, hoping to clear her head. But her sadness and dread were too strong to be brushed aside.

Buffy didn't want to cry again, but all the tension and worrying caught up with her. The latest bit of news (that Spike intended to commit suicide by Glory), was just too much for Buffy to handle. She dropped her face into her hands and started to sob. 'I'll feel better after I have a good cry. Then I'll figure out what to do...'

Buffy lifted her wet face and looked around when that "tingling" feeling ran up her spine. She was excited for a moment, thinking Spike was finally coming to her, but she didn't see anyone. She closed her eyes and shook her head slowly. "Just my imagination again..." Why couldn't God or the PTB have given her a Slayer dream about this... something that would tell her what to do?

Buffy covered her face with her hands again, letting her tears fall freely. She felt a dark shroud engulf her... it felt just the same as that day she’d sent Angel to hell with Acathla so many years ago. She’d killed the one man she loved -- she kissed him and thrust her sword through him. She saw utter pain and confusion in his eyes before he was sucked into the pit of hell... it was a look she’d never forget. It was the same look Spike had when she panicked and fled his crypt... his azure eyes overflowed with pain and confusion. If Spike got dusted trying to kill Glory, his death would be on her doorstep just as sure as if she’d stabbed a stake into his heart herself…

Sobs wracked Buffy’s body as the possibility of a world without Spike... a life without his love, without his touch, without him by her side, strangled her heart with fear and guilt and regret.


{A/N: I'm not a big Country music fan, but my intrepid beta, Passion4Spike, sent me the song link to 'The One' by Gary Allan. It's perfect for the story! Thanks P4S!}





Two days ago, right after Buffy fled the crypt in tears...

Spike sat with his back against the wall for some time after taking out his anger and frustration on the crypt. He composed himself, then climbed down into the lower level. He washed the tears from his face, and the blood from his hands, looking sadly at the silver skull & crossbones ring Buffy had given him. The ring was dented from punching the walls.

"Should've taken it off 'fore I went crazy..." he lamented. Spike told her he'd treasure it always, but now it was dented and mangled... like their relationship. He hadn't kept that promise either.

Spike wondered what he could do to make up for what he'd done to Buffy. He kept hitting a mental brick wall and coming back to the thought, 'There's nothing I can do that would make it up to her... she'll never trust me again.'

He took his cell phone out of his jacket pocket and sat down on the edge of the bed, just looking at the phone for a minute. What would he say? Maybe he shouldn't call her at all, maybe it would only upset her more if he tried contacting her. Odds were, she would just erase the message without listening to it... but he had to tell her how sorry he was.

Spike dialed Buffy's cell number and held his breath. He was a bit relieved when it went to voice mail, he didn't know if he could take hearing her crying on the other end of the line. Still, his mouth was dry and his mind went blank when the beep sounded.

“Buffy... I know I'm the last person you want to hear from right now, but... I'm so sorry. God... I didn’t mean to hurt you, pet." The sound of his own voice seemed foreign to him as he spoke; he sounded like he felt, a broken man. "I thought... I thought you were showing me you were ready. But you weren’t, and I... I rushed you and made you feel like you had to... Please believe me, I didn’t mean to hurt you, I'd never force myself on...” Spike's voice broke and he cleared his throat, trying not to start sobbing again like a nancy-boy. “I’m just sorry... for everything. I promised I wouldn't hurt you anymore, but I keep doin' it, don't I? Maybe my demon's stronger than I thought it was... I won't bother you again..."

Spike heaved a sigh as he ended the call, turning off his phone and tossing it over his shoulder onto the bed. He told her he wouldn't bother her again... but could he keep that promise? He was already doubting his ability to stay away from Buffy. He didn't want to hurt her again... but he was drawn to her like a magnet to steel.

Spike looked behind him at the bed with bleary eyes, seeing the scene play out in front of him again and hearing Buffy pleading for him to stop. He squeezed his eyes shut, shuddering with revulsion. He'd thought he'd known what it was to hate himself after Buffy saw the shrine... But, no, what he was feeling right now, this, was the lowest a sentient being could feel. Every time he thought he'd hit rock bottom, something new and horrid happened to take its place. This was total, unadulterated self-hatred. Is this what Angel felt like every day with his bloody soul? Spike didn't have a soul... so why was he feeling this way? When he really thought about it, he did have a soul of sorts -- Buffy was his soul, she was his heart, his sunshine.

But all that was gone now... he had no hope, no joy, no love; he had nothing. Buffy had allowed herself to trust him and he'd squandered that gift. How she must hate herself (as well as him) right now, knowing she should've heeded her friends' advice and not given Spike a chance to get close to her because he'd only hurt her in the end. God help him, that git Xander had been right.

Spike suddenly felt a strong impulse to get away, to run away and escape the heartrending memories (much as Buffy had done earlier). He couldn't stay here... here with the memories of what just happened echoing in his mind.

"Have to get out of here..." Spike mumbled. He couldn't stay in the crypt, hearing Buffy's voice pleading with him to 'stop' and seeing her tear streaked face made something at his very core recoil and shrivel.

He dug his smokes and lighter out of his other jacket's pocket, and tossed them onto the middle of the bed with his cell phone. Then he changed into his everyday clothes (what Buffy had called his 'Classic Spike' look). He scooped up his belongings from the bed, absently picking up the cell phone along with the other items, and shoved them in his duster pockets.

Spike grabbed a bottle of whiskey and his traveling blanket (he didn't plan on coming back here, at least not for a while), he might need the blanket if he got caught outdoors when the sun rose. He cast one last gloomy look around the room, and then set off through the sewers.





Spike walked through the sewers on autopilot, not knowing where it was he was going. He let his subconscious do the driving for awhile; his conscious mind was whirling trying to come up with a way to make things better with Buffy. It would take such a spectacularly grand gesture to earn back even a smidgeon of her trust... he didn't know what it was he could possibly do. But he really didn't trust himself with her now, either. He couldn't permit himself to go near her not knowing if his demon would take over and try to hurt her again.

Spike stopped and looked around when he realized he'd come out of the sewers and was standing in the garden of the mansion on Crawford Street. He saw the fountain he'd once passed out on and woke up with his hand going up in flames. And that unhappy memory was just the tip of the iceberg, there were many more bad memories inside the mansion itself.

"The mansion?" Spike frowned. "Why would I want to come here? I hate this bloody place!"

His mind answered, 'Because this is where everything changed between you and Buffy. This is the first place where she looked at you and talked to you like you were a man and not a monster. This is where you knew that you loved Buffy more than anyone else on Earth. This is where you knew for certain that Buffy was your destiny.'

Spike sighed and walked inside the main room. He loathed this place, but he needed to rest for a few minutes. He lit a candelabra, and then sat on the couch. The room looked like it had when he and Buffy left it, nothing was changed. Usually, prime real-estate like this was snapped up rather quickly by a vamp or demon looking for something more luxurious than a crypt. But it seemed that the demons were too skittish to move into Angelus' old house. Never knew if the old tosser would lose his soul again and come back to claim it, and any squatters would surely be severely punished for trespassing. Angel always got what he wanted... and who he wanted.

Not all the memories of the mansion were bad, there was the time when he'd beat Angelus down with a crowbar. And, more recently, when Spike and Buffy sat here to rest and talk after that horrible night with Dru.

Spike slouched and leaned back against the couch cushions, sipping from his bottle of whiskey. He looked at the end of the couch where Buffy had sat when they'd talked about their feelings for each other. That was the first time she'd really talked to him, and it was the first time he had real hope they could be more than enemies. Spike smiled sadly, tears built up in his eyes.

"That's a good memory," he sighed, putting his hand on the cushion on which Buffy had sat and rubbing it gently. He took out a cigarette and lit it.

His inner-voice needlessly supplied, 'Yeah, and you bollixed it up real good, di'int you? Just goes to show ya that you can't control your impulses. You're not meant to have someone as good and pure as Buffy in your life.' Spike cringed when he heard Cecily's voice say, 'You were *beneath* me, William. And you're most certainly beneath her.'

Spike looked out at the room as that night replayed in front of him; he watched ghostly images of Buffy, Dru, and himself act it out. It was a bit like the Haunted Mansion ride at Disneyland. He'd been stronger than his demon that night, the taste of Buffy's blood had reminded him how much he loved her. His love for her was strong enough to make him take control back from his demon and the mind fuck Dru had given him. Why couldn't he control it last night? Why didn't he take extra care to keep his demon in check to keep it from... hurting Buffy?

His mind answered him again. 'You didn't take extra care because you didn't think it would be a problem. The demon inside us loves Buffy too, you didn't think it would hurt her.'

Spike detected a difference in the voices in his head. One was his normal voice, but the other sounded much more like William. Spike hadn't been sure if William was still capable of making his voice heard... he'd buried William deep inside him long ago. He'd had to silence William in order to become a proper vampire, with no mercy or sentimentality toward his prey. But William was apparently still with him, just too timid to speak most of the time.

Spike knew his demon loved Buffy too, he just didn't consider the possibility that the demon might express its love for her in a 'want, take, have' kind of way.

Spike thanked God Buffy had gotten through to him and made him stop when she did. It made his stomach churn and bile rise in his throat to think he might've remained deaf to her pleas, blind to her tears, long enough to... He shut his eyes tightly and shook his head, not wanting to even contemplate what might've happened.

"William," Spike whispered, "can you help me? What can I do for Buffy... what can I do to show her I truly love her? What can I do to control the demon within me so I don't hurt her again?"

The voice was quiet for several moments. 'Oh, I see... *now* you want my help and advice? How many years have I been silenced? How long have you kept me buried under heaps of death, perversity, cruelty, and murder?'

Spike groaned. "I'm going mad now, am I? Arguing with myself... That's bloody brilliant. If you're gonna be a prissy li'l fop 'bout it, just forget it."

'No, I'll help. It's not often I feel free to speak. There are two answers to your quandary. Think about it, they will come to you.'

"Ponce is makin' me work for it -- can't just tell me, eh?" Spike said with a shake of his head.

Spike chain-smoked, lighting one cigarette off another. Even if Buffy decided to give him another chance, how could he let himself be near her if he couldn't trust himself? What could he do to get tighter control over his demon?

An old legend came to Spike's mind. A legend of a demon in northern Africa (Egypt if he was remembering it right) who granted a wish to those willing to risk life and limb to attain their prize. Not many demons had emerged from the Cave of Trials, it was sort of like a roach motel for demons -- demons check in, but they don't check out.

'Yes, that's one of the solutions,' William's voice told him.

Spike could go there, seek out the legend and face the arduous trials, asking for the return of his soul. If he had his soul back, then maybe that would be enough for him to have control over his demon, to ensure that he'd never hurt Buffy again... But that would mean being gone weeks or months (or not making it back at all), and Spike had promised Buffy he'd be around if she needed him. Besides, he doubted it would make a whit of difference to Buffy -- soul or no soul, he would still be the man who betrayed her trust and forced himself on her... No, he couldn't go poncing off to Africa, not while Buffy still might need his help fighting Glory in the near future. If something happened to Buffy or her family because he wasn't there...

Maybe that was the answer... he could take the fight to Glorificus before she had a chance to harm Buffy, Dawn or Joyce. Spike had had that idea once before (after the incident with the shrine) but hadn't had time to give it serious contemplation. And if he happened to die along with Glory... well, he didn't care much if he died or not, so that worked out. Better to go out with a bang and not a whimper... who wants to live forever, anyway? It would be a completely selfless act... and he'd be doing it for Buffy.

'Yes, William's voice sounded in his head again, '...that's what I would do if I were you. It wouldn't make up for your past... misdeeds, but it would spare the people you love much pain and sorrow. Buffy would know you meant what you said. She might even think of you fondly once you're gone... '

"She's in a mortal body... not at her full, godly power... that means she can be killed somehow. How do I go about it...?" Spike's mind was going a mile a minute trying to think of how he could defeat a god. He remembered Buffy telling him that Glory had survived a building collapsing on her, and she'd also survived falling from an incredible height when Willow magically transported Glory high above the city... so the bitch was tough, no doubt about that.

Glory had walked away from things that would've killed any normal person... but an explosion might get the job done -- a well-placed, perfectly timed bomb might be enough to kill even her. A bomb would take Spike out too, but the thought didn't trouble him as much as it would've a few days ago. Maybe that's one of the ways Dru saw him die in her visions, maybe this was what was supposed to happen.

Not only would he be saving Buffy, he'd be saving Dawn's life too. That was worth his sacrifice and that way he'd still be keeping his promise to Buffy -- she and Dawn would be safe from Glory and there would be no way his demon could harm her again; it was a win-win.

"Where can I get some explosives...?" Spike wondered aloud.

He could ask Clem, but doubted his friend would happily hand over dynamite that Spike intended to blow himself up with. Then William whispered something Spike had forgotten until now -- it was something from a few years ago when he'd briefly been Adam's lackey. Spike had explored the caves surrounding Adam's lair, looking for anything that might be worth a few bob. Spike had found four crates of TNT under a tarp, most likely left behind by a mining operation; the workers probably got spooked by demon activity and hightailed it out of there. He'd moved it to a different location in the mine and hidden it again, in case he ever found a use for it or a buyer for it.

"I'll have to go see if it's still there," Spike mumbled drowsily. He didn't want to waste any time, but he could barely keep his eyes open. "I'll check it out in a few hours..." he said, lying down on the couch and covering himself with his traveling blanket. "Just need... a little kip first."

Even with his half-formed plans, his fondest wish was that he could make things right with Buffy again. 'If wishes were horses...' William whispered as Spike began nodding off. Like Buffy, he had an unpleasant dream...


Spike's Nightmare


Spike walked up the stairs to Buffy's bedroom. He moved slowly, dreading what she might say when he finally talked to her. The bedroom door was ajar, he pushed it open and saw her standing by her bed with her back to him.

He gathered his courage and said, "Buffy... we need to talk."

She paused for a moment, then went back to what she was doing.

"Buffy... I'm sorry, pet. I'm sorry for what I did. You have no idea how sorry I am..."

Buffy ignored him, still arranging something on her bed.

"Alright... I get that you're furious with me -- and you have every bloody right to be -- but... will you at least look at me?" Spike asked with increasing dread.

Buffy sighed wearily and turned around. Her expression was one of annoyance, like she couldn't wait to be rid of him... it was the way she used to look at him all the time. "Fine, I'm looking at you. What do you want?"

"I'm sorry about last night... You know I didn't mean to hurt you, don't you?"

She shrugged. "Doesn't matter if you meant to or not, you still did. My friends were right... I shouldn't have trusted you."

"I know... and I'm --"

"Yeah, yeah, you're sorry." Buffy rolled her eyes. "I heard you say it the first few times."

"I love you, Buffy. I love you more than anything in the bloody world. I'll do whatever it takes to earn your trust back. I'll --"

"What's taking so long?" a voice said from behind Spike.

Spike's eyes widened and he turned his head to see Angel standing behind him. "Bloody hell... what are you doin' here?!"

Angel pushed a stunned Spike aside and strode into Buffy's room. The jubilant smile on her face when she saw Angel made Spike's stomach do a somersault. And then he thought he'd start dry heaving when Buffy threw herself into Angel's arms and they started kissing.

"What the bloody hell is goin' on!?" Spike demanded, grabbing Angel and shoving him away from Buffy. "You don't get to touch her anymore, pillock!"

Angel laughed and shook his head. "Still the same sorry little Willy. You're so pathetic, almost makes me feel sorry for you."

Spike growled and took a step toward Angel. Buffy shoved Spike's chest, sending him a few steps backwards.

"I decide who touches me and who doesn't, Spike," Buffy explained. "He does," she pointed to Angel, "and you don't. I'm warning you, don't try hurting him -- I will drop you like a bag of dirt."

"How... When did this," Spike gestured at Angel wordlessly for a few seconds, "happen?!"

"Angel was there for me when I needed him. We discovered that we still love each other too much to stay apart any longer," Buffy said, looking dreamily at Angel. "Right, Pookie?"

"Right, honey," Angel replied. "We're driving to Vegas tonight to get married. I'd like to go with a Rat Pack ceremony instead of the clichéd Elvis impersonator one. I still need a best man if you're interested, Spike." Angel smirked.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Spike ran his hands back through his hair. "No... no this isn't happening. It can't be!"

"You're lucky I don't butcher you like a hog right now for touching my woman, Willy," Angel tsked. "Trying to steal your Sire or Grandsire's mate is a big no-no. But you never were much for rules, were you?"

"Angel, honey, why don't you go start the car? I'm almost all packed up and ready to go. I can't wait for the honeymoon!" Buffy grinned, spinning around in a circle.

"I'll let you two kids say goodbye. Poor little Willy looks like he's gonna cry..." Angel pouted, mocking the heartbroken, livid, and very confused younger vampire. "If there's one thing you should've learned by now, it's that I always win, Spike. And you? You'll always be the pathetic loser. See ya around, boyo." Angel gave Spike a smarmy smile and went back out the door.

Spike grasped at straws to stop this from happening. "He'll lose his bloody soul and go Hannibal Lector again if you shag him!"

"Oh, we fixed that little problem. Willow did a spell to make his soul stay put, and now Angel and I can make love any time we want," Buffy informed him. "We had wild, passionate sex a little while before you got here, and he's still got his soul."

Spike groaned, seriously trying to keep from puking, screaming and crying. He swallowed, forcing down the bile in his throat. "I know you cared about me... and, Buffy, you're everything to me. There's something between us -- you can't deny it. You had warm 'n fuzzies for me and I know you've felt the heat between us."

"There was heat alright, 'cause I've been in Hell having to settle for you when the man I really wanted was in L.A."

Spike's jaw ticced, he looked away from her. "Don't say that!" he ground out between clenched teeth.

"I did 'care' for you -- past tense. But I was just wasting my time with you, Spike. How could I ever love a thing like you? You don't have a soul, you're still the exact same guy who's tortured me for years -- not like Angel who had an excuse. I can never forgive you for plying me with wine and then forcing me to get naked so you could do disgusting, vile things to me."

"I didn't mean to hurt you..." Spike mumbled miserably, hanging his head. "God, I'm so sorry, pet..."

"You're beneath me, Spike -- always have been, always will be." He looked up at her and winced, feeling like she'd punched him repeatedly in the gut. "But I needed to feel good about myself again after Riley left. Xander was right, you were just --"

"Don't say it!" Spike growled.

"Convenient," Buffy finished with a cruel smile. "Now, if you don't mind -- and even if you do -- I've gotta get going. The love of my life is waiting for me." She picked up her suitcase and started toward the bedroom door.

Spike jumped in front of the door, blocking it with his body. "Don't leave like this, Buffy. Please... This..." Spike closed his eyes and shook his head. "This can't be happening... Is this a nightmare?"

"Yeah, it's just a nightmare -- keep tellin' yourself that. Get away from the door," Buffy ordered coldly.

"Don't throw away what we have -- what we could have! I'll do whatever you want -- punish me, scream at me, kick my ass... but don't give up on me. I'll do better, I'll get better control over my demon and I swear I'll never hurt you again... just... please give me another chance?" Spike implored, desperate to change her mind.

Buffy rolled her eyes, unmoved. "I don't give a shit how you feel or what you think. I'm looking out for myself, not you. I'm finally going to be with the man who's my destiny, the man that I love... that's what I care about."

"I know a way I can get my soul back... There's a demon in Africa that puts questors through painful trials -- the survivors get their fondest wish granted. I might not make it back alive, but if that's what you need me to do, I'll bloody well do it, Buffy. I'll fight, I'll win, and I'll get my soul back for you," Spike said resolutely.

Buffy sighed wearily. "Soul or no soul, it's still you, Spike. I don't want you! I want Angel -- he’s my destiny! Why can’t you understand that?!"

"If you leave me now..." Spike paused and sniffed. "I'll die without you," he said with certainty, his voice rough and his eyes brimming with tears.

Buffy put her suitcase down. Then she smiled and took a step closer to him and touched his cheek, giving Spike hope for a moment. "Then... die!" she spat, producing a stake out of nowhere and plunging it through his chest.

Spike didn't have time to react -- he was suddenly pinned to the door with the stake. He stared at her smiling face in shock. A tear ran down his cheek. "Buffy..." And then the world dissolved around him...

The last thing he heard was Drusilla's voice saying, "I told you she'd make you suffer, my Spike. You should've listened to your dark goddess. Come back to me, Spike. Find me, my love. You'll always belong to me..."


Spike jerked awake.

He looked around, finding himself alone at the deserted mansion.

"Bloody hell..." he groaned, lowering his head and rubbing his hands over his face. "Bad enough that Buffy staked me... did Peaches have to make a cameo appearance too?"

He reached for the whiskey bottle but found it empty. Spike sighed and dropped it on the floor amongst the spent cigarette butts.

Spike got up from the couch, brushing off the back off his coat. "Too much bloody time spent in this house of horrors..."

From the sunlight streaming through the windows on the other side of the room, Spike guessed it was about noon. He'd slept a lot longer than the short catnap he'd intended to take. But, thanks to that sickening dream, he didn't feel at all rested.

Spike threw his blanket around his shoulders and headed for the sewers, happy that at least this would be the last time he'd ever have to see the mansion.


Continued...





You must login (register) to review.