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Author's Chapter Notes:
And here's part three :)

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"Wouldn't you be... happier if I did have a soul?" Spike wondered uneasily.

Buffy shrugged. "I don't know... I guess so. But there's no --"

"There might be a way I can get mine back," Spike told her, the serious look on his face and tone of his voice told her it was no joke.

Buffy looked at him, her brow creasing. "What? Your soul? H-how?"

"There's a legend... an ancient demon grants questors their heart's fondest wish if they survive grueling trials. It's like a genie's lamp... 'cept, instead of rubbing, there's a lot of pain, fighting, and bloodshed. I could try and get my soul back. I'd do it for you... I want to do it for you, Buffy."

Buffy had to stop and think about that for a moment. She was shocked that there was actually a way for Spike to get his soul back on his own, without the use of magick and without the 'one perfect moment' side-effect. This proved again how different Spike and Angel were. Angelus had zero interest in having his soul back; he'd been so happy to be rid of his soul that he'd murdered Miss Calendar to make sure she couldn't give it back to him with that Gypsy spell. But Spike... he was soulless and wanted his soul back and he was willing to fight for it; he wanted to be a good man and be certain he'd never hurt Buffy again. Spike loved her so deeply without a soul whereas Angelus had only wanted to destroy her from the inside out when he was soulless.

After letting what Spike was proposing sink in, Buffy shook her head. "No... I don't want you to do that."

"You... wouldn't rather I had a soul now that you know it's possible?" Spike was surprised, he'd expected she would be all for the idea.

"Yes and no. I mean... yeah, it'd be nice... but you might not win." She quickly added, "Not that I don't have faith in your abilities, I know how tough you are and what a great fighter you are. But you never know how things will go down, every fight we get in could be our last... Besides that, getting your soul back could change you. You might go insane like Angel for a hundred years, or it could drastically change your personality. I don't want you to change; I like you just the way you are now." Although she suspected Spike would change very little if he were re-ensouled, there was always the chance it would change him. And Buffy wasn't willing to take that risk.

Spike smiled boyishly and ducked his head. Here he was, trying to change everything about himself for her to want him, to be worthy of her love, and she liked him just as he was now. His tears of happiness were getting harder to keep in.

Buffy continued, "Angel lived in alleyways for a hundred years after he was cursed with a soul, the guilt and remorse driving him crazy every day... I don't want you to go through that. I told you this before and I still believe it, you're strong enough to live any way you want, you don't need a soul." She bit her lip. "But would it make you happier having a soul?" If this was something Spike felt strongly about doing for himself, she didn't know if she had a right to ask him not to do it.

Spike pondered that question. "Don't know... it might make me feel more worthy of your love. I might be bug-shagging crazy for a while, if what Angel went through is the norm... not really sure there is a norm for that. That's not an attractive prospect... but I'll --"

Buffy shook her head. "No. No, I don't want you going there and putting yourself through trials that might kill you or drive you nuts."

"But I --"

She shook her head again. "I don't want you to try it. Unless you're determined to do it for yourself, I vote 'no'. Spike, you're strong enough to counter your demon, it doesn't control you."

"But... what if I'm not strong enough?" he asked anxiously, clearly disturbed by the possibility. Although he found out what happened with Buffy wasn't his fault, it was hard for Spike to shake the feeling his demon would take over at some point in the future. "What if, just once, it takes over and tries to hurt you? I can't let that happen, Buffy."

"Your demon was in full control that night at the mansion after Dru hypnotized you. But you stopped and came back to your senses before it was too late. You remembered you loved me and didn't want to hurt me; you stopped yourself, Spike... you stopped the demon. If you could do it under those circumstances, you can do it again. I believe in you."

Buffy gave him a soft kiss on the lips. "I don't want to take the chance of losing you, Spike. I love you the way you are now, warts an' all."

Spike smirked, his eyes shiny with tears. "Don't have any warts."

"Yes... I know," Buffy said with a naughty smile, her eyes moved up and down his body, remembering how smooth and perfect his ivory skin was. Her fingers itched to lay her hands on him and feel his silky skin, his hard muscles, and stroke his... She wished for X-ray vision to be able to see that gorgeous, flawless body. Of course, she knew all she had to do was ask him to take his clothes off to see him naked... and that would be happening in the very near future. But they had to talk out her issues first, Buffy wanted to ensure there would be no repeat of the other night; she had to be certain her cynical, critical inner Buffys would be silenced.

Buffy realized she'd been picturing Spike naked for thirty seconds, then looked away with a new blush on her cheeks. "I do want you the way you want me, Spike. It's just... every time we get close to... doing it, all those silly fears of mine flare up... I turn into the Towering Inferno of Cold Feet."

"Just the thought of having sex with me makes you panic." Spike stated it, not trying to make her feel bad, but just saying it out loud.

"No, I... I really do want to be with you like that, Spike. Part of me can't wait to be with you. Don't feel bad and think that I --"

"I'm just sayin', if that's what's causing the problem then we should... talk about it. Maybe put some of those fears and Ghosts of Boyfriends Past to rest."

Buffy took a breath and nodded. "That's what Tara said I should do, too. She said I should talk to you about how I feel and what scares me... but... I was afraid you'd think I was just stupid."

Spike shook his head. "You're a lotta things, luv, but stupid ain't one of 'em. I love you... and you know how much I want you. But I want it to be good for both of us, I want both of us to be ready. So... let's talk about sex." He groaned. "God... now I got that god-awful bloody song goin' through my head..."

Buffy smiled faintly and chuckled.

"Seems that I owe Tara some thanks... big thanks, for helpin' you see the light. Good to know one of your band of merry men, and women, doesn't want to get rid of me."

"I also had a talk with my mom about it. Despite the grilling she gave you the other day, she really is on your side; she believes in you, too. She reassured me that you'd show up sooner or later and everything would be alright."

Spike smiled and sniffed, feeling grateful that he really did have a few fans amongst Buffy's family and friends. He cleared his throat, then said, "So... we were gonna talk about what's got your pretty little knickers in a twist?"

"Oh... yeah, we were." Buffy swallowed and shifted position on the porch step, summoning her courage. "Okay... let's start. I'm... I'm afraid I won't be good enough to... to satisfy you." She blushed, looking away from him again as her heart raced nervously in her chest. There. She'd said it.

Spike sighed. "Pet, you really don't have anything to worry about. I'm sorry you've been fretting over this so much and for so long..."

"Well, you call me a goddess... you think I'm perfect and I'm not. How can I live up to that?" She pouted.

Spike snorted a laugh. "Perfect? I do not think you're perfect."

Buffy looked at him, creasing her brow. "Geez, you don't have to say it like that... But goddesses, by definition, are perfect beings... aren't they?"

"Have you read much Greek or Roman mythology? The gods were flawed beings just like humans. They had some things they excelled at and supernatural abilities, but they could also be petty, vindictive, bitchy, vain, cruel --"

"Okay... you think I'm one of those flawed goddesses. Still... you're expecting fireworks when we're together, you've thought about it so much, how can I live up to what you've... imagined?" Buffy looked away, pouting slightly again.

"You're worried that you won't be... skilled enough for my liking?"

She nodded imperceptibly.

Spike sighed. "Buffy, I don't expect you to know every trick in the book. The fact that you haven't got a lot of experience is actually a turn-on."

"Oh, so you expect me to be bad in bed?" Buffy asked, looking at him sideways and raising her eyebrows.

"Now, don't put words in my mouth, luv. I expect you to be... you. Just feeling your hand on my skin or feeling your lips on mine is... Just those little things are big to me. The only expectations I have are that you'll be yourself and you'll have a bloody good time. If all you ever wanna do is lie together naked, kissing and wrigglin' against each other, then I'd still be happy."

"You wouldn't be happy with that, come on," Buffy said with a teasing smile. She wanted more than that too. "You'd need to... get release."

Spike smirked and held up his left hand. "I can get release later. I've developed quite a grip."

Buffy laughed and shook her head.

Spike suggested, "If you're that worried about bein'... inadequate, I could only do things to you -- you wouldn't have to do anything but lie there and enjoy. That'd be fine by me."

Buffy rolled her eyes, saying sarcastically, "Oh yeah, that'd be fair."

Spike shrugged. "I'm willing to do anything to accommodate you, Buffy. And... doing things to you, giving you pleasure, would give me a lotta pleasure too, believe me. You wouldn't even have to touch me."

Buffy rolled her eyes again. "That would be silly and wrong. Like I could just let you service me?"

"Whatever it takes, pet."

"But I do want to touch you and join in the fun -- I want to make you feel good too. I was having big fun making out with you the other night. I've had some very dirty dreams about doing things to you, which I totally enjoyed."

Spike smiled. "Maybe we can talk about those dreams sometime in the near future?"

Buffy smiled shyly. "Yeah... we should."

Putting aside the dirty dreams talk for the moment, Buffy wanted to get back to her concerns. She knew she'd get way too distracted if they started a discussion about wet dreams. "My mom said she thinks what you want most is for me to make myself... vulnerable to you. To show I trust and care about you enough to let all my defenses down."

Spike raised his brows and nodded once. "Joyce definitely took Psych in college." He drew in a breath and nodded. "Yeah, that's the hardest bit about being with another person, 'specially with strong, take-charge types like yourself. But... to be in love is to be vulnerable. No one can cut us to the quick more than the one we've given our hearts to; no one else's words or actions can either send us soaring into the clouds or send us plummeting down to the lowest of depths."

Turning to her, Spike asked, "You do believe I love you, don't you, pet?"

"I know you love me," Buffy said with a smile. "But I have wondered if you and me are just deeply in lust with each other... it can feel the same as love. What if once we've... been together, those feelings start to fade?"

"I think," Spike said, looking up at the stars, "love is when the other person's... happiness, their needs, hopes, fears, and dreams are as important as your own... or more important. And that's how I feel about you, Buffy. I want to make love to you, to give you as much pleasure as you can handle, but the physical is just part of it.

"There was a time, early on, when I wondered if what I felt for you was real love or just an intense crush, and I've spent a lotta time sussing out my feelings for you. I've delved into them and, I know beyond any doubt, that I do love you. I've even given the horrible hypotheticals thought."

"What horrible hypotheticals?" Buffy asked hesitantly, not sure she wanted to hear them, but too curious not to ask. They'd already talked about what he'd do if (more like when) she died in the line of duty -- what could be more horrible than that?

"Hate to even think or say them out loud..." Spike sighed, looking down at the steps, "...but... I thought, what if you were badly hurt and permanently paralyzed... or what if you were maimed or disfigured... or lost a limb..."

Buffy grimaced. "Yeah... those are horrible, alright." Being alive, but... limited sounded worse than actually dying to her. Not only would she be a useless and ineffective Slayer, she'd probably become a burden on her loved ones.

Spike loudly cleared his throat, almost choking on the emotion as he imagined something terrible happening to Buffy. "And as bloody hard as it was for me to even think of such things, I knew I really loved you when those scenarios didn't make me love you any less; I didn't feel any less devoted to you. If you were hurt, if there wasn't even the possibility we could shag.... I wouldn't stop loving you. I'd stay by your side, helping any way I could."

Buffy sniffled and wiped at a tear running down her cheek. She could tell Spike meant what he was saying. That was the real test of love, wasn't it? Would you stay with and feel the same way about your mate if they were permanently disabled? Like they had so many times since she started dating him, Spike's words touched her and made her heart bloom with affection for him. But, this time, she easily recognized the affection for him she was feeling as love.

Buffy put her arm through his, leaning against his side. "That's... that is very comforting. You can be so sweet..." She sniffled again. "Do you really think... love will be enough if... if I don't meet expectations?"

Spike shook his head and held her hand, caressing it. "You can tell me the things you're worried about, pet. You don't have to hide anything from me, you can trust me. I promise I won't laugh or think you're silly for it. All I want is to help you clear your head and exorcise those inner demons you've got inside you."

"Um... okay." She took a breath and began. “Spike... I,” Buffy paused and rubbed wearily at her eyes. Her chest tightened as the memories of lovers past and the heartache they wrought on her danced in the dark behind her closed lids. Finally, she took another deep breath and steeled herself, as if to face an attacker, and blurted the words out quickly, lest he stop her or she falter.

“I’m just not any good in bed. I... I know Angel told you... and... Parker... you know what happened with him. ‘Not worth a second go.’” Buffy tossed Spike’s own words back at him from that day in the sun. Spike winced and opened his mouth to object, but Buffy just talked over him -- unable to stop the flood now that she’d started.

“And Riley -- God... I couldn’t even satisfy him! He had to get his rocks off in that vamp whorehouse... then he split, too. He didn’t just leave town -- he left the freaking country to get away from me,” Buffy reminded Spike unnecessarily as tears stung her eyes. “I tried really hard... I swear I did. I thought I did everything right... but, Spike -- I’m just not any good and I’m so afraid that I’ll... I’ll lose you... every man I’ve ever loved has gone away... and..."

Spike pulled Buffy into a hug as they sat under the stars and once again blamed himself for at least part of her insecurities, wishing there was some way he could take back all the hurtful things he’d said to her over the years; wishing he could take the tossers that had hurt her and rip their heads off right in front of her. She didn’t deserve any of it, she was so strong -- the Slayer, it was sometimes easy to forget that she was also just a girl... a girl with a hungry heart that just wanted to love and be loved, just like everyone else.

"Dammit... I h-hate crying," she sobbed.

“Shhhh…” Spike cooed softly as he rocked her in his arms as she cried. She needed to let it out... let it all out -- let the demons go. Her tears seemed to burn his flesh as they coursed down her cheeks and soaked his shirt, her sobs stabbed like daggers to his heart.

When Buffy’s tears eased and her sobs stilled, Spike pushed her back slightly so he could look into her eyes. The green seemed more grey now... like clouds after a sudden summer storm and the girl behind the Slayer was exposed, vulnerable... and it made Spike want nothing more than to protect her for all eternity, ease her fears, buoy her heart -- love her forever.

“Buffy... I’m sorry for the hurtful words... I... If I could take them all back this instant, I would. I’d give m’ life right now to take away your hurt, and knowing that I caused even a little of it...” Spike shook his head in regret. “I’m sorry, pet... you can’t know how sorry I am.

“But know this... I’m not Angel... I’m not Parker or Finn, and I won’t hurt you -- I’ll never leave you. I love you,” he assured her. “You do believe that, yeah?”

Buffy nodded slightly. His eyes held such confidence... such adoration, it was impossible to not believe him. “But other men have loved me... and left...” she pointed out. “I just drive them away.”

“Ahhh, well... that’s different, innit?” Spike questioned, cocking a brow at her. “How long you figure you’ve been tryin’ to drive me away, pet?”

Buffy rolled her eyes, a reluctant smile tugged at her lips; she could see where he was going with this. “A long time...” she admitted.

“Ain’t worked yet, now has it?” he pointed out.

Buffy snorted a soft laugh and shook her head, dropping her gaze down to her lap. “But that was different... I wanted you to go... now... now I want you to stay.”

Spike gently raised her eyes back up with one finger under her chin. “I’m not goin’ anywhere, Buffy. I promise. You couldn’t drive me away with a ten foot stake… I'm even more determined to stay now than I was when I was just a pain in your shapely arse. You're everything to me, pet. I walked this Earth for decades 'fore you were even born and I only met you a few years ago... But now I can't imagine my life without you."

Buffy sniffed and wiped at her eyes, still not completely convinced, but feeling slightly better for sharing her pain with him. But he just wasn’t getting it... she tried another tack to try and make him understand her fears more fully.

"Spike, there's more... something Dru said while she was taunting and torturing me at the mansion."

Spike groaned and hung his head back for a moment. "Buffy, don't give anything Dru said any more thought. She's out of her bloody mind and she was only tryin' to upset you."

"It's something she said about what you guys did back in the old days."

Spike looked at her nervously. "What... she tried filling your head with all the awful things I've done? That's not me anymore, Buffy. I wouldn't --"

"No, it wasn't about killing, it was about..." Buffy bit her lip. "About sex."

Spike was only slightly relieved. "Bloody hell... what did she tell you?" He had taken part in so many dirty, sinful, kinky acts in his time with Dru, she could've told Buffy any number of things. He hoped Dru hadn't shared anything about one thing in particular. "She told you Angel and I had it off, didn't she? It's a lie!"

"Spike, that wouldn't matter to me -- even if it was true. My best friend is a lesbian, remember? Personally, I think Willow is more bisexual... but I'd get my head bitten off if I told her my opinion on that -- so don't tell her I said that... ever. The point is, I don't judge people or think they're gross based on what gender they..." Buffy stopped because she could see how uncomfortable Spike was about this subject. Imagine her making Big Bad uncomfortable!

Buffy was too bashful to say that thinking about him and Angel having sex was actually titillating and not repugnant. It was best left unsaid, she knew Spike would not want to hear her say anything about Angel and sex in the same sentence, even if she weren't too embarrassed to say it. Instead, Buffy corrected his assumption and went back to her point. "No, Dru didn't say you and him did stuff by yourselves, she said that you and Angel had threesomes with her... and I guess they'd be foursomes with Darla."

Spike looked down and swallowed hard. "You want to talk about that? You don't really want to hear about those things, do you?"

"No, I don't want to hear... details about the orgies in days of yore, but..." Buffy gulped nervously, "you did some really kinky stuff, huh?"

He shrugged slightly then nodded. Spike didn't want Buffy feeling inferior to Dru or any of his other lovers, he wanted her to know the slightest of her touches (or even just a smoldering look) made his body shake with desire. He knew he was a good lover, he'd left every woman he'd ever shagged with a big smile on her face and completely satisfied. But his confidence waned when it came to Buffy -- just like how he'd been nervous about their first date, some anxiety crept in when he thought of finally getting the chance to make love to Buffy. Would his worries about being 'perfect' to outshine her other lovers cause his performance to suffer?

"You know what the kinkiest thing I've done is?" Buffy asked.

Spike looked at her with interest, not anxious to hear about her experiences with other lovers, especially considering who they were, but curious about how kinky his girl could be.

"Nothing," Buffy said flatly. "I've never done anything even remotely kinky. You probably have a ton of great answers to: 'Where's the strangest place you've ever made whoopee?' You know what my answer is? In a dorm room. How sad is that?"

"Was Red trying to sleep in the next bed over? That'd be kinda kinky." Spike smirked, ignoring the fact that she was talking about shagging Riley in a dorm room.

Buffy laughed, "No! Willow wasn't there." She blushed like crazy at just the thought of knockin' boots with a third-party in the room.

"Well..." Spike took a breath, "have you wanted to try something kinky? Got something in mind?" It was not easy to talk about sexual things with Buffy -- he wanted to act on his desires even more than usual right now. But talking about these things with her (without an attack of the hornies) was important, he'd have to try and focus.

"No... that's just it! I don't even know! I just... God, you're SO much more experienced than me..." Buffy put a hand over her eyes. "My sex life is so very lame... if it was a horse someone would've shot it by now."

"Was," Spike corrected her.

"Huh?"

"You sex life was lame. You're with me now, and once we..." Spike stopped and shook his head. "Sorry. No pressure..." He was afraid to say more suggestive things after the other night; he didn't want her to worry he'd try getting in her pants until she was absolutely ready.

Buffy's hand dropped away from her face, she looked at him. "No, go ahead, you can finish; we need to talk about this stuff. Once we...?" She needed to hear some reassurances to boost her ego, even if Spike didn't know firsthand how she was in bed, it might help to hear him say sweet, encouraging things.

"I'm just sayin' that when we... do take that step, I'll happily indulge in whatever fantasies you have. You want to do it someplace kinky, like outdoors, then I'm all for it -- just not in the daytime, for obvious reasons." Spike looked up in thought. "Well, I s'pose we could do it under a blanket or a big, leafy tree... What was I sayin'...? Oh, right. If you want to use toys, then we'll get some fun things to use. We already opened up the subject of spanking, I'd be all for that." Spike raised and lowered his eyebrows, sticking the tip of his tongue out.

"You really like that idea, don't you?" Buffy giggled.

"You might find you fancy it too once you've tried it. And if you don't, then that's okay too. We've all got certain things we prefer to do or not do in the boudoir. Just because you might not know what you’d like only means we can have that much more fun findin’ out, yeah?" Then Spike had an idea he thought she might like. "If you want, you could tie me up and blindfold me, make me the more vulnerable one. You'd be in total control. That might help ease your nerves the first time. I don't mind a spot of bondage."

Buffy pictured it and licked her lips, being in control and having such a beautiful, sexy man at her mercy appealed to a very naughty part of her. And it reminded her of the dream in which she'd fucked him while he was tied to a chair... But then she blinked and shook her head. "N-no, I couldn't do that."

"Sure you could, pet."

"Bondage is more of a third or fourth time thing, don't you think?" she joked.

"We can do whatever we want, whenever we want. We make up the rules for 'us', nobody else does."

She blushed more brightly. "Okay... I understand, I can be kinky as I want to be with you."

"Bloody well right you can." Spike was even more excited to be with Buffy now (if that was possible). There was so much he could teach her, so many things he could be the first to try with her. It was extremely arousing to imagine being her sexual professor, seeing her take to a particular act or position and see her joy at discovering something new and pleasurable.

"You've done all those kinky things... hasn't it made regular sex boring?" Buffy wondered. She silently added, 'Won't *I* be boring compared to those kinkier, more experienced, sperm dumpster bimbos you've been with?'

Spike understood that she was worried sex with her would be dull compared to his exploits over the last several decades. He also felt some anxiety about their first time. He was experienced and knew his way around a woman's body, but this was Buffy, she was special. What if he did something she didn't like? What if he couldn't hold back and came too quickly, making her think he was a minuteman who only cared about getting himself off? He'd wanked it several times, fantasizing about Buffy while stroking his cock, and cumming explosively rather quickly. He hoped he'd be able to hold off until Buffy had cum a few times before he did. He wanted to make her head spin (in a non-literal way) before he got his.

Spike wondered how he should proceed. Should he just play it cool and confident, or share his worries with Buffy? His first instinct was to hide the fact that he was nervous too -- but, considering his first instinct was usually wrong, Spike decided to tell her.

"I told you how nervous I was 'bout our first date... I haven't felt like that in ages. The truth is... I'm a bit nervous about the first time we'll be together, too."

Buffy blinked at him, surprised. "Why would it make you nervous?"

"'Cos I want to be good... good enough for you; I want to make you happy. I want to be the best you've ever had and make you forget all about those plonkers you were with before."

"You're putting too much pressure on yourself to be..." She paused, shaking her head and chuckling at the irony. "And I'm doing the exact same thing so I really can't fault you for that. Spike, I don't think you have to worry about being 'good'. All that practice you've had..."

He shook his head. "All the practice in the bloody world doesn't matter; every new lover we take is different than the last. You're not just any new lover, you're you, Buffy, you're literally the woman of my dreams... and I've got to be good for you. You might find you don't like something... maybe you won't like my body or my style."

Buffy's eyes flicked up and down his body. "I don't see that happenin', Spike. I've seen your body and... me likey." She blushed (her face so hot she thought she might burst into flames) and looked down at her shoes, "well... let's just say I really like what I've seen. You've got an amazing body... all lean and muscle-y... and some very impressive... parts..."

Spike smiled with pride. He knew he was well-endowed and was confident she wasn't disappointed in that part of his anatomy. Unless Finn had an enormous cock... But Spike would bet a million... no, he'd bet a trillion-gazillion dollars that that wasn't the case -- boys who liked playing with big guns were usually trying to compensate for having a small dick. "I'm quite fond of how you look too, pet. You know you're bloody gorgeous."

Buffy chuckled. "Like you don't know how hot you are? Please. You're 'bloody gorgeous' and you know it. You can't be worried that I'll find something not to like about your..." her eyes drifted downward to his crotch before darting back up to look him in the eye, "...body."

"Alright, we can agree that not being pleased with each other's body isn't gonna be an issue. As far as 'performance' goes... How 'bout this: if there's something we aren't completely happy with or enjoying, we tell each other."

Buffy looked at him doubtfully. "Tara said the same thing. But that's... a hard thing to do... to say 'Hey, stop doing that, I don't like it.' I wouldn't want to hurt your feelings... again." She knew Spike could be wounded so easily emotionally, he'd probably be crushed if she said she didn't like something he did in bed... just like she'd be if he told her the same thing.

"I wouldn't want to hurt your feelings, either. But I do want you to tell me if you don't fancy something I do, or if there's something you reallllly fancy. Pleasing my woman and making sure she's 100% satisfied is my #1 job, any helpful suggestions you want to give as we go will be welcome. Promise, I won't take offense. There's a learning curve with new lovers, it can take some time to learn what makes them squeal with pleasure or have them praying you just finish quick so they can get some sleep. We'll learn what makes each other happiest, but only if we're brave enough to share what we like and don't like."

Buffy smiled and nodded, trying to let go of some of her anxiety. Knowing Spike was a bit nervous about performing for her, actually comforted her a bit. And it was very reassuring to hear him say he wasn't expecting the first time to be 'perfect'. "Okay. And you can tell me if there's... stuff I do that you like or don't like too -- as long as you say it in a nice way."

"I know me just sayin' so doesn't make the worries go away, but you really don't have to be nervous about us... sleeping together. How can I make you understand how much I want you, how much I love you..."

"I know you love me... and want me... you've proven that lots of times. But... what if I'm just not good in bed? You'll get bored so fast and wish you'd found out sooner that I'm a cold fish... What if I just don't meet your expectations... what if I can't hold your interest?" She pouted -- and Spike couldn't resist that pouty lip.

Spike put his hands on the sides of her face and kissed her lips softly. He'd give anything to know the right words to put her fears to rest forever. His poor, sweet, beautiful Buffy just couldn't let her feelings of inadequacy go. And he knew she was wrong thinking that about herself. True, he hadn't made love to her yet, but everything else he knew about her told him that she would be an amazing lover.

The only thing he could do was to keep reassuring her that her perceptions about her sexual prowess were wrong. And, when the time did come for them to sleep together, Spike would lavish her with praise and pleasure to let her know how wrong those negative voices in her head were. She was a sexy, passionate, beautiful woman, Spike had no doubt she could please him; he would help convince her of the truth.

"Listen to me, an' listen good -- it's not just your body that I love... though it is quite impressive..." He smirked a little as his eyes wandered over her body for a moment before returning her gaze. "I love you, Buffy Summers." He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it gently. "Every idiosyncrasy, every tiny flaw... I love everything about you... everything that makes you... you."

Buffy smiled, wiping away another happy tear. Spike was on another 'saying exactly what she needed to hear' streak.

Spike kissed her tenderly again. "You know... all those times I imagined what it'd be like to kiss you... none of it compared to the real thing. The real Buffy kissing me is a thousand bloody times better than any dream or fantasy, 'cos it's you and not some figment. I can feel the warmth of your body against me, your heart beating with excitement, your hot lips and tongue dueling with mine, your hands touching me, the scent of your arousal... Trust me, you can do no wrong, pet." His voice got huskier as his eyes roamed over her face. "You drive me mad without even tryin'."

Buffy sighed dreamily, put her arms around him and stared into his stormy blue eyes. His passion for her was crystal clear in those darkened blue eyes... "Say something poet-y," she requested with a grin.

"Puttin' me on the spot..." Spike laughed lightly and smoothed his hand over her blonde hair. Then he looked intensely back into her eyes. "How I long for the pleasure of your touch... the ecstasy of your kiss." Spike didn't get to finish his spur of the moment poem.

Buffy slid her hand to the back of his head and pulled him to her, seizing his lips with hers. Her other hand rested on his knee, then moved slowly up his thigh. She felt Spike's length beneath the denim of his jeans, her heart was beating like a bass drum and she felt swoony again.

"How 'bout," Spike said once they broke for air (and gently moved her hand back down to his knee), "we won't even talk about havin' sex for a month? At the end of that month, we'll see if we're both ready. If not, we wait another month, and so on and so forth." He was mentally kicking himself in the ass for even saying the words. But Buffy's peace of mind and comfort were the most important things. Nothing was more important than Buffy being relaxed and wanting him as much as he wanted her when the time came.

"A month..." Buffy thought it over. "Yeah... we can try that, that'll take the pressure off." She didn't tell him, now that they'd had 'the talk', she planned on tomorrow night being the night. She still had all the things she'd bought for their perfect, romantic first time. The only thing she'd need to do was have Willow add a few more songs to the CD of romantic songs before tomorrow night. She knew Spike was definitely ready for them to be intimate and wouldn't mind her suddenly springing it on him. And she wanted to see the look on this face when he realized she was ready too.

"You remember the last time we sat here like this?" Buffy asked.

Spike nodded.

"I didn't give it much significance at the time, but thinking back on it now... that was a big example of how much you'd already changed. You comforted me, gave me a shoulder to cry on. And that was after we'd had that serious talk... and fight about Slayers. The same night I found out my mom was going in for tests... that she might be very sick."

He nodded again, afraid to say what his original intent was when he'd gone to her house that night.

"You were gonna shoot me," Buffy said knowingly.

Spike looked at her apprehensively.

"I know I wounded you when I shoved you to the ground after you tried to kiss me... then I threw the money at you instead of just handing it to you... and that 'you're beneath me' thing I said... I made you feel humiliated... I was insulting and rude and horrible to you; I didn't handle the situation well at all... I can understand why you might've started seeing red and wanted to kill me."

Spike sighed. "I wondered why you never asked why I showed up in your backyard with a shotgun... I didn't plan on telling you what it was I wanted to do... especially not since we've been seeing each other."

"What changed your mind about blowing my head off?" Buffy questioned, though she was pretty sure she already knew the answer.

"I saw you sittin' there... crying. Seeing your face wet with tears made my heart bloody well melt. The anger that'd been boiling inside me was suddenly gone, all I felt was concern for you... I knew I could never hurt you again, no matter how cruel or dismissive I felt you were to me.

"Buffy, I want you to know that I know you had a right to do and say the things you did to me that night. I was tryin' to spook you... only way I could scare you or get under your skin anymore was with words. I'm sorry for doin' it that way now, but..." He trailed off and shrugged slightly, thinking that only more trouble could come from thinking or talking about that time. Spike didn't want Buffy thinking about the Slayers he'd killed or how much pride (and pleasure) he'd taken in the killings.

Buffy rubbed his knee comfortingly. "But you weren't lying... What you said was the truth, it was just hard for me to accept... that's why I was so cold to you; you did scare me." She sighed, thinking about his 'lessons' that night. "I think all Slayers do have a death wish, including me... A fascination with what awaits us... and a part of us looks forward to the continuous battles to finally be over. You were right."

Spike was getting choked up again at the thought of Buffy dying (and a small part of her even wanting to die). Why did he have to say such horrible things to her in the past? His old attitude was coming back to haunt him (and Buffy, too, apparently). He rubbed her shoulder and kissed the side of her face. "You're gonna be around a long, long time, pet. I'll make sure of it. No other Slayer's ever had the support you've got, that's why you'll keep winning and live to fight another day. You've got me and your mates behind you, fighting by your side; you'll never be alone."

Buffy sniffled and nodded. That was partly true -- she knew she could count on her friends, and now Spike, backing her up. But a Slayer really was alone in her calling, in her duties, in her sacrifices. Though, having her friends and Spike behind her did make her feel less lonely.

She wanted to lighten things up again. "Another thing about that night... I was wigged when you tried to kiss me, it took me by surprise." Buffy smiled at him and held his hand tighter. "If I'd known how amazing a kisser you were, I wouldn't've been so opposed."

Spike smirked. "What about when we were engaged because of Willow's spell? We did a lotta snogging at Rupert's flat."

"Well... I tried telling myself it was only the spell that made your kisses so hot... Yeah, I know, I was the ultimate Queen of Denial," she chuckled. "But now I know that was no spell -- the way you kiss really does have the power to make me melt into a gelatinous substance."

Spike laughed lightly and nodded in agreement. "Yours have the same effect on me. 'Specially those power-snogs." He smiled a bit, thinking fondly back on their brief engagement. When it had worn off, Spike had been pissed off at being magically manipulated, but now he only regretted that he and Buffy hadn't kissed for the first time of their own freewill.

"You know, it's so weird how every song I heard made me think of you the last couple days... Even songs we never danced to or heard while we were together, like 'Hopelessly Devoted To You'. I heard that in Willy's, of all places." Buffy laughed.

"Yeah, I heard that on the juke at Willy's too," Spike said, then frowned as he remembered Willy strongly implying that Buffy had said she was ashamed of being with Spike. He dropped his gaze down to the steps again.

"What?" Buffy asked, leaning forward to see his face better. She put her hand on his knee. "Did... I say something wrong?"

"No." Spike shook his head. "Just somethin' Willy said..."

Buffy's eyes narrowed -- if Willy was trying to make trouble between them, she'd wring his scrawny neck. "What'd he say?"

Spike cleared his throat (he noticed he was doing a lot of throat-clearing during this conversation), then said, "Willy mentioned you were in the bar earlier."

"Yeah, and...?"

"He... implied that you'd said you were ashamed of being with me... and that he wouldn't defend a chick who treated him like that. The blighter even tried givin' me advice about women." Spike rolled his eyes. "Imagine me takin' dating advice from him? I'd bloody well stake m'self if I ever got that desperate."

Buffy grit her teeth. "That little weasel... I did not say anything even close to that!" She wracked her brain trying to think of what she could've possibly said to give Willy that impression (or did he just lie to Spike to cause trouble? That was a distinct possibility...). Then it occurred to her. "Oh... I think he took what I said wrong..."

"What'd you say?" Spike asked, pouting slightly and looking at her out of the corner of his eye.

"I said he'd better not go around telling people that you and I are dating. The only reason I threatened him about that was 'cause I didn't want the other demons to be even more pissed at you for actually dating me. It wasn't because I'm ashamed of you, Spike, I just didn't want to cause you more trouble." She put her hand on his cheek and turned his head gently so she could look him in the eye. "Okay?" she asked softly as she stroked his cheek.

A little smile turned up the corners of Spike's mouth; he believed her. "Okay."

They pressed their lips together, sharing a soft, sweet kiss.

Dawn opened the back door, Spike and Buffy stopped kissing and turned their heads toward her.

"Hi, Spike."

"Hey, Nibblet."

"I just wanted to let you know I'm going to bed," Dawn told Buffy.

"Okay. You get that homework done?"

Dawn nodded. "I'm full of Chinese food and drowsy now. You guys making up again?"

They smiled at each other. "Yeah, we are," Buffy replied.

"That's good. Try not to screw something else up for at least a week. You can make a game of it -- if you can go a few days without fighting, you get a special reward -- like going bowling or mini-golfing. Night!" Dawn shut the door, and then went up to her room.

"I really want to smack her sometimes..." Buffy grumbled.

Spike chuckled. "She's just takin' the piss outta us, Buffy. And she's right, we gotta try harder to not upset each other for a while."

"Let's make a pact: No matter what we have going on -- if we've had a fight or we're just extra-busy -- we at least call each other every day to check in. I hated not knowing where you were or if you were okay..."

Spike nodded then kissed her forehead. "Sorry I put you through that, pet. Sorry I put m'self through it, too... Okay, it's a deal; we call each other even if it's just to say hello." A minute passed before Spike asked, "With all the problems we've had... you're really, absolutely sure you want to be with me?"

"I could ask you the same question. My answer is yes, I do want to be with you. I was miserable without you... wondering where you were, what you were doing and thinking. Yeah, it's possible that we might drive each other crazy... but the alternative, not being with you at all, would be worse. I was crying at card tricks I was so depressed..."

Spike smiled and hugged her a little tighter against his side. "Didn't take much to get my waterworks started either," he admitted with a weary sigh. "Seems like someone or something is hell-bent on keepin' us apart, don't it? I like that explanation better than it's just us bein' daft gits who can't get it right."

"Yeah, let's go with that -- some evil force is trying to keep us star-crossed lovers apart. Damn those evildoers," Buffy said with mock-anger, shaking a fist at the sky at their unseen (and most likely, imaginary) oppressors. "Well, we'll show them -- we'll be together, no matter what."

"Just you wait, luv -- one day we'll look back on all these pitfalls we've had and we'll laugh."

"You think so, huh? How long before they become funny?" Buffy asked, smiling skeptically.

"Uh... months...? Well... maybe it'll take a few years... a decade or two at most. But we will laugh about 'em, I know that much. We'll be so blissfully bloody happy and in love we'll make everyone around us want to heave with jealousy. We'll get there," Spike said with a nod of certainty, trying to be positive.

A few minutes of silent cuddling and stargazing later, Buffy groaned, "I can't believe you were going to try blowing up Glory..."

Spike sighed and shrugged. "Thought it might work."

"Well... it wasn't a totally stupid plan; we can give it some more consideration. I'm still not convinced even explosives will kill her -- a building fell down on the bitch like the Wicked Witch of the East and she was fine -- but it might be worth a try if we get desperate enough. If we do decide on a plan like that, we do it together as a team. And preferably without one of us getting blown up in the process."

Spike nodded. "Alright. No more going rogue for me; I'll talk to you 'bout any ideas I have before putting them into action."

Buffy nodded with her head against his shoulder. She yawned suddenly, putting her hand to her mouth.

"Tired, pet?" Spike asked with a little smile. He could sympathize, he was ready to drop too.

She nodded as her yawn went on a few seconds longer. "Didn't get much sleep the last couple days."

"Me, neither," he sighed.

"Tired as I am, I still wanted to go looking for you in the park. But I couldn't leave Dawn alone in the house."

"Joyce isn't home?" Spike frowned, looking back at the door. It was late and it wasn't like Joyce to stay out 'til the wee hours. "Where'd she go?"

Buffy grinned. "She went out to dinner with her friends from the gallery. And there's a cute guy who happens to be interested in her, who she is also interested in."

Spike smiled too, glad that Joyce was feeling well enough now to be thinking of starting a new romance. "That's a bit of good news! Joyce gettin' her groove back is marvelous."

Buffy nodded. "I'm really happy about it, Dawn is too. Though... I don't like putting it that way, 'getting her groove back', sounds too... sexual. Gives me the wiggins to think of my mom.... doin'... stuff. I'll just pretend her and the new guy are playing checkers every time they go out. It was extremely awkward when I talked to her about me having sex -- I gotta give Mom credit though, she didn't run away like I'd want to if she talked to me about her and a guy."

"I'll have to investigate this new bloke, make sure he checks out alright. Can't have Joyce goin' out with a tosser... or another killer robot."

Buffy laughed. "Uh-uh, you and me are not going to talk smack or pass judgment on anyone's boyfriend or girlfriend. Unless this guy -- his name's Brian, by the way -- is a total jerk or weirdo, we keep our mouths shut and just accept him."

"Hmm, y'know, you're right."

"Of course I am, I'm always right," Buffy joked, smirking. "That's one lesson I would've thought you'd've learned by now."

Spike cocked a brow at her, but acquiesced her ‘rightness’ with an eyeroll. "We'd be doin' to Joyce what most everyone else is doin' to us. Right," Spike said with a nod, "no rushing to judgment about the tosser."

Buffy yawned again.

"Why don't you go to bed an' get some sleep, pet? I've got a few Z's to catch up on, too."

Buffy nodded as they stood up, then she looked at him bashfully. "Um, would you want to come in and stay for a little while?"

"Thought you were goin' to bed?"

"I am."

Spike's eyebrows went up, otherwise, he went completely still. He was afraid to respond with either words or body language because he didn't know what she was asking... Buffy wanted him to go to bed with her? Now? Tonight?

Buffy clarified, "I thought it'd be nice to... just lie in bed together without any hanky-panky -- just... holding each other and being close. You know... actually sleeping together without it being code for sex." Buffy looked down at her shoes and sighed. "That's a bad idea, isn't it? You're probably hesitant to get back in a bed with me after how I hurt you the last time. And you probably have better things to do besides taking a nap with me... and I know that must sound really childish and needy and..."

"There's nothing I'd rather do right now, Buffy." He took her hand and kissed it. And I'm not wary 'bout being in the same bed with you. I know we'll get past the cock-blocking ghosts of the past and the other, less pleasant Buffys in your head. 'Sides, I could do with a good cuddle."

Buffy laughed lightly at the phrase 'cock-blocking ghosts'.

Spike kissed her hand again, then held it, caressing it between his hands. "After thinkin' I'd never get to hold you again... I fancy your idea, too." Spike did like the idea for a few reasons -- he would get to lay in bed with Buffy, holding her in his arms, and he could show her he wasn't an animal, he could control himself and not turn it into something sexual.

"You're sure it's not too... lame?" she asked, afraid that after all his years of shagging anytime he wanted, that just cuddling would seem... well, lame, to him.

Spike chuckled and shook his head. "No, not lame at all."

"Good." Buffy smiled and put her arms around his middle, leaning up to give him a peck on the lips. "It's just... after the bad stuff the last couple days, I'm not ready for you to leave yet..."

"You don't have to explain why, Buffy. I understand," Spike assured her, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

Buffy took his hand and walked up the porch steps, pulling him along with her (not that she had to pull, Spike was very willingly following her lead). "We have to be quiet, okay? I don't want Dawn thinking we're going to my room to... y'know...."

"Quiet as a church mouse, luv," Spike promised, raising an index finger to his lips.

He was strangely nervous about just lying in bed with Buffy. It wasn't nervousness exactly, it was more like exhilaration. Lying in bed together (even without any sex) was an intimate thing. Spike was elated that Buffy still wanted to be close to him after what happened at the crypt; she was obviously having some problems with intimacy because of her experiences with her former boyfriends, but she was still willing to try again. He would have to be extra patient and gentle with her, but he was prepared to wait a lifetime for Buffy.





After Buffy turned on the porch light for her mom, she and Spike walked quietly up the stairs to her bedroom. She turned on the overhead light and closed the door behind them.

Spike took a deep breath as he looked around the room. Images from his nightmare came back to him, but he tried to drive those dream memories out of his head. That was a nightmare, just some of his biggest fears coming home to roost. But this was real -- there would be no angry, cold-hearted Buffy, there sure as hell wouldn't be any Tall, Dark, and Forehead eloping with her to Vegas, and no staking. As long as none of those things happened while he was in her bedroom, Spike would be a happy vamp.

"I feel privileged bein' invited into the inner sanctum." This was the first time Buffy actually invited him into her bedroom. The only other times he'd been in here were his clandestine visits to nick a few mementos (and to fill her in on Riley's secret, late night trips to the vamp whorehouse).

Buffy did a quick scan of her bedroom to make sure there weren't any dirty clothes lying on the floor, her bed was made, and her tables weren't cluttered. "I'm thankful now that I went on that cleaning binge the last couple days, my room is spic-and-span. My bedroom is actually fit to be seen by other people for once."

"Yeah," Spike said with a playful smirk, "you know what a clean freak I am. If I'd seen one," he held up a forefinger, "just one dirty sock on the floor, I woulda scarpered. A dirty house is the Devil's playground, that's my motto."

Buffy laughed, went over to her closet and brought out her fuzzy blue bathrobe. She turned her back to Spike (feeling a bit modest) and stripped off her shirt. Spike's eyes widened -- she was undressing in front of him?

Buffy looked shyly over her shoulder at him as she pulled on the robe and cinched it. "The robe's comfier than my shirt."

Spike nodded, his eyes looking a little glazed. "Yeah, looks... comfy."

"Is it okay for me to... do that in front of you? I don't want to torture you with peeks of my gorgeous body," Buffy joked as she removed her shoes and socks.

"Nah, its... it's good." No way was Spike going to discourage her from undressing (even modestly) in front of him. "It's a good thing. It shows you're... getting more comfortable around me in various states of undress."

"Make yourself comfortable," Buffy said as she sat at her vanity table and began brushing her hair. "I'll be right over when I finish. I learned from Marcia Brady that you should give your hair a hundred strokes with a brush every night before going to bed."

Spike chuckled and started to take off his coat, then stopped and wondered if she wanted him to keep it on. Then he went ahead and took off the coat anyway -- Buffy would tell him if she wanted him to put it back on. He couldn't be worried every little thing would upset her, they really would drive each other mad if they were that overly cautious.

Spike held in another chuckle when he saw a pig plush toy on Buffy's bed. He suppressed a smirk and tried to make his voice sound serious. "Damn... you've moved on, 'aven't you? Someone else has been sharing your bed," he said as he picked up the stuffed animal. "I've pushed you into the arms of another..." Spike thought to himself, 'Well, the pig *is* a step up from Angel and Captain Cardboard.'

Buffy frowned, wondering if Spike was going to start accusing her of sleeping with someone else now. A lot of counter-arguments began forming in her head. "What are you t--" She looked in the mirror, forgetting for a moment she wouldn't be able to see Spike. But she did see Mr. Gordo floating in mid-air.

Spike smirked and held up the pig, pushing on the back of its head to make it nod. "Oink, oink."

Buffy laughed and turned around in her chair. "Oh, that's just Mr. Gordo. You don't have to be jealous of him, the love we share is purely platonic."

Spike raised an eyebrow.

"Hey, don't look at me like that." Buffy smiled, stood up and walked over to Spike. She took the pig from him, hugging Mr. Gordo to her chest and rocking him. "He's my favorite toy from when I was little. He's helped me get through some tough times. I know you think it's just silly."

"I think it's bloody adorable that the Slayer, the one girl in all the world who stands against the demons, sleeps with a stuffed piggy. Full of contradictions, you are. I love that about you."

Buffy put Mr. Gordo up on the shelf he usually occupied. She wouldn't be needing the comfort of her faithful friend tonight, she had Spike to cuddle.

"He's not the jealous type, is he?" Spike asked, eyeing the pig warily. "Wouldn't want him going into a jealous rage and attacking me in my sleep."

"I told you, he's just a friend," Buffy reassured Spike, just barely managing not to laugh. "Mr. Gordo is a peaceful piggy, totally non-violent."

"That's a relief. I've seen those wild boars on the nature channel... savage beasts. Wouldn't want to tangle with one of those. I think the bloody bears are even afraid of those nasty buggers."

"No worries, as a platinum blond vamp I know would say."

They both looked at the bed at the same time.

"Let's get comfy, shall we?" Buffy asked, turning on the bedside lamp, and then switching off the overhead light. She sat on the bed and scooted back to give Spike room to get on with her. "Why don't you take off your boots too."

Before taking off his boots, Spike went to the windows and drew the blinds. He explained, "In case I don't wake up before Mr. Sunshine comes streamin' in."

"Wise precaution... sorry I didn't think of it."

"You wouldn't mind me still bein' here in the morning?"

"If you don't mind having to run home covered with a blanket, then I'd like you to stay as long as possible."

Spike was smiling as he removed his boots and got into bed with Buffy. He lay on his back, Buffy rolled onto her side, resting her head on the hollow of his shoulder. She put her hand on the middle of his chest, unconsciously rubbing in slow circles. Spike wrapped his arms loosely around her, stroking her back and shoulder the same way she was rubbing his chest.

They both let out a sigh of contentment, then were quiet for several minutes. Buffy tilted her face up to look at him. They lay in each others' arms, looking deep into each others' eyes; breathing each others' breath and just holding each other.

Talking things out was a good way to exorcise those inner demons, but just gazing into Spike's eyes told her so much. Buffy saw such love and devotion in those cerulean blue eyes, such affection... in that moment, she became more convinced her heart would be safe in his care. He wouldn't hurt her like the others had... she could see that Spike would do anything to be hers. He would keep those promises he'd made. He would always love her... even if she proved to be merely adequate between the sheets, although she still longed to be much more than that, for him. She longed to be the goddess of Spike’s dreams... even if it was a slightly flawed goddess. What was it Spike had said earlier? Love is putting someone else’s needs and happiness above your own... something like that... If that was true, then she was doubly sure she was in love, because she wanted nothing more than to make him the happiest man in the world, in and out of the bedroom.

Spike pressed a light kiss to Buffy's forehead. She touched his left hand, caressing and tracing it with her fingers. She looked down and pouted as she traced the skull ring she'd given him. What saddened her wasn't that it was mashed up, it was why it had gotten mashed up. Recalling how she'd panicked wasn't a pleasant memory; it was like a waking nightmare. She'd embarrassed herself and broke Spike's heart, making him think he'd done something to her against her will. He'd been ready to end his life because he thought he'd betrayed her trust. Buffy thanked God (or whoever/whatever) for keeping the worst from happening before they saw each other again. The thought of him being gone caused tears to form in her eyes again.

Spike saw her bottom lip jut out. He smiled softly and tilted her face back up to meet her eyes, then shook his head, telling her not to be sad.

Buffy raised his hand to her lips and kissed his finger, just above the ring. They smiled at each other and leaned in for another light kiss. Spike softly kissed and sucked on her bottom lip before laying his head back down on the pillow. Buffy snuggled against him, moving her head onto his shoulder again. She couldn't help the soft sigh that escaped her throat as she took comfort in his embrace.

"By the way," Buffy said, breaking the silence, "I talked to your friend Bridget." Buffy was teasing him, but was still a teensy bit annoyed.

Spike's brow furrowed. "Who?"

"Oh, you know, the female bartender with the short, dark hair at the Bronze? Brown eyes, big boobs? Ringing any bells?"

Spike smiled. "Oh, the sassy barmaid? I wouldn't exactly call her my 'friend'."

"What would you call her then? An acquaintance? A well-wisher? A potential shagging partner? She said you flirt with her all the time." Buffy looked up at him, raising an eyebrow.

"I bloody well do not! Just... sometimes I turn on the charm to see what I can get her to do for me... and that did not come out right." Spike swallowed. "What I meant is... I put on a flirty smile and give her the look..." Spike demonstrated by smiling slightly and slowly blinking his eyes. "And I compliment 'er, but only to see if she'll give me a free drink or basket of spicy wings."

"Well, I don't like it," Buffy said curtly. "She seriously wants to jump your bones. She asked me if you were single and might need some 'cheering up'. So stop with the flirtage with other females. First Frenchy at the restaurant and now a barmaid at the Bronze."

Spike grinned.

"What're you smiling about?" Buffy asked with mock-annoyance and flicking his stomach with a forefinger. "I'm serious, buster."

"It just... makes me happy that you're actually jealous another girl might be interested in me."

"There ain't no 'might' about it when it comes to Bridget -- she wants your bod. I don't blame her, but I will have to rip her hair out by the roots if I see her coming on to you. And you don’t know what I’d do to you if you turn on the charm with anyone other than me... So I'd better not catch you giving another woman that sexy half-smile and slow blinking thing -- that's reserved for me, and me alone, from now on. Got it?"

"Yeah, I think I get the message." Spike chuckled. Buffy wanting to do bodily harm to a woman who flirted with him made Spike feel like he'd burst with happiness. "In that case, I'll have to do my share of scarin' off blokes who try chatting you up too. Tit for tat, y'know?"

"Oh yeah, gentleman callers are just lined up around the block waiting to ask me for a date," Buffy said, rolling her eyes.

"You're a beautiful woman, inside an' out. That's what most men are lookin' for. Unless it's absolutely necessary, I'd rather you didn't... mingle with that doctor."

"Ben?"

Spike nodded.

"The same Ben you encouraged me to 'chat up' once?" Buffy teased.

"Yeah... that Ben. I know he's hot for you. And I only encouraged that when I was convinced I'd be nothin' but bad for you. I don't believe that anymore; I know we'll be good for each other."

Buffy smiled, gratified that Spike was displaying some jealousy too. "You don't have to worry about Ben. If I didn't have you? Yeah, maybe I'd like to go out with him. But I do have you, and you're all I need. Ben's nice, but he could never make me feel the way you do. Plus, he's normal, and me and normal aren't mixy. I learned that the hard way. There's also the long, awkward explanation I'd have to give to a normal guy when he finds out I'm 'different'."

"True, not a lot of blokes are turned on by a girlfriend who could snap their spines like a toothpick, or a girl who turns out to be a mystical warrior. I, on the other hand, find that extremely attractive. I'm drawn to strong women, and you're the strongest I've ever met. We challenge each other intellectually.... and physically. And we're learning... unfortunately very slowly, how to talk to each other, how to just... be together."

Buffy nodded, she couldn't agree more about having a mate that challenged you. Not only did it keep you on your toes, it kept things interesting. Spike stimulated her on so many levels, she thought that was a very good indication of them having a happy future together.


Continued...


Chapter End Notes:
Thanks to Passion4Spike for her excellent beta'ing skillz, to Dark Heart for his unwavering support, and to all my fabulous (very patient) readers!



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