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Author's Chapter Notes:
This is the last part of the chapter, I promise lol

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Buffy cuddled him tighter for a moment. "This kind of thing -- the fully-clothed snuggling -- will really be enough for you?" Buffy asked, feeling wicked in a good way (as well as kinda guilty) for keeping her intentions for tomorrow night a secret.

Spike nodded. "I'll keep my passion... under control until we're both comfortable and the time is right." After a pause, Spike said, "I did some reminiscing since we saw each other last. I visited places around town where we'd squared off or had some kind of confrontation... I was horrible to you. I was cruel, hateful, I tried to kill you and your friends more than once... and I tried to stitch you up whenever possible."

"Stitch me up? Was my white, fluffy stuffing coming out?"

Spike rolled his eyes and sighed good-naturedly before explaining. "Set you up for a fall... like I did with Adam. In spite of all that, all the evil things I've done... you're willing to give me a chance..." Spike took a breath and let it out slowly while shaking his head.

"Some people think I'm pretty stupid for doing that," Buffy pointed out with a sigh.

"I know... and they're not wrong to be suspicious, considerin' my track record. They want the best for you and... they don't believe I fit that bill. But..." he pulled back to look her in the eye, "you know I've changed... you know I wouldn't do anything to hurt you again." He smiled at seeing her nod.

"I know, Spike. Other people might not see it yet, but I have. It frustrates me that they don't see what I see in you... but I think they will, it'll just take some time."

Spike held her closer and kissed her softly on the lips. "You're an amazing woman, Buffy... and I'm the luckiest man on earth to be with you. I'll never forget how lucky I am. But," he added with a smirk, "that don't mean I'm gonna be your bitch. I'll call you on something if I don't think you're right, and I won't fetch you your slippers every night... unless your feet are really cold."

Buffy laughed. "I don't want an obedient butler or a puppy, I want a boyfriend. I want for both of us to do sweet, thoughtful things for each other, not just you for me or me for you. And I don't want someone who always agrees with me, or just goes along with whatever I want... not all the time, anyway -- agreeing with me about some things would be nice. So that works for me. I just hope you don't get too... impatient with me."

"I won't get tired of waiting 'til you're ready, luv. You forget, I've had to be astonishingly patient with other women in my life. Dru's insanity and Harm's stupidity could test the patience of a bloody saint. So don't you fret 'bout me havin' to be patient. I've done it before, and I'm more committed to making 'us' work more than any other relationship I've ever been in."

Buffy let out another contented sigh. He'd mentioned his exes, but he was insulting them -- so she didn't mind him saying their names this time.

They were quiet for a few minutes. Then Buffy said, "There was something else Dru said that keeps coming back to me..."

Spike winced and groaned. "Pet... please don't dwell on anything else Dru said. She was just tryin' to --"

"Will you just listen?" Buffy asked, poking him in the stomach.

He sighed, relenting. "Alright... I'm listenin'." Spike hoped it wasn't something too awful that would make him have to defend himself and his actions back in the old days or something that fed into Buffy's insecurities.

"Dru told me that I was in love with you, and she was totally convinced it was true. I think that's why she was so determined to make me suffer and kill me, she didn't want me to have you. She said I wanted to play with your... umm..." Buffy decided to rephrase what Dru said (that she wanted to play with Spike's cock). "She said she knew I... wanted you but I was in denial about my true feelings. She was surprised when I told her I didn't love you."

Spike raised his brows and blinked. "Wow... Dru was really off on that one."

"That's the thing... I think Dru was right."

Spike lowered one eyebrow, keeping the other raised, and gave her a puzzled look. "But you said you didn't fall for me until our first date."

"Yeah, but I had... naughty thoughts about you sometimes, I never planned on acting on them back then. That was before I knew you were capable of being a good guy and really loving me, so I couldn't let myself feel anything like lust for you.

"But I do think Dru was right about me being in love with you... her timing was just off. I think she knew I would love you, she knew it but got the 'when' mixed up."

Spike thought back on his time with Dru, then nodded slowly. "Yeah, that did happen to her sometimes... She'd see something in a vision and be a bit early or late. Sometimes she'd wake up screaming about some calamity that was about to befall us, but it'd be something that already happened weeks, years, even decades ago. And there were times when she talked as if something happened, but it hadn't occurred yet."

"I still hate Dru for everything's she's done, but... in a way, she's the one who brought us together. She came here to 'save' you and kill me to keep us apart, but her coming here actually made it happen. I don't know if I ever would've believed you could be a good man if you didn't do everything you could to protect me that night."

"That's a brilliant example of irony -- she came here to prevent us from being together, but she was the one who brought it about. Don't think Dru would appreciate the irony, though..."

"You doing what you did for me that night is what forced me to change the way I see you; Dru made me begin to realize that I really was in deep denial. I won't go as far to say I owe Dru thanks... but I'm grateful something good came out of that horrible night." Buffy closed her eyes and hugged Spike. She wasn't thrilled to be talking about Dru, but she felt the urge to share her thoughts.

Spike nodded. "I wonder if she's realized it yet? That she was the catalyst that brought us together... If she has, I hope she flew into a rage and killed that tosser Joshua -- no way in hell that boy would have a clue 'bout how to handle one of Dru's... tantrums."

Buffy hoped Joshua got his comeuppance courtesy of an enraged (and, of course, insane) Drusilla, too. "It was beyond freaky when she would know exactly what I was thinking at certain moments... I don't remember her being that psychic the last time she was in town. Was she always like that, able to read your thoughts?"

"Not always... but sometimes, yeah. She's had spells over the years when her abilities were sharper, focused like a bloody laser beam; it came and went. She was much harder to live with when her powers were enhanced... being around someone who picks up on every passing thought you have ain't exactly a bloody picnic. We usually took separate vacations when she was like that.

"But her powers were definitely heightened during her last visit... She knew how I felt, what I was feeling and thinking, straightaway. I tried lying to her and saying my life in Sunnyhell was idyllic... but she knew the truth -- she saw right through me. She knew about the chip, how I couldn't hunt or be a proper vampire... she knew what I'd been reduced to.

"I would've been shit outta luck if she'd been 'on' when I made the truce with you to bring down Angelus. But, even if her powers had been sharp, I don't think she would've picked up on what I was up to... she was so bloody focused on him."

"Alrighty, and that marks the end of us talking about Drusilla," Buffy announced.

"You're the one who brought 'er up, luv," Spike pointed out.

"Yeah, 'cause I wanted to make the ironic observation about her being the one that really brought us together to fall in love. From now on, my bed or yours -- let's just say any bed -- is a 'No Talking about Dru Zone'."

"Suits me," Spike replied. "And I'd appreciate the same courtesy from you -- no talkin' about exes while we're in bed... better yet, let's never bring up any of those wankers you've dated."

"I don't think that's a good idea, Spike... Sometimes we might have questions about each other's relationships, I don't want us to hold back or be afraid to ask anything."

He sighed dramatically. "Yeah... alright."

Buffy wanted to set things up for tomorrow night. She was still nervous about having sex with Spike, nervous about giving her heart and body to another man, but she wanted him too much; she wouldn't let her insecurities get in the way any longer. "Um, you want to come to the house tomorrow for dinner? We can have steaks."

"That's steak: s-t-E-A-K, right?" he joked.

"Yes, the kind of steak that's made out of meat," Buffy giggled. "We don't gnaw on pieces of wood like termites. We'll leave a steak raw, just for you."

"That'd be lovely. But can the three of you stomach seeing me eat a raw, bloody steak?" Spike wondered.

"I think we can handle it, yeah. Dawn likes her steak and burgers extra pink. Plus, Dawn drizzled your cake and ice cream with pig's blood, I don't think raw steak would squick her. And my mom is a mom -- mom's have seen and cleaned up the most disgusting things in the world without complaining. As for me, I'm the Slayer and I've seen plen'ny of things grosser than my boyfriend munching on uncooked meat."

"Alright then... I'd be happy to join the Summers clan for dinner."

Spike seemed a little hesitant to her. "You're not worried my mom's going to corner you again, are you? I promise there will be absolutely no serious chats about anything."

Spike shook his head. "Nah, I think Joyce said her peace. But I will sit down an' talk with her again if she wants to. I'd walk through the fires o' Hell itself for you, pet. And nothing she can say will make me change my mind about you... about us. I love you and I'm never leaving your side... 'cept when you have to use the loo and those sorta things."

Buffy giggled again. "I'd appreciate that; I do like my privacy when using the loo. Seriously though, it's going to be a nice, fun evening... that is, if you consider dinner and then playing board games fun..."

"I'll be here and ready to tuck into a nice, bloody steak -- and perhaps beat the pants off you at Trivial Pursuit -- shortly after sundown. All I ask is we don't play Twenty Questions or Charades."

"Why not those games?" Buffy asked with a smile.

"Bad associations... Harmony was fond of playing those."

"Ah, 'nuff said."

Buffy bit her lip, wondering if she should tell him about the bad dream she'd had. "I had a bad dream about you," she offered quietly.

"Want to tell me about it?" Spike asked softly.

"I went to the crypt... and you were there instead of taking a walking tour of Sunnydale like you were when I really did go to see you." She poked his taut stomach with her finger again. "I apologized for running away and making a fool out of myself... but you were cold and mean to me," Buffy's voice got smaller, almost childlike, as she reluctantly finished the tale. "I told you I loved you and you said you didn't care because you didn't love me anymore, that I killed your feelings for me... and then you shoved me and I fell on the floor. I was crying and begging you to stop treating me like that... but you just laughed at me..."

Spike could feel her shrink away from him, almost imperceptibly; if it had been anyone other than Spike, they probably wouldn’t have even noticed. The atmosphere in the room seemed to chill and he was sure he felt her shiver at the memory of her dream. He was glad she felt comfortable enough to share it with him, but at the same time sad that it had cut her so deeply. He never wanted her to hurt ever again... not even from a dream.

Spike tightened the hold he had around her back and pulled her closer, his strong arm offering support and understanding and sympathy all at once. "Never happened, pet." Spike kissed her temple. "Never gonna happen, either. As if I could stop lovin' you? Might as well ask the sun not to rise in the morning or the birds not to sing. Insults and venom might be all we used to toss at each other, but I'd never go back to doin' that. Never. Just good ol' fashioned nightmare fuel is all it was."

"I was afraid to see and talk to you again... I was worried the nightmare would come true. 'Cause, you know... Slayer dreams. But I had to keep trying to talk to you and looking for you... I couldn't rest until I heard how you really felt and I told you how sorry I was," Buffy continued; her voice still quiet, almost as if confessing a deep, dark secret from her past, but she didn’t pull back this time. Instead, she took the comfort he offered and snuggled her cheek against his shoulder, letting him warm her from the inside out – not physically, but emotionally.

"Well, now you know," Spike whispered softly, a little smile curling the corners of his mouth. "And you know that dream of yours was bollocks. Just your subconscious throwin' together a scenario to scare you."

Buffy smiled a little too. "Yeah, thank God. I never know if I'm having a Slayer dream or a normal dream. Ya know, you’d think the PTB could put a warning label on the Slayer dreams so I’d know which ones to pay attention to. Like a big flashing, red sign: ‘Warning: Triple S; Mature Audiences Only; View with Caution’.

“Triple-X?” Spike questioned, cocking a brow and picking his head up to look at her face. “Wouldn’t mind hearing one of those...”

“S! S!” Buffy enunciated slowly. “As in “Silly Sucky Slayer” dreams... Ssssssss!” she repeated again, picking her head up so he could hear her clearly and hissing like a snake.

“Ah, too bad…”

Buffy rolled her eyes and dropped her head back down to his shoulder. “And I still don't know what the deal is with that Cheese Man who keeps showing up."

Spike's brow furrowed, afraid he'd heard her wrong again. "Cheese Man?"

Buffy shook her head. "Nothing kinky, trust me."

"Is it a man who's fond of cheese or a man made outta cheese?"

"He always has slices of cheese and says weird things about cheese. Him being made out of cheese would be the only thing that would make it even more bizarre. I'll tell you about it some other time, just weird dream stuff."

"I had nightmare about you, too," Spike confessed. He figured since she was sharing, he should too; maybe it could help exorcise some of his demons... or insecurities, as it were, since he was pretty sure the demon was there to stay.

"You did? Do you... want to tell me?" Buffy asked hesitantly, hoping that he would share but not wanting to push. Dreams could be scary places... she knew.

"Well... you acted 'bout the same way I did in your dream. You were cold and unfeeling, you said I was just... convenient… like the rebound guy to use to get over White Bread."

Buffy growled lightly. "Stupid Xander... he put that idea in your head."

"Yeah, but can't say I didn't worry 'bout that myself... just a bit," Spike admitted, his own voice getting softer as he spoke. He had always worn his heart on his sleeve, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t frightening and sharing it like this with Buffy was doubly terrifying. What if she thought he was a ponce... a needy leech? She didn’t need another one of those for a boyfriend. On the other hand, wasn’t that the beauty of love? Being able to share your fears and your heart with someone and have them understand you and accept you as you were?

"Totally untrue," Buffy reassured him, then kissed his cheek. "You're not a stand-in for anyone else, Spike."

Spike vacillated about telling her the other events in his dream. But again, decided to be honest. "I remember trudging slowly up the stairs to your bedroom to talk, then seeing you packing a suitcase on your bed."

"What was I packing for?"

He groaned, not happy about having to tell this part of it, but taking courage from the fact that she had shared her hurtful dream with him. "You were eloping to Vegas with Angel."

Buffy lifted her head and looked at him, her eyebrows raised. "What?! Wow... that would sooo never happen." She felt bad that Spike obviously had worries about her dumping him for one of her exes, but it was comforting in a way -- like Buffy, Spike had some insecurities, too, and worried about her not loving him as much as the other men that had come and gone through her life. The ghosts of their exes were hard to banish for both of them. "Not only would I not accept a proposal from Angel, I definitely would not have a quickie marriage presided over by a bad Elvis impersonator in some tacky wedding chapel."

"Yeah, I didn't think you'd go for that sorta ceremony... dead kings with long sideburns presidin’ over weddings is always a bad omen,” Spike tried to tease and keep the room from chilling again. “The whole thing was hard for me to believe." Spike shook his head, remembering how upset and confused he was in the dream. "I thought it had to be a nightmare but it wouldn't bloody end.

"Peaches even made a cameo appearance, callin' you 'honey' and 'sweetie' and you calling him 'Pookie'... Was all I could do to keep from heaving. He was a smug bastard... even more so than he usually is, taunting me for loving and losing you to him.

"He left to start the car to whisk you away to Sin City, and you told me to get outta your way. I tried stopping you from leavin'... blocked the door with my body. It ended with me telling you I'd die without you... and you said 'Then die' and staked me."

Buffy’s jaw dropped open in shock and she shook her head in denial. When she looked back into his eyes she could see the hurt and pain there and her shock morphed into empathy and sadness. Buffy pouted, then kissed his face frantically like she had outside in the backyard. "Oh... Spike, I'm sorry Evil Buffy somehow jumped out of my head and into your dream... I'd never say or do anything to you like in that nasty nightmare. I’m so sorry, Spike... I’m sorry my Evil Twin hurt you like that."

Spike sighed and nodded slowly, then gave her a small, reassuring smile. It obviously wasn’t her fault he had that dream, but here she was apologizing to him for something his own sick imagination had conjured. "I was more afraid to see or talk to you after that... same way you were afraid to see me after the dream you had," he admitted as he tucked her head under his chin and hugged her against him tighter.

"But I did have a very nice dream about you the next night," Buffy offered with a sly grin, trying to cheer him up.

"Hmm, one of those Triple-X dreams?"

"Mmhmm."

"Maybe we can... uhhh... talk about those later, pet... Wouldn’t mind a demo one day,” Spike teased back, tightening his arm around her back and giving her a couple of fast squeezes. Spike really wanted to hear about Buffy's wet dream, but thought it best for them to talk about it when they weren't in bed together just to cuddle. He’d be even happier if she demonstrated it for him... but now was definitely not the time.

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea." Buffy felt the same way about it, they both might get a little (or a lot) worked up if they discussed the dirty dreams right now. Dirty talk would have to wait until tomorrow... along with the demo.

They settled back into comfortable silence, talked out for the night and exhausted from the almost two whole days of frustration and heartache they'd just been through.

Buffy fell asleep first, feeling more contented and restful than she had in days. Spike stayed awake awhile longer, watching Buffy as she slept in his arms. He stroked her hair, infinitely gentle, and kissed the top of her head, inhaling the fragrance of her hair. He wanted to remember everything about this night -- well, he wanted to remember the good bits of the night after he and Buffy met up in her backyard and smoothed things over -- not the part when he was half-mad with self-loathing and planning on blowing up himself and Glory (and perhaps a small portion of the town). Spike thanked God he'd stopped at Willy's and had that talk with Clem.

Spike still couldn't quite believe a woman like Buffy could love a man like him... but she'd said it... more than once. And when she'd said it, he could see the light of love in her eyes -- the light he thought he might never see in those captivating, jade-green windows to her soul. Buffy loved him, and Spike would cherish her always.

Spike gave her forehead a light kiss before succumbing to his own fatigue.

Buffy awakened briefly not long after Spike fell asleep. At first she thought it had to be a dream -- a very nice dream. Spike was with her, sleeping in her arms. Then everything that happened earlier came back to her. This was real.

Buffy smiled and cuddled closer to Spike, careful not to wake him. She watched him sleep in the dim light. He looked so peaceful and innocent, like a child. His long, dark lashes fanned out softly over his smooth, ivory skin in his sleep, his sharp cheekbones stood guard over the deep hollow of his cheeks, his soft lips were barely parted and, as she watched, the tip of his tongue darted out and swept across them, dampening them. For a moment Buffy thought he had awoken, but no... he slept on. The only evidence of his past was the scarred brow over his left eye, earned in battle against another Slayer so long ago; the first Slayer he’d killed. It was hard to believe this was the same 'William the Bloody' who cut a swath of death and destruction across Europe a century ago; who’d killed two Slayers in his time. But he wasn't the same man who'd done those things, not anymore. If any vamp could change their evil ways, it was Spike.

"I love you, William," Buffy whispered, then sweetly kissed his lips. She laid her head down on her own pillow to be able to look at him, she could never get tired of looking at him.

Eventually, Buffy drifted off back to sleep, much, much happier than she'd been the night before and hopeful that her dreams this night would be ones that she could make come true in the very near future.





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