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Author's Chapter Notes:
The crypt scene with Spike and Dru follows what happened in the episode, but with a few differences and touches of my own. It was such a great scene the way it was written, I didn't want to change too much of it. Hope y'all like it!

Kewl banners by Edgehead and xoChantelly
Spike was heading back to his crypt to select a few good weapons to take with him. Then he would resume his hunt; it was always a good idea to have a sharp axe or sword at the ready. He would find the mansion in question, he would see how many vampires there were to contend with, and then (depending on how many baddies there were) Spike would either wipe all of them out by himself, or go to Buffy, tell her what he'd learned, and then they could go in as a team.

Spike grinned. "Buffy's gonna be chuffed to bits, I just know it."

But then Spike's smile disappeared, being replaced with a frown. He'd been on a hell of an emotional rollercoaster ride lately -- a thought would make him happy, and then delving deeper into the same thought would depress him.

He thought that Buffy would... what? Hug him? Give him a kiss and her eternal gratitude? Tell him she'd been all wrong about him? Show him one iota of respect?

No, she wouldn't do any of those things. Buffy would probably find some reason to yell at, insult, and hit him. She might even accuse him of being in on the train killings. Like how she’d dismissed the fact that he’d willingly gone with her to fight Glory and protect Dawn -- yeah, he’d gotten knocked out quickly (which was highly embarrassing for Spike), but he’d been there, at her side and ready to do battle, he’d tried to help... She just couldn't seem to give him any credit at all for anything.

Buffy was never going to think of him any differently. She would always hate him. He could do good deeds every day for the rest of his unlife, and she would still hate him.

Spike stopped and closed his eyes. "What the hell am I doing?" he groaned.

Everything was about her; Buffy was virtually all he could think about. Here he was, desperately wanting to gain the favor of a woman who considered him a despicable thing, hoping that she'd just say 'thank you' and smile at him... What kind of wretched poof had he turned into?!

He thought of how low he'd sunk since his heyday. He was formerly Spike, William the Bloody, Slayer of Slayers, scourge of continents, powerful, proud, a dangerous dark warrior. And now he was Spike, Slayer's lapdog, weak, fangless object of disgust, pity, and ridicule. And he was just letting it happen to him.

He didn't have a choice about the chip, but why was he putting himself through the torture of trying to win Buffy's favor? Why did he feel such desperation to get her to notice him and really see him? He could choose to end it and leave town. There was no real reason for him to stay in Sunnydale... except to be around Buffy.

"She'll never love me... she'll never even care about me. I'm... beneath her..." Spike whispered dejectedly. "Why do I let myself think it could ever be any different...?"

The thought occurred again, 'I should just pack up and leave.'

"But I have nowhere else to go..." He was a vamp without a country.

The saddest bit of all was that Spike didn't think putting distance between himself and Buffy (even hundreds of miles or continents) would make him stop thinking about or stop wanting her.

Spike shook his head and continued on to his crypt. “God, I’m gonna drive myself batty with this shit... Just get on with it, wanker,” he mumbled to himself.

He entered the dark crypt, his demon and his love-struck poet still battling it out in his head. His demon sometimes made its displeasure about Spike's decisions known, telling him to do something, anything, evil, before he completely lost his edge. Spike's demon was in love with Buffy too, but it still didn't like Spike letting himself be treated like shit by anyone.

Spike put a hand to his forehead, wishing things were different. Why did he have to work so bloody hard at everything, while some people (Angel) got everything served up to them on a silver platter?

Spike looked up when he heard a strange sound. He looked around suspiciously. Was a demon lurking in the dark, waiting for him? Well, Spike had a lot of pent-up anger inside of him ready to be unleashed on the next poor sod who challenged him.

"Who's there?" Spike asked, balling up his fists, ready to kick ass and beat whoever it was to a bloody pulp.

Her voice came from behind him. "A happy memory, pretty Spike."

Spike turned, astonished when he saw Drusilla emerge from the shadows.

"Look who's come to make everything right again." Dru held a red rose to her cheek and drew it down seductively across her face.





Spike and Drusilla were catching up, and she just finished telling him about her adventures in L.A.

Spike could hardly believe Dru was actually here, he'd thought she never wanted to see him again -- her saying so the last time he saw her was the big clue. Her being here wasn't helping the warring factions in his mind get any quieter -- his demon was virtually giddy as a schoolgirl at seeing Dru again -- his Sire, his lover was back for a visit (maybe more).

Spike let Drusilla steer the conversation, he wasn't even sure what to say to her. She was acting as if nothing had happened, like she hadn't shattered his heart into a million pieces. And he didn't want to go over the reasons for their split again, he'd just end up sounding and feeling pathetic. He waited to hear her get to the point, why she'd come back to Sunnydale, which he knew, with Dru, could take a while...

Spike was trying to act nonchalant, as if seeing her again didn't fill him (well, part of him) with joy. "So, uh, let me get this straight. Darla got mojo'd back from the beyond... you vamped her... and now she and you are working on turning Angel into his own bad self again."

Drusilla circled around behind him. "Mmmhmm."

Spike thought, 'Oh brilliant, yeah, let's bring back that insufferable bastard again!' He said (still going for nonchalant), "Sounds fun."

"It is. Like lollipops at the circus. Although... didn't care for Angelus setting us on fire." She touched her cheek and chest, the worst burns left from that unfortunate encounter with Angel.

"And this has got you, what, all nostalgic now, has it?" Spike asked.

"I want us to be a family again, my William." Dru walked up close to him, put her mouth next to his ear and whispered, "Come back with me." She pulled back to look at him.

"To Los Angeles?"

She nodded.

"I've done the whole L.A. scene, Dru. Didn't agree with me." Spike walked away from her. He did not want to go back to that cesspool of a town, and he definitely didn't want to have any part in bringing Angelus back out into the world. On top of all that, Spike was afraid to let Dru know about the chip -- it was humiliating. He didn't want her to know how very far he'd fallen. He couldn't stand it if she pitied him; he had to just pretend all was well.

"Besides, I've got a sweet little setup here in SunnyD." He gestured around the crypt. "Decent digs..." He sat in his armchair, hoping he was acting laid-back convincingly enough to fool her. "Not to mention all the tasty townies I can eat."

Drusilla rubbed one index finger against the other in a scolding gesture, just like she'd done to Buffy earlier in the evening. "Naughty! Shhhh." She put a finger to her lips. "You mustn't make up stories. I already know why you're not coming... Poor boy." She put her hands to her head, seeing Spike's chipping, and the results of it, in her mind's eye again. "Tin soldiers put funny knickknacks in your brain. Can't hunt! Can't hurt! Can't kill!" she said, jerking her head in an imitation of Spike being zapped by the chip each time she said the word 'can't'. She looked at him. "You've got a chip." She tried to put her hands on Spike's head, but he got up from the chair and moved away from her.

Spike's casual facade crumbled now that she'd seen through him; he should have known he couldn't hide anything from her. "Right, so you've heard... Poor Spike's become a cautionary tale for vampires, right? You better be good, kiddies, or else they might wire you up someday!" He kicked an empty box across the room.

Drusilla had been so right -- her poor, darling boy needed her. She could feel his frustration, shame, and fury so keenly. "I don't believe in science. All those bits and molecules no one's ever seen. I trust eyes and heart alone." She walked over to him. "And do you know what mine is singing out right now?"

She took Spike's hand and put it over her heart. Spike stared at her, feeling such a strong sense of déjà vu -- he'd put his hand over her heart countless times over the years, it was one of their 'things' to show their affection and love.

Drusilla went into cheerleader mode, encouraging and convincing him that he could free himself of the prison he was trapped in. "You're a killer. Born to slash... and bash... and..." She gave a gasp of pleasure. "Oh, bleed like beautiful poetry."

Dru could feel their connection again, she could feel her Spike stirring and growing; her deadly boy was still in there, he only needed her to guide him back into the darkness. It was practically orgasmic to feel him coming back to life. She started breathing faster, getting more excited. She held Spike's hand to her chest as they turned in a circle.

"No little tinker toy could ever stop you from flowing."

She was saying the exact right words to reach him, she always knew the right words that would hit him where he lived. What she said was so stimulating, so captivating, to Spike. He wanted so badly to believe her.

Spike was smiling dazedly, falling under her spell, and whispered, "Yeah..."

Drusilla moaned, "Ohhhh."

Spike closed his eyes and shook his head, taking his hand away from her. "But the pain... luv, you don't understand, it's... it's searing." Then he thought that wasn't the best choice of words, considering Angel had set her on fire not too long ago. "It's, um, blinding..."

Dru put her hand on the top of his head and pulled it down toward her. "All in your head. I can see it. Little bit of... plastic, spiderwebbing out nasty blue shocks." She moved her fingers across his head, imitating a spider. "And every one is a lie."

Spike kept his head bowed, letting her touch him -- letting himself get lost in her touch, the sound of her voice, and the fact that she was comforting him, as he'd done her so many times in the past. He wanted to wrap himself up in this moment and wear it like a shroud forevermore. At this moment, he felt loved again, and that's all Spike had ever really wanted.

He had to be with Drusilla again -- Dru could take away all the pain and torment. He could be the way he used to be, not this pitiful shell of his former-self. Chipped, treated like dirt by the Scoobies, and hopelessly in love with the Slayer... His life had never sucked as bad as it did now -- not even when he'd been mortal. But Dru could make it all better. All he needed was his dark goddess by his side. Buffy and this godforsaken town would soon be nothing but bad memories (or so he tried telling himself).

Dru continued, "Electricity lies, Spike. It tells you you're not a bad dog, but you are." She ran her hand around behind his head, and then across his face. She took his chin and lifted his face to hers.

Spike growled with lust and love as they gazed into each other's eyes. Yes, he belonged with Drusilla. Only she understood him; only she loved him. And now he could have it all back -- everything that had been so cruelly stripped away from him. The world could be his again...

Spike closed his eyes and winced at the sound of Harmony's voice.

"What the heck is this?" Harmony asked from the doorway, perturbed and irritated to find her Blondie Bear macking on another woman.

"Oh, bloody hell..." Spike groaned. He'd completely forgotten about Harm, and he'd been hoping she'd completely forgotten about him, too. Like if someone had jangled some shiny keys in front of her. But no such luck. He turned to her as Harmony entered the crypt.

Harm walked over to them, checking out her new 'competition'. "Who is... Oh, wait..." she said with annoyance, "I get it. Our little sex game was just the beginning. Now you've gone and picked up some cheap queen of the damned to dress up like your precious Droodzilla." She gave (what she thought was) the Drusilla wannabe a withering look.

Spike only wanted Harmony for one thing, and it wasn't for her sparkling conversational skills and wit. She annoyed the hell out of him. But... she did love him (in her own way), and Spike understood what it felt like to be in love with someone who hated you. So he felt a bit sorry for Harmony as a result. He would finally be done with her for good after this, but wanted to try letting her down in a 'nice' way.

Spike tried to tell her what was going on. "Harm..."

Harmony kept yammering. "You'd better not be thinking what I think you're thinking. 'Cause my answer is the same as always. No threesomes unless it's," she gestured to Spike, "boy," she gestured in the air, "boy," she gestured to herself, "girl. Or Charlize Theron."

Spike was losing what little patience he had. "Harm, you moron, this is Drusilla."

Dru just watched Spike and Harm interacting with a small smile. 'He doesn't even realize why he really chose this girl as his concubine. She's dumb as a box of rocks and malleable. But he wanted her 'cos she looks like the Slayer... That evil, wicked Slayer seduced my poor Spike. Well... she'll pay the ultimate price for it. Oh yes, it'll be beautiful!'

Harmony was taken off-guard that this was the Drusilla she'd heard so much about. She had wanted to give the bitch a piece of her mind for a long time. "Oh... Well," she walked toward Drusilla, "you've got some nerve showing up here like this. After all this time. After breaking my sweet Boo-Boo's heart."

Dru raised her eyebrows slightly and looked over Harmony's shoulder at Spike, mouthing the words "Boo-Boo". Spike rolled his eyes and shrugged.

Harmony was getting more pissed off at Dru for coming here to their happy little crypt, probably hoping to cause a rift between Harm and her Platinum Baby. "Do you have any idea how hard it's been to break down the walls he put up after you left? I mean, serious trust issues."

"Harm..." Spike just wanted her to go away, why couldn't she just shut up for once? He was trying to be nice, dammit!

Harmony put a hand on her hip and got in Dru's face. "So it's no use you crawling back to him, 'cause Spikey don't play that game any more, Morticia."

Drusilla couldn't believe the little insect, this child, was daring to speak to her like this. How could Spike stand the bint, even if it was just a sexual relationship? Dru put a hand up, trying to block out the sight of Harmony -- if she couldn't see her, maybe the fluffy piece of tail would simply disappear into thin air.

"Oh! You think you're better than me, right? You think you can just ignore me, huh?!" Harm huffed. "Ignore this, bitch!" Harmony just had to mess her up.

She jumped on Dru, knocking her down. She sat on her, hitting and scratching at Drusilla's face. Dru was too shocked to do more than put her arms up and try to protect her face -- it completely surprised her that the daft little bint had the stones to attack her; she hadn't seen that coming. Harmony was stupider than she first seemed, and that was pretty damn stupid.

Spike couldn't tolerate Harmony putting her hands on Drusilla -- no one was ever allowed to touch Dru. His blood boiled, he saw red. Spike had protected, defended, and loved her for so many years, his old instincts took over. He was feeling like his old-self more and more by the minute.

With an angry roar, Spike grabbed Harmony and hauled her off of Dru, and then he threw her across the room toward the door of the crypt. Harmony hit the wall hard and slid down. She looked at Spike, wounded in more ways than one. She couldn't believe he was actually throwing her out for Dorkzilla -- after everything that bitch had done to him!

Spike's eyes flashed golden, he was just barely able to keep from vamping out. "If you EVER lay a fucking hand on her again I'll rip your bloody head off!" he bellowed.

Harm just stared at him fearfully and cowered against the wall; she'd never seen him look or sound so angry.

Spike's rage dissipated quickly, he became instantly gentle and caring as he went to Dru and helped her up. "You alright, pet?" he asked, looking her over for any wounds or marks.

Drusilla nodded as she smoothed down her dress, giving Harmony an icy look. Many ways of killing the blonde were running through her head, it was so hard to choose which one she'd enjoy most. Then she looked back at Spike and smiled, finding his concern for her touching and encouraging. Her sweet Spike always did take such good care of his Drusilla. She'd missed that too -- no one else could pamper her and shower her with as much love and affection as Spike could.

Spike kept his eyes on Dru as he said, "It's been fun while it lasted, Harm, but I think it'd be best now if you hit the road."

Harmony's chin quivered. "Why? Because she's back?"

Spike smiled a little and moved closer to Dru. "No. Because I am."

Dru smiled wider as Harm began getting to her feet. Spike put his arm around Dru's waist and pulled her tightly up against him. Dru loved it so when he grabbed her like that, all rough and demanding.

Drusilla's smile became a full-fledged grin, she could sense the man she loved coming back to her. "And there you are, my darling, deadly boy." She put her hand on the back of his neck, and they kissed. It was like going home for both of them -- they'd missed this more than either of them had ever realized.

Harmony used the wall to help herself stand up. "Fine! Go back with her, I don't care! Don't come crying to me the next time she dumps your ass!"

The kissing vampire couple didn't even seem to know or care that she was still in the room, they just kept right on kissing.

"You suck! I hate you! I hope you both die... like for real!" Harm spat, and then ran out the door, slamming it shut.





Earlier, at the Summers' house...

Joyce looked out the front window for the umpteenth time, hoping to see Buffy strolling up the walkway.

"Mom, try to relax," Dawn said, putting a hand on her mother's back. "I'm sure Buffy's just out slaying some demons, she'll be back any minute."

"That's what I thought an hour ago," Joyce fretted, letting the curtain drop back into place. "All she had to do was talk to Spike -- it should not be taking her over two hours to do that."

Willow had been there already, having performed the dis-invite on the house as Buffy had asked. She then called the others when Joyce started getting freaked out an hour ago. She was kind of concerned herself. Buffy had been dreading having 'the talk' with Spike, and if Spike really was in love with Buffy... odds were that he would not take the news well that Buffy wanted nothing to do with him. Giles was busy at the shop, but promised to stop by once he closed up for the night. Giles, like the others, hoped that the problem would be solved by then and Buffy would be safely at home.

Xander, Anya, and Tara had come over to try and help Joyce feel more secure, and to go find Buffy if it became necessary. No one still knew for sure that anything was wrong, it was just Joyce's 'mother's intuition' that told her something had gone horribly wrong.

"Buffy's been out way longer than this before," Dawn pointed out.

"I know... I just have a really, really bad feeling..." Joyce wrung her hands in front of her. She sighed and looked at Dawn, then reached out and stroked her daughter's shiny, dark hair. "Sweetheart, I'm so sorry that me freaking out is freaking you out too..."

Dawn shook her head. "I'm not freaked or wigged or anything like that. I know it will be okay."

"If anything happened to her... it will be my fault," Joyce said miserably.

"Don't s-say that, Mrs. Summers," Tara consoled her. "That's not true."

"Yes, it will be my fault if Buffy was hurt... I told her she had to deal with... Spike possibly having feelings for her. I encouraged her to go talk to him -- I practically pushed her out the door!" Joyce was on the verge of tears, her voice shook, "I don't know what I'm going to do if she..."

The others tried calming and reassuring her.

"Mom, please don't be so hard on yourself," Dawn said, pouting and hugging her mom. "That was something Buffy had to do, and stuff like that is usually better to do right away -- like ripping off a band-aid. And Spike... he cares about Buffy, he wouldn't hurt her -- even if he could -- I know it."

Joyce hugged Dawn, then took a breath and shook her head. "I know, I need to calm down. It's just this... damn feeling won't go away." She turned to the Scoobies. "I really hate to put all of you out -- for what will probably turn out to be just a case of me being an overprotective mother -- but... could you please go to Spike's and see if Buffy's okay?"

"Sure, of course," Xander quickly agreed. He was worried too, and he would feel a whole world of better to confirm that Buffy was alright.

Joyce smiled a little and nodded. "Thank you so much. I... I bet Buffy will be laughing at me for getting so worked up over nothing... right?"

They all nodded, smiled, and said, "Right."

"Buffy is very tough and strong," Anya said, trying to be supportive and encouraging. "And Spike has a chip in his head, so she could kick his ass from one end of the cemetery to the other if he tried anything funny." She looked at Xander hopefully, and smiled when he nodded, showing her that she said the right thing. Anya had been a bit concerned that she might be too honest about possible danger to Buffy. Anya liked Joyce and didn't want to upset her.

"You're right. Thank you, Anya." Joyce patted her on the arm.

"We'll just get some supplies and then be on our way," Xander said, going to the weapons chest in the living room.

The tea kettle in the kitchen started whistling.

"Any of you want a cup of Chamomile tea before you go?" Joyce asked as she turned toward the kitchen. She wanted them to go find Buffy as soon as possible, but she didn't want to be rude by not offering them a beverage either.

They all thanked her, but declined.

Xander waited until Joyce had left the room. "I swear, if Spike hurt Buffy, I'll..." He raised his hand. "I call dibs on staking his evil ass."

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I was wondering when you'd start leading the 'Let's Stake Spike' parade. Spike wouldn't hurt her."

"Are you kidding? You do remember he's a vampire, right? And that he's already tried to kill her lots of times?" Xander asked.

Dawn grumbled, hating being talked to like she was stupid. Spike was the only one who talked to her like an intelligent adult. "I know he's a vampire, Mr. Smartass. First of all, he has the chip. Second, he's in love with her, so he wouldn't want to hurt her."

Xander handed out stakes, crosses, and holy water to Willow and Anya as he talked, "God, Dawn... Just because you have a crush on him, you think Spike's a changed man? He ain't changed, and he ain't no man."

"I do not have a crush on him! Who told you that?!" Dawn colored with embarrassment. It was true, but she didn't want everyone knowing about it.

"Buffy told me. I can't believe you like him." Xander wanted to ask her what ever happened to her little crush on him, but didn't think he should bring it up -- it might make him seem a tad pathetic. "I thought you were smarter than that, Dawnie."

"Oh, you figured out how to choose who makes your heart go pitter-pat?" she asked defensively, putting her hands on her narrow hips. "Unless you forgot, you dated Cordelia, the Bitch Queen of Sunnydale High. And you fell in love with a former Vengeance Demon, so don't lecture me or call me stupid! I believe you also fell for a praying mantis lady, an Incan mummy girl, and --"

"Okay! Point taken... you can't control who you're attracted to. But all those women weren't obvious wrong choices at the time. However, they did turn out to be big-huge, fat mistakes."

Anya raised her eyebrows and gave him a look, she folded her arms across her chest. "Excuse me? I'm a mistake? And I'm fat?!"

"Uh, except for you, of course, Ahn!" Xander backpedaled at the speed of light. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me, honey! You're wonderful, beautiful, and very dainty."

Anya looked only slightly appeased by that. "Damn right, I am. And you'd better not forget it, buster!"

Xander sighed and focused back on Dawn. "With all of those bad women -- with the one good example of Anya thrown in -- I didn't know what they were until they tried to kill me or one of my friends. I guess Cordy wasn't technically evil... My point is, you know what Spike is and you still have this... this crush on him."

"What do you want me to say, Xander? That I'm an idiot? Fine, I'm an idiot. That's how all of you treat me anyway." Dawn turned her back on them.

"I'm just trying to help you see the truth, Dawn."

"Which is?" she asked without turning around.

"Spike hasn't changed, he's still a bloodthirsty demon and he wouldn't hesitate to kill Buffy or any of us if he could. That includes you."

Dawn shook her head, looking haughty as she turned to face him again. "Not true. Well, he might kill you, because you can be such a butthole -- like right now, for instance -- but not the rest of us. Buffy's the last person he'd want to kill. I don't care what you say -- Spike loves her and wouldn't hurt her."

"Even if she was telling him that he had zero chance with her? Normal, soul-having humans have been known to go on violent rampages when their affection was spurned. He's a soulless demon who's already one pudding cup short of a snack pack. 'Nuff said?"

Dawn crossed her arms, looking away defiantly. She still didn't believe Spike would actually hurt Buffy. There was a tiny seed of doubt planted in her mind by Xander's words, though. Maybe she felt so certain because she just didn't want to believe Spike would harm her sister...?

"Are you going to stay here and bitch at me all night, or are you actually going to look for Buffy?" Dawn asked, giving him a cold look.

Xander shook his head, giving up for now. Dawn had herself convinced that Spike was 'cool', and she wasn't ready to accept the truth. "Yeah, we'd better get going. The sooner we find out Buffy's okay, the better."

Willow took Tara aside while Dawn and Xander were exchanging words.

"Tara, you can stay here with Mrs. Summers and Dawn, we can handle this."

"You trying to keep me safe, huh?" Tara asked with a little smile and taking Willow's hand in hers.

Willow smiled back. "That's always my main goal, yeah. I also just think you're needed here more. You have a serene, calming presence, and I think Mrs. Summers could use a large dose of serenity."

"I worry about you too, you know? I don't like the thought of you being in possible danger, either."

"I've been patrolling with Buffy for years and years, I'll be fine. And I'll have Xander with me. Big, strong Xander. And Anya -- she fights dirty."

"Okay, I'll stay here then, if you're really sure?"

Willow nodded. "I think it would be for the best, and it will make me feel a lot better to know I don't have to worry about you getting hurt."

Tara gave Willow a quick kiss. "Just... be careful, alright?"

Willow smiled. "Promise."

Then Tara glanced at the others and asked in a quiet voice, "What do you really think? Is Buffy in any danger from Spike?"

Willow took a breath. "I... I don't think so. But there's that little bit of doubt in the back of my mind... he has tried to kill her before..."

They reassured Joyce that "everything will be fine" one more time before setting off for Spike's crypt.





The noise from Harmony slamming the crypt door caused Spike and Dru to break their kiss and look at the door.

"Oh no... the blonde piggy left before I could slit her throat and remove her guts..." Dru pouted for a moment, but then smiled again. "Got too lost in your sweet, hungry kiss, I did," she said, lightly touching Spike's lips.

Spike play-bit at her fingers, smiling devilishly. "I got a bit lost too... That's how it's always been with you, baby. Nothing and no one else exists when I'm with you..." He took a breath, giving his brain a chance to un-fog. "But don't worry 'bout Harm, she's not even worth the effort to kill -- I know, I've tried. I shouldn't've let her walk out of here after she tried hurting you..."

"You've got a big heart," Dru said, putting her hand on his chest. "I was just tellin'... I was just thinkin' that a few hours ago -- what a big, spacious heart my sweet William's got." She'd almost let the cat out of the bag and said that she'd had a chat with Buffy earlier, and that wouldn't do. Buffy was the big surprise. "You let the little doe scamper off into the forest instead of slaughtering her 'cos of your big heart. I'm not cross with you for it." Drusilla might have made the decision to spare Harmony's life. After all, the silly bint had kept Spike amused for a while when he was lonely. Spike still got starry-eyed over the Slayer on Harmony's watch, but that had been set in motion long ago, long before he'd even met Harmony.

"S'not a matter of havin' a big heart." Spike smirked and wound his arms around her small waist. "You distracted me usin' your feminine wiles."

Dru giggled and wriggled happily in his embrace. "Spike, how could you stand bein' around that girl? She makes the pixies cover their ears and burrow in the dirt."

Spike shrugged. "What can I say? I got lonely and needed companionship. See what you dumpin' me reduced me to?" He cocked an eyebrow at her.

"Aww." Dru pouted and stroked his cheek. "I'll never let you go again, my pretty Spike. I'm yours, forever and always."

He growled and held her tighter. "You'd better bloody well mean that -- this time."

"I do mean it, my love. I know it was a mistake to leave you, to hurt you, the way I did... I had to kill a wretched old man to get a ticket and come to you, back to this dreadful town, to beg for your forgiveness. I didn't like him, he got stuck in my teeth and he was too gamy for my tastes."

"A ticket..." Spike connected the dots. Clem said one of the big bads was a girl with burns on her face and chest. Why hadn't that occurred to him before now? Why? Because his mind was too consumed with Dru being here and wanting him, he'd temporarily gone as daft in the noggin as Harmony, not being able to come to a simple, logical conclusion. He released his hold on Dru and stepped back. "It was you. You're the one who killed those people on the train."

Drusilla grinned and winked at him, picking at her teeth. "Mmmm, and they were scrumptious! The porter was like the juicy cherry on top of the sundae. He went *squish!* when I bit into him. He begged for mercy, and you know that only makes me bite harder." She playfully snapped her jaws at him.

"You think that was... smart, pet? Calling attention to your presence like that... The Slayer is looking into it, she's gonna be after you."

"I'm not afraid of that little girl," she tittered. "Let 'er come find me." Killing the people on the train hadn't been a sudden impulse -- Drusilla had planned on doing that all along. What better way to start the festivities than to kill on the Slayer's home turf and leave the dead bodies as a present for her? It was like spitting in the little bitch's smug face, and that's the message Dru wanted to send.

"Dru..." Spike said uneasily, "don't underestimate her. She only spared you last time 'cos I --"

Dru put two fingers to his lips. "Tut-tut. Let us not speak of sad things, dear William. The next train full of delicious passengers will be ours for the taking." Drusilla put her arms around his neck, leaning her body into his. "It will be glorious."

Spike put an arm around her waist and rested his forehead against hers. He closed his eyes, savoring the feeling of being in her arms once again. But, even now, he felt conflicted; he hated feeling like he was being pulled in two different directions at once. He wanted Dru, but she'd broken his heart. He should just tell her to piss off... but he couldn't. Spike wanted to forget all about Buffy and his feelings for her... but he couldn't just wish them away. He'd tried, and wishing didn't make it so. If he immersed himself in his renewed relationship with Drusilla, focused solely on her and her happiness, maybe his thoughts of Buffy would be reduced from shouts to whispers, letting him bury his unrequited love for her until he couldn't feel it anymore. Yes, being with Drusilla would make it all better.

Spike had felt so lost for so long: his confusion about his feelings for Buffy; the frustration and depression over having to change his life and lifestyle drastically; the feeling of being like a feather caught in a windstorm, being tossed to and fro by forces beyond his control. He didn't know where or in what category he belonged. But Drusilla coming back to him made his old, happy life seem possible again. Being his old-self again was very appealing; everything had been so simple back then. Spike had been the master of his domain, feared, powerful, and loved by his woman. He desperately wanted to feel like he belonged somewhere, anywhere again.

Dru took his free hand and set it on the center of her chest again.

Spike smiled, pressing his palm against her chest and rubbing the way she liked. "I missed you so much, pet. Feels like I've gone back in time... Let's pretend the last few years never happened, yeah?"

Dru caressed the back of his head, her fingers playing in his soft, platinum locks. "Yes, before Sunnydale... when all was right. The world is ours, my love." She gently pulled his head down and kissed his forehead. "You're still afraid of the jolts the chip gives you," she said astutely.

"I want to believe you're right... that it's just an illusion, but if it's just a case of mind over matter... You don't know how bloody hard I fought it, Dru." Spike swallowed hard and shut his eyes tightly. "I tried so bloody hard... I couldn't..."

"Then I'll add my will to yours. Nothing and no one can stand against both of us, Spike. Look at me." She tugged on his hair lightly.

Spike raised his head and looked into her eyes.

"Be in me... Be in my eyes," Drusilla said softly, gazing deeply into his blue eyes. She swayed slightly to the left and then to the right, and Spike swayed along with her, his eyes glassy and unfocused. He was seduced and open to her suggestions. She smiled with gratification; she knew this would work.

Her voice was musical, lifting and caressing him. "The chip is nothing but lies, it tricks you. But it cannot stop you from doin' as you like -- that's just what they want you to think. You are Spike, William the Bloody, Slayer of Slayers, scourge of continents, you're a force of Nature -- and the bits those naughty soldiers put in your brain will not stop you from regaining your glory. You will not feel the pain anymore. No more shocks. No more jolts an' jags. It will wash gently over you like an ocean wave. You will not feel pain from it ever again. Do you understand?"

Spike nodded imperceptibly and whispered, "Yes."

"Good." Dru broke the trance by gently kissing him on the lips, which was in sharp contrast to the fierce slap she'd given Buffy to bring her out of her trance.

Spike blinked and smiled at her. He was amazed by how quickly and easily Dru could work her will on someone; he'd nearly forgotten what a talent she had for it. His black princess really was a special girl. "Do you think that's all it could really take? The power of suggestion can undo what those bloody soldiers did to me?"

"One way to find out." Dru took his hand and walked to the door. "The hunt is on -- tallyho!" she laughed.

He swallowed and smiled weakly. "Right." Spike's head jerked toward the door -- he could hear people talking in hushed tones outside.

"Oh, bloody hell..." Spike was afraid of what Buffy and her friends would do if they found Drusilla here. Buffy or Dru would end up dead -- the thought of either one of them dying was more than he could bear.

"You have to hide," he told Drusilla in a rushed whisper.

"Why? Let them come. Let's kill them together. They can be your guinea pigs!" Dru went into game face and grinned. She clicked her fingernails together, and then wriggled her fingers at the door in a beckoning gesture. "Step into my parlor, ripe little flies, I want to tell you a secret!"

"Don't argue with me, Dru! Just hide!" Spike said firmly.

She frowned, but did as he asked. It disturbed her that Spike didn't want to butcher the Slayer's friends. That he cared anything about those tiny, insignificant gnats was troubling. Hopefully she wasn't too late and Spike could still be saved...





The Scoobies approached Spike's crypt, talking low.

"Don't say anything about how he allegedly loves Buffy," Willow said. "Maybe it's not true, or maybe she didn't talk to him yet."

"Yeah, or maybe she told him and he went into a rage like the Incredible Hulk..." Xander was always very quick to expect the worst when it came to Spike.

"Why is everyone assuming Spike can hurt Buffy?" Anya asked, confused. "If he could beat her up, he wouldn't have let her treat him like shit all this time."

"She treats him how he deserves to be treated," Xander said with a nod. "Don't make it sound like Buffy's unfair to him. Hell, if it was up to me, we still would've dusted him after the chipping. So, Buffy's actually been more than fair to him -- she let him go on existing."

Anya rolled her eyes. She loved Xander, but his anti-Spike speechifying got on her nerves sometimes.

"I don't actually think Spike did anything to her," Willow tried explaining her jumbled thoughts on the matter. "But... we never know what the heck is going to happen next in Sunnydale. I don't want to discount any possibilities. Checking here," she nodded at the crypt in front of them, "is the first logical step to finding Buffy. If she's still here, then great, problem solved! If not, then we can ask Spike if he's talked to her, and if so, if she said where she was going next."

"Let's hope she really did just decide to go patrolling instead of talking to Captain Peroxide," Xander said. "He's gonna be in a really bad mood if Buffy had 'the talk' with him already."

"What if she's not here and Spike tells us he hasn't seen her?" Anya wondered.

"Then... Tara and I will do a locator spell back at the house. We'll track her down; it'll be okay." Willow knocked on the door.

"What are you doing?" Xander whispered.

"Knocking. What's it look like?" Willow knocked again.

"Yes, but why are you knocking? You're giving him a chance to hide --"

"Who's there?" Spike called from inside (though he knew exactly who was there).

"Um, it's us, Spike," Willow replied. "Can we come in and talk to you for a minute?"

"Hold on."

Xander whispered, "He's probably doing something to erase evidence that Buffy was, or is, here. Why did you give him any warning?!"

"Xander, shush!" Willow said, giving him a scowl.

After a small delay, Spike opened the door, barring the doorway with his arm.

Spike was very relieved to find that Buffy wasn't with her friends. Whatever happened, at least the two women he loved wouldn't be fighting to the death in front of him. "Well, 'bout time the Scooby Welcome Wagon came to welcome me to the neighborhood. Did you bring me a cake and a basket of coupons for discounts at local shops?"

"What took you so long to open the door?" Xander asked suspiciously.

"I was naked. Didn't fancy answering the door in the raw and giving you lot a free show."

"Oh..." Xander gulped and grimaced. "I'm suddenly glad we didn't just barge in now."

"What do you want?" Spike asked impatiently.

"Have you seen Buffy?" Willow asked.

"No, haven't seen her," Spike said quickly. He felt a stab of anxiety, worrying that something had happened to Buffy. But he was done thinking about the Slayer (he harshly reminded himself); whatever happened to her was of no consequence to him... "Why? Is... something wrong?" Spike asked, feeling and sounding more concerned than he wanted to.

Willow answered, "We don't know if anything's wrong or not. It's just that Buffy's been gone a few hours and we don't know where she is. Her mom said she mentioned coming by here... I guess she wanted to see if you wanted to help patrol."

Spike sniffed. "I just got in a little while ago m'self, I wouldn't know if she came by earlier. She's probably just merrily slaying demons somewhere else."

"That's what we're hoping too. But her mom and Dawn are getting really worried, so we're looking. Could you tell her we're looking for her if you see her?" Willow asked.

Spike nodded. "Y'know, occasionally she does need some time to herself without anyone keeping tabs. Must drive her 'round the bend havin' to let people know where she'll be twenty-four hours a bloody day."

"Well, considering the crazy-dangerous line of work our friend's in, we're happier knowing she's okay or if she needs our help," Xander said.

Anya was biting her tongue, because she just knew she'd blurt out something she shouldn't. She preferred being direct, not playing games or beating around the bush. They should just ask Spike if he attacked Buffy -- but Anya wasn't in charge, Willow was, apparently. She wasn't sure who put Willow in charge... if there had been a vote, Anya had missed it.

Xander leaned to the left, trying to see inside the crypt.

Spike moved into Xander's line of sight, scowling at him. "Eh, what're you doin'?"

"You're blocking the doorway and you seem twitchier than usual -- I was trying to see if Buffy was in there."

"I told you, she ain't here."

"Yeah, but you also lie a lot. Mind if we come in and have a quick peek?" Xander took a step forward.

Spike put a hand on Xander's chest and kept him from advancing. "Matter of fact, I do mind. Piss off!" He gave Xander a little push. It wasn't a 'shove', which would have normally made his chip go off, but Xander got the message.

Xander brushed off the spot on his shirt that Spike had touched. "Gee, why am I getting the impression there's something you don't want us seeing in there, Spike?"

"I think I have a say in whether or not I want you in my home. I'm the only one here -- I don't bloody well know where Buffy went off to, but she ain't here!"

Drusilla was in the lower level of the crypt, but Spike knew she was waiting just on the other side of the trapdoor. He also knew that she would spring from her hiding place and kill them if they set foot inside the crypt. He told himself he was only trying to spare the Scoobies' lives because it would make the Slayer go mental and hunt him and Dru to the ends of the Earth, they'd never get a moment's peace. It wasn't because he'd grown the least bit... fond of these annoying humans... Nope. Well.. maybe he could let only Xander come in...? Nah.

"Okay, we're going," Willow said, taking Xander's arm and pulling him away from the crypt. "Just let us know if you see Buffy, alright, Spike?"

"Yeah, I'll be sure to do that. Bye now!" Spike waved, then ducked back into the crypt and closed the door.

"He's hiding something." Xander glanced back over his shoulder. "Why wouldn't he just let us have a quick look?"

"Spike doesn't like you," Anya explained. "Of course he doesn't want you in his house. You should have let me or Willow ask nicely instead of just trying to bully your way in. I could have flashed some cleavage, that might have gotten us in. That also works for getting out of speeding tickets."

"I think we should just go back there, push Spike out of the way, and look around. He did something, I know it," Xander insisted.

Anya hooked arms with Xander. "He seemed concerned when Willow said Buffy was missing. I've been watching procedural crime dramas lately, and they've taught me that paying attention to a suspect's facial expressions can give away guilt. I don't think Spike knows where Buffy is, judging by his reaction. But he is hiding something."

"So... what do we do now?" Xander asked. He thought Spike had either incapacitated Buffy and had her tied up in the crypt, or Spike knew a lot more than he was saying.

Willow took a deep breath, trying not to let her anxiety get the better of her. "We go back to Buffy's house, and then Tara and I do a locator spell. We'll find out for sure if Spike's got her stashed somewhere in the crypt..."





Dru licked her fingertips, imagining how sweet the Slayer's friends' blood would've been. "You should've let them come in, Spike. I'm peckish." She made a whining sound.

Spike put his arms around her and kissed her cheek. "Sorry, baby. But I know those wankers, they're trickier than they look. And I don't want anything tainting this occasion. If something happened to you..." He frowned and ran his hand lightly over her hair. He still wasn't sure that he could protect her... despite her assurances that the chip wouldn't hurt him anymore, and he didn't want to take any chances with the Slayer's friends -- one lucky thrust of a stake could crush his hopes of starting a new life with Dru. The Scoobies killing Dru, or Dru killing the Scoobies -- both scenarios were disturbing to Spike.

"Nothing's gonna happen to me, my love. Don't you fret." Dru nibbled at his chin. "Now, where were we? Ah, yes! We were gonna go on a hunt! Just like old times."

Spike was excited at the prospect of hunting again. No... it wasn't only 'excitement'. There was anxiety too. Why would he be hesitant or afraid? This is what he'd wished for, thousands of times, since he'd gotten chipped.

'It's 'cos I've been conditioned by the bloody chip, that's what it is -- like Pavlov's bloody dog! Biting someone equals pain. Those bastards will pay for what they've done to me... But I can do it; I can get past this... skittishness. I can be who I was -- what I was -- before any of this happened. Just like Dru said.'

It was more than that and he knew it, whether he wanted to acknowledge it or not. Being corrected by the chip was a valid concern (if Dru's hypnotic talents proved no match for technology), but he'd also promised himself not long ago that he'd try to change his ways -- for Buffy.

'Why am I even thinking about that bitch?' Spike asked himself, shaken that his thoughts had turned to her, yet again. 'I don't need her and her shit anymore! Letting her treat me like dirt all this time... Her and her bloody groupies will be lucky if Dru and I don't slaughter the lot of them before we leave for greener pastures! I hope Buffy's alright... wonder where she ran off to...?' Spike growled softly and clenched his jaw, trying with all his might not to care about Buffy's welfare. 'Oh God... am I going to go completely sack of hammers before this is over?'

"What hunting ground should we try first, Spike?" Dru asked, running her hands up his arms. She could sense his ambivalence, fear, and hesitation, but she knew she could help him get back on the right path.

"I've got a better idea, why don't we just leave town together right now? I'll just grab some of my stuff and --" Spike started toward the lower level, but Drusilla took him by the arm.

"Not yet. Patience, my sweet."

Spike blew out a frustrated breath. "But the longer we stick around... Something always comes along to fuck up our plans in this bloody town."

"You mean, her. You're worried the Slayer will try to ruin it."

"She will," Spike said with grave certainty. "If she gets wind that you're back in town, she'll come after you... after us. I told you she's lookin' for who did the train killings."

"Everything will come up pennywhistles and moonbeams!" Dru laughed and smiled. "I know it will be alright." She tapped lightly on her forehead. "Trust your princess."

Spike closed his eyes and nodded, smiling slightly. "Yeah, okay. I'll just... trust you."

Drusilla walked around the room, thinking. "Let's try that club everyone in this rat hole of a town seems to like, the Bronze, for starters. Lots of tasties for us to sample there." She closed her eyes and slowly rolled her shoulders, moving to a tune in her head. "All burstin' with alcohol and hormones, just waitin' for us to come to the buffet."

Of course, the word "buffet" made him think of Buffy again. Part of Spike was whooping with joy at the prospect of hunting again. But... he found himself filled with trepidation too. If he killed in Buffy's town, she would come after him. He would have to kill her or be killed himself.

Spike felt a myriad of emotions at once. He felt dread and sadness at the thought of having to kill Buffy -- he knew he couldn't do it. He couldn't just pretend he didn't love her anymore. And then he felt shame and anger because he should be able to do it. Damn that Slayer! Every time he thought of her, it made him revert to thinking like a weak-willed pansy again.

"You mustn't worry so, my William," Dru said soothingly as she danced over to him. "You're a magnificent, savage beast." She put her hands on his chest and slid them up around his neck. "I can't wait to see you bein' all properly savage again." She growled lustily and lightly bit at his cheek.

"Yeah... it's gonna be... brilliant! Can't wait to get back to... to being my true self again." Spike tried psyching himself up, his voice getting husky and deeper. "I'm not confused about where I fit in anymore -- I'm a creature of the night, I'm a killer. I'm dangerous... I'm evil."

"Ohh yes, yes you are," Drusilla moaned, gripping his shoulders. "You'll rip, and tear, and shred, and bathe in the blood of the innocent once again." She took his hand and led him to the door, excited at the thought of seeing Spike feed again.

Spike stopped and let go of her hand. "Wait."

Drusilla turned back to him, worried that he was losing his resolve. "Why? What's wrong?"

"I need to... slip into something more comfortable first," Spike said, looking down at his clothes.

He'd worn these unusual clothes (unusual for him, anyway) to try to be different... to try to look "normal", to show that he wasn't the same Spike who'd come to town and tried to slay the Slayer, to show that he had changed. He needed to slip into his old clothes, which would help him slip into his old persona again. No more pretending he was something he wasn't; no more trying to change to please someone he had no chance of pleasing. William the Bloody was back.

"Ooh, the coat!" Drusilla grinned and clapped her hands. "Yes please, I want to see you in the coat again! Oh, how I've missed that!"

Spike smirked. It made him happy to see Dru happy. "Anything for you, baby."


Chapter End Notes:
Additional dialogue from the episodes 'Smashed', written by Drew Z. Greenberg; and 'Crush' written by David Fury



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