[Reviews - 3]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Microsoft Word Chapter or Story | ePub eBook Chapter or Story | Printer Chapter or Story

Has been viewed 1568 times

- Text Size +




Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks to the super-awesome Passion4Spike for all she does for me!

Banners by Edgehead and xoChantelly
Everything was great for about a minute. Buffy and Spike were getting lost in each other's touch.

And then, suddenly, Spike grunted and lurched against Buffy, knocking her down onto the bed and dropping on top of her.

Pain flared in Buffy's body, making her let out a yelp. She felt fresh blood begin running from her lip. "Oww, Spike!" She pushed at his shoulder, trying to make him get off of her. She didn't know whether he was trying to be funny (by being the opposite of 'gentle'), or if he was getting overwhelmed with lust and being rougher than he'd intended. "That hurt, dammit! Get off!"

Spike pushed himself up and off of her, his arms shaking as he tried to support himself. Buffy's anger turned to concern when she saw the shocked and pained look on his face.

"Spike? What's wrong?"

He didn't answer her as he tried standing up and turning around, and then promptly fell on his face on the floor next to the bed.

Buffy's eyes rounded and she gasped when she saw an arrow sticking out of his back. "Spike! Oh my God!" Had Drusilla changed her mind and come back to kill them? Buffy looked around to see who had shot him.

Harmony was standing near the sewer entrance, looking smug and holding a crossbow.

Spike looked up from the floor at his attacker and groaned. "Oh, great..." He didn't know how much fight he had left in him after what he'd already gone through tonight, but he would be damned (again) if he let an idiot like Harmony be the one to finally dust William the Bloody.

"You thought you could get rid of me that easy?" Harmony asked bitterly. "You think you can just order me to go away and I'll obey you? Well, think again, buddy!"

Buffy's ribs and lip were screaming with renewed pain from Spike falling on top of her. She sat up, holding her side and wondering if she'd be able to actually fight Harmony... she wasn't so sure. For the Slayer to be defeated by a vamp as young and stupid as Harmony would be so embarrassing...

Harmony glanced at Buffy, and then did a double-take. She'd assumed it was Drusilla who Spike was slobbering all over. Her mouth dropped open in surprise, and then her face scrunched up with disgust. "Ewww, Spike! I thought you were with Dorkzilla -- you're with the Slayer now?! How many skanks are you cheating on me with, you asshole?!"

Spike started crawling toward Harm, growling. "You stupid bint, I'm gonna kill you!"

"It was bad enough when you dumped me and threw me out for Droodzilla, but this...! I knew you had a thing for the Slayer, but... Eugh! You Slayer-loving freak!"

"I'm warnin' you..." Spike grumbled angrily as he continued crawling toward her, "everything that's happened tonight -- up to, and including, you shooting me with a fucking crossbow -- has made me less than my normally tolerant and easygoing self. Get out now... while you still can."

"I wish I was a better shot and that arrow had gone right through your stupid heart! I'm your actual girlfriend and you cheated on me with those hoes! I gave you the best... bunch of months of my life!" Harmony closed the distance between herself and Spike and slammed the crossbow down on his head.

Spike dropped back down to the ground, seeing stars. He had a new head wound to add to his collection.

"Get away from him!" Buffy shouted. She groaned in pain as she ineffectively tried to stand up. She grit her teeth and fell back down onto her butt, bouncing on the bed.

"Shut up, you boyfriend-stealing slut, or you're next!" Harm spat. Then she took a good look at Buffy's appearance, which made her grin and giggle. "Well, at least it looks like Morticia beat the shit out of you. Good for her! Too bad you two skanks didn't kill each other."

Spike shook his head to try and clear it, and looked up at Harmony.

She looked down at him with a hardened, resentful expression. "I thought I could change you, Spike. I thought maybe if I gave and I gave and gave, maybe you'd come around. Maybe be a little nicer. Stop treating me like your dog." Harm began reloading the crossbow. "But now I see it's you. You're the dog who needs to be put d--"

Spike, mustering up all the strength he had left, jumped to his feet and ran at Harmony. He grabbed the crossbow and punched her in the face, then threw the crossbow across the room.

Harmony kicked him in the stomach, making sure to strike the gash that Buffy had just wiped clean earlier. Spike "ooph"ed, doubled over, and staggered back a few steps. He clutched at his stomach, feeling blood seep between his fingers.

"Does she know all about the sick crush you have on her? Did you show the Slayer that stuff you have over there?" Harmony asked with a vicious smile, pointing toward the shrine. "Yeah, that's right: I snooped while you were out once, and I saw all that disgusting stuff. It made me want to puke!"

Spike straightened up quickly, his pain and weariness temporarily forgotten. He looked at her with a combination of panic and desperation. He couldn't let Harmony ruin everything, not now that Buffy wanted him too.

Harm was pleased to see the alarmed look on his face. "Does she know that you've got --"

"Shut your bloody mouth!" Spike yelled, launching himself at her and punching her again.

Buffy was trying to gather her strength to get up and help Spike. She watched them trading punches and kicks, but her eyes also kept darting to the area Harmony had pointed to a moment ago. Buffy wondered what the ditzy vampire could've been talking about. Whatever it was, Spike obviously didn't want Harm saying any more about it...

Harmony kneed Spike in the groin and slapped him. But he barely felt any pain, he even forgot he still had an arrow sticking out of his back, he was running on pure adrenaline. Harm tried punching him again, but he ducked under the swing and kneed her in the stomach. Spike grabbed her and threw her to the floor, and then he leapt on top of her with an animalistic roar.

Spike pinned Harmony down on the floor. "You shoulda stayed gone, Harm!" he growled.

"Oww! You're on my hair!" Harmony snarled, reaching around him to grab the arrow in his back, and then cruelly twisting it.

Spike inhaled sharply, and cried out in pain -- he might not have felt much from the punches and kicks, but he'd felt that. Harmony was able to use his moment of weakness to throw him off of her. She wrenched the arrow from his back while he was writhing on the floor and trying to clear the black fog of pain from his mind.

Spike gasped again and went up on his knees when Harmony pulled the arrow out of him. She wielded it like a stake and tried stabbing him in the chest with it -- but Spike caught her arm and they started wrestling for control.

Meanwhile, Buffy had put Spike's coat back on -- she didn't want to fight Harmony in just a bra. She reached into the pocket and took out the stake she'd brought with her from the mansion. She bounced on the bed to help her get the momentum to stand up, and once she was steady on her feet she called to Harmony, "Yo, bitch!"

Spike and Harm paused their wrestling match and looked at Buffy. Spike growled and shoved the blonde vampiress away from him. He leaned back against the wall to rest for a minute, his chest and shoulders heaving.

Harmony put a hand on her hip and looked at Buffy. "We're a little busy. What do you want, Slutty?"

"I've had more than enough of you," Buffy grumbled, raising her right hand and gripping the stake tightly. "You don't deserve it, but I'm giving you one last chance to leave on your own. You either walk out, or you leave inside a Dustbuster."

Harm stayed quiet as she sized Buffy up: the Slayer looked like death warmed over... but Harm knew she was a super-tough bitch.

Buffy started forward slowly (because 'slowly' was all she could manage), trying to look at Harmony as evilly as possible. "Maybe I won't dust you right away... I need someone to take out my rage on and Dru's not here for me to get even for what she did to me; you can be her stand-in, just like in the movies."

"But... that's no fair!" Harm exclaimed. "I didn't do that to you, I don't deserve to take the heat for what Dorkzilla did!"

"But you hurt Spike just now, didn't you?" Buffy licked the blood from her lower lip and smiled. "I can torture you for that."

Harmony decided to get the hell out of there, the Slayer looked really mean and scary. Harm guessed that Buffy had gone evil or something -- maybe Dorkzilla had turned her and that's why she'd finally tried hooking up with Spike. The Slayer was way too much of a goody-goody to want Spike if she was her normal, uptight self.

Harm started circling around Buffy, keeping a good distance between them as she moved toward the ladder to the upper level. "Okay... geez! Don't mess yourself! I'm going! You can have Spike, I don't care! You're both sickos, you deserve each other!"

Buffy moved to where Spike was now leaning heavily on the wall and panting. She kept her eyes on Harmony as she put her bandaged hand on Spike's shoulder. She looked at him with concern, and they gave each other a small, caring smile.

Harmony couldn't believe the Slayer was stealing her Blondie Bear. She could see, and practically feel, the affection they had for each other -- and it made her want to yak. Yeah, Harm had been ready to dust him, but that didn't mean she didn't love him. Well, the Slayer was going to hurt him someday -- probably soon! -- and Harm wouldn't be there the next time he needed someone to keep him warm at night. He'd be sorry then. "Oh, Spikey," she called to him in a haughty way.

Spike and Buffy rolled their eyes and turned their heads to look at her.

"You can say goodbye to this," Harm said, pointing to her butt, "because you're not gonna see it any more -- ever." She looked up in thought. "Unless you run into me somewhere and it's me walking away from you."

She started to turn to leave, but stopped and turned back, putting her hands on her hips. "But even then... I'll probably just... you know... back away..." Harmony backed the rest of the way to the ladder, and then climbed up quickly.





Buffy and Spike both let out a long breath and slumped against each other once they were alone again.

"Bloody fucking hell..." Spike muttered.

They looked at each other and started laughing at the craziness that had been their evening. Buffy leaned on him, resting her cheek on his shoulder for a few moments. Spike put his arms around her, closing his eyes and holding her.

"I was totally bluffing," Buffy groaned, slipping the stake back into the coat pocket. "I can't make any sudden movements without my body loudly protesting. She coulda kicked my ass."

"You put up a bloody good front, Slayer. I believed you were about to do her some grievous har... injury, too. I have to erase the word 'harm' from my vocabulary."

"Are you okay?" Buffy asked, pulling away to look at him.

"I'll live." Spike smirked.

"You've got more boo-boos," Buffy said, lightly touching his head where Harmony had thumped him with the crossbow.

"You do, too." Spike winced in sympathy. "Sorry 'bout how I fell on top of you..."

Buffy snorted and shook her head. "Yes, how dare you get shot and then collapse on me. Wasn't your fault, Spike." Then she closed her eyes and sighed wearily. "Please, God, let that be the last bad thing to happen tonight. I really, really can't take any more."

Spike put his arm around her and helped her back to the bed. "Sit down and have a rest, luv." He eased her back down onto the bed, and then sat next to her.

"Harmony showing up here was bad, but her timing really sucked, too," Buffy said, annoyed. "We were actually having a little... fun, which we so richly deserved after the night from Hell."

Spike just sighed and nodded. Then he thought he heard a noise and looked sharply over toward the trapdoor. It was probably just him being paranoid, but he couldn't rest if he thought Harmony (or another of their many well-wishers) was preparing to attack them again. "Harm might be lurkin' about... waiting 'til our guards are down." He stood up again and picked up the machete he'd brought from the mansion.

"I think she left, Spike." Buffy looked anxiously toward the trapdoor, too. She wasn't sure if Harmony had really left or not, but she was afraid that Spike wouldn't be able to handle yet another round of fisticuffs.

Spike smiled and touched the side of her face affectionately. "I've gotta check, but I'll be right back. No worries."

Buffy could see he had his mind set on going, so she relented and nodded.

Spike went to the ladder and climbed up cautiously. A few seconds later he called down, "You're right, I think she left. But I could swear I heard something... I'm gonna have a look outside, then I'll be right down."

"Okay... just be careful. And hurry up," Buffy called back.

"I will."

As Buffy waited for Spike to return, her eyes were drawn again to that area of the cavern that Harmony had pointed to. What was Harmony talking about? And why did Harmony saying it make Spike angrier -- was he trying to hide something from Buffy? He'd seemed nearly panicked.

Buffy's curiosity got the better of her; a quick peek couldn't hurt. She pushed herself back up to her feet, checked first to see if Spike was coming back, and then took a torch from a sconce and went into the unlit area of the room.

There was a section of the wall with a big sheet covering it. Buffy put the torch in a sconce just to the left of the sheet, and then pulled the covering away to see what was underneath.

There was a chest of drawers and a smaller table covered with photographs, drawings, clothing (mostly panties and thongs), stakes, and other various odds and ends -- all relating to or belonging to Buffy. And, the most bizarre thing: there was a mannequin with a long, blonde wig, and wearing Buffy's sweater she'd thought Dawn had stolen. It was obvious who the mannequin was supposed to be...

Spike had stolen things from her house -- from her bedroom. He'd been following her, stalking her.

"Oh my God..." Buffy whispered, feeling an icy numbness spreading throughout her body. Her wide eyes kept moving over all the items Spike had collected. She finally had to blink to clear her eyes of the tears that were welling up in them.

The part of her that had been resisting trusting and having feelings for Spike took over completely. That cynical part of her shouted in triumph, feeling vindicated. The voice said, 'You see?! I told you Spike couldn't love you! I told you it was a mistake to trust him! I told you he hadn't changed! He's a disgusting, twisted *thing*! And this proves it!'

What she was seeing was a perfect example of obsession, not love. This was something a deranged, obsessed stalker would do, not someone who was simply in love. She had been horribly, horribly wrong when she thought he'd changed, that he was even capable of changing or of truly loving her. She'd been a fool to let herself trust him or feel anything but contempt for him.

Buffy was utterly heartbroken and disillusioned. Her mind couldn't take any more twists and turns in a night that had been fraught with pain and confusion. It had taken so much out of her to make herself admit that she had feelings for Spike, and now all that agonizing and introspection was for nothing.

"The coast appears to be clear," Spike said as he came back down the ladder. "No sign of..." He stopped talking abruptly when he saw where Buffy was, and what she was looking at. Spike felt his stomach drop and his blood run cold.

Buffy was standing in front of the shrine with her back to him. He felt paralyzed, frozen to the spot, unable to move.

"Oh God... no. Please no..." Spike whispered, horror-struck. He felt like he might throw up. 'Why did you leave her alone down here!? You bloody moron!' his mind screamed at him.

He'd briefly forgotten about Harmony almost giving his secret away... but clearly, Buffy hadn't missed the clues. Buffy was never supposed to know about this, much less see it with her own eyes.

Spike wanted to try explaining himself, but he couldn't speak. There really wasn't anything he could say to make this situation any better. He silently waited for whatever it was that was going to happen.

The fact that he was back finally registered in Buffy's weary brain. She turned her head slowly to look at him.

Spike's fears were confirmed when he saw her face. He knew immediately, and beyond any doubt, that he would see that look on her face every time he closed his eyes -- Buffy looked confused, freaked out, and worst of all, deeply hurt and betrayed.

"What the hell is this, Spike?" Buffy asked, her voice cracking on his name. More tears fell from her eyes as she stared at him, waiting for some kind of answer.

His mouth moved, but he had no idea what to say. When he did speak, his voice was strained and unsteady. "You... weren't supposed to go over there... Why'd you have to go over there?"

Buffy shook her head and scowled at him, going from heartbroken to irate. "Oh, this is my fault, right?! I wasn't supposed to come over here, so it's my own fault that I'm upset!"

"N-no..." Spike squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his jaw. "That's not what I..."

"How could you do this to me?" Buffy asked weakly, her voice almost a whisper. But she already knew how he could do something like this -- he was an evil, soulless creature who thought of nothing and no one but himself and his own twisted desires.

"Buffy, please, I know how..." Spike took a step, reaching a hand out toward her, but she flinched back, bumping into the shrine and looking at him with fear in her eyes.

"Don't come near me... Never touch me again."

"Buffy..." Tears stung Spike's eyes too, his vision was getting blurry. "You know I wouldn't hurt you..."

"Do I?" she asked scornfully. "How dare you claim to love me and still do something like... this. Being with Dru all those years must've warped your mind enough for you to think this is love."

"I do... I do love you. I love you so much, Buffy," Spike said, pleading with her to believe it. "Please..."

"That's a lie!" Buffy cried. She pointed to the shrine. "This is NOT love! This is sick! This is obsession! You followed me around taking pictures of me, you went into my house and stole my things to do God knows what with them!"

"...I'm sor--"

"No! Don't say you're sorry and don't tell me that you 'can explain' -- I don't want to hear it, Spike! Anything you say can only make this worse!" Buffy looked at the shrine again and sobbed. "I can't believe I..." She held in a heavier sob and covered her face with her hands.

She'd let herself believe she could trust him, she thought he had changed. She'd let him lick her body, she'd thought about (and planned on) having sex with him in the near future. The worst thing was that she'd opened her heart to him, she'd finally let him in... and this was her reward. "I trusted you! I believed you! Oh God, I'm such a fool!"

Spike wanted to say something, anything, but he choked on his reply.

"The only reason you saved me tonight was because you couldn't let the object of your obsession die!" Buffy accused through her tears. "You don't love me -- you don't know what real love is!"

"That's not true!" Spike said thickly.

"That fucking mannequin is wearing my blue cashmere sweater! You stole my clothes, my pictures, my..." Buffy let out an anguished cry and angrily swept all of the stakes and other objects on the dresser onto the floor. She frantically ripped some of the pictures and sketches down, and then she turned to the mannequin and punched it, knocking it over onto the floor. She stomped on it a few times, crushing the head and chest, before she stopped and dissolved into tears.

This was killing Spike; he could feel his heart breaking within his chest. He just stood there helplessly, watching her destroy his 'tribute' to her. Buffy was having a breakdown because of him. Buffy was in emotional pain because he was a miserable git who didn't know how to channel his unrequited love in a more positive direction. He'd never hated himself since he'd become a vampire... until now. Spike bowed his head as a tear slid down his cheek, he was consumed with sadness and regret.

"I... I have to go home," Buffy said numbly, shuffling her feet and moving toward the ladder, taking care to move around him.

Concern for her safety was able to cut through the dark cloud in Spike's mind. The thought of Buffy walking home by herself (injured and exhausted), and his usual protective feelings for her, made him look back up at her and say, "Buffy, you shouldn't go alone. Let me walk you --"

Buffy held up her good hand. "No! Please... I just want to leave. I need to be alone. I need to get out of here..."

The shock and unease in her voice and expression broke Spike's heart again. She wanted to get away from him, and she didn't care if she did get attacked and killed on the way home, as long as she was able to get away from him.

But he couldn't just let her leave like this. "At least take the sewers... you're less likely to run into any nasties."

Buffy's eyes went to the sewer entrance. Thinking wasn't her strong suit at the moment, her already fatigued brain was being overtaxed as it was, but she mulled over his suggestion and decided he was right. "Yeah... sewers... good." She started moving toward the sewer entrance.

"And a weapon," Spike added. "You need something..."

She stopped and turned to him, bringing the stake out of the coat pocket. "Already got something."

They stared at each other for several moments. That cynical voice in Buffy's head told her to just stake him so he'd never have a chance to hurt her again. And Spike couldn't decide whether he wanted her to stake him or not, he didn't think he could bear the sorrow he was feeling. He’d cocked everything up with that stupid shrine – Buffy would never trust him again – he’d never get another chance with her, but worst of all was the look of hurt he saw in her eyes and knowing that he caused it.

A new voice in Buffy's head begged her not to hurt Spike. She lowered her hand back to her side and started to turn away from him.

Spike thought he should just keep quiet, but he had to say one more thing, one last desperate attempt to make her not hate him. "I know all that..." He looked fleetingly at the shrine. "I know it was wrong... I know it was a bloody stupid thing for me to do. But I do love you, Buffy. I didn't mean to hurt you, please believe me... I'd do anything for you... anything to make you happy."

"Yeah?" Buffy asked coldly, keeping her back to him. "Then stay the hell away from me from now on. Stay away from me, my family, my friends, my house. Just... stay away, or I'll..." She looked at him one more time, profoundly sad and wounded. And then she hurried into the sewers before he could say anything else to stop her from leaving.





Spike stared for a minute at the spot Buffy had disappeared into the sewers, not moving or even blinking.

Was this really happening? It was too awful, too terrible, to be true... It was a nightmare, that's what this was. Or maybe it was another of Drusilla's illusions? Spike put his hands to his head and raked his fingers back over his scalp, digging his fingernails in. He felt the pain from clawing at his head... that meant it was real.

Reality came crashing down on him. A wracking sob shook Spike's body, tears flowed freely from his eyes. His legs gave out and he dropped to his knees. Buffy had told him she wanted to be friends, she'd shown interest in him as more than a friend, she'd let him touch her, and she'd willingly touched him... And now all of it was gone in the blink of an eye. He'd been so close to paradise, only to have it suddenly wrenched away from him.

He'd rejected and tried to kill Dru, Harmony had tried to kill him and left (hopefully for good), and now Buffy wanted nothing to do with him, either... In one night Spike had lost his past, present, and (what he'd hoped would be) his future. What reason did he have left to even get out of bed in the evening?

Spike's sobs turned into hysterical laughter. Why should he be surprised things turned out this way? It was exactly what he should have expected with how his luck ran. Just as quickly as it began, his laughter stopped and turned back into sobs. Spike sniffed and closed his eyes, forcing himself to be calm. The muscles of his face rippled with the effort of tamping down his grief and anger. He wondered if he would go mad quickly or if it would take some time.

Spike slowly got back to his feet, then wandered over to the shrine on wobbly legs, scanning the damage Buffy had done to it. He kept seeing her face when she'd turned to him -- her horrified, appalled, frightened face. She hated him more than ever now.

Despair threatened to overwhelm him, so Spike let his anger take over. Anger was good; anger was better than feeling worthless and alone like a pathetic git.

Spike snarled, "I saved her bloody life -- and this is how she thanks me?! Treats me like dirt! Just 'cos I collected a few... mementos? Harmony... it's her fault! Stupid bint just had to go an' ruin it! She never did know when to keep her bloody gob shut! And Dru! She set all this into motion! If it weren't for them..." He started pacing back and forth in front of the shrine and ranted to the empty room. "I'm stuck with Buffy in here," he pressed his fingers hard against his forehead. "Destroyed everything that was me, until all that was left was her in a dead shell." He growled. "You know what I should just do, is get rid of all of them! Burn them. Cut them into little pieces," he made scissoring motions with his fingers, "so there won't be any more bints to cock up things for Spike!"

He stopped, closed his eyes and sighed. The anger passed and was replaced by sadness again. The only one who had really cocked things up for Spike was Spike himself. No one had made him steal Buffy's possessions, no one had made him stealthily follow her around and occasionally snap pictures of her for his collection. He would be sure to kick Harmony's ass for cluing Buffy in about the shrine, but all Harm had really done was shine a spotlight on Spike's fatal flaws.

Spike could now see the shrine through Buffy's eyes -- it wasn't a tribute to her and his boundless love, it was a freak's obsession. It was clear as day to him now: he was sick, he was twisted, and he would never be worthy of her. He was... beneath her.

Spike had another burst of crazy laughter when the thought occurred to him, 'Buffy's wearing my coat. I won't be getting it back.' Buffy would probably set fire to his beloved coat, and she'll probably be wishing he was wearing it as she watches it burn.

The only thing he could hope for was that Buffy might forgive him someday. But he would be lucky if she ever spoke to him again. Hell, he'd be lucky if she didn't dust him and then flush his remains down the loo. No future with Buffy. No future with Drusilla. And definitely no future with Harmony. Where did that leave him?

Alone. Alone, and doomed to stay that way. Maybe this was his punishment for all the evil he'd done in his life.

Spike took an empty box and tossed all of the pictures and items from the shrine into it. Taking apart the shrine was too little, much too late, he shouldn't have put the bloody thing together in the first place. He intended to throw out the entire box at first, but he'd have to go through it and see which things he'd stolen from Buffy's house. Buffy would be wanting her property back. He'd just leave her belongings outside her front door in a day or two, to spare her having to see him again.

Once he was finished, he covered the box up with the sheet that had hidden the shrine. He didn't want to have it out in the open to remind him of what a colossal failure he was. Crawling inside a bottle of whiskey for a few days would help take his mind off his troubles. Being in a drunken stupor was a more attractive option than being in mind-numbing misery.

Despite his unusual (and unfortunate) ways of expressing his feelings, Spike was still positive that he was in love with Buffy. It wasn't just an obsession or fixation on her, and he didn't love her just because she was the Slayer. He loved Buffy Anne Summers, the woman.

Buffy had been wrong when she'd accused him of saving her life tonight because his obsessed mind needed her around to fixate on. Spike was very well acquainted with love and how it felt to be in love, and that's what he felt for her. He had many failings -- including having exceptionally bad judgment and having no moral compass -- but not being able to feel real love wasn't one of them. He loved Buffy with every fiber of his being, he would always love her... but the dream was over. He didn't even have that (admittedly thin) "What if?" hope to cling to anymore -- the hope that Buffy might one day develop feelings for him.

Buffy deserved better than him. She knew it, and now he knew it too. The kindest, most loving gesture he could make was to disappear and never bother her again. What was the saying? If you love something, set it free...

"I'm sorry I let you down, Buffy," Spike said softly as he opened up a fresh bottle of whiskey. He took the first drink of many. The way the amber liquid burned its way down his gullet was oddly comforting.





Buffy thought her house was a mirage at first. She didn't know how she'd made it through the sewers without collapsing, but here she was, at her front walk. Spotting that big, red peace sign back in the tunnels had helped a lot.

She squinted at the sun which was just peeking over the horizon. Her long, terrible night was finally at an end.

During her journey through the sewers she'd commanded herself not to think about Spike, it hurt too much to know she'd been so wrong about him. But not thinking about him was easier said than done. The realization that she'd begun to fall in love with him had caused her to cry again. How many times could her heart be broken before she became dead inside? No more love, no more men -- she wouldn't let herself be hurt again.

Now that she was back to her normal anti-Spike attitude, the little voice in her head seemed to actually be on his side. Thoughts kept creeping in, like, ‘Spike looked devastated, so sad... He really is sorry for what he did. He still saved your life tonight, you shouldn’t just shrug that off.’

Buffy told her inner-voice to shut up before it drove her completely insane. She couldn’t think good things about Spike right now; she couldn’t keep going back and forth on how she thought of him anymore.

The front door was thrown open just as Buffy reached for the knob.

Joyce looked at Buffy and put her hands over her mouth. “Oh, Buffy, we were so worried about you! My poor baby!” She opened her arms, getting ready to give (what Buffy knew would be) a tight hug.

Buffy stepped back and put her hands up. “Mom, no hugging, okay? My ribs really hurt right now.”

Joyce lowered her arms. “Oh, I’m sorry, honey.”

Buffy came in and was greeted warmly by Dawn, Willow, and Tara. They were worried about how disheveled and beat up Buffy looked, but she was alive, and she was safe now.

Dawn leaned out the door and looked around the front porch. “Where’s Spike? Didn't he come back with you? That's his coat, isn't it? He had to come with you.”

Buffy looked down. “No, he... um...”

Dawn became alarmed. “Oh no... did something happen to him? Is he okay?!”

“Spike’s fine,” Buffy said, putting her sister’s mind to rest. “But he... got beat down a lot tonight, too. I insisted that he try and get some rest and not come home with me.” That was as truthful as Buffy wanted to be with them at the moment.

Dawn nodded, relieved to hear that Spike was alright.

“You need to go to the hospital,” Joyce said resolutely, going toward the kitchen. "Let me get my purse and --"

"Mom, I don't need to go to the hospital. I'm okay, really. I will be okay."

Joyce turned back to her, scanning Buffy with her eyes. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. I'm sore and tired, but nothing's broken. I just need to crawl into bed and sleep for a day... or ten.”

Tara said, "I hope Mr. Giles and the others come back soon, or at least call, so they know you're alright."

"Yeah, they've been out looking for you for a long time," Dawn said. "They don't even know you called home yet."

"Call..." Buffy thought there was someone she'd wanted to call... Then she remembered. "I have to call Angel before I can relax."

"Angel? Why?" Willow asked.

"Because Dru said something about going to L.A. She and Darla want to try to turn him evil again. I've got to warn him that she might be heading his way," Buffy explained.

Willow's brow furrowed. "Darla? But isn't she..."

"Yeah, I know, she's supposed to be nothing but a pile of dust. But, according to Dru, she's back among the living -- or living dead."

"I can call Angel," Willow volunteered. "You go upstairs and get some rest."

Buffy sighed, but nodded. She was too tired to argue. She thought she should make the call herself, but as long as Angel was informed, it didn't matter who actually called. "Angel Investigations' number is in the Rolodex in the living room."

Willow nodded and hurried into the living room.

Dawn, Tara, and Joyce surrounded Buffy to help her up the stairs, they were afraid she might fall down from how weak and unsteady she seemed.

Joyce sniffed. "Buffy... you smell like a distillery. Have you been drinking?"

"Um... I did have a drink. But what you're smelling is probably the booze that Spike used on my cuts. He didn't have any regular antiseptic..."

"Well, that would definitely explain the whiskey fumes curling off of you. Do you have a lot of cuts? What did that horrible woman do to you?" Joyce asked with concern.

"I have a lot of superficial cuts... nothing serious," Buffy replied anxiously -- she really didn't want to have to show her mom her injuries.

"You didn't get to stake Dru, huh?" Dawn asked, taking Buffy's arm and helping her avoid any of their mother's follow-up questions.

"Spike tried twice... but she's a lot trickier than you'd expect a total lunatic to be."

Dawn frowned, but then smiled a little. "I told them Spike wouldn't hurt you. I knew he'd try helping you. I'm gonna rub it in real good when Xander comes back."

Buffy looked briefly at her mom and Tara, and then back at Dawn. "You guys thought Spike was the one who kidnapped me?"

"Well... until you called we weren't sure," Joyce said, feeling guilty for suspecting Spike for even a moment. "We didn't know what had happened to you. Thank goodness Spike helped you get away from that awful Drusilla."

"Yes... he did. I'd be dead right now if it wasn't for him..." Buffy flashed back to some of Spike's heroics from earlier in the evening. He really had come through for her... She pushed thoughts of him out of her head for now. It was too confusing -- hating him and wanting to cuddle him at the same time.

"I assume Spike will be dropping by sometime tomorrow..." Joyce glanced at a window. "Make that today. I'd like to thank him for helping you."

"No, I don't think he'll be... dropping by," Buffy said, remembering how she'd told him to stay away. At Dawn's questioning look, Buffy added, "He needs a few days, at least, to recover. So I don't want anyone else," she looked pointedly at Dawn, "going to see him, either. Let him... rest."

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Okay, I get the message. Spike will come here when he's feeling better, we can thank him then."

Buffy just nodded. She wasn't about to go into the reasons why Spike wouldn't be coming to the house again. Yes, it was true that Spike notoriously hadn't listened to any warnings Buffy had given him in the past, but something told her he really would stay away this time. He'd looked so forlorn, so resigned... Even now it tugged at Buffy's heart to picture the way he'd looked when she left the crypt.

Then Buffy got angry at herself for feeling that way. She thought, 'Stop it! He deserved everything I said! He's creepy and deranged, don't feel sorry for him!'

As they made their way into Buffy's room, Joyce asked, "What exactly happened tonight, Buffy? How did Drusilla get you in a position to hurt you the way she did?"

"It's a very long story," Buffy replied, groaning as she climbed onto her bed. "I'll tell everyone all about it tomorrow. Right now... I can barely think straight."

"Don't you want to get into your pajamas?" Joyce asked, wanting to do something to make Buffy feel better. "Maybe a bath or shower would be a good first step. You want me to run you a bath, honey? I'll put in those bath beads you like."

"No..." Buffy pulled Spike's coat tighter around her. "I just want to sleep." She didn't want to take the coat off for her mother to see the dozens of slashes and the picture Dru had carved into her.

"What about some hot chocolate?" Joyce put the comforter on top of Buffy, tucking her in.

Dawn said, "Yeah, that's a good comfort food kinda thing. It's Spike's favorite. He likes the little marshmallows."

Buffy sighed. Dawn apparently knew of all the things Spike loved (including Buffy herself). But that's what you did when you were crushing on someone, you made it your duty to find out what they liked.

"I'll go make that hot chocolate for you, sweetie." Joyce bent down and kissed Buffy on the forehead.

"I don't want you running around taking care of me, Mom. I'm sorry I made you worry tonight..." Buffy's eyes glistened with tears.

"You're my daughter, it's my job to worry about you." She patted Buffy on the head, and then went downstairs.

"How bad are you hurt... really?" Dawn asked seriously, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I know you didn't want Mom to worry, so you downplayed it, didn't you? Is it bad?"

"I have some bruised ribs, I'm sore as hell, and I have lots and lots of cuts. I don't want Mom to see how many cuts I have on my arms, stomach, and back." Buffy looked to Tara. "Could you and Willow make healing thingies for me?"

"Y-you mean like poultices and balms?" Tara asked, nodding.

"Yeah, stuff like that. I wouldn't say no to a healing spell, either."

"Sure, Buffy, we can do that. Healing magick is kind of my specialty." Tara smiled. "We can have everything ready for when you wake up."

"Thanks, Tara." Buffy yawned wide. "I don't think I can stay awake for the hot cocoa..."

"It's more important that you sleep," Tara said, putting her hand on Dawn's shoulder to tell her they should leave.

Dawn put her hand over Buffy's good hand, and then stood up. "If you need anything, just call us, okay?"

Buffy nodded, her eyes closing and sleep already beginning to claim her.

Dawn and Tara tiptoed out of the room and shut the door.





As Buffy was emerging from the sewer onto Revello Drive, Spike was about to receive more uninvited guests. It was a little over a half hour after Buffy had fled the crypt, and Spike was on his second bottle of whiskey.

He was sitting on the ground with his back against the wall, drinking, smoking, but mainly just staring off into space. The radio was still on, and he dazedly sang along with whatever happened to be playing.

Spike was a bloody mess, he needed to clean up his stomach, back, and wipe the blood from his forehead and face. But he couldn't be bothered to do it. He could use a pint of blood too, but he didn't want to have to go all the way up the ladder to get it. So he sat there and continued drinking himself stupid.

"I couldn't've just taken a few snaps of her..." he mumbled. "Oh no, not me. I had to put together something worthy of the Creepy Stalker Hall of Fame... What the bloody hell is wrong with me? Damn, I'm still thinkin' 'bout her... not drunk enough yet." He took another long drink from the bottle.

Voices coming from above registered in his mind. Spike recognized the voices: Buffy's friends were back. He was not in the mood for company. 'Oh, bloody hell... Go away, go away, go away...' He remembered that he hadn't covered the trapdoor the last time he'd come down. They were nosey; they were sure to come down. "Bollocks..."

Were they still looking for Buffy, or had Buffy told them about the shrine? Were they here to dust him for stalking her? Well... at least that would mean Buffy had gotten home safe. Spike would rather not get taken out by one of the sodding Scoobies, but he wouldn't be able to put up much resistance if it went down that way. He was just so bloody tired.

Spike closed his eyes and groaned when he heard Xander say, "Hey, check it out. There's a ladder... and I can hear music."

"We should... take care. We don't know what's waiting for us down there," Giles cautioned.

"Let's go down. Spike's responsible for what happened to Buffy, I know it," Xander insisted.

Spike clenched his jaw when he heard them climbing down to the lower crypt. He really didn't want to deal with them.

Xander, Anya, and Giles had been heading back to Buffy's house when they decided to check Spike's crypt one more time. The three of them had come by earlier, but Spike hadn't been home. Xander still had a feeling that Spike was either responsible for Buffy's disappearance or involved in it somehow.

Xander went down the ladder first, followed by Anya and then Giles.

"Remarkable," Giles said once they were all standing at the bottom of the ladder. "This might be part of a network of catacombs under the city."

"Spike has a nice setup down here," Anya commented. "Very cozy."

There was a pyramid of skulls near them on the floor. "Call me a kook, but piles of skulls don't say 'cozy' to me." Xander shivered. "Martha Stewart he's not..."

Anya shrugged. "I didn't say it couldn't use a woman's touch. Some throw pillows here and there, a few nicely framed photos and one of those cute kitten posters on the walls, fewer piles of skulls, and it could be a much warmer and vibrant room."

"Spike?" Giles called warily. They walked further into the room. "Spike, are you here?"

"He's gotta be here," Xander whispered. "The radio's on, and I'm about to choke on fresh cigarette smoke."

Spike sighed as he watched them go past him. They didn't notice him sitting in the shadows on the floor. He thought about staying quiet and motionless, hoping they would leave without ever knowing he was here. But they'd probably start pawing through his belongings.

Xander turned off the radio.

Spike's voice was low and gravelly, "What the bloody hell do you want?"

Xander let out a little squeak as the three of them spun around.

"Good Lord..." Giles was startled by Spike's voice, and by the condition Spike was in.

"Why didn't you answer us when we called your name?" Anya asked, putting a hand to her chest. "You could have given poor Giles a heart attack -- it's not nice to frighten the elderly."

"Elderly?!" Giles exclaimed. "I bloody well am not elderly!"

"I only meant that you're elderly compared to me and Xander."

Giles started to counter that statement, then grimaced and shook his head. "Never mind. We need to deal with this situation right now..." He would be discussing the definition of 'elderly' with Anya later. He took a steadying breath and looked at Spike. "Spike, what happened to you?"

"I think I can name that tune in one note," Xander said, glaring at Spike. "Spike tried doing something to Buffy and she beat the shit out of him."

Spike used the wall to push himself up to his feet. "Buffy should be home by now. Go talk to her," he said tiredly.

Xander tightened his hold around the stake in his hand. "We're here looking for Buffy. What did you do to her?"

"Your ears not workin', Special Ed? I told you," Spike cupped a hand around his mouth to amplify his voice, "Buffy went home!"

"Aha! So you admit that she was here!" Xander said victoriously. "You lied to us the first time we came here tonight. You wouldn't let us come in because she was here -- I knew it!"

Spike leaned back against the wall. "I wasn't lying. She wasn't here then." He went to take another drink but found the bottle empty. He sighed and dropped it on the floor.

Xander wasn't buying it. "I don't believe you."

"You don't, eh?" Spike shrugged and smiled. "Blow me."

Xander suddenly rushed at and shoved Spike against the wall. He grabbed Spike by the throat while holding the stake cocked back. "You think this is funny?! What did you do to Buffy?!"

"I didn't do anything to her!" Spike choked out. Then it occurred to him that he might actually be able to hurt Xander without getting zapped by the chip. Dru had hypnotized him so that the chip wouldn't affect him -- but he hadn't had a chance to test it on a human besides Buffy... yet.

Xander yelled, "Tell me where Buffy really is -- and what you did to her -- or I'll stake your sorry ass!"

Spike grabbed Xander by the shoulder and wrist, not applying too much pressure, just keeping Xander from staking him. But it would be a simple matter to snap the boy's arm. Spike's lips curled into a smile at that thought. But the smile and the rush he got at the thought of hurting Xander didn't last long. If he injured or killed Xander, he'd have to fight Anya and Rupert when they inevitably tried protecting Xander. He didn't want to hurt them, he really had nothing against the ex-demon or the ex-Watcher. But what really got to Spike was thinking what it would do to Buffy if he hurt any of them. Her friends were everything to her, she'd be devastated if something bad happened to any one of them. And if it was him that hurt her friends, that would just add insult to injury. Spike knew any hope he had of being with Buffy was gone, but he still couldn't hurt her like that. He never wanted to be the cause of her pain ever again.

So, Spike didn't snap Xander's arm like a twig. The boy didn't know just how lucky he was that Spike remembered to mind his manners at the last second. Instead, Spike channeled his anger into his expression and voice. "Take your stinkin' paws off me -- now," Spike growled, his eyes flashed gold but he didn't morph into his vampire face.

Xander didn't know for sure if Spike couldn't fight back, he still wondered if the chip had malfunctioned... but the look Spike was giving him was almost enough to make him piss his pants -- and the chip wouldn't kick in for deadly looks. Spike's teeth were slightly bared, his blue eyes were darkened, narrowed, and as cold as ice. Xander had never seen someone look quite so evil. And it wasn't even Spike's vamp face. Xander released him and took several steps backward.

Spike continued to glower at Xander while rubbing his throat. "I didn't hurt Buffy. I helped her get away. She set off for home through the sewers..." He trailed off because he didn't know how much time had passed; he'd been too mired in misery and depression to keep track of time. "Couldn't've been too long ago."

"If you didn't do it, then who did abduct Buffy?" Giles pressed for an answer.

Spike walked unsteadily past them to get another bottle of whiskey. "It was Dru. And that's all I'm gonna tell ya. I don't care to relive any bit of it. Get the story from Buffy, 'cos I ain't talkin'."

"Drusilla, your crazy ex-girlfriend?" Anya asked. She'd never met Dru, but she'd heard enough to know her being in town was a very bad thing.

Spike nodded. "And time hasn't dulled the crazy any. I think she's gotten more sadistic... she remembers those lessons Angelus taught her very well."

"Dear Lord, Drusilla's back?" Giles said anxiously. "We have to --"

Spike shook his head as he twisted the cap off a bottle. "She's come an' gone. Left for greener pastures with her new idiot minion boy-toy... reminded me of Finn, he did."

"Alright then... let's go see if Buffy really is home. You'd better not be lying to us, Spike," Giles warned.

"I'm not bloody lying," Spike growled between clenched teeth. "Go to her house or call her mum. If she's not there, then you can come back and kill me. 'Ow's that?" he asked, flinging his arms out to the sides and making his heart an easy target, before dropping them wearily back down to his sides.

"Yeah," Xander said, finally getting over how Spike's malevolent gaze had spooked him, "we go to Buffy's house to check out your story, leaving you here all by your lonesome. And you'll just stay put and wait for us to come back, huh?"

Spike laughed a bit crazily (which also spooked Xander). "You think I'll run off? I've got nowhere else to go. This..." Spike spread his arms out to encompass the room. "This is all I have. So yeah... I'll be right here."

"There are payphones not far outside the cemetery gates," Giles said. "Anya and I will go and check out Spike's story. Xander, you can stay here and... keep an eye on him."

Xander wasn't sure he wanted to be alone with Spike after the multiple spookings. "Uh... Anya doesn't have to go. She can stay here too."

Giles took off his glasses and polished them. "Ah, I see... I'm supposed to go traipsing through the cemetery at night by myself. Yes, of course, nothing could possibly happen to me." He put his glasses back on and gave Xander a look. "It would be wise for two people to go to make the phone call -- one person can keep a lookout for any would-be attackers. If you're not comfortable being alone with Spike, then you and Anya can go and I'll stay here -- it doesn't matter! Let's just get it over with. It's been a very long night."

Anya hooked her arm through Xander's. "I don't think you have to be afraid of him, honey. Spike's all beat up and, by the looks of it, he's very drunk and only getting drunker. You could probably easily take him in a fight. Although normally, with his vampire strength, he could just rip you in half and stomp on your entrails... if the chip didn't stop him."

Spike chuckled as he lit a cigarette. He found it amusing to think Xander was afraid of him, and that was without the boy knowing about the (possibly) hypnosis-blocked chip.

Xander frowned, the vision of Spike stomping on his guts flashing in his mind. Xander swallowed back the lump in his throat and pushed that image away. "I'm not afraid of him. You and Giles go ahead and call Buffy's house. I'll... stay here, no problem!"

Anya turned to Spike. "Spike, does your chip work or are you able to hurt people?"

Spike raised an eyebrow and blew out a stream of smoke. "Still works... far as I know."

Anya gave Xander a kiss on the cheek. "There, see? His chip works."

"And we're taking his word for that?" Xander asked.

"Well, if he attacks you and doesn't get corrected by the chip, then we'll know for sure. Until then, we have no reason to think it doesn't work." Anya turned to Spike again. "There was wild speculation tonight as to whether your chip still worked or not. Everyone thought you did something horrible to Buffy. Well, when I say 'everyone' I mean everyone except myself and Dawn."

Xander sighed. "Anya, will you and Giles just go and call Buffy's house, please?"

"When is your bloody Scooby club gonna get cell phones?" Spike asked irritably. "Seems like it'd be a wise investment to me."

"I've thought of getting one of those," Anya said. "I'm just shopping around for the best bargain. I'd like to find one that looks like a communicator from Star Trek, Xander would enjoy that."

Giles sighed and went to the ladder. "Come along, Anya."

Xander gripped the stake in his hand as Giles and Anya climbed back up to the upper level.

Spike snorted and took another drink. "Everyone thought I turned on Buffy... You lot always expect the worst of me, don' you?"

"Oh, we only expect the worst of you 'cause we know you," Xander said sarcastically, waving his hand. "I don't know how you got Dawn wrapped around your finger... She thinks you can do no wrong -- she's obviously a very naive kid."

Spike was about to tell Xander to shut up... but the wanker was right, wasn't he? Spike was no good and it wasn't smart for Dawn to hang around him. He'd probably eventually hurt her in some way, too.

"Y'know, Spike, the fact that you don't want to tell me what happened tonight, and how Buffy wound up here, tells me that you're trying to hide your role in the whole thing."

"Well then, it's a bloody good thing I don't give a damn what you think." Spike grinned.

A few minutes went by without either of them saying a word.

Spike sat on the end of the bed, continuing to drink and waiting for Giles and Anya to come back. He was anxious to hear if Buffy actually made it home in one piece. If anything happened to her because of him... Hating himself more than he already did seemed impossible, but he was certain he'd drown in self-loathing if Buffy was hurt or killed on her way home. If that happened, it would be a relief for the git to stake him and put him out of his misery.

"Should've followed her... to make sure... staking would've been worth it," Spike mumbled to himself. "Shouldn't've let..."

Xander looked apprehensively at Spike and sat down in a big, orange chair, keeping a good hold on the stake in his hand (just in case). Spike seemed a little crazy -- the Drusilla kind of crazy. That could be a problem.

Spike looked at Xander, seeming to suddenly remember he wasn't alone. He sniffed and smiled. "Ain't this nice? We never get the chance to hang out, just us boys."

"If they come back and say you were lying... I don't think I need to tell you what will happen," Xander said seriously.

"No, please tell me. Don't make me beg." Spike laughed.

"I bet you'll be doing some begging when they come back."

Spike gave Xander the backwards peace sign. "Get stuffed."

"If you hurt her..."

Spike growled in frustration. "I'm not the one who hurt her! How many bloody times do I have to..." Then he went from angry to looking confused and sad. He looked away from Xander and mumbled, "I didn't hurt the girl... not physically..."

"Hunh? What's that mean -- 'not physically'?"

Spike just shook his head and waved off the question, unwilling to explain.

"It's true, isn't it? You're in love with Buffy, aren't you?"

Spike didn't respond. He picked at the label of the whiskey bottle in his hand.

"I laughed when she told me," Xander said. "I thought it was hysterical."

Spike slowly looked up at Xander, glaring at him.

"And then she came here to tell you that you didn't have a chance in hell of getting with her, and you couldn't handle it. You went nuts."

Spike rolled his eyes and took another drink. "Unlike Dru, you don't have psychic powers -- that's not even close to what happened. Give the soothsaying a rest, Kreskin, you don't know what the bloody hell you're talkin' 'bout."

"Well, you're not filling in the blanks, Spike, so I'm gonna draw my own conclusions. If it wasn't Buffy, then it was Dru who beat the crap out of you?"

"Several people took several swings at me tonight -- I don't know all their names, but none of them was named 'Buffy'." Spike sighed. "Women... they can break us so easily. Now, that Anya..." Spike took a drink, wagging his finger at Xander while he swallowed. "You got a right catch there, Harris. She's smart, strong, beautiful -- don't fuck up what you have with her."

"I didn't plan on it."

"We never plan on fucking things up, do we? No, it just... happens. We just go around bein' our daft selves and don't realize how wrong we are until it's too late..."

"Speak for yourself."

Spike stood up and started slowly pacing in front of the bed. "Oh, you've never bollixed up a good thing before? How 'bout when you lost Cordelia, nearly killed her, 'cos she caught you snogging Red?"

"That... That was your fault! If you hadn't kidnapped --"

Spike laughed. "Ah, I see I'm not the only one who tries blamin' everyone else but himself."

Xander frowned. "How the hell do you even know about that? You were already gone when Willow and I got caught."

"Got my sources." Dawn was the one who'd filled Spike in on a lot of Sunnydale goings on. Dawn had a big problem keeping information to herself, apparently. That was great in Spike's opinion, as long as the Bit didn't go around blabbing about his secrets and feelings to other people.

"Okay... maybe you weren't completely to blame for that..." Xander acquiesced. "I know I fucked that up. It was stupid, and... it turned out to be for nothing, anyway. Willow and I went back to being just friends."

"You're still not as bad as me. No one can beat me when it comes to the art of self-sabotage... I'm the bloody master!" Spike chuckled and swayed a bit on his feet.

"You still won't tell me what Dru did tonight?" Xander thought he might be able to get the truth out of Spike with a little gentle prodding since he seemed a bit more talkative.

"Why should I bother? Like you'd believe a word I said? The only reason you and I are havin' this nice chat is 'cos you're waiting for your chums to confirm if I was tellin' the truth about Buffy being home. I'm not gonna relive the hell I went through tonight just so you can not believe me about it. I won't waste my breath."

"You don't have to breathe."

Spike screwed up his face. "It's an expression, ya ponce!"

"Well, I'd rather hear your version of what happened tonight instead of listening to you ramble on about weird shit."

"I talk about what I want in my own bloody home," Spike said, gesturing with the bottle in his hand and spilling some of the whiskey. "You don't like it? Then bugger off!"

"If it turns out you're lying, we'll put the thumbscrews to you until you tell us where Buffy really is and what really happened. Maybe shove a stake into various parts of your body until you tell the truth for once in your miserable life."

Spike glanced at him, halfheartedly raising an eyebrow. "You go in for torture, do you? Have more in common with Angelus than you care to admit."

"I'm a peaceful guy until someone fucks with my friends. Then all bets are off."

"You wanna stake me? Go ahead," Spike said, spreading his arms out, tilting his head back, and thrusting his chest out.

Xander just stared at him for a few moments. "It's no fun if you actually want me to do it... Don't you want to wash the blood off yourself?" he asked. He was no stranger to cuts and bruises, but Spike being all bloody was disconcerting.

Spike shrugged. "I kinda like it. If the blood bothers you, you can always leave."

"That looked like an arrow wound on your back..."

"Yeah," Spike craned his neck, trying to see around his shoulder. "That was Harm. She wanted to kill me more than she wanted to kill Buffy, so that one counts more for me protecting myself. Oh... forgot I'm not tellin' you anything. Disregard what I said 'bout Harmony."

Spike looked down at his chest and set his hand over his heart. "This is the worst one... can't see it, but it's there." Then Spike said in a voice much softer and refined than normal, "'There's only a sucking chest wound where a heart once dwelled..." Then Spike laughed that crazy laugh again. "Nothin' can patch it up, it never heals -- it stays a gaping wound forever."

"O...kay..." Xander said slowly. It sounded as though Buffy had had a talk with Spike about his feelings for her. But Xander was now reluctant to pursue the matter; he was afraid Spike might come completely unhinged.

"I told her not to go alone, y'know? I told her walkin' home like that..." Tears shone in Spike's eyes. "She didn't want to stay... I just wanted to make sure she got home safe. You understand, don't you?" He looked at Xander.

"Yeah... sure, I understand. Hey, why don't you sit down? Whatever it is that happened... you obviously had a rough night." Xander didn't want to feel sorry for him -- after all, Spike could be in such bad shape because he'd tried hurting Buffy -- but he did feel kind of bad for Spike. Xander knew the pain of rejection all too well. What do you know, he did have something in common with Spike. Buffy had rejected him, too, all those years ago.

Spike nodded slowly. "Yeah... sitting. Sitting is good. Layin' down is even better. I'll be over here." He walked carefully over to the bed, looking as if he might fall over with every step. He climbed onto the bed and sighed when he was finally at rest on his side, facing away from Xander. "I'm gonna take a catnap... Don't bother wakin' me if you want to stake me... just bloody do it."

After a minute, Xander got out of the chair and went to the bed, checking to see if Spike was really asleep.

"Spike?"

Spike's eyes stayed closed and he didn't respond. Xander breathed a sigh of relief to see that Spike had fallen asleep or passed out.





Anya and Giles returned, walking back into the upper level of Spike's crypt.

"I told you we should've called Buffy's house to check in before going to Spike's place," Anya said. "But did you listen? Nooooo. Maybe next time something happens, everyone will listen to me. I have a unique insight into the human mind -- and the minds of demons too. And who voted to put Willow in charge before? I'm older and much more qualified to lead a group. Is she automatically next in line after you and Buffy? And if so, why?"

"Thank you for another rousing refrain of 'I told you so'. It's very constructive!" Giles' patience was worn thin from hearing her saying the same things all the way back from the payphone.

"I'm just saying that I was right -- about everything -- and no one gives me credit for having a brain."

"Yes, Anya, we will all pay careful attention to everything you say in the future. Oh, what a lucky man Xander is to have you as his helpmate."

She smiled. "Thank you, Giles! I..." Anya looked at him suspiciously. "Wait a minute... was that sarcasm? I don't like sarcasm, it's passive-aggressive."

"I'm just... very tired, Anya," Giles groaned, taking off his glasses and pinching the bridge of his nose. "Now that we know Buffy is safe, all I want to do is go home and get a few hours of sleep before I have to open the shop. Would you go down there and collect Xander so we can leave?"

Anya went over to the trapdoor. She bent over and called down, "Xander, I hope you didn't dust Spike, because he was telling the truth -- Buffy is home, and he did help her."

Xander dashed to the ladder and looked up at her. "He was actually telling the truth? Did you talk to Buffy?"

"Giles talked to her mother. Buffy said Spike risked his own life to help her escape from Drusilla."

"Oh..." Xander glanced at Spike's sleeping form. "I can't help but feel kinda bad now for all the... threatening I did."

"You should." Anya nodded. "You were very rude to, and threatened to kill, the person who saved your friend's life."

Xander rolled his eyes. "You always know just what to say to make me feel better."

She smiled, then frowned. "What is it with you people and sarcasm?"

"Xander, please come up out of there so we can go home," Giles called tiredly.

Xander looked back at Spike, and then climbed up the ladder.

"You should have apologized to Spike for the way you treated him. You didn't stake him, did you?" Anya asked, trying to look past Xander into the lower level.

"No, he fell asleep or passed out. As far as apologizing goes... I'll buy him a beer or mug of blood, whatever."

The three of them left the crypt and headed to Giles' car.

"I think Spike lost his shit," Xander said, looking back at the crypt.

Giles sighed. "Ah, you Americans have such colorful phrases. He soiled himself?"

Xander rolled his eyes. "No, I mean, I think he went crazy. He said really weird things, and he kep


Chapter End Notes:
Sorry I ended the chapter with Buffy and Spike on the outs, but I was feeling evil >:D lol



You must login (register) to review.