Without much more of an effort to change William's mind, Colton had left, agreeing to stick with the original agreement they had made prior to tonight's unexpected mishap. Needing to stay in character until his old acquaintance left, Spike wasn't able to help Buffy like he truly wanted. Colt had taken his time in leaving the couple alone, and all he could do was roughly pick The Slayer’s body up as they traded snide remarks on how helpless she was. When he was free to do as he pleased, he held Buffy tightly in his embrace during the short walk to the crypt, silently swearing at himself for letting this happen. Buffy getting hurt was exactly what he was trying to avoid by dealing with Colton in the first place. She could have taken him, Spike knew, but for whatever reason he caught her in a vulnerable moment. Now his Slayer was limp in his arms, the trickled blood down her face was starting to dry, matting her golden locks to her cheek, and he was responsible for this mess.
Carefully, Spike took her downstairs to his bedroom, wanting to make her as comfortable as he possibly could. Once they descended to the lower level, he gently laid her down, tucking the top cover around her fragile frame. By pulling her hair back he was able to see the open gash at her temple more clearly. It was an odd coincidence that he was cleaning a cut she received from battle because not a few days ago she was doing the same for him. The only difference he couldn’t tolerate was the fact that he was the liability in this situation.
****
Guilt.
It’s the worst feeling for any individual. It’s like a worm that wriggles inside, eating away all the contents till there is nothing left. Your mind is consumed, at every minute of every hour, with thought of regret. Wishes of reliving, going back to change the outcome, to do things differently. It can make a man go insane if not dealt with. And the entire concept had been forgotten. Being a vampire had certain advantages. Taking life without any mental repercussion is every murderers dream, but when a demon takes over your soul, it becomes reality. Without a conscience, life has endless possibilities. No responsibilities. No shame. No remorse. No self-condemnation.
For how much he cared, seeing Buffy hurt made Spike feel terrible, yes, but was it guilt he was feeling? It’s been so long, he couldn’t hardly remember what a deep hole of disgrace felt like. No. I’m human now. He had to be suffering from the pain guilt caused; it’s why he felt badly over the whole matter. But Colton. What had he mentioned? ...Even without a soul... Could that be? One can’t just be given life without retaining the essence that comes with it, can they? In contrast, demonic entities such as, Colt, carries with them the unique ability to sense and sort out others like himself.
Nothing was making a lick of sense. His thoughts were so muddled from the whirling they kept doing around his head. For the longest time, Spike fought the fact that he had any ounce of compassion for Buffy. When he had come to terms with it, the realization that he loved her with every fiber of his being struck him hard. The question now that didn’t seem to have a rational explanation was how he can love with no soul. As William, he had loved deeply, and that is one inspiration that can not be forgotten, for it is the strongest emotion of them all. He knew it wasn’t just infatuation he had for The Slayer. Maybe he was on the wrong path by trying to find the connection between the two. They were separate dispositions. A conscience was to stop the wrong, but with giving your heart to someone, there is nothing more right. Maybe none of it mattered after all. Even if his head couldn’t grasp the logic, his heart did.
****
The bruising was already starting to form. Purple, green, and yellow marred the skin surrounding the laceration at her temple and at the base of her neck where her air supply had been cut off. Despite the flaws, Spike thought she was still as gorgeous as ever and as he tended to Buffy in the downstairs chamber, disinfecting the wound Colton caused, a small smile made its way to the surface. He had new hope and confidence in their relationship after coming to his conclusion that logic never went hand in hand with passion.
Just as he finished putting away the medical supplies, and ready to nestle beside her to keep a watchful eye, she languidly woke. Allowing Buffy to collect herself before talking, he remained silent, waiting for a sign that she was ready. After a few moments though, all she did was stare at him with a furrowed brow.
“How’re you feelin‘, luv?” He asked gently in a soothing tone.
“Like someone tossed me around like a chew toy.” She slowly sat up, lightly touching her forehead, wincing slightly at the pressure. “I can’t believe I let that...” Buffy’s words trailed off as her incoherent memories flashed behind her minds eye. Spike was there, talking to him, but she couldn’t remember what- ...No soul... Kill... Slayer...
****
“Pinocchio!”
Abruptly lifting his head off the pages of the opened book in front of him, “Who? What?!” Xander exclaimed, startled by the rude awakening.
“Pinocchio!” Willow repeated, with just as much enthusiasm.
Tara looked up from her text, “What’s a Pinocchio Will?”
“Spike.”
Xander raised a brow, looking at Tara for more of an elaboration, but she simply shook her head. “Okay. I’ll bite. Spike’s a wooden doll controlled by strings?”
The red head rolled her eyes, “No.”
“Well let it out. The suspense is killing us,” he noted sarcastically.
"I mean, the antidote made him real, like Pinocchio.”
“That’s what we’ve been researching? I thought we already knew that. Which, by the way, still having a hard time believing it.”
“I’m sure Willow h-had a point... Right?” Tara chimed in, looking at her with expectancy.
“Well, yeah. See, when Buffy was sick, I stirred up a pretty general potion to make her better. The things in her head were all mashed up into crazy soup and she couldn’t tell what was fiction or reality. What I gave her was to make our dimension real to her again. I think that because Spike wasn’t affected by the demon’s poison, the antidote worked in the literal sense of making him real.”
“Like Pinocchio...,” Tara assisted Willow, for Xander to better understand.
Xander nodded his head, “Okay, but again, we already knew this right? The Spike being real thing. So, why am I up past my bed-time?
Willow let out an exhausted huff so Tara took over the clarity department. “But we didn’t know why he changed before. Now we can research the potential meaning. If it’s j-just temporary or it there’s any consequences to worry about.”
Adding on to what Tara just offered Willow took her turn at the table, “Which, from what I can tell- There is none.” She put on a bright smile, “Spike’s a real boy, no strings attached.”
“So that’s good then, he can actually die when I beat him down for putting the whammy on Buffy.”
“Xander...,” Willow said tiredly. “There is no whammy.”
“Then how are they the new happy couple in town?” He waited a few moments for answers but when he didn’t receive any, he added, “I rest my case.”
Tara exchanged look with the other witch, “I don’t t-think Buffy’s under any spell. What she’s feeling is genuine. And we should respect that.”
“Yeah, we weren’t too fond of Anya when you two started dating, but we sat back and said bupkiss about it,” Willow unhelpfully pointed out.
Growing a bit defensive, Xander shook his head, “That’s different. Anya was-”
“An ex-demon,” his best friend shot back before he could finish, and now he didn’t have any argument.
“Anya slaughtered men, and reaped revenge for centuries as a demon, Xander.” Tara stated, backing up Willow’s conviction.
Unbelievable. The ‘We Love Spike Fan Group’ was doubling teaming him. “Fine. I get it. But it doesn’t mean I have to like it,” he grumbled from his chair “Are we done here then? I’d like to get some shut eye before work today.”
Tara gave a friendly half-smile, “I think we can pack up for the night.”
The researching trio all started to rise when the front door swung open. “Guys?” Buffy’s voice traveled from the foyer with the click of door closing.
Xander’s tone was the first to greet her. “Hey Buff. Just missed out on the exciting, open books and read them party, so start kicking yourself.”
“Well let’s open em’ back up,” Buffy instructed, swiftly moving to an open chair at the side of the table, grabbing a book off the stack. It was a rare moment for her friends because they hardly ever saw The Slayer participating in the book investigation side of the job.
Tara spoke next, “Is everything okay?”
Willow sat back down at the head of table, “Yeah, did something happen on patrol?” It was when Buffy looked up that her wounds became fully visible. “Like say some nasty demon who did that?” She pointed to her head.
Xander clenched his jaw, “Please don’t say it was of the ex-vampire variety, because if he...”
“It wasn’t Spike.” Buffy was serious as she fingered through the text she had. “But we are looking for someone that knows him. He’s tall, handsome, and English.”
“Is he single?” Xander joked, trying to make up for his small outburst moments before, and lighten the mood. All he got was a cold look in return.
“He’s a vampire. I don’t know his name, but he had to be turned around the same time as Spike because he knows him as William. Any questions? Good.” She turned her attention back to the pages.
The other three at the table glanced at one another, almost scared to say anything since Buffy was in such a foul mood, but meekly Willow asked, “Umm... Buffy?”
“What?” She didn’t even look up. “We just need to find out more about him Will.”
“And we are... going to. But that’s a book of potions. Not vampire histories.”
Looking at bit ashamed, The Slayer laid it down, closing the book slowly before answering. “Oh.”