buffy decides that she can't stand Rome anymore, and begins to pack up her stuff so she can head over to Carmel by the Sea, California. While she's getting ready, she reflects on the good (and not so good) parts of her life.
AN---I screwed up. Utterly and completely. I said that the spell would fade at the next day’s dawn, but I MEANT sunset. Stupid me! So forget about the whole ‘spell ending at dawn’ thing. Also, I completely made up memories. They’re a bit far-fetched, but who cares?
song belongs to vanessa carlton
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Dawn walked up behind her sister, placing a hand on her shoulder. Buffy jumped, turning her head to face her sister. “Oh…” She lowered her eyes to the floor. “Hey.”
Dawn removed her hand and looked at Buffy, examining her for the first time since Sunnydale.
Her normally silky blonde hair was tied up in a messy, dirty bun at the top of her head. Her usually tanned skin was eerily pale for someone who had an excellent balcony that could be used for tanning. And her eyes…two years ago, before Riley had showed up, they had had some sort of spark in them. Then, when Spike left, it had gone away all together. He had returned, and it had flickered slowly back to life. And now…she had never seen her eyes like this before.
Cold.
Dead…yet so alive…
And her figure…Everyone had always thought that Buffy was alarmingly thin, but now…her collarbone was prominent, pushing against the thin layer of skin. Her ribs were stuck out, and her knees seemed larger than her thighs.
“Dawnie…” her sister whimpered, bringing her out of her thoughts. “Dawnie…”
“Yeah, Buffy?”
“I…I don’t think I can stay here anymore…”
“Wh-what?”
“I…I need to get out of Rome.” She whirled around, a wild light in her eyes. “C’mon, Dawn! W-We can go to California again! N-Not to LA or anything…I just…I need out.”
“Out?”
“Yes, out! Out of this freaking apartment!” She grabbed her sisters shoulders and shook her lightly, whispering fiercely, “It…It smells like him…”
Dawn swallowed. “Smells like who?”
“H-Him…and I need out.”
Dawn nodded, being careful not to question any more. She had learned over the past year that asking Buffy too many questions only resulted in a MAJOR breakdown. She also knew what her sister was talking about. She and Buffy had moved several times in the past year, and only for a short period of time. First, to Marlinton, West Virginia, a small one-horse kind of town. Then, they had moved to New York City for a few days, and then on to Paris. After staying there for a record 4 months, Buffy had decided one day that they should move to Rome. So by now, Dawn was used to her sister’s unusual moving mood swings.
She nodded and said softly, “I’ll…just be packing.”
Buffy turned to the window and sighed, burying her head in her hands. She hated doing this to Dawn, she really did. It’s just…ever since her last date with the Immortal a month ago, the apartment had smelled like tobacco, leather, and…and him.
Buffy sighed again and walked over to her closet, pulling out her black suitcases. As she began to pack, she came across a t-shirt that Willow had given her nine years ago.
After finding out that her best friend was the Slayer, Willow had gone to the mall and bought a shirt that said, in bright red letters in blood dripping font, ‘BITE ME’. Buffy ran her hands over the worn lettering, memories flooding through her mind, and she opened her mouth and began to sing.
Crashed on the floor when I moved in
This little bungalow with some strange new friends
Stay up too late and I'm too thin
We promised each its till the end
Buffy remembered how one night, they had been watching ‘Roman Holiday’ at Buffy’s house, and it had been her first year. Willow had been braiding Buffy’s hair, and Xander was happily munching away on popcorn. Willow had stopped her movements and had reached over to Xander and held his hand, then reached out for Buffy’s. They had made a small circle, and had promised each other they would be friends forever.
Now spinning empty bottles
Just the five of us
The pretty eyed boys girls lie to trust
I can't resist the day
No I can't resist the day
She remembered how in college they had played spin the bottle one day with her, Xander, Riley, Willow and Anya. She had locked eyes with Riley, both a little nervous after the most recent party with a game of spin the bottle and what had resulted. Staring at him reminded her that he was like daytime to her, and she shouldn’t resist it.
After all, that was what Angel had wanted.
Jenny screams out and it's no pose
Cause when she dances she goes and goes
and feel through the nose on an inside joke
and I'm so excited I haven't spoken
Buffy cringed as she remembered how Jenny had been murdered by Angel, and had made Buffy so eager to kill the man she had loved, though she would never admit it.
“and she's so pretty and she's so short
maybe I'm more clever than a girl like her”
the summers all in bloom
And the summer is ending soon
Buffy remembered how she had read…or rather, mis-read Willow’s thoughts when she had gotten the blood of the demon inside of her, causing her to be able to read people’s thoughts. She hadn’t told her, but Buffy had heard Willow think “Buffy’s so pretty…she’s really short…hey, I’m smarter than her!” She had immediately thought that Willow had been talking about her, but it turned out that she was thinking about Buffy, and then trailed off to make fun of Harmony.
It's alright
And it's nice not to be so alone
but I hold on to secrets
In white houses
Maybe I'm a little bit over my head
I come undone at the things he said
And he's so funny in his bright red shirt
We were all in love and we all got hurt
Tears sprang to her eyes and she smiled slightly as she remembered Spike at her birthday party, in his red shirt, coming towards her and making fun of Richard. She had been in love with him, but wouldn’t admit it to him or herself, Xander and Anya had been in love, Willow and Tara, though going through a tough stage, were in love…
And they all got hurt. Buffy and Spike by their relationship, Xander and Anya by Xander’s fears of the future, Willow and Tara by Warren’s gun.
They all got hurt.
Even to his car’s cracked leather seat
The smell of gasoline in the summer heat
We were going way to fast
It's all too sweet to last
It's alright
Buffy’s smiled disappeared as she thought of her disastrous relationship with Spike. At first, things had been kind of good, and they hadn’t been hurting each other as much. They should have known that it would all go to hell.
And I put myself in his hands
But I hold onto secrets
In white houses
Love of something ignites in my veins
That I pray it never fades
In white houses
She lifted her left hand, tracing one finger over the scar that would remain there forever. She wouldn’t get any surgery to rid her body of it, because it was all she had left to remind herself of the moment their hands caught fire together.
My...First...Time
Hard to explain
rush of blood and a little bit of pain
on a cloudy day
it’s more common then you think
It's...My...First...Mistake
She wasn’t singing about her loss of virginity to Angel. No, she was singing about the first time that she had loved somebody. Truly, completely, totally and utterly in love with someone. And it was hard to explain WHY she felt that way about Spike, and not Angel. But in that last year, every time she thought of him, blood would rush through her veins and her heart would skip a beat. And then, when she’d told him…it had been a mistake for her to take so long.
But she had. And look where THAT had gotten her.
Maybe you were all faster than me
We gave each other up easily
The silly little wounds will never mend
I feel so far from where I've been
So I go and I will not be back here again
I'm gone as the day is fading
on white houses
She turned her attention back to her packing, tears falling freely down her face now. Maybe they HAD given each other to other people to easily. But, it didn’t change the fact that they had loved…and now all the scars, physical and emotional, were NEVER going to go away.
Ever.
I lied, with my injuries all in a dice
In my heart it’s the five of us
in White houses
And you, maybe you'll remember me
What I gave is yours to keep
in White houses
In white houses
In white houses
*~::~*
Dawn stood outside her sister’s door, listening to her sing. Sighing, she walked outside to where there was a small fountain. She sat on the edge, resting her head in her hands.
She felt a hand on her shoulder and started, tears shining in her eyes as she looked up at who was there. She pressed a hand over her heart and hissed, “Jesus, don’t DO that!”
“Sorry.” He sat down beside her, not speaking.
“So…what are you doing here?”
“Came to see you two.” He studied her. “Why aren’t you screaming in shock?”
“Andrew…he starts talking after a while…and four bottles of Zima. Told me about…you…being back.”
Spike nodded, staring up at the apartment. “Did he, uh…”
“No. He didn’t tell her. She was…out.”
“Out?”
“Fine. She was getting drunk off her ass.”
“Bit! Language!”
“Spike, I’m 18. I’m not a little girl anymore.”
“But…you’re still my little Bit, right?” He looked up at her, and she smiled softly.
“Yeah,” she said, resting her head on his shoulder. “I’m still your little Bit.”
They sat there for a while, not saying anything, until Dawn jumped up. “Crap!”
“Dawn? What is it?”
“Me…an-and Buffy! We’re…we’re moving!”
“What?”
“Spike, Buffy and I are moving back to California…We’re not staying here…”
“Wait, why?”
“H-Her excuse is that…our apartment smells like you.” She laughed, “I-It’s almost as if you were there, right?” When she got no response, she looked over at him again. “Right, Spike? Right?!”
“Wrong, platelet. I WAS here.” He looked up at the window to Dawn’s room. “About…about a month ago.”
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[a/n]—yay! Another chapter! One with a really sucky ending, but o well!!! Someone please review!!
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