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~†~ He Wasn’t ~†~

-A/N- Song title and lyrics copyright to Avril Lavigne.


Buffy was crushed. Even though it was only Harmony, but Spike still slept with her regardless of that fact. Buffy didn’t know why she was so jealous. She had never liked Spike before but for some reason, now she felt like he was all she had left because she could tell him the truth without getting negative feedback. He would accept her feelings for what they were and try to help her through them. She had trusted him. Ever since he kept Dawn a secret from Glory in return for getting beat up.

That was partly why she didn’t know whether or not to be mad at him. Sitting up in her bed she sniffled, her nose now fairly stuffy from crying so much. She looked around her room and nothing felt right. Nothing about her home felt right. Here she was, living again, because her friends didn’t get their facts straight before jumping into the witchcraft. She looked at their photos and she didn’t even know them.

That’s why she chose not to be mad at Spike. Despite tonight’s happenings, she still wished he were there with her. Comforting her the best he could but thanks to that stupid blonde bimbo, here she was, alone in her room, sitting quietly on her bed.

Buffy wasn’t looking forward to tomorrow. Tomorrow would be filled with nothing but hardness. Her soul was hard now. The world was hard. If Hell existed, the world was it. In Heaven she was at peace and she could look over her friends and make sure they were okay and if they weren’t she could somehow intercept and make sure things worked out in their favor.

Was there a point in crying over it? She thought. Probably not but she was so confused. She felt so lost in her own world and still at the end of all of these thoughts, was Spike. She wanted to be around him now more than ever. She didn’t want to talk to her friends, she wanted to talk to Spike and she wanted to talk to him now.

Buffy gathered a few things, pajamas, slippers, a book, a stake, and Mr. Gordo. She put her belongings into a green duffle bag and tossed it out onto the roof and just as she was about to go out the window, there was a soft knock on her door. She sighed and stepped back into her room and closed the curtains. “Yeah?” She said as she sat on her bed softly as to not seem obvious that she was about to sneak out.

Watching the door open, Buffy watched Dawn walk in. “Hey, Buffy.” Dawns hands were nervously hidden behind her back. “Can I talk to you for a sec?”

“Um.. sure.” Buffy loved her sister and it wasn’t that she didn’t want to see her, but she didn’t want to talk to her. It felt weird, weird that Dawn was standing in front of her when just a few hours ago she was looking down on Dawn from the heavens above.

Dawn sat on the edge of Buffy’s bed. “I just wanted to tell you how much I missed you and... how glad I am that you’re back.” She offered a smile to her sister, hoping that talking to her in this soft thankful way would make her feel a little more comfortable about being alive again.

But Buffy was lost inside. “I missed you too, Dawnie. I could see you from Hea--from where I was.” Buffy hoped that Dawn hadn’t caught her little slip up. That was the last thing she needed was for her sister to find out first.

“Were you...never mind.” Dawn decided against asking questions. She remembered how the others had rained questions on her earlier and she didn’t want Buffy to run away from her like she’d done earlier. “Do you need anything?”

“No, thanks Dawn. I just need to be alone right now.” The slayer smiled weakly. Unable to produce any sort of true smile. She lied to her sister, too. She didn’t want to be alone, but her sister was not who she wanted to be with.

Dawn was hurt a little by the fact that Buffy wouldn’t talk to her, but she did understand that she needed time to think. So she got up without a fight. “Okay, but if you need anything, you’ll ask me?”

“Of course.” Lie. She didn’t plan on going to any of them for help until she was able to look them in the eye again. She returned the hug that Dawn was giving her. She didn’t feel the hug, didn’t feel the warmth, didn’t feel hardly anything at all.

As soon as she was certain Dawn was back in her own room, Buffy headed out the window and jumped off the roof, duffel bag in hand. She hit the ground with a thud, she quickly turned to see if anyone in the house had heard and it seemed like they hadn’t so she headed off to her destination.

Walking down the street Buffy felt exposed. She felt paranoid and afraid. She didn’t know if she was strong enough to fight but she sensed the demons all around her and figured she would have to fight them at some point tonight.

~†~
This point of view is getting stale
~†~

Her town felt different than the way she had left it. It had gone and changed while she lay lifeless in her casket six feet under the Earth. It was a weird thing to think about. Being dead while the whole world still continues on around your burial ground. It was creeping her out.

As she was approaching the cemetery she noticed a slightly large group of vampires horsing around. Great. She thought. Oh double great.. she exclaimed to herself when one of them spotted her. There was no way she could take on all, she counted, seven of them. No way. One, maybe two, but not seven.

Taking off, she ran back towards home. Thankfully she hadn’t lost her speed and luckily just got inside in time to shut the door in the vamps face. On her side of the door she slid down to the floor letting out a relieved sigh. So much for going to see Spike.

Spike paced back and forth in his crypt. He couldn’t decide if he should go to her or not. He didn’t know if she’d want to see him after tonight. He did know one thing though; he was going to rip every hair and every fake nail off of that Barbie doll of a vampire, Harmony.

After nearly four months of being without Buffy he gets to see her once and now here was again, back at square one without her because he managed to bollocks things up again. “You really did it this time mate. Really buggered things all up and down and now ‘ere you are.. brooding and talkin’ to yourself like some sodden knock off of The Poofsta’” He finally sat down in his dilapidated armchair.

“I’ll jus’ ‘ave to let her come to me.” He decided with a stern nod.





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