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~†~ Fall To Pieces ~†~

-A/N- Song title and lyrics copyright to Avril Lavigne.

Three days later after having made up a countless amount of lies to tell her friends, Buffy was able to escape. She had convinced them that she was ready to patrol again for it was her duty and she had to fulfill it. Actually she just wanted away from them. She didn’t even know what was real anymore. For all she knew, she was still dead and living in limbo. Funny how you can be dead and yet still “live” somewhere.

Her hair was tied up into a neat bun and her make up was soft. If she looked okay, people would probably assume she felt okay and therefore would leave her alone. Her outfit was simple, consisting of a comfy pair of worn blue jeans and plain black tank top and of course the traditional cross pendant necklace. She felt confident and at least she had that going for her.

The cemetery was dead, she declared with no pun intended. Suddenly she came to a halt and looked down. It was her gravestone and the dirt was still disturbed where she had pulled herself up and through. “Yeah ‘cause no one would think anything of that...” She mumbled sarcastically to herself.

“Prolly wouldn’t. This is the Hell Mouth remember?” Her eyes were averted upwards from the tombstone to find the peroxide blonde standing before her against a fairly large tree. “Anything’s possible.”

“Yeah.” She simply said. She almost forgot where she was until he mentioned it. Hell Mouth. It was Hell alright. “What do you want?” She crossed her arms the same why she always had when something annoyed her. Spike always found it kind of cute.

“Not a nice way to greet a fella.” He replied, taking a step towards her and noticing when she didn’t falter. She did roll her eyes though as if she knew what was coming next. Regardless, he felt that she needed to hear it anyway.

~†~
I looked away
Then I looked back at you
You tried to say
the things that you can’t undo
~†~

“If there’s going to be a point to what you’re going to be saying, please cut to the chase and just get to it.” Buffy demanded, not in the mood for waiting around, she had a job to do.

Well she obviously wasn’t in any type of good mood, he observed. Probably not the best time to sweet talk her, but it was worth a shot. “Look, Pet, I don’t know how you felt about the other night about what happened, but it’s been killing me.” He paused, making sure he had her attention and it appeared as if he did. “I’m really sorry. I never meant for that little twit to come bouncing over and run her big gob off. I didn’t mean for you to find out that way...”

Was he being honest? She questioned herself. Would he have really told her about Harmony if she hadn’t heard it for herself? There was no way to ever know. What could she do but forgive him and move on? Oh I know, she thought, punch him in the gut and run off crying. That wasn’t going to happen though, that would just prove she had a weakness, something she suddenly no longer wanted him to see if at all possible. “Fine. It’s over with, no big. Now I have to be going.”

Please Slayer, you should know it’s not that easy by now. “Buffy, please, wait.” He touched her arm to keep her from walking past him any further.
~†~
If I had my way
I’d never get over you
today is the day
I pray that we make it through
make it through the fall
make it through it all
~†~

When she was looking into his eyes he knew she was listening, or at least pretending to so he began again. “I can’t know how you’re feeling, about anything, but I can try to understand if you’ll just let me. Harmony is gone, I’ll be honest, I used her for a cheap alternative and I realized when you came back that there are no alternatives for you, Love. I just don’t want her to be the reason that we lose...” He paused. “Whatever it was that we had that night you returned.”

He was a real charmer, no doubt about that. With his gorgeous eyes and that smile that made her feel so much different about him. It took all of her strength not to jump back into his arms and cry on his shoulder again. She supposed she could give him another chance, she wanted to, needed to. “Okay, Spike.” When he tilted his head as if asking what she meant, she elaborated. “I’ll forget about your thing with Harmony if you...” She stopped, unsure if she wanted to say what was on her mind.

“If I...?” He questioned curiously.

“If you hold me tonight.” Oh Goddess what was she getting herself into? Falling for another vampire? She didn’t know but she also wasn’t doing much of anything to prevent it. Spike was being so kind to her and she loved it. Needed it. Cherished it.

“Anything you want, sweat heart.” He smiled warmly at her, not denying her anything. He was there for her and he wanted her to know that.

If honesty were to ever come out, it might as well show it’s face now. “I want to come home with you. I want to lay in your bed next to you and I want to feel as if I have no cares in the world, even if only for a little while.” Her voice diminished into a whisper near the end of her admission.

~†~
And I don’t want to fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
and I don’t want to talk about it
and I don’t want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don’t wanna talk about it
‘cause I’m in love with you
~†~

If that’s what she wanted then consider it done, he thought as he took her hand in his and guided her to his crypt, her crypt, their crypt, at least for the remainder of the evening. “What ever your heart desires is yours for the having.”

Once inside, Buffy was rather silent, contemplating what she’d just said. To Spike. She was insane, there was no other rational explanation for her to be standing in Spike’s crypt, confiding in him. Was there? Sure there was. She felt something. Something other than a sheer hatred for this planet. Something like... attraction? She was taken from her thoughts when he spoke. He spoke in a deep voice and his accent was thicker. Why, she did not know. Maybe it was some sort of happiness that she was there sort of deal.

“You hungry, Love? I’ve got some left over pizza and prolly some beer in the fridge.” By the looks of it she hadn’t eaten much of anything in a while, but what’d he know.

“No. I had a sandwich before I went out tonight. Thank you, though. I’d just like to lay down and... maybe get some sleep if you don’t mind be being here, that is.” Now she was just being shy. Of course he didn’t mind. He had ended up tracking her down anyway hadn’t he? Even after he said he’d let her come to him.

He chose not to be a smart ass about it though. Didn’t want to piss her off and make her leave. “Anything you want, Pet. You know where the sleeping quarters are, I’ll be down in a minute.”

She nodded and he watched her descend the ladder. He was actually a little scared to go down that ladder. Scared that he couldn’t give her what she needed, scared that she’d get scared and run out. It was his job to be strong for her though, so after a few minutes of musing over his feelings, he joined her in bed. She was already tucked in under the covers on the left side of the bed. His side of the bed. It was fine though, he’d let her have it tonight. Only because he loved her and would sacrifice anything for her.

Much to his surprise, she cuddled up to him before he even got the chance to hold her. She seemed very content where she was now and he liked that. Hated seeing her upset and stone cold towards everything. If she had to be alive she might as well make the best of it. She looked at him and smiled. The first genuine smile he’d seen on her in a long time, first one since that one time they were betrothed thanks to Willow’s little spell. She closed her eyes then and tried to fall asleep in his arms. This, tonight, was real magic.


~†~
You’re the only one
I’d be with till the end
when I come undone
you bring me back again
back under the stars
back into your arms
and I don’t wanna fall to pieces
~†~





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