A/N So sorry for the long delay in updating. Once I got back from vacation, it was the holidays it seemed. Now that they are past, I intend to be much more dilligent with my writing. Thanks for your patience.

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Spike looked at Buffy’s clenched jaw, “What’s the matter?”

Xander and Buffy both ignored the question, “I’m so sorry Buffy, I didn’t know he was involved in this. I would have warned you.”

Still confused, Spike tried again, “I don’t understand. What’s going on?”

The memories of Buffy’s first month of college flashed in front of her eyes.

7 years earlier….

“My frat is having a party Saturday night. All the guys will be so jealous when I show up with the prettiest girl.”

“Parker, I don’t feel well. I think I need to lie down.”

‘Oh God, where am I? Whose bed is this? Why don’t I have any clothes on?’ “Baby, you’re awake.” ‘Oh God, what did I do?’

“I don’t understand Parker. I thought you wanted to be with me, did I do something wrong?” “It was fun.” “Is that all it was?”


Spike was getting worried, “Harris maybe you should get her a glass of water or something.” Buffy seemed a million miles away, “Buffy, luv, are you ok?”

Suddenly Buffy was thrust back to the present. Spike was holding her by the upper arms, looking very intently at her.

“Spike?” she whispered.

Loosening his grip on her arms, “Luv, are you ok?”

“Yes, yes, I’m fine,” she muttered, no looking him in the eye. “We need to get on with this recording session.”

Still worried, “Buffy, tell me what’s going on. Why has seeing this bloke upset you so?”

Buffy tried her best to avoid the truth, “Its nothing. He’s just someone I knew from college.”

Not sounding in the least convinced, “Funny, I don’t go all catatonic when I see someone from school.”

“Listen, he’s coming this way,” she sighed with irritation and then added, “I’ll tell you about it later.”

Parker approached, “Well, Liz it’s been a long time.”

‘Not long enough,’ she thought. “Parker, I didn’t know you were the producer on this soundtrack.”

“How could I miss the chance to see you again,” innuendo dripping from his words.

Spike cleared his throat.

“And you are?” Parker looked down his nose at Spike.

Not offering his hand, “William Masters.”

“He’s with me,” Buffy quickly added.

Still staring at Spike, “I didn’t know you were seeing anyone.”

Just as Buffy started to correct him, Spike put his arm around her and piped in, “We’ve only been together a short while, trying to keep it out of the press.”

Buffy just stared at him with her mouth open.

“Sorry, I couldn’t find any water, so I brought you a coke,” Xander handed Buffy her drink. “What’d I miss?”

“I was just meeting Liz’s new boyfriend,” Parker sneered.

At the withering look from Spike, Xander knew to just go with it.

“Are you ready to get started?” Xander asked.

“Yes,” as she pulled Spike towards the door. “Xander you go ahead, I need to talk to Spike for a second and I will be right in.”

As Parker and Xander walked away, Buffy glared at Spike, “What the hell was that back there?”

“Listen, you seemed really uncomfortable around him, so I thought he would be less likely to bother you if he thought we were together,” Spike explained. “Plus, I don’t like him much.”

Buffy tried to be mad, but she could not help a slight smile, “OK, but this goes no further than today. What if the tabloids get onto this? Aren’t you worried you could piss off your girlfriend.”

Spike smiled, “What girlfriend?”

“Oh, I just assumed,” Buffy smiled back.

Spike stepped towards her, “No girlfriend to piss off luv.”

Buffy backed away, “Well, alright then, uhm I better get to work.”

“Buffy,” Spike stepped forward again.

Getting lost in those eyes, “Yeah?”

He tucked an errant strand of hair behind her ear, “Promise me we will talk about this later.”

Smiling, “Don’t worry, you’ll get your story.”

“No luv,” he shook his head, “I just think you need to talk about it.”

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After a few run throughs, the recording of the duet went off without a hitch and soon Xander was finished with his part and joined Spike in the outer office. They could still see and hear everything, but could talk without disturbing the others.

Spike started, “I was hoping I could talk to you for a bit about Buffy.”

“For the article?” Xander inquired.

“Yeah, the article,” Spike tried to convince himself and Xander.

“What do you want to know?” Xander started, and then added, “If it is about Parker, I don’t know anything, just that he hurt her in college.”

“No its not about him, she said she would tell me about that later,” Spike offered.

Xander looked surprised. “Buffy is usually not so quick to share, mostly she writes songs to get things out.”

Spike contemplated that statement and then forged ahead, “You grew up together, right?”

“Sort of, Buffy, Dawn and their mom moved to Sunnydale during high school,” Xander began. “Willow and I were close friends. Oh, she is Oz’s wife. Willow and I had been friends since childhood, so when Buffy came to school, Willow was asked to show her around, they became friends, so we became friends.”

“You’re a year older than Buffy,” Spike prodded.

“Yeah, she is actually my sister Faith’s age,” Xander confirmed.

Spike tried to get him to open up, “Were they always close?”

Xander sighed, “Faith and Buffy had a rocky relationship over the years. There was some jealousy on both parts, but they are closer now. Faith was messed up for a long time, but now she’s in a stable relationship, owns a business and for the first time in her life, seems comfortable in her own skin.”

Spike thought that sounded normal for two such beautiful girls and then moved on, “Did you and Buffy ever date.”

With a smile, “God, don’t I wish.” At Spike’s raised eyebrow, he continued. “When we were in school I had a major crush on Buffy, everyone including her knew about it, but she did not see me that way.”

Surprised at his honesty, Spike continued, “It is amazing you were able to stay friends.”

“Oh, I wasn’t the only one,” Xander seemed lost in memories now. “They all had it bad for the Buffinater, but she only had eyes for Angel.”

Spike’s ears pricked up, “Who’s Angel?”

Xander seemed to pale in front of his eyes, “Oh, uhh listen, I’ve got to meet Anya. I’m gonna just say bye to Buffy,” with that he rushed into the sound booth.

Spike followed wondering why the mention of Buffy’s high school crush had set him off. Maybe this would be a good time to go pick up Slayer’s cd.

As they closed the door to the sound booth, Buffy started to play the piano:

I'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
and if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
because your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone
these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase


Again, Spike was mesmerized. She looked so beautiful, so at home, playing the piano and singing. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her. Xander and Parker noticed. Xander smiled, Parker looked like he was going to be ill.

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

you used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now i'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase


Her voice sounded so desperate. If Dawn and Xander were right that Buffy expressed her feelings in song, maybe a way to know her was through her songs. Spike could not help but wonder how someone so young could write such songs of pain.

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
and though you're still with me
i've been alone all along


Buffy looked up to see Spike staring through the glass at her. He had an odd look on his face. One that she thought looked almost like longing.

Xander’s voice came over the mike, “Hey Buff, I’m heading out, more wedding crap to do,” Xander waved.

“Ok Xan, see you soon,” she replied, not taking her eyes from Spike.

Spike was still lost in thought when Xander leaned in his ear, “Buffinater strikes again. See ya man.”

Spike leaned over to the mike, “I’m gonna run out for a smoke. I’ll be right back.”

Buffy nodded, looking a little nervous from Parker to Spike.

As Spike opened the door, he heard Parker’s whisper, “Alone at last.” He wasn’t sure if it was that or Buffy’s look, but the next think he knew, he was beside Buffy and pulling her into a fierce embrace, all the while giving Parker a look that spoke of death should he come near his girl.

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