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Chapter 7

Buffy pulled her sweater over her arms again as Spike resumed his earlier position on the couch.

"Okay," she began, sitting next to him. "It all started when I was sixteen." At Spike's confused look, she continued. "Just trust me, it will all come together. When I was sixteen, I met this guy. He was funny, and strong, and mysterious." Spike hated him already. "My mom wasn't too happy. He was.older, and more experienced in everything, and I was just some dumb kid with a crush. We tried to stay away from each other, but things never work out the way you expect them to," she said with a breathy smile, staring into Spike's eyes. He gave a small smile at the double-meaning and leaned forward to caress her uninjured cheek.

"Anyway, we started spending more and more time together, and eventually emotions started to get the better of us. I loved him, and I wanted him to be my first." She paused, trying to get her thoughts in order. "So, on my seventeenth birthday, he took me out to dinner, and later we went back to his place. Eventually, one thing led to another, and I got my wish," she said with a shrug. "However, I ended up getting pregnant. You see, I was on the Pill, but I was also taking another medicine at the time, and, surprise surprise, the effects of that cancelled out the birth control. So, I found myself pregnant at seventeen and shockingly enough, everyone was okay with it. Even my mom, though she was disappointed in me at first, but I'm her baby, so she got over it. I worked hard and graduated a year early, which had been my plan all along, and Angel asked me to marry him. I accepted the proposal, but I told him I didn't want to get married because of the baby, and I'd like to get my life together. He was very understanding, and we agreed the wedding should be after I graduated college. I went for a half semester before Caitlyn was born in October, and then I started full-time the following January. I moved in with Angel and everything was great. He was a wonderful father and was very attentive to anything either of us ever needed."

Buffy paused, her eyes watering a little, and Spike laced his fingers through hers, holding tightly to her. She looked at him with a grateful smile and squeezed his hand.

"I asked Angel to run out to the store one night to get a few things we were missing. And h-he.he never came home," she trailed off as a sob took over. Spike wrapped her in his arms and held her while she cried. Unsure of how he felt about her crying over another man, he just slowly rocked her back and forth.

"I killed him," she whispered, clutching at his arms.

"What?!"

"He never would have been out if it wasn't for me. Th-there was a drunk driver and.and h-he." she trailed off with another sob. "I sent him out that night. I told him I loved him.and I kissed him.and I killed him."

"Oh, luv," he said, pulling away from her slightly to cup her face in his hands. "It wasn't your fault. You couldn't have known, and you didn't tell the other bloke to drive that night. Don't blame yourself."

Spike planted a soft kiss on her lips, carefully avoiding her injury.

"What else?" he asked, gently pulling her hair away from her face to look at the bruising. Where does all this come in to play?"

Buffy took a deep breath before continuing. "After the funeral, I went into a deep depression. I started thinking of all the things Angel would be missing and how he only heard Caitlyn say da-da once and she was learning to crawl. It never occurred to me that I was missing out on so much while I was busy being miserable. My mom moved in with me for a while and took care of Caity. I snapped out of it a little when school started again and slowly went through the motions. Mom watched Caitlyn for me, and I took summer and night classes to get my Associates Degree even faster. A few months after Angel died, mom told me she was moving back to L.A. She had an opportunity to start an art gallery that was a lot bigger than the one she had here. The opportunity was just too great to ignore, so she made all the arrangements. She appointed me the manager of the gallery in town, and I got my degree and am slowly working on buying it from her.

"Around the time of Caitlyn's first birthday, while I was still in school, one of Angel's friends started coming around a lot. He said he wanted to check up on us and that Angel told him to watch out for us if anything ever happened to him. A few months went by, and Riley and I started casually dating. A few more months, and he pretty much took it upon himself to move in. I wasn't really sure how I felt about that, but he was comforting...for a while.

"Slowly, I noticed how he was alienating me from everyone. My friends, my family- he was monopolizing all of my time to where it was just me and him. He even wanted Caitlyn to start calling him daddy. I said no, that she already had a father and I would not put the idea in her head that Riley was him and Angel never existed. One night, after we'd had yet another fight about him in the role of Caitlyn's father, he lost his temper. He told me I was overreacting to something so meaningless and that he was the one raising her. I informed him that I was the one who was raising her and if he had a problem with that, then he knew where the door was. That pushed him over the edge and things got out of hand, and he hit me."

Spike sucked in his breath sharply at that.

"The abuse continued for a long time. I-it was only me, though, so I figured that it was my fault, that I was somehow asking for it or egging him on.I don't know. I never left him alone with Caity, and he started resenting me for that. One night six months ago, I was fixing supper and heard her crying. I ran upstairs, thinking Riley was in the shower, only to find him yelling at her for not picking up her toys. He raised his hand to hit her, and I snapped. I kicked him out after a huge fight and told him to never come back. He always does, though, and if I don't want to let him, which I never do, he just breaks a window to get in the house.

"I've tried to get a restraining order, but all that does is get him put in jail for a night where he can sit and plot how he's going to punish me for having him incarcerated. Eventually, I just stopped reporting him, knowing that the beatings I get are a lot easier the first time around rather than dreading him showing up the next night and giving a repeat performance.

"So, there you have it.my dysfunctional life in a nutshell. So, now you know why I was in Los Angeles this past week. Caitlyn was staying with my mom in her apartment, and Mom paid for me to stay in the hotel so it could be like a real vacation and I could have some privacy for a while. She knew how much I needed a break from the hell that is usually my life."

Buffy finished the story with a huge exhale of air and turned to face Spike. He sat there, almost in a daze.

"I-I'll understand if.i-if you don't want to stay," she said softly.

Buffy nearly cried when she saw him stand up.

"I need some time, luv," he said, putting his jacket on and heading for the door.

"I understand," she whispered as she followed him. He turned around when he reached the door and saw her staring down at the floor.

"Buffy," he said, putting a finger under her chin and lifting her face up to his. "I'm not leaving town. I'm here for a while. I just need a night to think about this." He paused, seeming to consider something. "Will he come back tonight?"

"No," she whispered. "He's probably already passed out somewhere by now."

"Okay, luv." He pressed a small card into her hand. "Here's my cell number. Call me if you need anything at all. And Buffy.I want you to be able to trust me when I say, I will be back."

With that, he pressed his mouth to hers. Moaning, she wrapped her arms around his neck and deepened the kiss, injured lip be damned. His mouth parted, and their tongues met and embraced as his arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her body against his. He thrilled in the feel of her soft curves molding to his body and the breathy whimpers coming from her lips. Breaking apart, panting, a few moments later, Spike pressed another gentle kiss on her forehead.

"I'll see you soon, luv, I promise," he whispered before turning and walking out the door.

Once he was safely in his car, he whipped his cell phone out of his pocket.

"Gunn...yeah, it's me...listen, I need a big favor."





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