Chapter 9
By the time Christmas break rolled around, Buffy was exhausted. The
house and car had both sold rather quickly, and Buffy had paid off the debts
that were owed. She had finished up with school, and although it was
Christmas break to most of the other students at UCLA, to her it was good-bye.
She was still staying in Los Angeles since she really didn’t have a place
to go. Instead of taking out a student loan, Buffy had gotten a job as a
waitress at Caritas where Xander was a bartender. She had decided to
save her money and try to go back to school in the fall, but for now, she was
focusing on working.
Buffy had briefly thought of going back to Cordelia and asking her for
a second chance. She knew Cordy would help her out, but that would be
like rubbing salt in a wound still too fresh for her liking.
No, Buffy had asked Xander to put in a good word for her, and now she
had a job in a halfway decent environment. The tips were good, even if the
uniforms weren’t that great for working in.
‘If you could even call it a uniform,’ Buffy thought as she clocked in
for her night shift. Catching a glimpse of herself in the tiny mirror of
the office, she gave her reflection a half-hearted smile. Her boss Lorne
was a decent guy. He was only at Caritas on weekends, and he made it a very
comfortable environment to work in. Lorne looked out for his employees,
especially the waitresses. Never overstepping the bounds, he had taken
a shine to Buffy and was becoming as overprotective toward her as Xander
was.
Now, Buffy pulled her long hair up off her neck, twisting it and
pinning it in place with a few pins. Letting the curls spill out of the top of
the little knot she had created, she smiled at Lorne as he walked in the
room.
“Hey, cupcake,” he greeted as he walked over to his desk, which was in
the same room. Glancing up at Buffy, he smiled. “You should be a
hairdresser with that fancy little ‘do of yours.”
“I learned from the best,” Buffy said, smiling at the thought of Doyle,
as she grabbed her small white apron.
“Go knock ‘em dead,” Lorne said as Buffy headed out of the office.
“Don’t I always,” she said with a smile as she passed through the door.
Grabbing a tray from behind the bar, Buffy gave a little wave to Xander
as she headed to her first table of the night.
Buffy smiled and flirted with the male customers, most of them regulars. If there was one thing she had learned when she started working here, it was a smile would go a long way in order to get the better tips.
Halfway through her shift, Buffy stepped behind the bar, standing next
to Xander as he mixed a drink.
“Why the long face, Buffster?”
“No reason,” she said. “Just ready to finish up, I guess.”
“I hear ya. It’s packed tonight.”
“Friday night in a karaoke bar. At least the tips are on the good
side,” she replied as she straightened her black mini-skirt. Lorne had one
rule for the girls- they must wear color. Black skirts with bright tops was the template. Whether it was a spaghetti-strapped tank top or a tube top, he
didn’t care as long as it was bright. He said it helped set the ambiance for
the club. Buffy was fine with that. Every night she went to work, she
felt like she was going out to a dance club. It was much better than a
polyester uniform. Tonight, she had chosen a hot pink spaghetti-strap shirt to go
with her skirt and stylish black knee-high boots.
“So what’s up for you after work, Buff?”
“Oh, you know me. The usual hot date.”
Xander gave her a questioning look.
“Yep,” she continued. “A movie with my guys…Ben and Jerry.”
Xander smiled. “So what’s on the menu tonight?”
“I believe that would be chocolate fudge brownie.”
Both enjoyed a laugh as two new customers caught her eye. Buffy made
eye contact, and her smile immediately faded as she looked into the blue
eyes that she hadn’t seen in months. Spike.
* * * * *
Spike walked into the bar with his friend Lindsey McDonald after working a late night. All he wanted to do was go home and relax, but Lindsey had managed to convince him to spend the night out.
“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this,” he muttered. “And if
you think that I’m going to soddin’ sing, you’ve got another thing…”
Spike trailed off as he glanced up at the bar and saw the woman who had
been the object of his thoughts for the past five months.
“Bloody hell.”
Lindsey looked over at his friend and followed his eye-line to the bar.
“Pretty girl,” he said, taking in the view. He watched with interest
as the girl appeared to be flirting with the bartender and laughing as Spike
glared at the man she was talking to. When the girl looked up and
caught Spike’s eye, Lindsey watched as her smile instantly faded. Looking at
his friend with interest, Lindsay raised an eyebrow. “One night stand?”
“Somethin’ like that,” he said as his eyes never left Buffy. Spike
watched as she said something to the bartender, leaning closer to him, which he
felt comfortable with, and no way was he going to analyze the feelings of
jealousy coursing through him.
Buffy grabbed a pen and headed over to the table. “What can I get
you?”
“Hello, Buffy,” Spike said.
“Spike.” She barely glanced at him in acknowledgement.
“What’re you doin’ here, pet?”
“What’s it look like? I’m working.”
“You know what I mean, Buffy. Why are you working here, and what the
hell are you wearing!” he demanded as he comprehended what she had on.
“For money, and I’m going to ignore the other comment. Now that your
questions are answered, are you gonna order or not?”
Lindsey, who had been watching with interest, spoke up. “Hi, I’m
Lindsey McDonald, I work with Spike.”
Buffy shook the hand he offered and replied, “I won’t hold that against
you, Mr. McDonald.”
Lindsey laughed at the nerve of this girl. Not many people crossed
Spike, and it was always a pleasure to meet someone who wasn’t scared of his
imposing demeanor, especially if she was barely over five feet tall.
“We’ll take a couple of beers.”
Buffy nodded and walked away. Spike stared after her as she turned her
back to them and leaned over the bar to tell the man what she needed. He
felt another flash of jealousy as her skirt slid up her shapely legs and
nearly every man in the bar turned to stare at the view.
“So, what’s the story, Spike?”
“No story, mate,” he replied, never taking his eyes off the blonde.
“Come on. Hostility like that, and you didn’t do something to piss her
off?”
“Nothing worth mentioning.”
Lindsey nodded. He knew what happened anyway. It was the same thing
that happened with every girlfriend Spike had. He got his enjoyment out of
the relationship and left.
Lindsey looked up as Buffy put a beer in front of him. “Thanks, darlin’.”
She gave him a bright smile. “No problem.”
Both men stared as she turned, and with a sway of her hips, made her way
back to the bar.
“I’ll be right back,” Spike said, standing up and heading over to her.
“Buffy.”
Buffy turned and raised an eyebrow at him in response.
“Why are you working here, pet?”
“I already told you.”
“Don’t play coy with me, luv. You know what I mean.”
“Spike, there’s nothing to tell. I got a job, I needed the extra
cash.”
“What about your mum? I thought she was helping you out.” He watched
as an unidentifiable expression flashed on her face.
“Things don’t always work out the way you plan.” Buffy turned away from him
and headed off to check on another table.
* * * * *
Spike and Lindsey stayed in the bar until midnight before heading out.
Buffy had traded tables with another waitress, much to Spike’s
frustration, and he hadn’t talked to her again.
Now, he stood outside the door of the bar, smoking a cigarette, when he
heard the door open. Buffy walked out, pulling her coat tightly around
her figure and sighed when she spotted Spike.
“What do you want?” she asked as he stubbed out his cigarette.
“To talk to you.”
“We talked. You can leave now.”
“Don’t act like this, Buffy.”
“Why shouldn’t I, Spike?”
“Please, Buffy.”
“What do you want to talk about?” she asked with a heavy sigh.
“I wanted to ask you a few questions.”
“And if I answer them, then you’ll leave?”
Spike gave an abrupt nod in response.
“Ask away,” she said as she began walking away from him.
“First of all, how are you getting home?”
“I’m walking, next question.”
“You bloody well are not! You live more than twenty blocks away!”
Buffy turned to stare at him incredulously.
“I’ll drive you, Buffy. It’s not safe.”
“I’ve been doing just fine for the past two months, and I think I run
more of a risk getting hurt by being alone with you,” she said as she began
walking again.
“Touché, luv, but it’s still not safe.”
“Think what you want, Spike. I’m not getting in a car with you.”
“Then I’m walking with you.”
“Do what you want, it’s a free country,” she muttered.
They walked in silence for a few minutes before Spike continued, “If
you needed money, why wouldn’t you go work for my sister?”
“Because she’s your sister,” Buffy answered softly.
Deciding to steer away from the touchy subject, Spike changed the
topic. “What classes are you taking next semester?”
He watched with curiosity as Buffy sighed. “I’m not.”
“You’re not?”
“I’m not enrolled for next semester.”
“And why is that?”
“Because I can’t afford it.”
“And as I said before, I thought your mum-“
“My mom is dead, Spike!” She whirled to face him with tears shining in
her eyes as Spike stared at her in surprise.
“Buffy…when?”
“A few months ago,” she said, directing her gaze at the ground.
“Why didn’t you call me? I-I could’ve helped…I could have been there.”
Buffy looked at him in disbelief. “Yeah, because you’ve made such an
effort to want to be there with me.”
“Buffy, don’t-“
“Don’t what?” she asked, throwing her arms up in exasperation. “Don’t
make you feel bad? Don’t be hurt by what you did? Don’t love you? Is that
it?”
“You still love me?” he asked, not sure if he wanted to know the
answer.
Buffy’s lips hardened into a tight line. “It’s not an emotion you just
turn off.” Spinning on her heel, she quickened her pace to get home.
Spike jogged after her. “Buffy, luv, wait.” Grabbing her arm to stop
her, he stared into her sad eyes. His heart wrenched at the pain below the
surface. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it,” she said, pulling her arm free and turning away
from him. “You don’t love me,” she said quietly, knowing that he was
following close by her side. “You did the right thing. I get that now. It took
me a while to figure that out, but I get it. I just have one question.”
Stopping, Buffy turned to look into his eyes. “Was it me?”
“Was what you, luv?” he asked in confusion.
“Was I not…good?”
Understanding dawned on Spike’s features as he gently reached out to
caress her cheek. “You were amazing,” he whispered huskily.
Buffy relished the feel of his hand before nodding and turning away.
She could feel his arm brushing hers as they walked in silence.
“How did it happen?” Spike asked a few minutes later.
“She had a tumor,” Buffy replied, knowing what he was asking. “She
never told me. I was going home to see her…and a family friend met me at my
apartment. Told me she’d…” Buffy trailed off with a choked up voice.
Gently resting his hand on the small of her back, Spike spoke softly,
“I’m so sorry, luv.”
Buffy nodded, getting her emotions under control. “Yeah…me too. I
just wish…I wish she was here. I wish that…that I could go home to her.”
“What about the money?” he asked when she composed herself. “Surely
the insurance-“
“Is gone,” she cut him off. “There were too many expenses. Lab work
and medical evaluations, surgeries…the works. I had her lawyer put the
house on the market. Sold the car and had just enough left over to finish this
semester. Not a lot of good it did me. I can’t say I was the best
student the past two months.”
“You had reason not to be.”
“I guess.”
“What about student loans?”
“I don’t want to be paying them off for years. I’m working at Caritas,
making decent money. Hopefully, I’ll have enough to go back in the
fall.”
“Why are you working there? Why not some place closer to home?”
“Friend of mine is the bartender. Got me the job when I needed one.
Hours are reasonable, tips are better than average, and my boss is a really
nice guy. I could have it a lot worse.”
“So you’re done with Sunnydale?”
Buffy looked at him in surprise that he remembered where she was from.
“No. Not entirely, anyway. There’s still a man that I’ll keep in touch
with. I’ll probably take a few visits a year.”
Spike felt that annoying flash of jealousy at the mention of another
man. “So, you’ll be spending Christmas with him then?” he asked curiously.
“No,” she said softly, looking at the ground. “He’s going out of town.
He visits his own family around Christmas.”
“So what are your plans?”
Buffy shrugged. “Holidays are about family. I don’t have that anymore.”
Spike felt his eyes burn as they began to water with pain for this poor
young woman.
“Look, Spike,” she said, shaking her head to try and clear out the
emotions. “I appreciate you walking me home and all, but I am a big girl. I can
make it the rest of the way. I’ve been doing it for a while now.”
“Buffy, I’m not leaving you.”
Buffy almost snorted at the irony of his statement. They made the rest
of the walk in silence, finally reaching the steps of her building.
“Thank you,” she said softly, turning to face him after climbing up a
few steps. Suddenly, memories assaulted them both of another time when
they were in the same position, under very different circumstances.
“Thank you for talking to me.” Spike’s voice had taken on a husky
quality as memories of their one and only night flooded his brain. Reflexively
taking a step closer to Buffy, he felt lost when she turned and fled through
the door. Standing on the step for a few moments to gather himself together,
Spike turned and started the long walk to his car.
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