Chapter 13
Over a month went by with no contact from Spike. Giles let her leave
her shift a few minutes early every day, and Spike never bothered to show up
early for his shifts, leaving Buffy to believe that he couldn’t even stand
to look at her.
Her birthday had come and gone unremarkably. Giles had given her the
night off, and Willow, Xander, and Anya had thrown her an impromptu party at
her house, complete with cake and streamers. It was nice but in no way
compared to her nineteenth birthday the previous year, when Spike had
taken her to the beach, and they had made love with the stars overhead and the
waves crashing. It had been one of the most romantic nights of her life, and
when he gave her a diamond eternity band, Buffy had been breathless,
looking at the white gold band, inlaid with tiny diamonds.
Buffy had worn it everyday for the past year. Until her birthday, that is.
When the day passed her by without so much as a card from Spike, she
had taken the beautiful ring off and put it on a silver chain around her neck.
She couldn’t bear to be without it, but it made it easier if she was able
to take it off gradually and not have to look at it every time she signed
her name or the sun caught her hand.
Now, it was the middle of February, and Buffy was closing the Magic Box
for the night. Usually Giles closed the shop, but he had called her
earlier in the day, asking if she could come in for a few hours since he had a
stomach virus. Buffy had readily agreed, though closing the store so late at
night gave her the wiggins. She knew that she couldn’t let Giles down, so
here she was, holding the money bag in her hand and turning out the lights.
Giles had told her not to bother depositing the money in the bank drop box
that night, but Buffy knew she couldn’t leave the weekend receipts in the
older safe that Giles had in the shop. She had insisted that she would be
safe, although the tension in her body told her otherwise.
Buffy turned off the last of the lights and locked the door as she
headed out into the deserted Sunnydale Main Street. She froze when she saw
the black Desoto parked at the curb, it’s owner leaning casually
against it, smoking a cigarette. Buffy inhaled sharply, trying to get her nerves
under control, before turning and walking around the car in the direction of
the bank.
“What are you doing, luv?”
“What I’m paid to do. And don’t call me 'luv'.”
“Alright, Goldilocks.”
Buffy stopped walking, fighting the tears in her eyes at the sound of the name
that was only reserved for her.
“Why are you here?” she asked with a choked voice, not bothering to
turn and face him.
Spike’s expression softened at the strain in her voice. “I came to
give you a lift, lu-Buffy.”
“I’m fine, thanks.”
“It’s not safe out here, pet.”
“It’s not safe with you either,” she said softly.
“Touché,” she heard him mutter under his breath.
“I’m sorry,” Buffy said, turning to face him. “I shouldn’t have said
that. It’s my fault that…it’s my fault.”
Spike stared at her in confusion as she turned and began walking away.
He quickly fell into step beside her, giving her a small smile as she
looked at him. “I’m not letting you walk alone, Buffy. It’s really not safe, and
I think you’ll feel better with Big Bad lookin’ over your shoulder.”
Buffy offered a slight smile at his old high school nickname. She
didn’t say anything as they walked the two blocks to the bank. Quickly
depositing the money, Buffy turned and headed back the way they came from,
listening to Spike’s footsteps slightly behind her. The entire trip was made in
silence as they approached the Desoto again.
“I got a job,” Spike said as they got closer to the car. “Manager of a restaurant.”
Buffy turned to him and offered a half-hearted smile. Spike had been
searching for a job since he graduated UCSunnydale in the beginning of
December. “That’s great. So you won’t be working here anymore?”
“Nah, I told dad I’d still be helping out with the nightshifts until
the end of the summer. I’m only on days at the restaurant right now.”
“That’s nice,” Buffy said with a nod. Turning toward him as they stood
in front of the store, Buffy offered him a slight smile. “Thanks. Tell
your dad it really wasn’t necessary for me to have an escort.”
“Wasn’t dad’s idea, pet.”
Buffy stared up at him in bewilderment. “So you’re here because…?”
“Because…I don’t like the idea of you closing by yourself.”
Buffy nodded, looking at the ground. “Of course.”
“And because I feel like a complete pillock for ignoring you for the
last month.”
Buffy looked up at him with shimmering eyes. “Really?”
“Just because we’re not together doesn’t mean we can’t talk to each
other…right?”
“Oh, um, yeah, I-I guess.”
Spike saw the flash of disappointment on her face at the mention of
their ‘not together’ status. “Buffy, I-“
“I should be getting home. It’s getting late, and I…I should get home.”
Buffy turned and began walking in the direction of her house.
“Let me give you a lift.”
“No, Spike, it’s really okay,” Buffy said, turning around and walking
backwards as she spoke to him. “It’s a short walk, I’ll be-“
Spike ran over to Buffy as she stumbled at the edge of the sidewalk,
falling at an angle to land on her knee. Spike was at her side in a second as
she hissed in pain, grabbing her injured right knee. Spike looked at the
torn leg of her pants to see a trickle of blood beginning to leak through.
“Well, I’ll give you one thing, pet. It was a short walk.”
Buffy shot him a look as he suppressed a chuckle at his own joke while
gently rubbing her knee. Buffy flinched at the tender area his hand
grazed. “Right then, off to the hospital with you, luv.”
“No,” Buffy said, vigorously shaking her head.
“Buffy, you’re nineteen years old. It’s time you got over this hospital fear.”
“I’m twenty,” Buffy mumbled, trying to flex her aching leg.
“You’re…bloody hell! I’m such a soddin’ wanker! I forgot your birthday!”
“It’s okay…really…it was no big deal.”
Spike stared at Buffy, noticing she wouldn’t make eye contact with him.
“I honestly forgot, Goldilocks.”
Buffy pasted a fake smile on her face as she pushed herself off the
ground. “I believe you, Spike. You have more important things in your life
now. You don’t need to be reminded of an ex’s birthday.”
“You’re more than my ex, Buffy,” Spike said quietly.
“But the fact remains, I am your ex, Spike. First and foremost…and
that kinda gives you a get outta jail free card when it comes to birthdays.”
“I never would’ve-“
“It’s okay. I just…I better go.”
“I’m giving you a ride, Buffy. If you’re not going to let me take you
to the hospital, you’re at least going to let me take you home.”
Buffy hesitated for a second before nodding. As she began to limp to
the door of the car, she gasped as she was suddenly swept up in strong arms
and deposited in the car. Buffy sat rigidly as Spike made his way around
to the driver’s side and got in. A few minutes later, he glanced at Buffy out
of the corner of his eye as he pulled into her driveway. “Something
wrong, pet?”
Buffy looked down at her lap before answering. “What went wrong that
day, Spike?”
She saw him bite his lower lip as he considered his answer. “You mean
besides me getting pissed and storming into your house?”
“Yeah,” she whispered, making Spike look over at her profile.
“I scared you that day, didn’t I?”
Buffy took a deep breath, never looking at him, before nodding.
“I would never hurt you, Buffy.”
“Physically…you mean?” Buffy saw the look of remorse cross his face.
“Spike, I’m sorry. That was a cheap shot.”
“Doesn’t make it any less true, luv.”
“Maybe not,” she agreed quietly.
“To answer your question, I think we were just growing apart. We
hadn’t seen each other privately for months…just took a toll, I guess.”
“Yeah,” Buffy mumbled. “I guess so. Thanks for the ride.”
Before Buffy even had her door open, Spike was on her side of the
car, opening the door and helping her out. Buffy couldn’t even utter a
protest as she was, once again, scooped up in his arms and carried toward her
front door.
“I can walk, Spike.”
“Not on that leg, Goldilocks. We’re going to get you bandaged up.”
Buffy knew better than to argue. Spike was just as stubborn as she was,
and she had learned long ago to pick her battles wisely.
“Okay,” she agreed as she unlocked her door, no easy task considering
Spike didn’t put her down. Kicking the door shut as he walked over the
threshold, Spike carried Buffy upstairs to her room and placed her gently on the
bed.
“I’ll go get the first aid kit, luv. Why don’t you get changed?
Buffy nodded as he left the room. Looking at her bedtime attire, she
quickly ruled out one of the flimsy nightgowns she usually slept in,
opting instead for a pair of satin shorts and matching tank top. She still
felt a little too underdressed, but she couldn’t really put on her flannel
pants since the injury was on her leg.
Spike entered a few minutes later, catching his breath as he watched
Buffy painfully pull herself up to a sitting position on her bed. The blood
rushed down to his groin as he stared at her body, seconds before anger
clouded his vision at her undernourished form. She had easily lost
twenty pounds since the last time he had seen her in any type of intimate
situation.
Spike stalked over to the bed, slamming the kit down on the nightstand,
causing Buffy to jump and look at him in confusion as he poured alcohol
over a piece of cloth. A second later, the cloth was pressed to the gash on
her knee, causing Buffy to whimper at the throbbing pain that it left behind.
“What’s wrong?” she asked in a strained voice.
“Just not too happy seeing that the woman I loved has turned into an
anorexic.”
The past tense of 'loved' didn’t go unnoticed by Buffy, and she felt the
tears that collected from the pain of her wound spill over at the callous
tone of his voice.
“I’m not,” Buffy whispered so softly that Spike finally turned to look at her.
Seeing the tears cascading down her cheeks, his expression turned
apologetic immediately. “Buffy, luv, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
Buffy just shook her head, not wanting to tell him that the pain was
from his words and not his actions. She wiped her eyes, frantically trying
to stop her weeping as he moved the medical supplies to the floor, moving
up the bed to sit next to her and pull her into his arms. “I’m sorry.”
Buffy sniffled again as she tried to get her emotions under control.
“No…it’s okay.”
Spike pulled back to look at her tear-streaked face. Gently tucking a
lock of hair behind her ear, Spike felt the electricity shoot through him as
his hand lingered on her skin. He looked into her eyes and saw the longing
that he felt reflected in hers. Before he could comprehend what he was
doing, his lips were on hers, fervently delving into her mouth, tangling with
her tongue as Buffy’s kissed him back with passion. Spike’s hands slid
under her top, stripping her of it in one fluid motion, as he pulled her to a
standing position.
Buffy’s fingers worked on the buttons of his shirt, shedding it and the
duster at the same time, before working on his belt as he slid the
shorts down her legs. Their lips stayed fused as they stood before Spike
pushed her back on the bed and crawled on top of her, meeting her lips once
again, capturing Buffy’s gasp as he entered her.
Buffy arched against him as he penetrated her deeper, burying himself
in her warmth. Spike left a tingling sensation as he nipped at any available
skin he could reach while he plunged into her over and over. Buffy
whimpered again, but this time, not from pain, as Spike kissed up the column of her
throat while their hips continuously rocked together for several long minutes. She began to
feel the humming of her body as she neared her climax, clawing at his back as
her hands trailed lower, frantically pushing him into her at a harder pace.
Craving his own release, Spike angled his body to slide his hands down
and grasp her hips, pulling her to him more forcefully, smiling when he
watched her explode with her orgasm, before feeling his own body react to her,
pulsing deep within her silken depths.
Spike caught his breath as he rolled away from Buffy, his hands
immediately going up to cover his face.
‘This was wrong,’ he thought as he pinched the bridge of his nose.
Spike slowly sat up and stayed in a sitting position for several minutes as
Buffy watched him. Tentatively covering her body with her sheet, Buffy
reached out and touched his back. Spike jumped at the delicate touch.
“Is something wrong?” Buffy asked softly.
“Yes,” he mumbled in a hoarse voice. “I shouldn’t have done that. I’m
sorry, Buffy.”
Buffy looked at him incredulously as he turned to face her. “You’re
sorry?” she whispered, not able to believe him.
“I was being weak. I shouldn’t have done that, luv. I didn’t want to
use you.”
“Use me?” The pain in Buffy’s heart seemed to multiply at the words.
Spike watched the emotions playing out on Buffy’s face and reached for
her, only to have his hand batted away. Buffy felt the tears spring to her
eyes again as Spike began gathering his clothes off the floor and getting
dressed.
Once he was fully dressed, Spike turned to Buffy, noticing the pain on
her features as she stared down at the sheet wrapped around her body.
“Buffy-“
“Don’t,” she whispered, shaking her head and swallowing, trying to get
rid of the lump in her throat. “You made it perfectly clear. One last
hurrah,” she said, looking into his eyes to gauge his reaction. “Hope it was
fun for you.”
Spike gritted his teeth. “It’s not like that, Buffy.”
“No? You said it yourself. You used me.”
Spike squeezed his eyes shut at his own poor choice in words. “I
didn’t mean it that way, luv.”
“There’s not a lot of ways to take it, Spike. You needed a release…I
was just available, right? Like the good ole days?”
Spike stared at her in surprise at the loathing that seemed to lace
through her words. “I never treated you like a conquest, Buffy,” he said
through gritted teeth. "You were the only one who ever meant anything to me."
"Times change, huh?"
"You were never a conquest," he said again, his temper rising.
She painfully stood up, favoring her knee while pulling the sheet with her, as she stared into his eyes.
“Not until tonight.”
The words were spoken so quietly, Spike almost didn’t hear them. When
he comprehended what she said, rage flooded through him at her
insolence.
Buffy saw the look in his eyes that she had never seen before and took
several steps back, bumping into the wall as he advanced on her.
Standing so close to her, she could feel his breath on her cheek. Spike
whispered, “Don’t talk to me that way, little girl.”
Buffy looked up into the eyes of a man she didn’t recognize. “Spike,
you’re scaring me,” she whispered in a soft voice.
She watched as he immediately snapped out of it, looking into her
frightened eyes. ‘What the hell is wrong with you, you ponce?’ Spike thought to
himself. ‘This is the second time you’ve been in contact with this
woman in as many months, and you make her terrified of you both times. Can’t
blame it on the alcohol this time, you wanker.’
“I would never harm you, Buffy. Please believe that.”
“I think you should go.”
“Buffy, please believe me, luv. I couldn’t…I wouldn’t even think of it.”
“Spike…I believe you. But it still doesn’t change the fact that you
don’t want to be with me anymore. So I think you should go.”
Spike saw the pain in her eyes as he turned to walk out. Reaching the
doorway, he looked over his shoulder at her. “I didn’t say I didn’t want
to be with you, luv. I just don’t think this is the right time for us.”
Buffy stared after him as he walked down the stairs, not moving from
her spot as she heard the front door close behind him. “Then when is?”
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