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Chapter 14


Buffy stood in the aisle of the drugstore almost two months later. She
stared at the rows and rows of boxes, each offering some ‘special’ way of
finding out if you’re pregnant.

Buffy chewed on her lower lip as she surveyed the options, picking up
several of the boxes and reading the contents before letting out a sigh.
“This is ridiculous,” she muttered to herself. “You’re just a few days late,
and you’ve had no morning sickness. You shouldn’t even be here.”

As she said the words, the nagging voice in her head reminded her of what
she didn’t want to believe. The same little voice that reminded her that
she had stopped taking her birth control pills a few weeks after Spike had
walked out on her. She was pregnant. The test hadn’t confirmed it yet,
but Buffy knew her body, and she was pregnant. Her breasts were swollen and
tender to the touch, she had completely lost her appetite, and she was
exhausted all the time.

With another heavy sigh, Buffy grabbed a box in which the results would be
shown with a bright pink line. That would be clear enough for her. She
took the box to the checkout, never making eye contact with the clerk as she
paid, and left the store.

Once she got home, Buffy dashed for the upstairs bathroom. She couldn’t bear
to look at the test as she set it on the counter and went to lie down on her
bed as she waited the required time limit. The seconds seemed to tick by
endlessly as she pondered over her options.

She couldn’t have an abortion. She knew it just wasn’t in her to do that.
Adoption was always an alternative, but Buffy couldn’t imagine giving away
her child. Whether she liked it or not, she had gotten herself into this
mess, and she would be the one to get herself out of it. Even if it was the hard
way. At the back of her mind, going off like a neon sign, was the fact that
she could be carrying Spike’s baby. This could be the last remainder of
their relationship that she would be able to hold onto.

Buffy knew this was a selfish motive for keeping a baby, but she had lost so
much already. Her mother wasn’t there to help with the added
responsibilities, her father had practically disowned her since she hadn’t
heard from him in years. She knew her friends would stick by her, but she
was increasingly worried about what Spike would say. Would he be mad?
Would he try and talk her into getting rid of it?

Thoughts fluttered through Buffy’s head as she looked at the clock and
realized it was time. Slowly getting up from her position on the bed, Buffy
made her way to the bathroom. Taking a deep breath as she entered, she
slowly walked over to the test strip, feeling all the air in her body leave
her as she saw the glowing strip of pink. Her world came crashing down
around her as reality seemed to infect every part of her body. She had
known, but actually seeing it laid out in front of her was a different
story.

Buffy grasped the countertop as a hand reflexively went to her stomach. A
stomach that now had a tiny life growing inside. She shook her head, trying
to get the foggy images to leave her vision as she tried to focus on what
this meant. Images of the coming months seemed to dance in front of her
eyes. Visualizations of a crib and diapers and formula, not to mention what
she was going to do about money.

What would Spike say? Surely he would be shocked. Would he even believe
that it was his baby? They had been broken up for months, and as far as he
was concerned, the night that she considered a reconciliation, he had
considered good-bye. Buffy realized she couldn’t tell him. Not as if she
would be given the option- he had avoided her like the plague since that
night, going so far as to ask Giles to separate their departure/arrival
times for their shifts by at least an hour.

“No,” Buffy mumbled to herself. “He has a life now that doesn’t involve
me. He doesn’t need to worry about this for the next nine months. I just
won’t tell him right now.”

Even as she said it, she began to feel guilty. She knew that he deserved to know.

“It’s not like I’m going to keep his child from him,” Buffy cried in
exasperation as she argued with herself. “Right now he doesn’t need to
concern himself with it.”

At the same time, Buffy knew that she had to tell Giles. She would have to
quit the Magic Box, and the idea of lying to Giles about her reasoning for
quitting sent a pain through her heart. He had been so good to her over
the years, taking the place of Buffy’s absentee father. She knew that she
could trust him to keep the baby a secret for the time being, even if he
didn’t agree with her reasoning.

Buffy took a deep breath as she walked down the stairs and out the front
door. First thing’s first, she had to find a replacement job…and soon.

* * * * *

Buffy stepped out of Giles’ office a week later with a heavy heart.
She had come in on her day off to talk to him privately, and she felt
horrible for just blurting out the news of her pregnancy the way she did.
Shutting the door behind her, Buffy turned and slammed into a solid chest.
Looking up into the bright blue eyes of the man she still loved, Buffy felt
short of breath, wondering if he’d heard her conversation with his father.
She had to refrain from covering her mouth, hoping that she wouldn’t have a
sudden bout of nausea that had developed over the last couple of days.

“Buffy,” Spike greeted with a slight nod of his head.

Buffy felt panic overtake her that he knew about the baby but was waiting
for her to say something. “Hello, Spike.”

“Is dad in there?”

Buffy felt relief wash over her at his question. “Um…yeah…yeah, he’s in
there.”

As Buffy began to walk away, she felt Spike’s hand on her arm and the
electricity that seemed to shoot through her body whenever he touched her.
“You okay, Buffy? You look a little…under the weather.”

‘Oh, just morning sickness,’ she thought as she stared at him. Outwardly,
Buffy shook her head. “I’m fine. Better than ever.”

Spike flinched at the tone of her voice. She definitely wasn’t better than
ever, but it wasn’t his business anymore. “Just checking, luv.” He saw the
hurt that flashed over her face at being called ‘luv’ and instantly felt
sorry for it. “Listen, Buffy, I know I’ve been ignoring you and-“

“I need to go,” she said, stepping away from him. “I, uh…I have to…go.”
Turning around, Buffy made a dash for the front of the store, leaving a
bewildered Spike standing behind her with an aching heart.

* * * * *

Buffy made it all the way home before the tears started. Shutting the front
door behind her, she slowly sat down on the floor, curling her knees up to
her chest as she let the tears fall. After a few minutes, she managed to
get her emotions under control. “It’s your fault he left, Buffy,” she
muttered to herself as a final tear slid down her cheek. “It’s your fault
you ignored him, and now he doesn’t want you.” With a deep breath, she stood
up and made her way into the living room as the phone rang.

“Hello,” she said in a hoarse voice.

“Buffy, are you okay?”

Buffy smiled at the concern in her best friend’s voice. “I’m fine, Wills.”

“You don’t sound like it.”

“I told Giles.”

“Oh Goddess! How’d he take it?”

“Really well, considering. I would have been fine, except when I left his
office, Spike was standing there.”

Willow gasped. “Buffy, he didn’t overhear you telling Giles, did he?”

“I don’t think so. It was just a forced, awkward conversation.”

“Did Giles agree with your decision not to tell him?”

“I think agree is too strong a word, but he was being supportive guy.”

“That’s good, right?”

“Considering he’s the only family I have left, yeah, it’s good.”

“He’s not the only family, Buffy. You have me and Xander.”

“Thank you, Willow. Speaking of which, you don’t think Xander’s going to
blab to Anya, do you? Because if he does, then my quitting was useless.”

“I think this might be one secret he is very capable of keeping. Don’t
worry about it, Buffy.”

“Okay,” Buffy said, breathing a sigh of relief.

“So, you’re really going to start working at the Doublemeat Palace, huh?”

“I start the day after tomorrow. I gotta say, it’s not exactly the career
decision I had in mind, but desperate times call for desperate measures.”

“Yeah,” Willow mumbled softly. “Maybe when Spike quits at the end of the
summer, you can come back to the shop.”

“Maybe,” Buffy said noncommittally. “I should probably go, Wills. I’m
wiped out. It’s been a stressful day.”

“Okay, you get some rest, and I’ll talk to you soon.”

* * * * *

Spike sat in silence with his father later that night as he watched Giles
pour over the books. He had been waiting all day to see if maybe Giles
would mention why Buffy was here on her day off, and so far, he hadn’t even
mentioned her name.

“So, uh, I saw Buffy earlier.” Spike broached the subject carefully.

“Yes, she was here,” Giles responded, never looking up from his books.

Spike almost growled in frustration. “Any particular reason?”

Giles sighed and looked into his son’s eyes. Buffy was trusting him with a
very precious piece of information, and he really didn’t want to violate that
trust. On the other hand, his flesh and blood was sitting across from him
and had no idea that he would be a father by the time the year was out.
Giles let out another deep sigh as he came to the decision that it was
Buffy’s news to tell. He would only step in if absolutely necessary, and
right now, the last thing Buffy needed was his very temperamental son
crashing through her door.

“She came to let me know she was leaving.”

“What do you mean leaving?” Spike demanded as he felt a flash of panic at
the thought that she was moving out of town.

“She is no longer a Magic Box employee.”

Spike stared at him in disbelief for several moments. “And where is she
going to get money?”

“She said she had another job lined up, and before you ask me, no…I have no
idea where she will be working. I suggest if you want to know, you should
call and ask her yourself.”

Spike stared down at the table as he digested the information. “It’s
because of me, isn’t it?” he asked his father quietly.

“I think you were the deciding factor,” Giles said as soothingly as
possible.

“But she loved this job. She shouldn’t have left because of me.”

Giles stayed silent, realizing that his son was addressing himself. After a
few minutes, Spike looked up and met the warm eyes of his father. “I’ve
really messed this up, haven’t I, Dad?”

“That’s not for me to say, son. This is between you and Buffy…my opinions
have no bearing whatsoever on this relationship.”

Spike sat, lost in his own thoughts, as Giles turned back to his work.





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