A/N This is a very interesting story as far as reviews go. Most people tell me they love it, but then the rest are divided. Half think Buffy should get her act together and realize that she pushed Spike away and should deal with the consequences and the other half think Spike doesn’t deserve her since he walked out on her during a hard time and then slept with her and used her. I guess it’s good that I’m writing human qualities, since, in life, no one takes the same sides, LOL. But I am really hoping I can untangle this by the end of the story. Hopefully, this chapter will work on redeeming both of them. We still have a way to go, but the biggest of the angst is almost over. This chapter is angsty, but I think it ends on a high point. I promise it’ll start to lighten up a little bit, next chapter. :-)
Chapter 18
Nearly a month later, Buffy had successfully left the Doublemeat Palace and
took her job back at the Magic Box. Giles had been thrilled that she was
rejoining the staff, and he was more shocked than Spike to find out Buffy
was expecting twins. Buffy hadn’t told Giles since she’d wanted to keep it
a secret a little while longer. And she was nervous how he’d react to being
a grandfather to not one, but two, babies.
Anya had yelled at Xander for over an hour for keeping news this big a
secret, going as far as to threaten to withhold all orgasms for a week.
Xander had immediately told Anya everything that he knew, hoping to get back
in her good graces. Luckily, Anya couldn’t go without the orgasms herself,
so she relented.
Now, as Buffy sat at the round table in the shop, she listened with half an ear as Willow and Anya made plans for later that night. Buffy’s thoughts kept drifting to Spike. She hadn’t seen him much since he left her house the
night he found out about the babies. He had been making an effort, considering she didn’t see him at all before that, but he was still busy with work and rarely stopped by. He no longer worked at the Magic Box, since summer was almost over. Though, he did make sure to call and check on her everyday, but the conversations always seemed forced.
“What do you think, Buff?”
Buffy looked up at Willow’s expectant face. “I’m sorry, Wills. What did you
say?”
“We were wondering if you wanted to go to the movies tonight?”
“Oh, uh, yeah, that sounds good,” Buffy said before turning to Anya. “You
don’t have plans with Xander tonight?”
“Not until much later. We agreed to meet up for some late-night sexual
activities.”
Buffy raised an eyebrow and looked at Willow. “He and Oz are Bronzing
tonight.”
“Ahh,” Buffy said with a nod of understanding.
“So what are we watching?”
“The new Brad Pitt movie,” Willow replied.
“Yes, he takes his shirt off and sweats quite profusely,” Anya said in
agreement.
Buffy laughed. “Sounds like a plan.”
* * * * *
Buffy laughed with her friends as they exited the Sun Cinema a few hours
later. It felt good to relax and have a good time for a change.
“So you up for the Bronze, Buffy?” Willow asked.
Buffy smiled. “Looking like I have a watermelon under my shirt, I don’t
think I would be very much fun in a club, but thanks for asking.”
“We’ll walk you home,” Anya offered.
Buffy looked at her in surprise. It wasn’t that Anya wasn’t nice, it was
simply that she didn’t do very many selfless things.
Buffy smiled. “Thanks, but I’ll be okay. You two go and have a good time.”
“Well, at least stop by for a few minutes, Buff,” Willow replied. “It’s
practically on your way home, and there’s no cover tonight.”
“Okay,” Buffy agreed with a nod. “I’ll say hi to the boys, but then I’m
heading home.”
“Yay,” Willow said with a bright smile. “Let’s go!”
* * * * *
As the girls walked into the Bronze, Buffy felt severely out of place. It
didn’t matter that she was dressed in a black skirt and tank top,
considering the shirt was a maternity top. She bit her lip nervously as
she followed her friends toward the area with the pool tables.
“Hey, it’s the Buffster,” Xander said, giving Buffy a hug. “Haven’t seen
you in a while, Buff.”
“I know, I’ve been anti-social gal lately. Sorry,” she said with an
apologetic smile. “I just stopped by to say hi. So…hi!”
Xander smiled. It was nice to see his friend happy for a change.
“Hi, Oz,” Buffy said with a wave as Willow made her way over to talk to her
boyfriend.
“Buffy,” he acknowledged with a mock salute.
Buffy turned to the man and the woman watching the new arrivals from the
other side of the table. “I don’t know you,” Buffy said with a small smile.
“I’m Buffy.”
“Oh, sorry, Buff,” Xander said. “This is Charles Gunn and Fred Burkle.”
Xander introduced them as she shook their hands.
“Call me Gunn,” the man said. “We’re friends of Spike’s.”
“Oh, okay, I knew I’d seen you before. It’s nice meeting you,” Buffy
replied. “Well, I’ve done what I came to do,” Buffy said, turning to Willow.
“I think I’m gonna head home.”
“Don’t you want to see Spike?” Fred asked as Buffy turned to face her.
“Spike’s here?”
“Uh...Buff, why don’t I walk you home,” Xander said, taking Buffy’s elbow.
Anya was about to say something when Willow’s eyes widened, and she took hold of Anya’s arm.
“What’s going on?” Buffy asked, seeing her friends' reactions. “Why is
everyone-“
Buffy stopped herself as she turned to the dance floor and saw Harmony
draped all over Spike. Swallowing the lump that entered her throat and
blinking back the tears that burned her eyes, Buffy took a deep breath. “I
better go,” she said softly, heading toward the door.
“Buffy, they’re just dancing,” Oz spoke up.
“It’s okay,” Buffy said, turning to face them as she backed away. “I wasn’t
planning on staying anyway. I’m just tired. I need to get home.” Pasting a
fake smile on her face, Buffy dashed for the door.
Stepping outside, Buffy made her way through the alley, taking in deep gulps
of the late summer air. The nights were beginning to cool off slightly,
and Buffy was grateful that it wasn’t a sweltering night. As she got to the
entrance of the alley, Buffy turned in the opposite direction of her house,
deciding to take the long way home.
Hugging her arms securely around her body as she walked, Buffy fought off
the tears that were threatening to spill.
“This is ridiculous,” she said to herself. “You’ve been broken up for more
than half a year- of course he’s going to move on eventually. You were the
one that told him you weren’t going to go back to him.”
‘Yeah, but because you weren’t sure if he just wanted you because of the
babies,’ that annoying little voice in her head said to her. ‘Not because
you’re not in love with him. And did he have to choose Harmony?’
Buffy hugged her arms more firmly around her midsection as she cut through a
cemetery. She walked slowly as her mind kept turning over every detail of
the last year.
The anniversary of her mother’s death was approaching, and Buffy felt herself being sucked back into the depression she was in a year before. She was making a conscious effort to avoid going to that darker place, knowing that she would eventually be fine. She had two wonderful little babies to welcome into the world and that thought comforted her and brought more happiness than she had felt in a long time. Making a decision, Buffy made a sharp left and began walking faster. A few minutes later, she found herself standing in front of a grave. Buffy kneeled down, tracing the letters etched into the stone.
“Hi, Mommy,” she whispered softly. Sitting down in the soft grass, Buffy
leaned her head against the cold surface. “I’m sorry I haven’t been around
to talk. I just miss you so much, and it feels like…it felt like if I didn’t
come here, then you were still with me, you know? That if I didn’t
acknowledge that you really weren’t here, you’d just come walking back into
my life one day. I just wish you were here with me,” she murmured as tears
streamed down her cheeks. Buffy swallowed hard as she continued, “You’re
gonna be a grandma pretty soon. I know I’m still young, but…I hope I’m as
good a mother as you were to me. I’m having a boy and a girl,” Buffy said,
a smile making it’s way to her face.
“Spike’s the dad. He, um, he took it better than I thought he would,” she
said with a nod. “We’re not together, though. I, uh, I…shut him out…after
you died. I really messed up, Mom. I felt like I was losing everyone in my
life and…it just made sense to push him away before he could leave me. I
realize it now, even though I didn’t know I was doing it at the time. I
made a mistake. I still love him so much…I don’t know how he feels, but
he’s moving on. And he should,” Buffy said with clarity in her voice. “If
he didn’t, then I’d always question whether he wanted to be with me for me
or because I just happened to get pregnant.”
Buffy clutched at the hard stone as if her life depended on it. This was her only link to her mother,
and she felt the despair set in as the tears flowed freely, “I miss him so
much, Mommy. But if he hadn’t broken up with me, I wouldn’t be having
these babies. Why couldn’t he have stayed that night? Why did he have to
leave again? Why did I have to push him away? Why do I have to be without the two people I need more than
anybody else in this world?” The last words were barely a choked whisper
as the sobs were ripped from her throat.
* * * * *
Buffy stayed in the cemetery for hours, jerking her head up from it’s
position on the stone when she saw the sky begin to brighten. Rubbing her
puffy eyes, Buffy stretched her sore muscles, realizing that she must have
fallen asleep. Standing shakily to her feet, Buffy started the walk home.
The temperature had dropped dramatically since she had begun her walk home
hours earlier, and Buffy rubbed her bare arms, trying to ward off the chill.
As she turned onto her street half an hour later, she was grateful that
Giles had given her the day off. She knew that she’d need the extra rest
after spending the night in a graveyard.
Buffy was so fatigued as she approached her house, she almost didn’t see
him. The rising sun radiated over his body as he sat with his head in his
hands.
“Spike?” Buffy said softly.
At the sound of her voice, Spike’s head shot up, and Buffy could see the
shadows of dark circles on his face as he looked up at her with red eyes.
“Buffy?” he asked as if he didn’t believe it was her.
Before Buffy could reply, she was encircled by strong arms as Spike enveloped
her in a desperate hug. Holding her as though he was afraid she’d
disappear, Spike pulled back to look into her eyes. Brushing the hair out
of her face, he stared deep into her eyes. “Where have you been?”
The question was soft, but Buffy could hear the worry and anger underneath
the surface. “I fell asleep,” she said quietly.
“I thought something had happened to you,” he said, locking his hands behind
her neck tenderly as he looked down at her. “Where’d you go?”
“I went to talk to my mom,” Buffy replied, not looking in his eyes.
“You fell asleep in the graveyard?” Spike asked incredulously. “Buffy, do
you have any idea how dangerous that is?”
“I’m fine,” Buffy said with an edge to her voice, disengaging herself from the hold he had on
her. “It’s not like I planned it,” she continued, heading up the porch
steps.
“Buffy, you could have-“ Spike stopped as he grabbed her arm to turn her
around. “Bloody hell, woman! Your skin feels like ice!”
“Well, then wouldn’t it make sense to let me go inside?” Buffy asked with a
raised eyebrow. She watched in amazement as Spike quickly shook off his
duster and wrapped her up in it. The aroma of his cologne and cigarette
smoke engulfed her as she snuggled into the warmth it provided. Spike took
her keys from her and quickly unlocked the door, ushering her into the house
and shutting the door behind them. Helping Buffy onto the couch, Spike
grabbed a blanket from the chair and wrapped it around her, providing as
much extra warmth as he could.
“Wait here,” he commanded, pointing a finger at her in warning. Buffy
sighed as he walked toward the kitchen and leaned back into the couch,
letting her eyes close.
“Buffy.”
Buffy jumped at the sound of her name, looking into Spike’s sapphire eyes.
“Sorry, luv. You must have nodded off,” he said, softly brushing a lock of
hair out of her eyes as he sat down on the coffee table. “Drink this, and then it’s off to bed.”
Buffy looked at the hot chocolate he was holding and was assaulted by the
memories of her mother making the same thing for her so many times. Taking
the mug from him, Buffy held it for a moment, letting the warmth spread to
her hands, as she stared down into it.
“Why did you go last night, luv?”
Buffy sighed. “Because I needed to talk to someone. Someone who wouldn’t
judge me,” she whispered as her eyes filled with tears again.
Spike gently tilted her head up to look in her eyes. “Why didn’t you come to
me, baby?”
Buffy stared into his face for several moments, letting the emotions play
over her face as she thought about what she should say. Letting her
jealousy win out, she replied, “You were a little busy.”
Spike closed his eyes briefly before reopening them to kneel in front of
her. “Buffy, I came after you as soon as I heard you were there. I know
you saw me dancing with Harmony, and that’s all it was, luv. A dance. I
have no interest in Harmony or anyone else, for that matter.”
Buffy gasped, nearly dropping her mug as she felt the sudden movement in her
abdomen. She had felt tiny stirrings over the last few weeks but never
something this strong.
“What’s wrong?” Spike asked fearfully as Buffy’s hand went to her stomach.
“Buffy, what’s wrong? Do you need to go to the doctor?”
Spike was already beginning to stand when Buffy’s hand reached out to grasp
his. “Spike, I’m fine. The babies moved.” She watched as a look of
surprise then awe came over his face as he dropped down to his knees,
a smile spreading across his face.
“Is this the first time?”
“No,” Buffy replied, shaking her head. “But it is the first time they’ve
both moved at the same time. I guess they recognize their daddy,” she said
softly, tears coming to her eyes.
Spike watched as Buffy shrugged out of his coat to lay down on the couch.
Taking his hand, Buffy raised her shirt slightly and placed it gently on
her stomach. “I don’t think anything’s happening, luv,” he said a few
moments later.
“Just give it a minute,” Buffy said. “They like to move when I’m being
still.”
Spike smiled. “Why’s that, luv?”
“The doctor said when I’m moving, it lulls them to sleep. So when I’m being
still, they wake up, ready to play.” Spike’s smile broadened at her
description, only to cause him to freeze when he felt a tiny bump against
his hand. Buffy giggled at the look on his face. Taking his hand, she
pressed it more firmly against her skin.
“I don’t want to hurt you, luv,” Spike said with a worried expression.
“It won’t hurt me,” she replied. “Just keep it at that pressure and-“
Buffy trailed off with a smile as she felt another little thump. The
amazement on Spike’s face grew as the thumping continued against his hand.
“Which one is that, do you know?”
“I think it’s the girl. She’s a little more temperamental. Any time
there’s pressure on my stomach, she always pushes at it or moves away from
it.”
“She is her mother’s daughter then,” Spike said with a smile. “Doesn’t
like anything unless she calls the shots.”
“If that’s true, then he’s his father’s son,” Buffy retorted with a smile on
her face.
“How’s that?” A look of anticipation crossed Spike’s face as he waited for
her explanation.
“He never stops moving,” she replied with a giggle. Spike laughed with her
as he felt more movement against his hand.
The smile quickly left his face as he looked at Buffy. She was staring down
at her stomach, a small smile playing on her face, as she watched the tiny
movements. He stared at her long honey blonde hair, spilling over her
shoulders to frame her face. Her full lips that he ached to feel against
his once again. Gazing down the length of her body, Spike smiled at her
swollen, tight belly that was home to his children. Looking back up at her
face, Spike took his other hand to lovingly stroke her cheek. He watched
as her eyes looked up to meet his in confusion. “You’re beautiful, Buffy,”
he whispered before leaning forward, brushing his lips to her forehead
tenderly before pulling away slowly to look into her eyes again. “Thank
you,” he said softly as she watched him in astonishment.
“For what?”
“For giving me this. For letting me be close enough to you to actually
feel these two little miracles.”
Buffy smiled, looking down as she felt another wave of emotions flood
through her. “I should be the one thanking you. You’re the reason they’re on the way."
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