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BUFFY: Oh, look, it's CHRISTMAS TIME!!!!!!! yaaaaay!

WILLOW: wow, Buffy! your tree is soooo cool! it looks like the one from Charlie Brown!

(shot of retarded looking tree; barely any needles are on it, and it's COVERED in ornaments. next to it, we see Snoopy dancing)

XANDER: DAMN YOU, SNOOPY! I CHALLENGE YOU TO A SNOOPY-DANCE DANCE-OFF!!!!!!

(snoopy says nothing, because he's a beagle and can't talk. The only reason Scooby Doo can talk is because EVERYONE WAS HIGH ON THAT SHOW AND BELIEVED THAT A DOG COULD TALK!!!! damn kids and their high dogs...)

WILLOW: ohmygod!!! he's challenged snoopy!!! AAAAAAAAAH!

BUFFY: wait....why are you frightened?

WILLOW: because I'm a whiny little freaky lesbian who felt like she was useless and so decided to become a witch, accidentally making her friends lives living hell and became annoying to the author of this story and that's why she's typing this long rant for me!!!

(both turn to stare at the authore, sitting at the keyboard, whistling.)

AUTHOR: what?! i'm just...practicing my whistling!!

(the door bursts open, drawing everyone's attention away from the author, who sneaks away. it's SPIKE and his shapely body, come to make all the women drool!)

SPIKE: It is I, Spike, and my shapely body, come to make all women drool! Bow down before my sexiness!!!!

BUFFY: HEY! WILLOW, KEEP YOUR LESBO DROOL TO YOURSELF, SPIKE IS MINE, BIATCH!!!!

(willow wipes her chin and runs away, purely because the author was watching re-runs and didn't like her character)

SPIKE: oh, Buffy, I love you!! Pay no attention to what those fools say, especially the ones that dance with cartoon dogs that aren't really there!!! Stay with me, the obsessive vampire who is sooooo much hotter than Angel!

BUFFY: oh, Spike! I love you and your fine ass! let's go upstairs and leave the deranged Xander down here!

(they do so, and Xander continues dancing.)

BUFFY VO: hey author?

AUTHOR VO: yeah?

BUFFY VO: just out of curiosity...what episode is this supposed to be based on?

AUTHOR VO: hell if i know.

(AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER, EXCEPT FOR XANDER, WHO WAS TAKEN AWAY BY THE NICE MEN IN THE WHITE SUITS...JUST LIKE THE ONES IN MY ROOM RIGHT NOW! HEY, NICE MEN IN THE WHITE SUITS!!! WHAT?! NO, YOU CAN'T TAKE ME AWAY!!! RUN, SNOOPY! RRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!)





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