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CHAPTER 25: You can run, but you can't hide



The sun had set a while ago on the suburb, casting the inside of the house in darkness and shadows. The only source of light was the lamp above the kitchen table where Buffy was sitting. She’d been sitting there for a few hours now, waiting for the world to end, for the ground to give way beneath her, swallowing her, her house and, why not, Sunnydale as a whole. But it never came. No apocalypse. Just a woman sitting at her kitchen table with a bottle of wine, looking like the very definition of pathetic.

Early afternoon, she’d fled the prison, half expecting Giles to run after her in the parking lot. It was very unlike her to run from a confrontation. She had always faced her battles head on, even when she was terrified. But today, she had met her inner coward for the first time and hadn’t been able to resist the need to escape the dreaded conversation that was sure to happen. So she’d gone home, sat at the kitchen table, and tried not to think.

Many hours later, she still hadn’t moved, except to get a bottle of wine. She was a mess, physically and emotionally. Her pretty skirt was wrinkled from sitting too long, her make up smudged from rubbing her eyes and crying, giving the illusion of many sleepless nights, and her hair… God, she couldn’t think of her stupid hair. The reason she was in this mess in the first place.

**No, Buffy. The reason you’re in this mess is because you were stupid enough to fall in love with a convict. The hair is innocent. You’re guilty.** She mocked herself.

But despite the horribly fucked up situation, she could not bring herself to regret the too short moments with him, the quick phone conversations, the sweet words they’d exchanged in emails or text messaging. And most of all, she could not regret opening her heart to a man for the first time.

All her life, Buffy had been told that she couldn’t find love because she expected too much. According to her friends and family, she’d read too many romance novels, watched too many sappy love movies, listened to too many love songs. Life was not like a Bon Jovi song, men could never measure up to Patrick Swayze, and love at first sight was a notion invented by unhappy women bored with their lives. Normal people meet, date for a while, learn to appreciate the other person, and eventually, learn to love the other person. That’s life. That’s REAL life. But to Buffy, it all sounded too boring to bear and she’d decided that she’d rather be single forever and dream. That’s until her romantic idea of love was proven to exist the day William Rayne walked into her life. But of course, it was only to mock her by taking it all away just a few months later. Life is such a bitch.

There was a sharp knock at her door. A wave of nausea washed over her and the pace of her heartbeat increased dramatically.

She tried to ignore it, hoping the person responsible for the noise would give up and leave. No such luck. The knocking broke the silence again, more insistently. It could only be one person. Honestly, she was surprised that he’d go as far as showing up at her place to face her. Realizing she couldn’t put it off any longer, she decided to be brave. Buffy got up, and went to open the door.

Seeing Rupert Giles standing there, looking upset, she couldn’t help the snort from escaping, and the sarcasm from crossing her lips.

“I see. You just couldn’t wait until morning to yell at me now, could you?”

She left him standing there and went back to her place at the kitchen table. She poured herself another glass of wine and drank half of it in one large gulp.

Giles closed the door and came to stand in front of her, looking agitated. He motioned with his hand in the general direction of the wine bottle. “Is this helping the situation?”

“Not yet. But I’m expecting the effect to kick in any time now.”

“I didn’t think this was your way of dealing…”

“See? That’s great. Everybody thinks they got me figured out. Little Miss Buffy Anne Summers, also known as Miss Goodie Two Shoes, who does the right thing all the time, makes the right decisions, never disappoints anybody… well turns out, you were all wrong. I’m not a champion. I’m allowed to be a coward like anybody else if I want to.” She pouted and swallowed the rest of her glass.

“So that’s your solution? Run away from me, lock yourself safely in your house and get drunk, hoping the problem will just go away on its own? You’re right. I am disappointed.”

“It was worth a try.”

“Oh, do be quiet, Buffy. This is no laughing matter.”

“Do I look like I’m laughing?” She finally looked at him. Her eyes were tired, like the fight had finally gone out of her. “Why don’t you go ahead, Giles? Tell me what’s on your mind. Get it over with. You’re gonna report me? Fine. Skip the lecture and just do it.”

He pulled a chair and sat in front of her. “That’s what I should do. And maybe I will. I don’t know yet. It would be the right thing to do. But the right thing isn’t always the best thing. Call me an old fool, but I’d rather you tell me what happened first. I trusted you, Buffy. Was I wrong?”

She narrowed her eyes angrily at him. “Obviously, you already know the answer to this question. I fucked up. I betrayed your trust. There. You got the entire story. Now, can you just leave me so I can curl up in bed and die?”

“That's enough self pity! Now, will you tell me what the bloody hell is going on, or do I have to draw my own conclusions? So far, the ones I came up with are highly disturbing and I very well hope I’m wrong. So tell me,” He asked, looking her straight in the eyes, “Was he the only one or are there others?”

Shock and anger flashed in Buffy’s eyes. “How DARE you!”

“How am I supposed to know, Buffy? Like you said yourself, everything I thought I knew about you flew out the window. And I don’t have any answers about what happened today because when I got back to your office, you were long gone. All I know is that I saw you with a prisoner’s arms around you, and instead of telling me what happened, you shower me with bloody sarcasm and self pity. So if you don’t want me to think less of you, why don’t you just tell…”

“I love him.”

Giles shut his mouth and looked at her with an unreadable expression. He finally sighed and took off his glasses. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Bloody hell.”

“I didn’t mean for it to happen. It just did. I’m not some sex freak who calls random convicts in her office to screw them, if that’s what you think.”

Giles’ voice was softer when he spoke again. “Of course that’s not what I think. I only tried to shock you into giving me answers.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “Buffy, you are the Warden. You can’t get involved with inmates. You have responsibilities. I know it must sometimes feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders and we can’t ask you to be perfect, but you have to remember that all eyes are on you. You said it yourself, most of the staff is just waiting for you to screw up…”

“And I did. I know that. But I didn’t wake up one morning thinking: “hey, why don’t I fall in love with a convict today? Could be fun.” It wasn’t planned, Giles.”

“Good Lord.” Giles sighed heavily. “I think I’d kill for a drink right now. Would you mind?”

“Sure. What would you like?”

“Something strong. Whiskey if you have some.”

Buffy got up and quickly made her way to the basement to get the bottle of whiskey and a glass. She felt a little better. She couldn’t help the spark of hope that had ignited in her heart. Giles’ reaction wasn’t nearly as bad as she thought it would be. She knew it didn’t mean she was out of the woods, but it was a good start. Maybe if she played her cards right, she could convince him not to report her. Though it didn’t solve the problem of her and Spike. Even if Giles let her keep her job, he certainly wouldn’t let her keep seeing Spike. And that was… Well, that was unacceptable. But she didn’t know what she would do. Quitting her job would keep her from Spike, and staying would have the same result. She was on the verge of tears again.

Trying to control her raging emotions the best she could, she went back upstairs. Giles hadn’t moved from his chair. He was wiping his glasses with a handkerchief, obviously lost in his thoughts. She put the bottle down on the table and sat back down in front of him.

“Here.” She said after pouring him a glass of the amber liquid. “I hope this helps.”

“Yes, thank you. I presume it shouldn’t take too long before--how did you put it--the effect kicks in.”

She gave him a weak smile.

“I’m almost afraid to ask but, how long as this been going on exactly?”

“Exactly? Well, huh, about a week after I started working at the prison.”

“Dear Lord.” He muttered under his breath, shaking his head slightly. “You do realize this has to stop, right?”

The sudden paleness of her face and her prolonged silence alarmed him.

“Buffy? Are you alright?”

She nodded weakly, not feeling alright at all. This was what she feared the most.

“You didn’t think this could go on indefinitely, did you?”

“I… I can’t. Giles, I really can’t.”

“You can’t what, Buffy?”

Tears welled up in her large hazel eyes, threatening to spill. “I can’t not see him.”

“Buffy, this is insane. You can‘t possibly think you can continue with this relationship. It‘s impossible.” His voice was gentle, trying to softened the edge of his words.

But the result was the same. Buffy broke down into loud sobs.

Giles got up and took a seat on the chair next to her. He awkwardly pulled her into his arms to try to comfort her the best he could. After a while, he finally spoke again. There was a hesitation to his words but he said it anyway.

“Spike is… he is a murderer, Buffy. He’s in jail for homicide. Not exactly the best person to give your heart to.”

She pushed away from his chest where she’d been crying for a few minutes now. She was suddenly feeling cold inside. She wiped at her tears with the back of her hand, and looked Giles in the eyes to see if he was really convinced that what he just said was true. But his expression was unreadable. She didn’t want to sound childish or naïve by stating that Spike was innocent. She’d already damaged his opinion of her enough for one day.

“Tell me, Giles, as the supervisor of the correctional officers, you spend a lot of time around the prisoners… a lot of time around Spike. Do you really believe what you just said?”

He got visibly flustered. “Well… This is not for me to judge. The court system declared him guilty of homicide so I’m not going to contest…”

“Is he a murderer, Giles?”

“I’ve--had my doubts.” He admitted.

She gave him a hopeful look. “Really?”

“I must say, there’s something about William Rayne that somehow screams not-guilty. And it’s not only that he doesn’t seem to be the type of person who could commit such an act, although it is part of it. But there’s something else also. He’s not like those guys who say they’re innocent on a daily basis. He said it to me only once, but it chilled me. He sounded very sincere and there was a sadness in his eyes… But I assume he could also be a very good actor.”

“He’s convinced me too, Giles. Sure, there’s been moments, when I was alone at home and wondered if I was just being naïve and stupid, but I believe him.”

“But it doesn’t change anything, Buffy. I can certainly see why you‘d be attracted to him. He’s good looking, very intelligent, and has an interesting personality, but he’s behind bars. For good. Guilty or not. And it’s not worth ending in front of the council and facing the very real possibility of losing your job. Someone will start having suspicions after a while and will report you. Then what?” He smiled warmly, trying to lighten the mood. “We’ll lose the best Warden we’ve ever had? I definitely don’t want that to happen.”

Buffy ran her fingers wearily through her hair, and took a deep breath before looking at him. She looked calmer, more determined, and it worried him.

“Once upon a time, when I was working at the Metropolitan Detention Center in L.A., this is the kind of thing that would have scared me into behaving myself. For the longest time, my job was the most important thing in my life. So much more important than my personal life, my family, my friends and definitely more important than my love life. If I lost my job now, after accomplishing so much, it would still devastate me. I won’t deny it. But I’m in love for the first time of my life, and I think that for once, I want to put Buffy first. I won’t stop seeing William, Giles.”

She looked into his eyes, a serious expression on her pretty face. “I’m asking for your help. If you don’t give it to me, I don’t know what I will do. But I can’t stop seeing him.”

He nodded his understanding, but didn’t answer.

“Do you remember not long after we met, we had our first real conversation in my office? You asked me about my life outside of work and when you asked about my love life, I told you I didn’t have one. I told you I gave up on love. Do you remember that?”

“I believe I do, yes.”

“You also said that it was only because I hadn’t found the one yet. Well I lied. I already had. I knew it the second I saw him. He’s the one, Giles. Don’t make me give up on him.”

Giles grabbed the whiskey bottle and helped himself, also pouring some into Buffy’s empty wine glass.

“I think we both need it.” He said before lifting the glass to his lips and swallowing some of the fiery liquid.

“Did you think about the future, Buffy? I would hate to rain on your parade, but it doesn’t look too bright. As romantic as your story sounds, I don’t see it ending well.”

“Does that mean you’re going to help us?” She couldn‘t help but asking, hopeful.

“I absolutely did not say that. This is something I’ll need to think about very carefully. Helping you would also mean that my job would be at risk. If someone finds out I’m involved in this, I will suffer the repercussions just as much as you will.”

Buffy sighed. “Fine. Anyway, to answer your question, yes, I did think about the future. And yes, I do know that the chances we’ll get our happy ending are, like Starvin’ Marvin’, skinny.”

“They’re what?”

“Never mind, too much South Park. What I’m trying to say is…” She frowned and thought about it for a second, unsure of how much she wanted to tell him. “I’ve met lawyers to discuss Spike’s case--see if there was any chance of proving him innocent. I’m not going to let him rot in jail if I can help it.”

“What did they say, if I may ask?”

“Not much, unfortunately. But they’re looking into it.” Buffy hated to lie to him again, but she also thought that poor Giles had enough shocks for the time being without her telling him that she was planning on contacting possible killers. “I’m not saying it will happen, but I don’t want to do nothing either.”

“I understand. But I’m afraid if you’re hoping too much and nothing happens, you will be horribly disappointed.”

“I’m aware of that. I’m not holding my breath. The way I see it, things can’t get worst anyway. So why not try.”

Giles stood up.

“Why don’t you take a few days off, Buffy? You weren’t supposed to work this week anyway. I think you need it. It’s the holidays. Rest, and spend some time with your family.”

“You’re right. I guess it’s the best thing I could do right now.” She hesitated before asking: “I don’t suppose you’re gonna tell me tonight if you’re going to help us or not?”

He gave her a half smile, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She looked very young, the expression on her face so hopeful.

“I don’t know yet. Let me think about it when my mind is clearer. Too much happened today, I can’t think straight. Give me a few days, and I’ll let you know.”

Buffy gave him a hug. “Thanks for not yelling.”

“You’re welcome, but I don’t see why you’d think I would yell at you. I’m not exactly the type of person to yell. Or at least, not that I know of.”

“Well, you were really scary today in my office, so I just thought maybe you were mad enough to do some major yelling, is all. I thought you were supposed to be all British and nice, then you turn all scary on me. I was shocked.”

Giles grinned at her, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Yes, everybody thinks they got me figured out. Just like you, I guess.” He said, remembering the words she’d said earlier about herself.

She laughed. “Aren’t we just full of surprises or what?”

Buffy watched him leave, then collapsed in her chair. She was emotionally exhausted, but at least, it didn’t go as badly as she’d expected. She seriously hoped that she’d never have to go through another day like this one ever again in her life.

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A/N: Thanks for all your amazing reviews, and for voting for me in the weekly poll last week. Even if I didn't win, I still found it really flattering that PMJ was in third place. Please, keep reviewing. It's the only way for me to know if you like it or not.





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