CHAPTER 26: Mood swings
Charles Gunn made his way into the yard, sweaty and in a really bad mood. He quickly spotted Spike, sitting with his back against the wall, scribbling furiously into a black leather journal. Charles made his way toward him. The sun was blazing overhead and things were relatively quiet in the yard, probably due to the fact that most guys were still busy with their daily chores at this time of the day. He sat next to Spike.
“Make ‘em damn license plates, you lousy, no good, piece of trash, he said. Well I‘ll tell him where he can shove his goddamn license plates. Fucker.” Gunn mumbled, imitating one of the guards attached to the license plates production line. “One of these days, someone’s gonna make Devon wish he’d treated us with a little bit more respect.”
When Spike only grunted in reply and didn’t even bother looking up, Gunn frowned, wondering what the hell was wrong with him.
“You know, I’m not really expecting any sympathy from you, Mr. I-don’t-have-to-do-any-unpleasant-work-cause-the-Warden-likes-me, but you could at least pretend to care.”
Spike’s head snapped up at Charles’ comment, and the look in the blonde man’s eyes made him regret he’d ever say anything.
“Whoa! Relax, man. What did I say?”
After a moment staring a him, Spike went back to his writing. “Nothing, mate. Forget it. Could you please bugger off? ‘m not in the mood.”
“You know, you’ve been in a hell of a weird mood since yesterday. Anything you wanna talk about? Did something happen?”
“No, girlfriend, nothing I want to share. Everything is just fucking fantastic and bloody peachy. Life in prison really works for me. Thanks for asking.”
“I just asked if there’s something wrong. No need to bite my head off. A ‘no thanks, I don’t want to talk about it’ would have done just fine.”
“Sorry. Nothing’s wrong.”
**Nothing is wrong except that I’m in love with the Warden, we’ve had some incredibly hot make out sessions, I’ve even shagged her, and now she’s about to lose her job because of me and I might never see her again. She’s going through something hard and I’m not there. I haven’t heard from her since it happened, and I can’t bloody well call her because for all I know, she could be under investigation right about now. Though I think it’s pretty safe to say that government people don’t work during the holidays, but I can‘t take the chance. Can‘t even write freely about it in my own soddin‘ journal because the guards could decide to go through it during one of their inspections and things would get even more fucked up. Yes mate, bloody fucking peachy.**
“Huh, Spike?” Gunn snapped his fingers in front of his eyes, and Spike interrupted his thoughts long enough to look at him. “You spaced there for a second.”
“Sorry, Charles. I know I’ve been acting like I’ve gone around the bend, but I just have some things on my mind. And before you ask, no, I don’t want to discuss my emotions with you over a pint of ice cream, then have a pillow fight. So sod off.”
Gunn grinned. “Damn! And I was hoping for a girls night. Maybe we could have even convinced the guards to put some chick flick on for movie night tonight. Are you sure? I could go get Andrew and Jonathan. I’m sure they’re great listeners.”
Spike was about to throw in another sarcasm, but he chuckled instead. “I can always count on you to lighten the mood, mate.”
“Come on. Some of the guys are playing basketball. Could get ugly. Lets go watch.”
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“Don’t you dare tell Cordelia about this, Dawn. You know what she’ll say…”
“Yeah. The first words out of her mouth will be ‘I told you so.’ Don’t worry, I won’t tell her. Buffy? Do you want me to come over?”
“Nah. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”
Dawn huffed on the other end of the line, clearly not believing it. “Whatever. If you’re fine, then I’m freakin’ Demi Moore, and God knows I wish I were. Who wouldn’t want to be dating Ashton? But you’re not fine. You can’t be, not after the last 24 hours. Come on, talk to me.”
“I have to believe I’m fine because if I don’t, I’m afraid I’ll break down and never be alright again. So I’m just gonna believe that everything will work out and hope that I’m right.”
“I’m not sure denial is the best way to deal with the problem, but hey, if it makes you feel better… Go denial!”
Buffy went to sit at her computer and waited for it to come to life. She was holding a coffee cup in one hand, the cordless phone in the other, and she was dressed in sweat pants and an over sized Metallica t-shirt she had since she was 16. And to top everything off, she was feeling sick. Not hung over sick, just the natural kind, accompanied by shivers and cold sweat. She was glad the room didn’t have any mirrors.
“Buffy, I know I’ve only talked to him for a few hours in my life, but Giles seemed like a really nice guy. And I got the definite feeling that he really loves you. Not in an icky way,” she quickly added. Buffy chuckled. “What I mean is, I don’t know if he’ll help you seeing Spike and all, especially since he would risk his own job by doing that, but I don’t think he’ll stand in the way if you decide you still want to see Spike. And I definitely don’t think Giles would make you lose your job.”
Buffy entered her password to access her settings, and logged on to the net.
“I know, Dawnie. I’ve just had a really bad day yesterday and I think I’m suffering from residual paranoia. But you’re right. I don’t think he’ll do anything to make me lose my job, or to stop me from seeing Spike. At least, I hope so. I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t see him anymore.”
“So. Did you send him that email yet? Poor Spike must be freaking out!”
Buffy rolled her eyes. “Relax. I’ve just signed on now. You know my computer’s a piece of junk. It takes forever to turn on.”
“Maybe that’s a sign that you should get a new one, penny pincher!”
“I am so not a penny pincher! I just have a phobia of computer stores. It’s full of geeky nerds with a superiority complex who look at you like you’re the dumbest thing they’ve ever seen and then they try to make you buy a bunch of stuff you don’t even need and when you walk out of the store, they laugh their little geeky asses off. They‘re creepy.”
“OK, OK, calm down. I get it. Computer stores, bad. Spike, pretty. Everything is so simple in my lovely sister’s head.”
“Hold on. I think it’s coming. Yes, would that be an amused laugh about to come out? Wait. No. No, that was only gas. Sorry, not funny.”
Dawn laughed. “So, is it on yet?”
“Yes. But I’ll have to hang up. I’d like to concentrate on what I want to write if you don’t mind.”
“Oh, I forgot you can’t do two things at the same time. Your blonde brain could go into shock.”
“Ok, what is it with you insulting me today? I call you because I’m depressed, sick and freaking out, and all you do is make fun of me? Is that what a loving sister is supposed to do?”
“Well, I read the handbook and it says that if your older sister is in a gloomy ‘oh my God, I’m doomed, my life is shit and I’m about to lose my job and the man I love’ kinda mood, you should do anything you can to get her mind off it. I figured annoying you would be as good a way as any. It’s working, isn’t it? When I answered the phone two hours ago, you were crying. Now, you’re just pissed at me. Mission accomplished.”
“Oh, I see. I guess that means I should thank you for insulting my intelligence then.”
“Yes, you should.”
“Thanks, bitca. I’ll talk to you later.”
“You’re welcome. Bye.”
They both hung up, and Buffy turned to her computer screen. She entered the email address, Bloody_poet@hotmail.com, and then stared at the screen for a few minutes, not sure what to write. How did she start? Her usual ‘hey baby’ or ‘hi lover’ seemed inappropriate, ‘hi Spike’ too detached, and simply ‘Spike’ was too dramatic. She finally took a deep breath, and started typing, skipping the introduction.
I’m so sorry things happened the way they did yesterday. And I’m even more sorry it took me so long to let you know what happened after you left. I wanted to email you earlier, but the last twenty four hours of my life have been like a really bad Soap Opera and I was just overwhelmed.
You won’t be proud of me because I wasn’t very brave yesterday. After he took you back, I ran away. I couldn’t face him. I was sitting in my office imagining the absolute worst scenarios, and the more time passed, the more horrifying they became. Until I freaked out and left. But we did end up talking later on. He came to my place to talk to me. And to be honest, it didn’t go nearly as bad as I expected. I don’t think I will lose my job. At least not this time. So that’s a relief. He seemed understanding of the situation, even though he thinks I’m completely out of my mind to take such risks for a man. Anyway, as far as our relationship is concerned, that’s the part that is still uncertain. I told him I refuse to stop seeing you, but I don’t know yet if he’ll help us or not. He told me I should take a few days off, that he’d think about it and then we’d talk some more. Spike, I don’t know what we will do if he refuses. But I can’t lose you, so I’ll just have to figure something out.
I am so sorry for the way I acted with you yesterday. I hope you don’t hate me for being such a bitch with you. I was just so scared. I’m sorry I took it out on you. You know it wasn’t your fault, right? I didn’t mean that. It just happened, it was no ones fault. Once you were gone and I realized that the last words I said to you were mean ones, my heart broke. I’m sorry. I love you so much. You know that, don’t you? I’ll never take off the necklace you gave me. It does look kinda weird with the very ugly over sized t-shirt, and gray sweat pants I’m wearing right now, but I don’t care. Thank you again. It’s was the most beautiful Christmas gift I’ve ever received.
I’ve been more than a little careless with details in this email because of the situation. So please delete it as soon as possible.
Love you, always, and I’ll see you soon if things go well,
Anne xxx
She clicked on ‘send’, and turned the computer off.
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A/N: I just noticed that PMJ is still on the voting list for the weekly poll. Thank you to whoever nominated me!! I love you! lol And all of you, your reviews are fantastic! Thank you so much for taking time to tell me you enjoy my little fantasy world. I will have another update for you soon, and it will be Spuffylicious :D Oh, and since I have your attention, I might as well take the oportunity to pimp my other fiction. The conclusion of America's sexiest home video is coming, tonight, or tomorrow morning depending on my beta. So keep your eyes open for it, and don't forget to let me know if you like it