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CHAPTER 36: Hey little sister what have I done
Buffy stared at the enemy with a determined look on her face. She was strong, she had the power, she would not be defeated. She grabbed her weapon, ready to attack.
“Come on, little one.” She whispered to the tiny life growing inside her belly. “Don’t be a brat, let mommy have the toast, OK? I didn’t even put anything on it--no peanut butter, no jam, not even butter. There will be no barfing tolerated this morning, got it?”
With her knife, she cut the toast into little triangles, the way her mom used to cut them for her when she was a little girl, then she tentatively brought one piece to her mouth. She took a little bite and chewed carefully before swallowing down.
“See? Not that bad, is it?”
Encouraged by her stomach not rebelling too much, she took another bite. “Good little embryo. I need to eat to live. I die, you die too. Try to keep that in mind.”
The sun was shining brightly in the backyard, making the water in the pool sparkle as if it was dusted with diamonds. She hadn’t had much time to enjoy her backyard lately, and this was the perfect morning for a breakfast on the patio. The sight of the bushes full of roses in bloom and the warm breeze that made the leaves of the trees shiver slightly, helped improve her mood somehow.
Buffy felt a little silly for talking to herself, but it was the only thing keeping her sane at the moment. In a way, it forced her to accept that she was pregnant and stop questioning a future she couldn’t change anyway. But still, she needed to talk to someone. She had tried calling Dawn again as soon as she woke up, but got the answering machine.
“Sorority girl’s probably nursing her hang over. What do you think?”
The phone suddenly interrupted her one sided conversation.
**Thank God.** she thought. **I think I was about to answer myself. That would just prove that I‘ve gone completely mental.**
She took the cordless phone that was on the table next to her and answered after seeing on the caller display that it was her sister.
“You’ve reached the home of the mentally unstable, how can I direct your call?”
“Hi, I’m looking for my crazy sister, Buffy Summers. Ever heard of her by any chance?”
“Oh, Miss Summers. Yes, she is a danger to herself and others right now so we've put her in isolation for a little while.”
Dawn chuckled. “So, are you ‘Betty’? Cause there was a post-it next to my phone this morning saying that, and I quote: “Crazy bitch named Betty called for Dawn. Said it was urgent. Dude, she needs chill pills bad. Call her back”. Then I got a weird message on my answering machine from you this morning so I put two and two together. Betty, Buffy… Close enough.”
Buffy whistled, pretending to be impressed. “Wow, I can’t believe that airhead actually took the message. What was going on in there last night anyway?”
Dawn took a mysterious tone to answer. “I can’t say a word. What happens in the dorm, stays in the dorm. If I talk, they’ll kill me.”
Buffy snorted. “And there I was thinking that my little sister was a saint, all pure and innocent. Tsk. I can be so naïve sometimes.”
There was a chuckle at the other end of the line. “But I am innocent! I didn’t do anything. My roommate decided to throw a party; what was I supposed to do? I’m telling you… College life is corrupting me.”
“Like you needed college for that. You had me to corrupt you, remember?”
“Yeah, you were such a bad example. Still are by the way. I’ve been emailing prisoners trying to find love just like my big sister. See what you do to me?” Dawn tried to joke, but it didn’t have the reaction she thought it would.
Instead of the laugh she was expecting, she got a quiet sob.
“Buffy?… What’s going on? Did something happen? Are you all right? Is that why you called last night?”
When her sister didn’t answer, she got frustrated. “Buffy! What is going on? Talk to me. Is it Spike? Did something bad happen with him?”
“I’m pregnant.”
This shocked Dawn into silence.
“Dawn? Are you still there?”
“Huh… yeah, I’m here. You’re what?”
“I’m pregnant, damn it!” Buffy said through her tears. “Do I really have to keep saying that word over and over again? I’m trying to be in denial here for Christ sake!”
“Oh, wow. I don’t know what to say.” Dawn said with hesitation. “I, huh, well, I guess I could react two completely different ways. Squeal with excitement, congratulate you and start talking about baby names and how excited I am to become an aunt; or say that I’m so sorry. Not sure which you wanna hear.”
“Don’t you think the hysterical tears were enough of a clue?”
“I suppose. But I wanna be happy, damn it.” The girl whined. “Why can’t I be happy exactly? Why aren’t you happy? You want kids, I know you do.”
“Not like this! Not when the father might be in prison until he walks with a cane. Not when the man I love won’t be by my side to shop for wallpapers and cribs and car seats. How do you think he’ll feel knowing that he has a family out there and can’t be with them?”
“OK, you do have a very good point. But Buffy, you’ll find a way to get him out of there. And then, everything will be all right. I have a good feeling. Things can’t do anything but get better. I don’t see why they wouldn’t. You’re a good person; you don’t deserve all this bad stuff happening to you.”
Buffy pouted. “Unless I was Hitler in another life.”
“Or Rasputin.”
“Who?”
“Never mind. The point is, you can’t give up. Take it as a motivation. Be the lioness fighting for her cubs.”
Buffy rolled her eyes. “Lame.”
“Maybe, but true. Fight for what’s yours. I know you can do it. When you really want something, you usually get it. So go frame Angel and get your man out of prison. It’s an order.”
“Yes master. But it might be kind of hard to be credible when I’m pregnant up to my eyes. My original plan was to befriend Angel and Darla, maybe flirt a little and get them to trust me. So unless they have a fantasy about a threesome with a pregnant woman, it’s going to make things way harder.”
“Which only means you have to act fast. How far along are you?”
“Only a month I think. But I‘ll know for sure when I go for the ultrasound.”
“That gives you about three months before you really start showing. Do you think it’s enough?”
“If I make the first move now, maybe. I’m still waiting for the PI I hired to take care of the legal aspect.”
“Can’t you use that time to start approaching them?”
Buffy remained silent for a moment, staring off in the distance at her serene surroundings. She was sitting there with her mind in turmoil, her life completely upside down, and meanwhile, her neighbors were carrying on with their everyday lives, mowing the lawn, going to work, playing with their kids. It almost seemed wrong. But it was just appearances. They probably had their problems too, just like her. Maybe not as soap opera-ish, but problems nonetheless. And suddenly, she felt ashamed of herself. It wasn’t like her to let problems bring her down. Normally, she would fight whatever life threw at her. Dawn was absolutely right. She should take the bull by the horns.
“I’m sorry honey, you’re so right. I don’t know what’s wrong with me and why I’ve been so pathetic lately. Can I blame the pregnancy? I heard it does quite a number on a girl’s hormones.”
“I think it might be the accumulation. You’ve been through a lot lately. It’s normal that you’d freak you. But the Buffy I know would go out there and kick some asses.”
Buffy finally managed her first real smile in more than 24 hours. “Then that’s what Buffy shall do.”
“Good to hear. So, how did Spike take the news?”
She cleared her throat uncomfortably before answering in a somewhat sheepish voice. “Oh, he took it well… as in, he doesn’t know yet.”
“You didn’t get to see him?”
“I did.”
“But?”
“But I sorta didn’t tell him.”
“Buffy!” Dawn exclaimed indignantly. “He should be the first one to know!”
“I couldn’t, OK! I tried. I was going to tell him. But I couldn’t. He won’t take it well.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes I do.”
“Oh, so you’re psychic now or something?”
“No, he told me.”
“Not following you. You said you didn’t tell him, so why would he tell you that? I don’t get it.”
“Because.” Buffy’s short lasting good mood was long gone and she was back to emotional mess status. “I was about to tell him when he started talking about using condoms from now on, saying that it would be catastrophic if I’d get pregnant. What was I supposed to say to that? ‘Oh, by the way, I already am… Surprise!’ That would have gone over well, I’m sure.”
“OK, I can see how that was bad. I would have probably chickened out of telling him too. But you have to take a step back and see things objectively. He made that comment not knowing you are already knocked up. He was only pointing out to you that it would be bad if you’d end up pregnant. Which is true, right? You told me yourself.”
“Not sure I follow.”
“It’s like if I tell you to be careful not to drink and drive because you could get into an accident and it would be horrible. But I don’t know you’re talking to me from the hospital because you did do it and you lost both your legs in the accident. I would have reacted way differently if I had known, right? And when you’d tell me, I’d be supportive and still spend days and nights at the hospital with you. So that’s my point. Sure, when he was speaking in theory, he said it would be horrible. But when you tell him, I’m sure he will be supportive and loving, and will be happy to be a father even if the situation sucks right now.”
“It sucks to be the beautiful one sometimes.”
“Hey! I might be the brainy one, but I’m still as much of babe as you are. I have brains AND beauty.”
“Whatever you say, brat.”
“Whatever. Promise me you’ll tell him as soon as you have the chance.”
“Fine. I promise.”
“Good. I gotta go now; I have classes in twenty minutes.”
“All right. You better not sleep off the hang over during your class missy or I’ll tell mom you got drunk.”
Dawn huffed indignantly. “You wouldn’t dare.”
“Watch me.” Buffy smiled. “Love ya.”
“Love you too. Bye.”
They hung up and Buffy stood up, finally ready to face the day.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I'm on a major guilt trip right now. I think about you guys all the time, but just can't seem to find the time I would need to sit down and write. I know you're all disappointed with the lack of updates, but it can't be helped. I had work, annual training, parents coming over twice in one month, looking for an apartment, finding it, planning the move, and getting ready for the convention in Detroit. I'm a little bit overwhelmed right now and I hope you all understand. I just hope you guy don't get tired of waiting and give up on me :( I promise I'll try to do better as soon as things get back to normal. Not much happening in this chapter, but next one will make up for it because it will be the first meeting between Buffy, Angel and Darla. I'd like to thank whoever nominated Please Mrs. Jailer at the Fool for love awards. You rock. Also, PMJ got runner up for best Buffy characterization on Tales of the Slayer awards. YAY! Love you all and hope to see some of you at the convention in Detroit this weekend.