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CHAPTER 52: In the name of love, or justice?

The atmosphere in Buffy's basement was agitated, to put it mildly. Four women sitting on the floor around a pitcher of Margaritas, talking all at once. When one of their own gets scorned, it is a well known fact that women gather and claws come out.

Buffy had come home to find Cordelia sitting at the kitchen table, happily chatting with Dawn. And even though she hadn't seen her friend in a long time, she'd been annoyed, wanting nothing more than being left alone to wallow in her own misery. But after consideration, she was kinda glad she had someone to talk to. Her first words had been hesitant because she had every reason to expect Cordelia to snicker and say "I told you so". But the brunette's silence had encouraged her to open up. Right away, Dawn took things into her own hands. She almost dragged the two women downstairs and made them sit down while she prepared drinks for everybody. Like she said, nothing better than margaritas to temporarily numb heartaches.

Buffy was already slightly inebriated when Faith showed up unannounced. She'd stopped by to check on Buffy, but got more than she bargained for. The latest addition to their circle of man-bashing was welcomed with open arms, and barely had time to sit down before a salt rimmed glass full of tasty goodness was put in front of her. Having had very few female friends in her life, Faith wasn't big on girls' night, but hey, free booze. Who was she to refuse that?

“Damn B, little sis has some secret bartending skills I wasn’t aware of. I bet ya she’s Miss Popularity in college.”

Dawn smiled proudly. “Believe it or not, I had no idea how to make a margarita until a few months ago. God bless UCLA.”

“Amen to that kiddo.”

With slightly slurred speech, Buffy repeated her story for Faith's benefit, obviously happy to have a pair of fresh ears to listen to her. Dawn and Cordelia had already heard the story three times and there were just so many times you could repeat "Men suck. Poor Buffy." while shaking your head sympathetically.

"Can you believe it? Can you believe he actually did that? Men are evil and stupid. After that, people ask me why I spent my life avoiding falling in love. That's why! God I should have known better than trusting a man not to break my heart."

Buffy continued ranting almost incoherently, not noticing that the three other girls were lost in their own thoughts. Cordelia was biting her lip to stop herself from saying the words that had been burning her tongue, Faith was silent, her gaze focused intently on her drink, and Dawn was looking down to hide the beginning of tears.

Buffy finally noticed the look on Cordelia's face and refocused her angry energy on her best friend. "What? Why are you looking at me like that? Why don't you just come out and say it. I know you're dying to."

"Say what, Buffy?" Cordelia asked, her tone guarded. She knew she was treading in dangerous waters.

"I told you so." Buffy snapped angrily. "Isn't that what you've wanted to say since I walked in earlier?"

Cordy looked down at her perfectly manicured hands, not answering.

"Well?" Buffy insisted. She knew she was looking for a fight, but needed to get her thoughts away from Spike and this was as good a diversion as she could find.

Cordelia finally looked up at Buffy. "You obviously want me to say something you don't want to hear, but fine, I'll say it. I told you so. I knew you were going to get hurt, and you didn't listen to me. Doesn't mean I won't be here for you though. I might be a bitch, but I love you. Sometimes I wonder why, but I can't help myself."

"Geez, thanks Cord." Buffy huffed. But the fight drained right out of her, replaced by tears.

Cordelia stood up and went to sit next to her friend, putting a comforting arm around her frail shoulders.

Dawn was the next to speak up. "I don't believe it."

"Yeah, we've established that already, Dawnie." Cordelia snickered.

"No. I mean, I DON'T believe it. I don't think Spike would do something like that unless he had a good reason. He's not like that."

"And how many times have you met him exactly?" Cordy asked, clearly not trusting the teen's judgment.

"Uh... Twice. And we talked on the phone a couple times." At Cordelia's amused look, Dawn narrowed her eyes and insisted. "I know it's not like we hang out or anything, but he's a good guy. I just know it. He wouldn't do that without a reason."

Buffy sniffled. "Didn't we decide this was a ‘Spike sucks’ party? I'm not exactly in the mood to listen to you praise him after he just broke up with me."

"Buffy, I know you're hurt and angry right now, and don't feel like being rational, but think about it." Dawn pleaded with her angry sister, unwilling to give up her faith in Spike just yet. She liked him the minute she met him, and didn't want to admit she might have miss judged him.

"Can I see that letter, B?" Faith said, finally breaking her silence.

"What?" Buffy gave her friend a disbelieving look. "No. It's personal."

"Come on, give me that letter. I'd like to make up my own mind if it‘s OK with you. I happen to agree with College Girl and have a hard time believing Spike would go from being all starry eyed whenever your name is mentioned, to breaking things off with you just like that." Seeing Cordelia open her mouth to argue, Faith shut her up. "And I would know because I see him every day."

Cordelia glared, but didn't say anything.

Buffy reluctantly pulled the abused sheet of paper from her jeans pocket and handed it to Faith.

Faith read the letter carefully twice before looking up. She let out an unladylike snort. "This has got to be the best break up letter I've ever read. Personally, all I ever get are answering machine break ups, or better, I get home and all my guy's stuff is gone... along with half of my stuff. At least this is classy."

"Faith..." Buffy almost growled.

"Sorry B. Here," She pointed at a sentence on the paper. "And if the wrong people find out what you’re trying to do, you could end up dead. " She read aloud.

"I've read it already. But thank you for the reminder though." Buffy snapped.

"Don't you get it? This is the main point of the letter. Obviously, your hunk of a boy toy found out somehow about your little plan and thinks dumping you will keep you from going through with it."

This got Buffy's attention, but she didn't want to excuse Spike so quickly. "That's not possible. At best, he has suspicions. He could have just talked to me about it."

"You mean he never asked you about it?" Dawn asked curiously.

"Well... yeah. But I lied so he really shouldn't have anything to worry about."

"You lied? What did you tell him?" Faith asked.

"He asked if I was still trying to get him out of jail. I said no. So... See? This break up letter isn't justified."

"What if someone told him the truth about you hanging out with Angel?" Dawn pondered. "Then if you lied, he knew you were lying and could have jumped to the conclusion that the only way to make you stop was to break up with you."

"Nope. That's not possible. No one who knows about this has access to Spike. Unless you, or Faith, told him? You didn't, did you?" She looked suspiciously between her sister and Faith.

The both shook their heads.

"See? It's not possible that he knows."

"What about Giles?" Faith asked.

"Giles doesn't know anything about Angel and Darla."

"Uh..." Dawn looked like a dear caught in the headlight.

"What do you mean, uh?" Buffy asked her sister, a dangerous edge to her voice.

"Well... I uh... thought Giles knew, so I talked to him about it last Monday when he was here."

"You did what?!" Buffy exclaimed, clearly not happy with was she was hearing.

"Hey! Don't blame me. How the hell am I supposed to keep up with who knows what? If you wanted to make sure I didn't say the wrong thing to the wrong people, you should have made me a freakin' list!"

Buffy shook her head in denial, still not believing it. "It doesn't matter. Giles wouldn't... Would he?"

Faith shook the letter emphatically. "Pretty damn sure he did."

Buffy's eyes widened. "Well son of a... "

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Spike sat in the busy computer room with a lump in his throat. All around him, the other prisoners were enjoying their short time of cyber freedom rowdily, making comments about 'stupid bitches' who flirted with them having no idea they were convicts. But this was the usual atmosphere in there and Spike was too upset to pay any attention to his fellow inmates' antics. He hadn't slept all night, only getting a few minutes of rest here and there, but always waking up in a cold sweat after vivid nightmares of Angel raping and killing Buffy.

It was still early in the morning, but he would have expected to have heard from her already. A phone call filled with righteous anger, tears and questions. But nothing. It was driving him out of his bleedin' mind. He logged into his email account, typing his pass word with shaky fingers. She was probably taking time to calm down before contacting him and demanding further explanation as of why he'd done what he did.

But there it was. Email from Anne_pet. He looked twice to make sure it was a new email. It was. It took him a good five minutes to find the courage to click on 'read' but he finally did, all the while dreading what he would read.


Spike,

Good one. I have to say I wasn't expecting this. But if you think it's going to stop me from getting you out of there, you're more stupid than I thought you were. I'm not doing it because I love you, I'm doing it because it's the right thing to do. And even if I was doing it out of love for you, breaking up with me doesn't make me love you any less. It makes me angry as all hell, I'll admit that much, but I know what prompted you to give me that letter. I know you're scared for me. And despite the fact that breaking up with me now just after I've already been through so much is a cruel thing to do, I forgive you.

But you failed. I'm still doing this.

Regards,
Anne


He stood up quickly, making his chair crash noisily to the ground and drawing attention to him. But he didn't even notice. He quickly hit print, pocketed the email and ran out of the room under the curious stares of the other prisoners.

Spike burst into the main room like a man followed by the devil. He went straight to the two guards chatting in a corner, coming at them so fast that they instinctively assumed a defensive stance, thinking he intended to attack them.

"Where's Giles?" Spike asked abruptly.

In an identical reaction that could have been almost comical, the two guards blinked without answering, the question taking them by surprise.

"Where is he? I need to see him right the bloody hell now!" Spike almost yelled in his agitation.

They both snickered in amusement before one of them answered. "Aww, do we have a little crush on a fellow Brit, Spikey? How cute, he's possessive. Needs to know where Giles is. Tell you what buddy, I'll make sure to let him know you miss him."

Spike's fist made contact with the guard's face before he even had time to realize what he was doing.

In a matter of seconds, he was on the ground, one guard smashing his face against the floor, the other one handcuffing him, his knee digging painfully in Spike's lower back. They hauled him to his feet.

"You're in deep shit, man." The guard Spike had hit spat, his eyes narrowing in fury.

They motioned to the other guard in the room to let him know they were leaving, then pushed Spike through the door.

Knowing what was coming, Spike panicked. He couldn't afford to spend the weekend in isolation. He had to talk to Buffy now. He started digging his heels in.

"Soddin' hell!" He yelled in frustration. "All I bloody well wanted was to speak to Giles!" He calmed himself down when he noticed one of the guards pulling his nightstick out of its holster, ready to strike. "Listen, mate, 'm sorry I hit you, but couldn't you just have answered the soddin' question?"

Spike was hit in the back, hard, and fell to his knees.

"I decide which question I feel like answering, you worthless piece of shit. I won't let some smart ass criminal think he matters enough to be answered, got it? So shut your fucking mouth and walk."

"Care to explain what's going on here?" Giles said after rounding the corner, his timing impeccable.

Spike looked up from where he was still kneeling on the floor. He could have cried in relief at seeing Giles there.

"This fucker hit me in the face, sir."

"Do watch your language, Robert. Working around prisoners doesn't mean you have to sound like them. Why did he hit you?"

"I don't know sir. Totally unprovoked, if you ask me. Stan and I were talking, minding our own business, when Rayne got in my face. His fist came out of nowhere."

By the look on Stan's face, Giles knew Robert was lying and he'd probably said something to push Spike to hit him.

"Fine. You two just go back to your assignments, I'll take him to isolation."

"But sir..." Stan started arguing.

"I said, go back. You have a job to do and it does not involve spending time in isolation punching and kicking a prisoner, no matter how much amusement this might be to you."

"All right sir."

Robert gave Spike a nasty look before turning on his heels, quickly followed by Stan.

"Stand up." Giles said harshly.

"Rupert..."

"What went through that thick skull of yours, I wonder. What is it, William? You're upset so now you have to walk around punching people in the face? Do you think that having to send you to isolation for a week or two is going to make it easier on Buffy? How do you think she will feel? Did you even think about it? Of course you didn't."

"Will you stop talking for one bleeding minute and listen to me? It didn't work!"

"Of course it will. As soon as she finds out what you did..."

"Your bloody idiotic plan, you wanker! It didn't work. That's why I was looking for you and that's why I got into a fight with those pillocks."

"What are you talking about, Spike?"

Spike pulled out the printed email and shoved it under Giles' nose.

"The daft bint is going to do it anyway. That's what I mean."

Giles took the paper from Spike and quickly read the content.

"I need to see her now." Spike continued, agitated.

The guard looked up from the paper. "Today is Saturday, Spike. She's not here. Won't be here until Monday. You know that."

"Soddin' Hell!"

Giles removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I wonder how she found out that you knew... Dear Lord, she probably figured out that I'm the one who told you."

Spike found some humor in that. He snickered. "Yeah, and knowing Buffy, there'll be Hell to pay. She's gonna be right brassed off."

"We'll cross that bridge when we get there, now won't we? Until then, you're right, you have to speak to her. Come on."

"Where are you taking me? It's not like you can break me out of here and take me to her place. If it was that easy, she'd have done it instead of messing around with Angel."

"No, but you will call her. I'm taking you to my office so you can have some privacy. It wouldn't do for another guard to over hear your conversation."

Giles led Spike to his office and shut the door behind them.

"Here. The phone is over there on my desk."

"Yeah, I can see that. I've seen phones before, mate." Spike snapped. "But thanks for pointing out the obvious."

Giles sighed and shook his head, but refrained from commenting. The prisoner was obviously on edge; no need to start an argument.

Spike picked up the phone and dialed the familiar number. After a few rings, a groggy voice answered.

"This better be good, Giles. I'm not in the most fabulous mood right now."

"Buffy."

The silence on the other end of the line was deafening.

"Buffy, are you still there?"

"Yes. How are you calling from Giles' phone? Did you break into his office or something?" Her voice couldn't have been colder.

"He's the one who took me here to call you. Thought we needed to talk in private. First good idea the wanker has in forever."

"Oh." Was Buffy's only answer.

"I got your email."

"Yeah. I figured that's why you're calling."

"Look, I know you're mad at me and all, but you're not making this conversation easy, pet."

"And what exactly do you want me to say, Spike. Why don't you tell me exactly how I could make this easier for you? Enlighten me. Because you certainly haven't made anything easy for me, have you?"

"I'm sorry, OK? You have no idea how sorry I am. But at the time, I thought it was a good idea."

"Well you didn't think hard enough, apparently."

"Never said I was much of a thinker, pet."

"Didn't think you were an idiot either. But obviously I was wrong if you thought your little plan would work. You really pissed me off, William. And by the way, why don't you tell your buddy Giles that he's on my black list too. I trusted you. The two of you."

"And we both deserve that, don't worry, I know." He gave Giles a meaningful glance. "Buffy, we could talk about how wrong I was and how much I hurt you for the next two hours, but that's not why I called. I don't know what you have planned exactly, but don't do it."

"I'm a big girl, Spike. I make my own decisions. I can take care of myself... have for twenty seven years now. But thanks for caring."

"I thought breaking up with you would be enough to make you snap out of whatever super hero fantasy you've got going on. Don't you get that I did this because I love you and I'm scared for you?" Spike pleaded, desperate to find the right thing to say to change her mind.

"Oh cut the crap, Spike." The cool detachment was now gone from Buffy's voice, replaced by seething anger. "How could you think for one minute that breaking my heart would be enough to make me change my mind about all this? What? You thought I'd just go 'Oh well' and then sit on my couch and watch ‘Sex and the City’ reruns? Then you don't know me at all."

"You're wrong. I know you. That's why I'm scared out of my bloody mind. You're the most stubborn chit I've ever met and I know that if you have it in that pretty little head of yours that justice must be done, then no one will be able to talk you out of it. That's why I didn't even try. I was going to, but then you lied to me about it and it made me realize that I had to take drastic measures to get through to you. That one blew up in my face spectacularly.”

“So if you think talking me out of it isn’t an option, and breaking up with me didn’t work either, why are we having this conversation?” She asked sarcastically.

“Because I have to try. Don’t you get it? He. Will. Kill. YOU. Or worse. God knows what that wanker and his bitch would do to you if they have even the tiniest little doubt that you may be on to them.”

“That’s why I won’t let them find out. What do you think, I’m stupid or something?”

“I don’t think you’re stupid, but I do think you’re seriously underestimating how brilliant they are when it comes to evil. They hide it well under that redneck exterior, but they are smart.”

“I’m smarter.”

“Buffy, please...”

“No, Spike. Enough, OK? Nothing will happen to me.”

“Really? What makes you so sure of that, pet? I don’t think Drusilla thought something would happen to her, and yet, she got killed.”

“The difference between Drusilla and I is that I know how far they could go. I know they’re psychotic murderers. She didn’t. Don’t you think I’d get the Hell out of there the second I suspect they might be on to me? I don’t have a death wish, no matter what you seem to think. Dying is not part of my plans. Besides, I’m not going in there without back up.”

“Back up? What kind of back up?” He asked, his curiosity piqued.

Buffy's tone softened considerably. “The PI I hired and his cop friend are in on the plan. They won't let anything happen to me. They will be right outside in case of trouble.”

“I... wasn't aware of that.”

“You would if you had asked me.”

“I’ll give you that one. But if you’re wrong and something does happen to you, do you have any idea what it would do to me? Knowing that you died because of me? I don’t think I could ever get over that.”

“I know. That’s why I won’t take any stupid risks. Spike, I promise you I’ll be careful. I’ll come back in one piece. Maybe you wouldn’t be able to live with yourself if something happens to me, but I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I don’t at least try. Can you understand that? I love you. Is it so hard to understand?”

“I love you too, Buffy. There’s nothing I can do or say to convince you not to do this, is there?”

“Nope.”

“God, luv, this is killing me.”

“Yes, but you’ll forget all about it when your stubborn warden with a super hero complex gets you out of prison.”

They both chuckled at that.

“Uh... Spike?”

“Yeah?”

“Are we still... broken up?” She asked, hope and insecurity clear in her voice.

He didn't have to pause to think about it. “The point was to stop you from doing something stupid, and you’re gonna bloody well do it anyway, so I’m thinking no. Unless you think it would be better if we were..?”

“That would be a big fat no.”

“Good.”

“I’m still majorly pissed at you though so don’t think you’re getting off that easy. You will have a lot of groveling to do.”

“Don't worry, kitten, I’m ready and willing to grovel as much as needed.”

“All right. I’ve got to go now. But I promise I’ll be back in one big Buffy shaped piece on Monday. We’ll talk more then.”

“OK. Be careful. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

Giles watched Spike hang up the phone with a disbelieving look on his face.

“That’s it?! You call her to try to make her change her mind, and you’re the one to change your mind?”

“I didn’t change my mind about how stupid and dangerous what she wants to do is, but I accepted that there was no changing her mind.”

“You gave up ridiculously easily.”

“Hey, you were not the one talking to her. She’s like a brick wall. If you don‘t believe me and you think you can do better, you‘re more than welcome to pick up the damn phone and call her yourself.”

“Maybe I will.”

Spike chuckled. “Good luck with that. She’ll eat you alive, Rups. She’s still pretty mad at you old man.”

Giles blanched slightly at the idea of facing Buffy’s wrath. “Let’s get you back to your cell, shall we?”

Spike grinned. “Well aren’t we easily scared.”

“Oh do shut up, Spike.”

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