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CHAPTER 8: Forbidden



The red convertible turned into the prison’s parking lot. Buffy stopped to slide her keycard to open the gate. She was tired from spending the night up listening to Dawn’s anecdotes and looking at pictures, but she was happy. She had missed the little devil and it felt good to see her after so long. Even if it meant that she would now have to deal with the headache from Hell and a total lack of efficiency at work today.


Buffy went through the long security process to enter the secure area almost mechanically. She smiled and said good morning to the guards posted there, voluntarily ignoring the lack of sincerity of their tone when they answered her.


The young woman made her way to her office through the maze of corridors, stopping at Harmony’s desk to collect her mail. She was looking through it absentmindedly when she suddenly heard Giles voice coming from somewhere behind her. She stopped what she was doing and waited for him to appear. A few seconds later, he walked by accompanied by another guard.


“Giles. Could you come here for a moment?”


“Yes, of course.” He parted with the other guard and came toward her. “Good morning Buffy.”


“Good morning. Where you on your way to your office?”


“As a matter of fact, no. I was going to the yard. Why do you ask?”


“About Spike, I was wondering if…”


“You don’t have to worry about him, everything has been taken care of while you were taking time off for your injury.”


“What do you mean ‘taken care of‘? Did he get himself into trouble while I was gone?”


Giles seemed genuinely puzzled. “Well… no. I mean…”


Buffy frowned. “Giles? Where IS Spike?”


“You were injured and we didn’t want to upset you any further by asking you what to do with him before you left, so we took it upon ourselves to--do what needed to be done.”


“So what? You thanked him on my behalf?” Buffy was now sensing that something was definitely wrong and she was getting mad.


“Thank him? Whatever do you mean? He was the one who attacked you, wasn’t he?”


“Giles! What have you guys done to Spike?! He’s the one who HELPED me, not attacked me! Are you telling me the poor guy has been in isolation all this time?”


Giles looked down. “Well--yes.”


“Damn it! Go get him and bring him back here. I can’t believe this!”


“After you got injured, the two guards who were with us took the initiative to take him to isolation. They told me what happened later and I approved. If we were mistaken in the prisoner‘s intentions…”


“Right now, I don’t care what happened.” She interrupted. “Get him. We’ll talk about this later.”


She watched him as he left the office in a hurry. She was pissed. She had spent all weekend thinking about what Spike had done and how she wanted to thank him. Who had ever seen a prisoner come to the aid of his warden? He had been so nice to her. And now, he probably thought she was an ungrateful bitch.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


“Dear Lord.” Giles muttered. He sighed deeply while taking in the appearance of the blonde man sitting in front of him in the bare cell. He had dried blood under his nose, and a nasty bruise that was turning interesting shades of green and yellow on the left side of his jaw. He couldn’t sit straight, probably because of some injury.


“Jake! Devon!” He barked angrily.


The two guards who had been chatting a few feet away looked in his direction.


“I rarely approve of your ways, but this time, you went too far. We will probably lose our jobs over this, you idiots! Ms. Summers is already angry enough that Spike was sent to isolation by mistake, when she sees what the bloody hell has been done to him, God knows how she will react.”


“But Rup…” Jake started, but was automatically interrupted by Giles.


“It’s Mr. Giles. I’m your superior here, it would do you well not to forget it.”


Giles had never been this angry in his life. Things were looking up. He didn’t have to put up with the likes of Wilkins and his predecessors anymore. His new boss was a good person who liked her job and he enjoyed being around the girl. But he could tell she was straight as an arrow, had strong morals, and would never stand for mistreatment in her prison. He would be blamed for what these two clowns had done to Spike. And THAT made him angry.


Devon tried to take over the explanation from his chastised friend but Giles wouldn’t have it. “We only did it because he attacked the warden, Mr. Giles.”


“Just how stupid do you think I really am? We both know you don’t give a bloody damn about Ms. Summers. You only used it as an excuse to rough up Spike.”


“But…”


“I don’t want to hear it. Go back to work. And if you think there won’t be any consequences to what you did, you’re sadly mistaken.”


Scared of losing his job, Jake tried to argue with Giles. “Couldn’t you tell her he got injured during the riot? I’m sure she’d buy it!”


“I will not lie to cover your arses, I’m sorry.”


Giles went to the small break room that was there for the use of the guards assigned to the isolation area, and came back with a wet cloth. He walked back into Spike’s cell and tossed him the cloth.


“Clean yourself up, the warden wants to see you. You look like Hell.”


Spike caught the wet cloth and without a word, cleaned the dry blood from his face.


Giles put the handcuffs on the prisoner’s wrists. “Lets go.”


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Buffy paced restlessly in her office, waiting for Giles to come back with Spike. She didn’t know exactly what to tell the guy. Somehow ‘sorry you spent the last four days alone in a cell the size of a closet for no reason’ didn’t seem to cut it.


Harmony opened the door, letting Spike and Giles walk in. The four of them remained silent for a few moments until Buffy finally sighed. “We’re good Harmony. Thank you.”


She gave the girl a pointed look and Harmony finally took the hint and left. Buffy couldn’t bring herself to look at Spike. He was just standing there, staring straight ahead, his jaw visibly clenched. That’s when she saw the bruise.


“What the Hell…?!” She took a deep calming breath, but her cheeks were turning pink from her anger. “Spike, have a seat and wait for me a minute. Giles, outside. Now.”


“But… You won’t leave him here alone?”


“This won’t take long.” She stepped outside of her office, closely followed by a wary Giles.


“What the fuck happened? He was BEATEN? I don’t know how things were before I got here, but I won’t stand for that kind of behavior in my prison.”


She had left the office door open and could see from the corner of her eye that Spike hadn’t moved to sit. He was still standing rigidly in the middle of the room. She couldn’t blame him for being mad.


“Buffy,” Giles said, trying to keep his voice low so Spike wouldn’t hear, “let’s not talk about this here. It’s not good for the staff to argue in front of the prisoners. It gives them the impression of…”


“I want a staff meeting this afternoon. And you are going to tell me who’s responsible for this.”


“Of course. I regret this took place…”


“I believe you, but that doesn‘t change it.”


She turned to her secretary. “Harmony, contact everyone from security and tell them there will be a staff meeting this afternoon at 4.”


Harmony nodded. For once, she didn’t dare saying anything. She was witnessing a side of Buffy that she had no idea existed.


“All right. Now if you’ll excuse me. Wait in your office Giles, I’ll call you when I want you to take Spike back.”


She returned to her office where Spike was waiting, and closed the door behind her. She was suddenly uncomfortable. This wasn’t the same man she had met a week ago. He seemed so cold, and hostility was rolling off him in waves.


Buffy wasn’t sure what to do. She walked past him and to her desk where a carafe of fresh water was sitting. “Want a glass of water?”


He snorted at her lame attempt at breaking the ice, but didn’t answer.


She poured two glasses anyway and went to sit on the leather couch against the large window that covered one side of her office. She put the glasses down on the coffee table in front of her.


“Come and sit with me, would you? We need to talk.”


“’am perfectly fine standing right here. I just want to know why I’m here, warden, so I can leave.”


“Originally, the reason I called you in here was to say thank you. Now it’s to say I’m sorry.” She answered in a soft voice.


Spike frowned at her unexpected answer, but didn‘t say anything.


“Don’t just stand there. Come here.”


He hesitated.


Buffy sighed and looked away. “I understand. Do you want me to call Giles and ask him to take you back? You missed breakfast already but I’ll make sure you get something to eat… ” She lowered her head. “I’m really sorry Spike.”


When Buffy looked up, he was sitting next to her.


“What is there to be sorry about luv?”


She didn’t answer, just looked at his bruised face. She shook her head slightly in disbelief, not liking the irony of it all. That’s what he got for worrying about her well being?


“God, what have they done? I swear I had no idea. I left right after I regained consciousness. I did ask about you when I came to, but the nurse said ‘he’s been taken care of’ and I never thought to ask her what she meant. Then she put me in a cab and sent me home. I should have told someone about your helping me, but things just got so crazy…”


“Hey now. No worries. You had just hit your head badly. I saw you fly into the bloody wall headfirst. I’m surprised you didn’t have to go to the hospital after that blow. I should have known you were not the one who ordered me to the hole. But I thought maybe you misunderstood my intentions. It’s no big a deal.”


“Yes it is. And it’s not only about you not deserving this treatment. Nobody will get beaten up by prison staff as long as I’m the warden here. That won’t be tolerated. I don’t know for how long this practice has been going on, but it’s stopping now. The guards who did this are getting fired tonight.”


Spike felt torn. He didn’t want to defend the wankers who did this to him, but he also didn’t think he mattered enough for such drastic measures. “They only did it because they thought I hurt you.”


He didn’t expect Buffy to laugh so much at his comment.


“Excuse my language, but these guys don’t give a shit about me, Spike. They used what happened to me as an excuse to do what they wanted; they couldn’t care less about my well being.”


Spike frowned. “Why would you think that? I’m sure you’re doing a fine job and you're a good boss.”


“Oh it’s not about how capable I am. I guess I’m just not what they expected, and they can’t get over the initial shock. Maybe they will, but it will take time before they realize that I’m perfectly competent, and start warming up to me. Anyway, this is not about me. I just wanted you to know how much I appreciated what you did the other day… and again, how sorry I am that things turned out the way they did. It was unfair to you.”


“First, you have nothing to thank me for pet. I did what any respectable man would do when seeing a lady getting hurt. There’s a lack of respectable men in this fine establishment. But I guess that can be explained by the fact that this is a prison.” He winked playfully at her, but then got serious again. “Second, you have no business feeling sorry for me.”


Buffy looked puzzled. “What?”


“You heard me pet. Don’t feel sorry for me. I don’t know how to explain that life sent me here. I’ve always been a good person. I‘ve never even stolen a candy bar, let alone hurt someone. My only mistake was to fall in love with the wrong bird. So I guess I must have done something in a previous life that was pretty bad in order to deserve this. But since I’ve been here, I’ve done things that I’m not proud of. Bruised a lot of faces, got into a lot fights. Usually with wankers who, according to me, deserved it, but it’s not an excuse.”


He tried to reach his glass of water but winced and had to give up because of the pain shooting throughout his torso. Buffy saw that and gave it to him. He took a sip and continued.


“So, sure, I got beaten up for the wrong reason,” he shrugged “but the ‘why’ doesn’t really matter. Every punch I received, I’ve given to someone at one point or another. So a pretty bird like you, with all your morals and conscience, shouldn’t worry herself with feeling sorry for someone like me. There’s enough of me feeling sorry for myself for being here in the first place.”


“So, let me get this straight. You think because you got yourself in a couple of fights, that means you deserve to get beaten up by prison guards? Sorry to say that I don’t follow you here. This is jail, Spike. If you don’t kick some people’s ass, they’ll walk all over you. Defending yourself, or giving a good ass kicking to someone who deserves it, doesn’t make you a bad person.”


“You probably don’t remember but when we met for the first time last week, I vaguely told you about how I got my nickname…”


“You mean how you met your buddy Gunn? Of course I remember. What? You think I don’t pay attention when my favorite prisoner tells me stories?” She smirked at him and he chuckled.


“I’m touched, really.” Spike got more comfortable on the couch, mindful of his sore ribs, before continuing what he was saying. “Anyway, this story took place here. I had been incarcerated about two or three weeks before and I was working with some of the guys on the license plates. That’s where I was assigned before you saved me from that horribly boring job. Thank you by the way. Charles was working with us. Suddenly, for no good reason, these guys started bothering him. There was no way he could have defended himself against the wankers, there were five of them against one. I don’t know what got into me Buffy. I’m sorry, can I call you Buffy?”


“Of course you can.”


“Yeah, so, I don’t know what it was. Maybe it was the unfamiliarity of the violence surrounding me for the three weeks I had been here, or maybe I was just doing some transfer on this guy’s situation. I don’t know. Psychology has never been my strong point. But I became enraged. I could have just jumped into the fight and helped him if I was so concerned with fairness. But no. My eyes landed on a rusted spike on the floor. I have no idea how the thing got there in the first place and believe me, there were weeks of inspection of the facilities after my little stunt. So I grabbed the thing, walked up to one of the guys who was beating on Gunn, and stabbed him. Not with the intention of killing him, but I bloody well stabbed the wanker. I could have killed the guy. If he had moved, or if I had miscalculated my aim, I could have killed him. So you say that doesn’t make me a bad person… Personally, I don’t know anymore.”


“Spike. You reacted to injustice. That’s all. And like you said, a prison is a very different environment and it can affect how people react when they are not used to being surrounded by violence. And I think a nice guy who’s never done anything wrong in his life, will react differently than a drug dealer who’s killed hundreds of people.”


The intensity of his blue eyes observing her made her blush and look away.


“Thank you.”


“For what?”


“Understanding.”


“You know, we’re not all that different you and I.”


“What? We’re both unnaturally blonde?”


“Ha ha, funny. Speak for yourself. Where do you get the bleach anyway?”


“Good connections.“ He gave Buffy one of his sexy smirks. “Gunn’s sister is nice enough to bring me some once in a while. And she brings me the good stuff too. She’s a hairdresser. But, you were saying that we’re not different? How so?”


She smiled wickedly. “I use to beat the shit out of jerks for the sake of justice and fairness… And because it was fun to hear them cry and beg.”


Spike eyed her up and down before asking: “How much do you weight, pet? 80Lbs--when you’re wearing ski boots?”


“Hey! I resent that. I’ll have you know that I use to strike fear in the most fearless of bad guys in my time mister. I was very vicious.”


They both laughed.


“Anyway, that’s how I started working in prison, but I won’t bore you with the story.”


“You won’t bore me. I’m interested.”


Buffy suddenly looked uncomfortable. “You sure?”


“I swear. I want to know.”


“I never told anyone about this. The only person who knows the real reason why I rebelled as a teenager is my friend Cordelia, and it’s only because she was there that day.”


“What happened?”


“I used to be your typical popular girl in school. Tons of so called friends, captain of the cheerleading squad, perfect hair, perfect clothes, permanent plastic smile on my face. I think I even smiled when I slept. I’m sure you get the picture.“


He chuckled at the description.


“I was hanging out with the popular crowd too. I thought my life was perfect. Beginning of high school, a new girl moved to our school. Tara McClay. She was a very shy girl who acted like she didn’t deserve to exist. My friends were nasty to her. It’s so easy to pick on the weak. I talked to Tara sometimes when I’d see her at the library. She was a very nice girl. But whenever my friends would make fun of her, I was too much of a coward to say anything to defend her so I’d just stand by with that stupid smile on my face. If only I had known…“ Buffy remained silent for a moment and looked away, lost in the painful memories.


“Did something bad happen?”


“Turned out, she was abused by her father. One day, I guess he was a little too enthusiastic and miscalculated his punch. It killed her.”


Spike winced sympathetically, but didn’t interrupt her.


“When I showed up at her funeral, half of the school was there, including the bitches who had dedicated their lives to making her miserable. The worst one of them, Judith, even had the nerve to get up and give a speech. She was dressed like she was going to a fashion show, and had one theatrical tear running down her face like she cared. I was so furious that I walked up to her and clocked her right in front of everybody. After that, things went downhill for me. I lost all of my friends, got kicked out of the squad, became one of the school’s freaks. But I didn’t care. Only my friend Cordelia didn’t turn her back on me. I was always caught in fights, usually to defend other people. I ended up at the police station three times. On the third time, the sergeant suggested to my mom that she send me to work part time at the L.A. County prison to teach me a lesson. He had a contact there or something. It was supposed to scare me into behaving, but I liked it and decided that’s what I wanted to do. So… yeah. That’s how I started working in prison.”


They remained silent for a few minutes after she was done talking. Spike had a serious expression on his handsome face. They were closer now. Her voice had been soft as she had shared her memories and Spike had inched closer to hear her. He tilted his head to look at her, and gave her a warm smile.


“You’re amazing.” He said softly.


She shook her head. “I don’t think I am. There’s nothing special about me, really.”


“Are you kidding? I know I’m overstepping the boundaries of the prisoner/warden relationship here, but I’ve never been known to respect boundaries anyway so what the hell. I barely know you, but everything I learn about you amazes me. You’re not only a smart, gorgeous, woman; you also have the most interesting and intriguing personality. Sorry if I’m being too honest but--If things were different, if the circumstances were not what they are, I’d probably be writing horrible poetry about you right now, and trying to figure out a way to ask you out without sounding like too much of a wanker.”


He gave her a shy smile that could have stopped her heart, and before she realized what she was saying, she blurted out:


“If things were different, I’d probably be hoping that you’d ask me out right about now. But life isn’t fair and things are the way they are…”


She said it in such a low voice that she wasn’t even sure if he heard her. She couldn’t bring herself to look into his eyes so she kept her eyes on the handcuffs around his wrists to keep herself grounded into reality.


“All right then.” She said, in a overly perky tone that made her wince. “I guess I should get Giles now.“


Before she knew what was happening, Spike lowered his head and pressed his lips against hers. It was so quick that it was over before she even realized it had happened.


Spike turned white as a ghost when he realized what he had done, his eyes filled with what looked like terror.


“Oh God! I’m so sorry, pet. I don’t know what got into me…”


Reacting on instinct, Buffy pulled his face to her and kissed him. It was a sweet, yet passionate kiss, which ended all too soon. A soft caress of the lips. Tongues brushing lightly against each others, teasing, promising so much more. But as soon as Buffy got control over her raging hormones, she panicked and almost jumped away from him.


This time, they both had similar look of shock on their faces. Time seemed to stand still as they struggled to process what had just happened. The blood that had drained from Buffy’s face was now coming back, making her blush furiously.


She let out a string of “ohgodohgodohgods”, the words muffled by the hand covering her mouth.


Buffy jumped up and started pacing, running shaky fingers through her hair. “I can’t believe I did that! Oh God! What have I done!”


Realizing that Buffy was becoming slightly hysterical and that he had to calm her down, Spike got up and stepped in front of her to stop her pacing.


“Buffy, please calm down. It’s not such a big deal…”


“Not a big deal?! How can you say that?”


“Because it’s not. Please, sit down pet, we’ll talk about it.”


She did as he said and sat back on the couch, but she did not calm down. “It is a big deal Spike! I could lose my job! And--and--what are you gonna think of me? That I’m one of these women who use their position to get away with sexual harassment or something?.. Oh God!!”


Normally, he would have laughed at how irrational and cute she was, but the situation wasn‘t allowing it. “Buffy! Look at me. First of all, that wasn’t sexual harassment. I was the one who bloody well kissed you first, remember? Besides, I would never think anything bad of you. And also, you will not lose your job over this. The only way for that to happen would be for someone to find out, and unless there’s a camera in here, that won’t happen. It’s only you and me here, and I would never tell anyone. Do you believe me?”


She nodded, but no word came out of her mouth.


“I would never hurt you Buffy. And you’d be devastated if you’d lose your job, am I right?”


She nodded again.


“Then I won’t tell any living creature about it. Not even my confessor.”


“… You have a confessor?”


Spike laughed. She smiled weakly.


Buffy leaned back in the couch, closed her eyes and took a deep calming breath.


“Are you feeling better pet?”


“A little. Spike--I just wanted to say--I…I’ve never, you know, done this before. Don‘t go thinking I‘m a giant slut or something.”


“I know luv. Don’t worry, I would never think that.”


“Thank you.”


Spike sighed and smiled sadly at her. “I’m sorry reality had to come crashing back and ruin it because--it was a great kiss.“


They looked into each other’s eyes and Buffy’s breath caught in her throat. She had to get up or she’d end up kissing him again. So she did get up, reluctantly.


She straightened her clothes and smiled at Spike who was still sitting on the couch. “I should call Giles. It’s been too long already. I don’t want him to get suspicious.” She paused briefly, than asked: “Am I still blushing? Do you think he’ll notice something happened?”


“No you’re not. You look smashing. He won’t notice a thing I promise. Just act casual.”


She gave him a warm smile, then went to the phone to call Giles‘ office. Spike stood up and went to sit in the chair in front of her desk to wait for the guard. Buffy noticed he had a sad, faraway look in his blue eyes.


“Spike? Something wrong?”


“It’s nothing. Just… Could you promise me something?”


“Sure. What?”


“Promise me you won’t let things get weird between us, that you won’t avoid me. It meant a lot that you were so kind to me the first time we met… and today. I’d hate to lose that.”


“I promise.”


The door opened and Giles walked in. “Lets go Spike.”


His back to Giles, Spike rolled his eyes dramatically and grimaced for Buffy’s benefit. “Alright Rupert, hold your bloody horses, I’m coming.”


Buffy chuckled, and waved discretely at him as he walked away.


“Oh, and Giles? Take Spike to Anya so she can make sure he‘s all right.”


She waited until Giles closed the door, then went to sit in her chair, her head in her hands.


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Chapter 9: Heading for a wall?

A/N: I know the Spuffyness takes a long time to come, but I have to keep things realistic enough considering the circumstances. Be patient, there will be more and more Spuffyness from this point on in the story. And don't forget to let me know what you think of this chapter. Even if it's just a line. A couple of words of encouragement is all I need to motivate me to keep writing ;-)





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