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CHAPTER 9: Heading for a wall?



Buffy hadn’t moved at all for a good half hour. She was still sitting at her desk, holding her head the way she had been after Giles and Spike left the room. When Harmony walked in without knocking, she didn’t even look up.


“Buffy, Ms. Osbourne is here.”


“Harmony, I.. “


A voice, that wasn‘t Harmony‘s, cut her off before she could get another word out.


“Wow. I knew it was you but--Wow! I can’t believe it. Buffy Summers. I just can’t believe--Did I already say wow?” Harmony kept looking between the grinning red head and the staring Buffy, not understanding what was going on. Then Buffy let out an excited squeal just before running into the red head’s arms.


“Just my luck, I work for a freak.” Harmony snorted before exiting the office.


“Oh. My. God. Willow!” Buffy had tears in her eyes when she pushed Willow at arm length, holding her by her shoulders to look at her. “Saying that you have changed would be an understatement.”


“I could say the same to you Buffy. You look great.”


“So do you.”


They looked at each other and giggled like school girls.


“Damn this is so weird.” Buffy said after she finally calmed down. “It’s been what? Ten years?”


“Almost fourteen.” Willow corrected with a sad smile. “I can’t believe it’s been that long. I remember like it was yesterday. I was so sad when my parents decided to leave L.A. But I thought it wouldn’t be for more than a year and that we would manage to keep in touch somehow. Who would have known it would take them five years to grow out of their hippie phase?”


“So, you were in South America for five years?”


“No. We only stayed there for two months, then we went to Africa. I went to a private school there with other Americans. When my parents got tired of that and we finally moved back, they decided Sunnydale would be a great place to live. I tried to find you, but you moved… Oh Buffy, I missed you so much!”


Buffy hugged Willow again, crushing the poor girl against her.


“Huh… Buff? Blue doesn’t look good on me.”


“What?”


“Can’t. Breath.”


“Oh. Sorry!” She released her. “With all that, I forgot to ask. What are you doing here?”


“Hello? Work here. Didn’t your charming and oh-so-sharp secretary tell you?”


“I think I would remember if she did.”


“I’m the head criminologist here. I do most of the psychological evaluations and sit at the parole board.”


“She told me the head criminologist was… “


“Ms. Osbourne?” Willow grinned. “Duh. I got married.”


“No kidding!”


“Harmony is the only one calling me by my married name. And she usually says it with a touch of disdain. She’s a bit upset that the big geek that I am is married and she’s not.”


“Oh Will, I’m so happy for you! We have so much to catch up on. Let’s get out of here for a few hours so we can talk.”


“Shopping?”


“Shopping!”


They walked out of the office giggling and talking excitedly. Harmony looked up from what she was doing.


“Where are you going?”


“Take my messages Harm, we’re going for lunch and a bit of shopping.”


“Oh.” Harmony looked up, obviously trying hard not to look too hopeful. “Can I come with?”


“… Sorry Harm, but Willow and I haven’t seen each other for years.”


A hurt look flashed across Harmony’s features before she could hide it. She huffed. “Fine. Whatever.”


Buffy was about to leave, but she felt bad for the girl. She gave her a kind smile. “Tell you what. Why don’t we go for drinks tomorrow after work?”


Harmony beamed. “Sure. I could probably help improve your social life.” She looked pointedly at Willow.


Buffy chuckled and shook her head while Willow pulled her along by her sleeve. “This girl’s a work of art, Will.”


“Yep. Not the brightest crayon in the box, but she’s entertaining.”


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


“Dawn? Dawnie are you home?”


Buffy dropped her stuff carelessly by the door and went to the kitchen. She looked out the window to see if her sister was outside. It was already dark and Dawn was nowhere to be seen. She went to the fridge in case her sister had left a note for her. As expected, there was a note.


Hey sis,
Met people today when I went out for coffee and they invited me to this club called The Bronze. If you feel like it, you can join me there. If not, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.
Love,
Dawn


Buffy sighed and went to her room to change into something more comfortable. She was physically and emotionally exhausted. She had been hoping Dawn would be home. It would have been a distraction from the thoughts that were bouncing around in her head.


Buffy took off her pink shirt and black leather skirt, letting the garments fall to the floor without a second glance. She then put on white boy’s shorts and a white tank top, pulled her hair back into a loose ponytail and made her way downstairs to the basement.


The blonde girl looked around, suddenly feeling lost and lonely. She usually enjoyed silence, but tonight, she found it oppressive. She went to the stereo system and turned it on, then walked to the bar to get herself a drink. She was gonna keep it simple and grab a beer, but opening the mini fridge, the Margarita mix caught her eye and she changed her mind. She pulled out the ice, the mixer, the tequilla and the salt and busied herself making her drink. It kept her mind occupied for a moment and she welcomed the diversion. Too bad it didn’t last.


Going to the couch, she sat down, her legs tucked under her. Buffy tried to keep her mind blank and just listen to the music without thinking. It worked for a while, but too soon, her mind drifter away to places she didn’t want it to go. Changing tactics, she decided to focus on something positive that wouldn’t lead to heartaches.


Her afternoon with Willow had been great. They had been apart for so many years, but it seemed their friendship had survived. Sure they had changed, but in a way, they were both still the same. Especially Willow. She might look much cooler now, but she was still a big lovable geek inside. Buffy had missed her so much. She remembered crying when Willow had left L.A. to go travel the world with her parents. They had known each other since they were three years old. She could still see little Willow in her mind, with her long red pigtails and her green dress, sitting Indian style in the tree house Buffy’s dad had built for them. They were inseparable.


Buffy chuckled when she remembered how they used to hide in the tree to plot against Cordelia. Back then, Cordy was living down the street from them and was an insufferable little princess who would make their lives miserable. With Xander, they even created the ‘We hate Cordelia’ club. Willow almost choked on her latte this afternoon when she learnt that Cordelia and Buffy were now best friends. When Buffy gave her the final blow by adding that Cord married Xander, Willow spat out her coffee.


Buffy got up to get a refill of Margarita. She took the mixer back with her so she wouldn’t have to get up again. She hadn’t had anything to eat all day except for the ice cream she had at the mall, and was really tired, so the alcohol was already getting to her.


She’d had a great time shopping and talking with Willow. But it wasn’t long before her mind had started wandering again to places she’d rather not go. The kiss. Willow noticed but didn’t insist when Buffy obviously did her best to avoid answering. She just couldn’t talk to her about it. Hell, she couldn’t talk to anyone about it. And it was really killing her.


Damn was it ever killing her!


She slowly let herself slide down on the couch until she was sitting on the floor. She tried to put her empty glass on the coffee table, but her aim was a little off and it fell on the carpet. She giggled drunkenly and taking the mixer’s container, she started drinking directly from it. Who cared, she was alone anyway. She had decided that the best solution to her problem was to drink until she wouldn’t think of Spike’s lips anymore. Or, until she passed out. Unconsciousness sounded very good.


How could she be so attracted to a guy she barely knew? This wasn’t like her at all. She had dated guys for months without ever being able to feel anything for them, and yet, there she was, longing for a man she only met a few times. She wondered what the hell was wrong with her. Why did she have to fall for the only guy she really couldn’t have? And the worst part was that even through her panic this morning when she realized what she‘d done, she had still been dying to kiss him again. Her work was the most important thing in her life, and yet, she had been willing to jeopardize everything for one man.


Her eyelids were starting to get heavy and soon, she drifted off to sleep. That’s how Dawn found her when she got back a few hours later. The young girl shook her head when she saw the state her sister was in.


“Damn it Buffy, what the Hell?” She asked, mostly to herself.


She approached her sleeping sister and crouched next to her. Dawn took away the mixer’s container Buffy was hugging in her sleep, and tried to wake her by shaking her shoulder. Buffy groaned, then finally open one eye.


“Mmmm… What?”


“You know, if you wanted to party, you could have joined me at the club instead of drinking by yourself like a big loser.”


“Mnot a loser. Just pathetic.”


“Don’t you have to work in a few hours?”


“I’m the freakin’ warden... I do what I want.” Buffy said, her speech slightly slurred.


“Oh Buffy,” The younger girl said mockingly. “you are such a great example to me. If someone ever asks me where I got my sense of responsibility, your name will definitely come to mind.”


“Pfff. ‘m waaaay responshible. ’m taking the morning off. I’ll stay late, is all. If someone’s not happy with it, they can tell the warden. Oh, wait… that’s me.” Buffy giggled, proud of her cleverness.


“Whatever you say Buff. Let’s get you to bed.”


She helped Buffy up the stairs, and unceremoniously dropped her on her bed.


“Get some sleep. We’ll go out for breakfast tomorrow morning and then I’ll drive you to work.”


“Just an excuse to get the car.” Buffy mumbled, already half asleep. Then, she was gone.


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Around 10 am, Dawn walked into Buffy’s room, going straight to the window. She pulled the curtains apart, letting the sun light flow into the room. Buffy yelped and hid under her white duvet.


“Good morning sunshine!” Dawn said while noisily shaking a bottle of Tylenols. “Don’t hide, it’s time to rise and shine and welcome a new day.”


She climbed on the bed and hugged the form of her sister through the duvet. A mumble came from under the covers.


“What was that?”


Buffy pulled the covers from her face. “I said, are you overdosing on Prozac or something?”


“Ha ha, funny. I just figured that in the state you must be in right now, I need to be over joyous in order to even get you out of bed. Let’s go. I’ll start the shower, pick out your outfit, then we’ll go out for breakfast. I met the cutest guy last night--can‘t wait to tell you all about it.”


Buffy pulled the covers back up. Not having it, Dawn attempted to pull her from under there by her foot. A quick pillow fight followed, but it didn’t last. Buffy moaned, holding her painful head.


“Stop it! My head… hurts like a bitch.”


“The shower and Tylenols will help. So stop being stubborn and get out of there. It’s your fault anyway for drinking yourself unconscious.”


“Never again. I promise.”


“Yeah, yeah. Get in the shower and don’t make promises you can’t keep.”


Half an hour later, Buffy was making her way to the car. She was wearing simple black trousers, a gray sleeveless turtleneck and big black sunglasses. Dawn, who was waiting for her leaning on the car, snickered.


“I’m sure no one will notice anything. But don’t take the sunglasses off, cause if your staff sees what your face looks like right now, they’ll run away screaming.”


“Shut up and drive.” Buffy pouted, tossing Dawn the Miata’s keys. She knew her sister’s rule about not getting in a car with her if she was behind the wheel, and she felt too shitty this morning to argue with the brunette.


Dawn drove to the nearest Denny’s in silence. She parked the car and they went inside, finding a boot that was well away from other customers so they could have some privacy. They ordered without even looking at the menu. Breakfast at Denny’s was a tradition for the sisters. Especially when it was time to help with bad cases of hangover.


Dawn fidgeted with her napkin while waiting for the coffees and blueberry pancakes to arrive. She wanted to wait for Buffy to talk first, thinking that she had played ‘annoying Dawn’ enough for the day. Make that for the month. After she got her coffee and took a sip of it, Buffy finally opened her mouth.


“How was your night? Had any fun?”


“It was cool. I liked the place. Too many high school kids though.”


“Weren’t you a high school kid yourself only a few months ago?”


“I’m in College now. I’m a grown up. I don’t hang with kids.”


Buffy snickered. “Sorry, you’re right. You’re the epitome of cool now.”


“Shut up!” Dawn whined playfully.


Buffy finally started relaxing. The headache was getting more bearable. She manage to give Dawn a weak smile. “I’m feeling a bit better. Thanks for getting me out of bed. I really can’t afford to miss an entire day of work. So sorry about the ubber crankiness this morning but yesterday… not such a great day.”


“Did something bad happen at work?”


“No.. Hey, do you know who I’m working with?”


“No. Who?”


“Willow! Do you remember her? We were best friends when we were kid. She left town when she was thirteen.”


“The little red head geek? The one who babysat me that one time and decided that Dante’s Inferno would be a great bedtime story for a five year old?”


“It put you to sleep, didn’t it?”


“Sure did!” Dawn laughed.


“She’s not a geek anymore anyway. She married a rock star.”


“No way! Anyone famous?”


“You know that group that plays a lot these days in L.A.? Dingoes Ate My Baby? He’s the bassist. Oz.”


“Get. OUT! That’s freakin’ awesome! Wow. And what is she doing at the prison?”


“She’s the criminologist.”


“So you guys are gonna be working together a lot then. That’s really great.”


“I know!” Buffy took a bite of her blueberry pancake.


“Who’s Spike?”


Buffy violently choked on her pancake.


Dawn cringed. She had hoped to make Buffy react, but not that much. She was so excited the night before when Buffy had mumbled the name in her sleep. She had put two and two together. First, she found her drunk off her ass, then she said a guy’s name. It was no rocket science. She thought it would be easier to get the story out of her by shocking her. But seeing the reaction, she was starting to feel bad.


Noticing Buffy coughing loudly, the waitress discretely brought her a glass of water.


“Sorry Buff. Didn’t mean to cause a near death experience by saying that name. It’s just that you said ’Spike’ last night after I put you to bed and I wanted to find out who it was. Didn‘t know I‘d almost kill you by doing that.”


“I’m all right.” Buffy said, out of breath. “It’s just the last thing I expected you to ask.”


“Is that why you got drunk last night? Because of that guy?”


“Can we not be talking about this right now?”


“Why?”


“Because I CAN’T talk about this. Not even with you.”


Dawn chose to ignore her and keep asking. “I might tease you a lot, but despite all your issues, you’re still a catch. So why is he not bringing you flowers and bonbons, and taking you out on romantic dates? Is he gay or something?”


Buffy growled menacingly.


“Married? Oh, I know. He’s a dangerous murderer! Or even better, one of your prisoners.”


Buffy turned dangerously white.


“Buffy?..” Dawn’s eyes widened with realization. “You have got to be kidding me. No way! Are you telling me the guy who got you all mushy and pathetic is a prisoner?!”


“Why don’t you publish it in the Sunnydale Post while you’re at it, Dawn.”


“Sorry. But--are you out of your MIND?!”


“Yes, yes that’s exactly it.” Buffy answered in a sarcastic tone. “I forgot to take my medication. That’s why I’m pinning over a convict. Thank you ever so much for pointing that out to me. You’re a great help.”


“Ok. I’ll try to calm down and turn off the judgmental part of my brain for a second so I can try to understand this. But first, I have to ask. He didn’t kill anybody, did he?”


“No. He didn’t.”


“All right. That’s good. What is he in for then?”


Buffy blushed and looked away. “Well, technically--huh--Murder.”


It was Dawn’s turn to spit out her coffee.


“But you just said…”


“He didn’t kill anybody, it was someone else… Or at least, I‘m pretty sure he didn‘t.”


This time, her younger sibling laughed openly in her face.


“Buffy, be serious. You’ve been working in prison for ten fucking years, don’t tell me you believe that shit? Prisons are filled with innocents. That’s common knowledge. No matter how hot he is, you can’t be that naïve? He could be just another psychopath that happens to be really charming and convincing.”


“Are you done being a bitch? Can I talk?”


“Talk. I’ll shut up.”


Buffy sighed. “Did it ever happen to you that someone tells you something completely unbelievable, but you look into their eyes and believe them?”


“Yes. If it’s someone I KNOW. Like for example, if you’d tell me: “Dawn, last night, I ran outside around my house butt naked with a hot pink feather boa around my neck.” I’d believe you because I know you… And you’re INSANE.”


“God, my sister is sooo adorable.”


“I know.” Dawn grinned.


“I have met hot prisoners before you know. Hot prisoners who told me they were innocent. Did I believe them? No. Why? Because they were not innocent. But William… There’s just a sincerity in his eyes, a passion… I don’t know how to explain it, but can you for once trust me on this? I’m not being fooled because of my feelings for him. I swear. And yes, despite the fact that I tend to believe him, I‘m still on my guards just in case.”


“Did you say the word ‘feelings‘? You have feelings? You? Buffy Summers?”


“Well…” Buffy started playing with her food, pushing it around her plate, looking embarrassed. “Not feelings feelings. But… Ya know.”


“Do you realize it’s the first time I ever heard you saying you have feelings for a guy? Ever! Wow. This is more serious than I thought. Why does it have to be about a potential murderer?!.. You didn’t act on it, did you?”


The blonde girl looked away guiltily.


“BUFFY!”


“Dawn, you can never repeat this to anybody, understand? Not even your best friend or mom or… anybody! If someone finds out, I’ll lose my job.”


“I know. I wouldn’t tell anyone. What happened?”


“We kinda kissed yesterday. That’s why I was so upset last night. I don’t know how it happened. It just did. We were talking in my office and, next thing you know, there were lips connecting. And tongues. I know it’s hard for you to believe because you never met him, but I don‘t think he‘s bullshitting me to get his way or anything. The attraction goes both ways.”


“Buffy,” Dawn said softly. “the guy is in for murder. And unless someone proves that he is innocent, he’s guilty. He’s there for life. Nothing good can come out of this. Couldn’t you just fall for the guy next door? Everything has to be complicated with you. What kind of a relationship can you have with a guy who’s stuck in jail until he dies?”


“Well… Do you really wanna hear my crazy plan?”


The brunette sighed heavily. “I probably should answer no, but do tell.”


“Keep in mind that it’s not just because I like him. I want to do this because I think it’s unfair for someone to waste their lives in prison when they haven’t done anything.”


Dawn shook her head. “I have a feeling I won’t like what‘s coming.”


“I want to try to find out more about the guy Spike says is the real murderer. If Spike is lying, I’ll find out one way or another. If he’s saying the truth, then I can maybe try to get some kind of proof that he’s not guilty and possibly get him out of jail.”


“Sounds potentially dangerous. And again with the insanity. Buff, it’s just a guy you know…”


“Just a guy?! It’s not just a guy, it’s a human being. I told you it’s not because I like him, it’s because it’s unfair. What if it was you, huh? What if someone killed a friend of yours and made it look like it was you who did it? Wouldn’t you like it if someone cared enough to get you out of jail?”


“I see your point, but it’s still dangerous.”


“I know, Dawnie. But knowing that someone in my prison is innocent goes against everything I believe in. I couldn’t live with myself if I don’t at least try to do something. Of course, it helps that he‘s the most gorgeous guy I‘ve ever seen, he‘s smart, funny, sensitive and turns me into a puddle of goo every time I see him…” She added with a wicked grin.


Dawn took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Despite her disapproving, there was some kind of understanding in her blue eyes when she looked at her sister.


She knew her well. They had lived on their own, just the two of them, the year their mom had been sick. That time alone together had brought them so close that they knew everything there was to know about each other. And Dawn knew that Buffy was the type of person who always, ALWAYS, did the right thing.


She often thought that if she ever decided to write a comic book, she’d use Buffy as a model for her superhero. The girl always had someone she wanted to save and when she’d set her mind on something, Dawn knew Buffy would not give up no matter what she said.


“Buffy, you know I love you more than anything, right? You and mom are my entire world. When I found out mom had brain cancer and she had to go to that private clinic in Boston, I felt like the world was falling down around us. I was so scared. But I had you. We had each other. We went through some tough times together and you became so important to me. I just don’t want you to get hurt. Physically or emotionally. And now I’m seeing you heading straight for the concrete wall at full speed and it frightens me. My heart wants to think that it’s so romantic and sweet and you‘ll get your happy ending somehow. But my head warns me that it will most likely end with tears and pain. I don‘t want that for you. I just want you to be happy. Promise me you‘ll be careful and you won‘t do anything stupid.”


Buffy had tears in her eyes when she finally looked up at her sister. “Don’t worry about me, Dawnie. I promise you nothing bad will happen. I‘ll be careful.”


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Chapter 10: Journal of a convict





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