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Chapter 19:

"So was it awful?" asked Willow.

"Yeah, spill the dirt, Buff. We want to know all the grizzly details." Xander said.

Buffy smiled embarrassed by her two best friends' questions. She'd been forced to tell them about her date with Spike because they had wanted her to go with them to the Bronze that night. Neither had been happy with her plan, but they hadn't had much say in it, and she'd already agreed.

"Did he take you to some dirty Biker bar? Or a strip joint?" Willow asked, curiously.

Both Willow and Xander laughed as they imagined all the awful possibilities that Spike might have chosen for date locations.

"Actually, we went to the Paper Moon," Buffy revealed shyly.

Xander's moth dropped open. Both he and Willow stopped laughing.

"You're kidding right?" Xander asked.

She shook her head.

"Ye Gods! Whatever you do don't let Anya find out." Xander exclaimed, obviously thinking about how much such an evening would cost him.

"What was it like? Was it romantic? I bet it was romantic." Willow said dreamily. "Except that it was Spike, so it couldn't be," she corrected herself.

"It was, kind of nice. We danced. And the food was wonderful. Oh my god, the desert. I had this cake with seven different kinds of chocolate and a strawberry sauce. It was the most amazing thing."

"There are seven different kinds of chocolate?" Willow asked wide eyed.

"Actually, there are eleven. But that's not the point here. We need to focus on the fact that you were with Spike. I mean how good a time could you have had?" Xander asked.

"I know, it's weird, but. . . It was nice. If it hadn't been Spike. . ."

"Then what? Buffy, get a grip. Wait, maybe it's another spell. Willow, you should check for a spell," Xander insisted.

"I don't think there's a spell Xander, and weren't you supposed to meet Anya?" Willow asked.

"Anya, yeah right. I almost forgot. Remember, say nothing about Spike's choice in restaurant. She must never know," Xander said as he left.

Willow watched Xander leave, then turned to her best friend, "Okay, what's going on? Do you like Spike?"

"What? No. I said it was nice, that's all. Not that I like him. They have nothing to do with each other."

"Buffy, it's me. Come on. If you're not interested why haven't you gotten rid of him? I mean you could just tell him 'No.' You don't need an elaborate plan."

"It's not that simple, Wil. I wish it was. He's. . . nice. If he was anyone other than Spike. . . "

"Buffy, he is Spike. You know, broken-bottle-in-the-face, killed-two-slayers, Spike. Playing around with him like this. . . It's not safe. You need to stop this."

"You're right, Wil. I'll. . . I'll go over there right now and tell him it has to stop."

Buffy was resolved. She was resolve girl. She said goodbye to Willow and headed straight over to Spike's crypt. The craziness that had been going on for the last month or so would come to an end.

Except she really didn't want it to. The more she thought about it, the nicer a relationship with Spike seemed. Until she remembered that it was Spike. He hated her. He didn't care about her. He was just trying to find a new way to hurt her since he couldn't do it physically.

She flung open the door to the crypt and called out his name, but no one answered. She went inside, letting the door shut behind her, as her eyes adjusted from the late afternoon sunlight to the gloom of Spike's crypt.

No one was there. For a moment Buffy was worried, then she realized he was probably just on the lower level. Still determined, she marched over to the trap door and heaved it open. As she did so, she heard some kind of yelling. Without thinking, she leapt down into the cavern to rescue Spike from whatever trouble he'd gotten himself into.

But there was nothing. The lower level was empty, except for Spike who was thrashing about on his bed, moaning. 'He's having a nightmare,' Buffy thought at exactly the same moment she thought, 'He's naked.'

She ran over to him, and shook him awake, trying not to think about her hands on his chest, or the way the blankets were slipping lower. She had resolve. She'd wake him up, break up with him, and be gone. 'It's easy as one, two, three' she told herself.

"Huh? What?" Spike said as he startled awake. "Buffy?" he asked as his eyes focused in on her.

"You were having a nightmare," she said sympathetically.

Being the Slayer, she'd had some pretty wild technicolor dreams of her own. Both from her own experiences, and those of past Slayers. Still, she couldn't help but wonder what a vampire would have nightmares about. After all, the grisly things that bothered her, he probably liked. 'Maybe he's afraid of kittens,' she thought. 'Like Anya's afraid of bunnies.' The notion made her smile inwardly.

"Right." He took a moment to gather himself together. She waited expectantly, wondering what he'd say about the dream. "So," he said giving her a sudden and wicked smile, "You come to give me my blow job?"

"What?!" Buffy was shocked. Then she remembered her drunken behavior from the night before.

It was embarrassing, really. Somewhere halfway through the evening, when she'd realized that she was having a good time, she'd come up with a second plan. She would act drunk, come on to him, then in the morning she could break up with him for taking advantage of her. In retrospect, it was the sort of plan she could only have come up with if she was already drunk. In fact, a little part of her suspected that she'd only come up with it as an excuse to break her 'no sex on the first date' rule.

But he hadn't 'taken advantage' of her, and she couldn't understand why. Didn't he want her? How could Spike stick to a plan for this long?

"I did not come over here to. . . blow you. And don't change the subject," she said.

"There was a subject?"

"Yes, there was. You had a bad dream."

"That's not a subject. That's an event, and it's not up for discussion."

Spike was obviously not going to talk about this, which just wouldn't do. Buffy was dying to know what he'd been dreaming about. The more evasive he was, the more she wanted to know.

"Well then I guess we have nothing more to talk about and I have no reason to stay," she said as she started to get up off the bed.

Spike grabbed her arm and pulled her roughly against him. Buffy's cheek was momentarily pressed up against his chest, and his other arm circled her shoulders, holding her tight. For just a moment, she let herself enjoy the sensation of being held tight, then she pushed away a little so she could look at his face.

"Hold on. What's the rush? You came by here for something. What was it?" he asked.

"It doesn't matter now," she said secretively.

"What? Why not?" he asked confused.

"Well. . . I was going to tell you what a wonderful time I had last night. I thought maybe we could do it again some time, or you could show me how to dance, like you said. But there's no point in that now. I'll just be going."

She made a great show of trying to get up and leave. He wouldn't let go of her arm though, not that she was struggling against him. She knew she could get away if she needed to. She wasn't quite willing to give up her slim hope of getting him to tell her about his dream.

"Wait. Stop. Look pet, I had a nice time too. Why can't we do it again? You want to go back tonight? We can. Or to the theatre, or whatever. Just name it."

He seemed both desperate and hopeful. For just a moment Buffy actually believed that Spike was really interested in her. But she couldn't let herself think that. However much she might want to be with Spike, and it was becoming more and more obvious to her that for some reason she did, he hated her. Just because she hadn't found it yet didn't mean there wasn't a plan to hurt or maybe kill her.

"What's the point?" she asked. He looked at her blankly as if he didn't understand the question. "This is all obviously just a game to you, Spike. You're not really interested in a relationship or anything. So I should just go."

She pulled away again, but he still held on to her.

"No. Wait. You've got it all wrong, pet. I do. I want that. What makes you think I don't?"

"'Cause you won't tell me about your dream," she said matter-of-factly as if it was the most obvious think in the world.

"I don't follow, luv," he said warily, as if he could feel her trap closing about him.

"It's simple. If this were a real relationship we'd talk to each other about stuff. Like bad dreams. You know, like in movies when someone has a nightmare, and when he wakes up his girlfriend asks him, 'Did you have that dream again honey?' and he says 'yes.'"

"This isn't a movie."

"True, most movies don't have vampires in them. Not very realistic. But that's not the point. Point is, obviously you don't want me to be a real part of your life, or unlife, or whatever. So I'll just be going."

Once again she made like she was gong to leave.

"Hold on. Let me get this straight. If I tell you about my dream, we'll be a real couple, and you'll stay?" He paused for a moment, then gave her a mischievous grin. "And give me a blow job?"

She rolled her eyes dramatically. "Is that all you think about?"

The problem was, it was becoming all Buffy was thinking about. She really wanted to go down on him. She'd been thinking about it ever since the night they'd spent together. She hadn't done it then because she'd said something early on about not being there to give him oral sex. Stubbornly she'd stuck to that and it had been one of the few things they hadn't done that night. She'd regretted it ever since.

What was wrong with her? Why had she spent the last several weeks fantasizing about sucking a vampire's cock? That wasn't the sort of thing that should turn her on. It didn't even make sense to her. After all, it's not like blowing him did anything to her. And yet she wanted to do it.

He didn't answer her. He just looked at her waiting for her answer.

"Fine. Okay. I guess. . . If you told me about you dream, we'd be officially dating, so sex would be . . . okay. "

How had he turned this around on her? Of course she could get out of it if she wanted to. She didn't have to agree to his ridiculous terms. The problem was, she wanted to.

He looked at her intently. To her surprise, he didn't jump at the opportunity. Instead, it was obvious that he was thinking it over. Deciding if it was worth it. Buffy was hurt. Shouldn't it be an obvious choice? Didn't he want her? Even if it was only physical?

Finally he made up his mind.

"Alright. . . My dream. . . " he started.

He couldn't seem to figure out what to say. Buffy's hurt was gone and replaced by even more curiosity than ever. It took every bit of will power she had to not start trying to shake it out of him.

"It was. . . more of a memory really. When I was seven, we came home, my mum and me, from shopping. I don't know anymore what we bought, but I wanted to show my dad. I ran to his study. I wasn't supposed to go in there. . . But I did. He. . . he shot himself okay. That's what I dreamt about. About finding my dad. Are you happy now?" he asked angrily.

Buffy was shocked. She hadn't expected something so human. The fact was, she tried to forget that Spike - that any vampire she ran across - had once been human. Remembering that always felt like a failure. Maybe not hers. But long ago, another Slayer had failed. Even if only because she couldn't be everywhere at once.

"I'm so sorry," Buffy said. She leaned in closer to him and put her arms around him to comfort him. "But it's good you talked about it. Obviously you still have a lot to work out."

"What?" he pulled away from her. "Don't start that modern psycho babble on me. I don't have issues; I don't need closure."

"Well obviously you do. I mean, traumatic as it must have been, it was over a hundred years ago and you are still dreaming about it."

"I'm not still dreaming about it. I haven't even thought about my father since. . . I don't even know when. Probably not since I died myself. Just let it go."

"So why were you dreaming of him now. Seems kind of random. I wouldn't even expect this sort of thing to bother a vampire."

"It doesn't bother me. Least not when I'm awake. And it's your fault anyway. You and your fancy expensive restaurants."

"To which I can only say, 'Huh?'"

"The money I used to take you out last night. It was mine."

"You didn't steal it? Find that kind of hard to believe, seeing as how you don't have a job, but what does that have to do with anything."

"No, I mean it's mine, from when I was alive. Look, since you're obviously not going to let this go. . . My family, we were gentry, okay. We had wealth, money, the whole deal. Which was actually not entirely normal. Most of the gentry had lost most of their lands; the middle class was rising. So on. Anyway, how we kept what was ours, I don't know. All I know is that a firm called Wolfram & Hart managed all of it. When I was turned, they approached me and told me they would keep on managing it all for me. If I ever needed anything I just had to come to them and they'd make sure my money was well invested."

"But you were dead?" interrupted Buffy. "I mean, did they know you were a vampire?"

"Yes, that's the point. Their clientele, they are almost all supernatural. They have offices not just all over the world, but in all sorts of different dimensions. They are huge and they are evil. And they're the reason my dad killed himself. Didn't know it at first. Found out about it much later on. Point being, going to their office in L.A. to get some money, it brought it all back okay. Can we be done talking about this now?"

"Are you saying there is this huge evil law-firm practically on my doorstep and no one ever told me about it?" Buffy asked. She'd forgot all about Spike's past traumas. The Slayer in her had taken over.

"Buffy, look. Don't get any ideas about them. Wolfram & Hart, they're big. Bigger than big. These aren't guys you can fight."

Buffy was offended. She was the Slayer and she couldn't fight a bunch of lawyers? How tough could they be? Didn't Spike at least respect her as a fighter anymore?

"They're lawyers right? Guys in suits? What could they possibly do to me? I'm not saying rush in without a plan. But this calls for research and. . . I don't know. Something. I shouldn't just ignore them."

"That's exactly what you should do. Look, these guys are powerful. Connected to all the worst demons. Into the big magic. Hell, they were able to bring Darla back. . ." Spike stopped himself a moment too late. "Fuck" he said under his breath.





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