Spike had hoped to be able to slip away after defeating the Chaorite demon, but Riley Finn seemed to have other ideas. He had said the whole reason he came along was to make sure that Spike didn't abandon Xander to the demon, but Spike was beginning to think that it was really so that he could deliver Spike up to Buffy for staking.

"Did you get it?" Willow asked as they returned to Giles apartment.

"Yep, we got all the spit of courage you could need. And you all owe me another raincoat." Xander said. After cleaning most of the spit off the coat, Xander had abandoned it and his saran wrap gloves in the sewers, not wanting to risk being exposed to the saliva.

Willow and Tara took the tupperware and sat around Giles kitchen table where they had obviously started mixing several things together for the antidote.

"Well, got everything you need I see, I'll just be running along then," Spike said, heading towards the door.

"You're not going anywhere," Riley said putting his hand on Spike's shoulder.

"So Rupert's going to let me sleep on his bed, because I've had a very long day here."

"Why do we care if you're well rested Spike?" Xander asked.

"Because you ninny. Every vamp and demon in Sunnydale knows by now about the Slayer's condition. And tonight you're going to have a hell of a fight on your hands. If you want me to be of any use, you'll let me get what sleep I can before the hoards of darkness come a knocking."

"And you didn't think to mention this before Spike?" Giles asked.

"I thought it was bloody obvious, Watcher. How do you think I found out about the Slayer's condition? It's all the talk in the demon bars."

Giles looked at him a moment, then sighed and said, "Very well Spike, you might as well sleep upstairs, I need to wash the sheets anyway."

***********************

Buffy was incredibly bored. No one would let her doing anything other than watch TV, and Giles didn't even have cable. He did have a bunch of video tapes, but they were all of BBC productions of Shakespeare and something called Black Adder that, Buffy thought, also looked like it might be Shakespeare.

It had been almost two hours since Riley, Xander, and Spike had gotten back from their spit safari and Willow and Tara still hadn't made the antidote that everyone thought she needed.

It was silly really. Buffy didn't think she was any different than she used to be. She felt really good in fact. She just wished she could get breaking up with Riley over with. He refused to talk to her about what had happened with Spike until after the antidote, but she didn't she what difference that could make. She'd cheated on Riley. How could they have a relationship after that. Of course Willow and been caught kissing Xander by Oz once and they had made up. But that wasn't the same thing at all. She'd slept with Spike, and had lots of sex with him too.

Spike. . . who was upstairs. . . on a bed. Suddenly Buffy had an idea of how to relieve her boredom.

She was halfway up the stairs when Willow cried out, "We've got it! Look! Buffy we- where are you going?"

"I was bored so I was going upstairs to see if Spike wanted to have sex."

Riley was across the room in an instant. He put his hand around her waist, lifted her up into the air, and spun her around so she was now at the foot of the stairs.

"Hey," said Buffy, "It's not nice to lift people into the air like that." To emphasize her point she grabbed Riley by the shirt and lifted him into the air. It was difficult, not because Riley was too heavy for her, but because he was so much taller that it was hard for her to lift him very far off the ground. "See."

"Hey, Buffy, why not put Riley down and drink your antidote?" Willow asked, offering her the mug they had mixed it in.

"Okay," Buffy shrugged and said. She hoped drinking the antidote would get her friends to stop acting so weird around her. It was starting to get annoying.

She put Riley down, grabbed the mug, and, without even looking at the contents, downed it in one gulp.

The world came crashing down around her.

"Oh god," she cried, falling to the floor. She quickly backed herself against the wall, and drew up her knees to protect herself. She remembered it all, what she had done with Spike. Telling Riley. Oh god, Riley, she thought. I'm going to loose Riley. He was my one shot at a real relationship and I messed it up by sleeping with a vampire that I hate.

But there was more. Her friends would never forgive her. They would be disgusted at her. She was never going to finish college, She'd be stuck without an education working at a fast food joint for the rest of her life, or worse, retail. Her mother would move away from Sunnydale and stop talking to her just like her dad. Giles would go back to England and she would never see him again.

Here fears just kept coming, hitting her one at a time. Too many to sort through, too many to deal with.

Angel would loose his soul (because of another woman) and come back to Sunnydale and begin killing everyone again. She would have to kill him again. No one else would ever make her feel the way Spike had last night. She was falling for Spike. She wouldn't be able to stop the next apocalypse and she'd have to watch everyone she loved die in front of her. She would loose to a vampire and be turned. She'd get hit by a car and be paralyzed, but wouldn't die, and there would be no Slayer to protect the world.

Riley was there next to her, trying to comfort her. She was sobbing violently now, it was all just too much. The world was too hard and scary a place. She didn't know how she could go out into it.

Suddenly Spike came leaping down the stairs, "What happened, who's attacking?" he asked.

"What? There's no attack." Xander said at the same time that Riley said, "YOU, you did this to her. You lied about the whole thing."

Riley let go of Buffy, and looked around the room for a weapon. Seeing the mace Spike had used on the demon, Riley grabbed it and headed back toward Spike.

"Hey now mate, none of that. We had a deal," Spike said backing up.

Willow grabbed Riley's arm from behind, "It's not Spike. It's just the antidote. It's working. This, it's only temporary, I think. Buffy just needs a chance to adjust."

"Adjust?" Riley asked.

"Willow's right," Giles broke in, "It's as if Buffy were on a drug and now she's come down off of it. Like a pain killer that's worn off and now all the pain is back. All of her fears are back and she's no longer used to them. However, she should be fine soon. We all deal with fear all of the time. Our psyches naturally adjust to it."

"So she'll be okay?" Riley asked, slowly lowering the mace.

"Yeah, she'll be right as rain, righter even," Willow said.

"It still doesn't change what he did to her. I don't see why we shouldn't kill him. He raped Buffy!" Riley said, once again raising his weapon.

A large sob came from Buffy. "Please. . . just. . . Spike. . . just leave. Just let him leave."

"I'll just be going then," Spike said softly, grabbing his blanket. "You rest up Slayer. You know where to find me," he said as he backed out the door, not taking his eyes off of her until the door was closed.

**********************

It had been the sweet smell of fear that had woken Spike. As his eyes had opened, he'd realized that it wasn't just fear, it was the scent of Buffy's fear. Something he'd never smelt before.

He'd jumped up, sure they were under attack by some big nasty. Something horrid enough to strike terror into the Slayer.

Once he'd seen there was no threat to Buffy his first instinct had been to run to her, to cradle her, and make her better. Make her feel safe, the way he had so many times with Dru when her visions had overwhelmed her. But then the grunt was coming at him with a mace, and he'd had his own personal safety to worry about.

Still, the Slayer hadn't wanted him dead. Or at least she wanted to do it herself, and that was something. He held onto that thought as he raced away from the Watcher's door, into the waiting safety of the sewers.

He'd just closed the manhole cover over his head when he realized he was not alone. He shifted to his game face to peer around in the dark, and saw a dozen other vampire's staring back at him.





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