"SPIKE!" Buffy yelled for the tenth time. This was ridiculous. He was probably just faking being asleep. I should just stake him and leave, she thought.

She couldn't bring herself to do that. It didn't help that his face was all bloody and he looked like he'd been in a hell of a fight. It seemed wrong after everything to kill him in his sleep. He at least deserved to know who killed him.

When did I start thinking of it as killing, Buffy wondered. He's a vampire, he's already dead. I staked a dozen of his buddies already tonight, not to mention the hundreds I've staked the last four years. It's not killing, it's slaying.

Having settled the issue with herself, she decided it was time to take drastic measures. She grabbed one of the candles from next to the bed and threw it at him.

He jerked away with a start, then he groaned in pain, clutching his sides. For a moment golden eyes starred up at her, then he shook off his vampire face, and leaned back on the bed carefully.

"What the bloody hell was that for?"

"I was trying to wake you up. I've been yelling at you forever. Can you sleep through anything?"

"I've had a long day Slayer, saving your ass I might add, so if you don't mind, I'd like to go back to sleep."

For a moment Buffy felt bad, he really did look awful. But then she reminded herself why she was here.

"I can't let you do that Spike, I have to kill you now."

Spike laughed. "Aren't you just the femme fatal. Figures, after all you did in Angel after you slept with him. Got a regular black widow thing going don't you Slayer?"

"What?" Buffy was horrified, "You're nothing like Angel. This is so totally different. You. . . You raped me."

"Well, I won't argue about being nothing like Angel. In fact that's the best complement I've had in a while, not counting the things you said to me last night. But please, rape, Slayer? I didn't do anything to you that you didn't ask me to."

That stumped Buffy for a moment, then she smiled triumphantly, "I never asked you to go down on me."

"Yes, that's how I go about raping women, I give them mind blowing orgasms. Do you even know what the word rape means?"

"It doesn't matter if I enjoyed it, which I DID NOT," she added as she saw him start to smile, "I was under the influence of powerful mojo and you took advantage of me."

"Look, I didn't cover you in demon spit did I?" he asked exasperated.

"You are a demon! So yeah, technically you did."

"That's not what I meant. My point is that I wasn't responsible for your state. I didn't even know about it until I had to flee from my place of residence thanks to your boyfriend. Did you see the upstairs. You tell Captain Cardboard he owes me a new tele."

"Oh please. He's not buying a TV for a pile of dust," Buffy raised the stake. She needed to end this before he confused her even more.

Spike shrank back in the bed, then he cried out "Are you my victim?"

"What?" she asked, lowering the stake.

He regained his composure, "You say I raped you right? So that makes me the rapist, and you the victim. Cause you know, if I'm going to go, at least I can go knowing that I made Buffy Summers my victim."

"I will never be your victim," Buffy said, her voice cold.

"Then I didn't rape you. You can't have it both ways. Do you feel like a victim Slayer?"

"No."

"That's right. Because you weren't. Trust me, Slayer, if I'd raped you, there wouldn't be a doubt in your mind. You'd know." Buffy was starting to be unsure. "But rape's not your word is it. It's Finn's. I heard him say it before. That's just what he wants you to believe. He wants you to be the victim, not me Slayer."

"That's ridiculous." She hated it when Spike did this. She knew he was just being evil. It was like when he'd almost destroyed her friendships with Willow, Xander, and Giles. Spike was an expert in turning half truths into weapons.

Spike had gotten off the bed, he stood to one side of her speaking softly in her ear, "Is it Slayer? The real question here is, who was in my bed last night? No one had taken over your body had they? You were making decisions weren't you? Maybe not the same ones you'd normal make, but if you'd run into Giles last night, would you have tried to shag him?"

Buffy's head was spinning. The things Spike said actually made some sense. Well not the icky image of her and Giles. Where did Spike get this stuff?

He was moving about her, circling her. " I didn't proposition you, you came on to me. Who made the decisions last night? Who was in charge? Your boyfriend says you were raped, says you were the victim. And I bet he's noble enough not to hold it against you. I bet you said that you were sorry, and he accepted your apology. That was awfully big of him wasn't it. Tell me Buffy, if I raped you, what do you have to apologize for?"

That was it, she couldn't take it any more. Her emotions were still too mixed up. She started to cry. Why couldn't everything be simple again. She knew that her friends had helped her by giving her the antidote, they had saved her life. And yet life had been so easy this afternoon. Not confusing like it was now.

"I'm sorry luv, I didn't mean. Shh, I'm sorry." She felt Spike's arms curl around her and pull her tight against his chest. She wanted to pull away, to get away from him, he was the one doing this to her. Confusing her.

All she could do though was gasp between sobs, "Go away, please why won't you just go away?"

But he didn't leave, he didn't let go. She knew she could break his hold, there was nothing he could do to stop her. And yet she couldn't find the will to do so, even if she hated him for what he had said.

He lifted her up off the floor. She could actually hear his ribs cracking as he did so. Then he lay her gently down on the bed, whispering comforting words to her the whole time. He let go of her and pulled the covers up around her.

"Sleep now pet, and forget all about the stupid things vampires say. None of it means anything. I'll just be over here."

"No," she said, catching his hand as he pulled away. She offered no explanation. She just pulled him down onto the bed with her, and wrapped herself back up in his arms. She didn't know why she did it herself, except that for the first time since Willow's antidote she felt safe.

*****************

To his amazement Buffy fell asleep in his arms. It was terrifying to hold her like that. To be allowed to comfort her. To want to comfort her.

He looked at her sleeping form and thought how strong and serene she was. So silent, strong and serene.

Fuck. Alliteration. That could only lead to pentameter, which would inevitably turn into quatrains. He had to face the ugly truth. It was nothing he'd looked for, nothing he wanted, nothing he understood, but he was falling in love with the Slayer.





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