Was it an exaggeration to say that she felt like dying? Would she just be whining if she said her life was over? Would she be penalized by people who didn’t understand all the pain she was feeling, just because they thought she was being whiny, even when their opinions didn’t make the tiniest bit of a difference in how she acted in this moment?
She had taken a spot on the floor, leaning against the door with her eyes closed and her face tear-streaked. He left her. Just like that, he spit a few words about how much he didn’t want to hurt her and he left. Funny how he was still the one who hurt her, right? How all this pain, all this emotion that she couldn’t contain and didn’t want to feel anymore…it was his entire fault. Every bit of it. And she didn’t want it.
Then they came. No, not the ever present Scoobies that were his friends. Her friends. Halfrek and D’Hoffryn. An embarrassment she would have loved to have avoided had she actually cared at the moment. But she didn’t. D’Hoffryn had taken her back to Arashmaha. Maybe to help her clear her head.
It was so dark in this realm. It was just what she needed.
He held a handkerchief in front of her. She stared at it a moment, somewhat hypnotized and then reached for it, accepting it. She didn’t look at him.
“Are you okay?” He asked.
Anya shook her head as she sat solemnly. “I’m tired…” she sniffled, wondering how long she’d been crying, before she got here, and all she did was continue to cry. “Of crying. I’m just so tired, D’Hoffryn.”
D’Hoffryn sighed. “Oh, Anyanka, I’m sorry.” He paused. It would only be in his best interest to get her back, and, that in mind, he continued. “But you let him domesticate you. When you were a vengeance demon, you were powerful, at the top of your game. You crushed men like him.”
Anya didn’t react, didn’t say anything. She sat there, letting his words sink in. Xander had changed her. Xander had changed everything she’d once stood for. And it wasn’t right. But, she only continued to sit there with her handkerchief.
“It's time you got back to what you do best ... don't you think?” D’Hoffryn asked then.
Anya lifted her face to look up at him. Her face was blank. She avoided thoughts about Xander; she avoided thoughts on those people she knew that would side with Xander, because that’s who they belonged to. They were Xander’s friends.
It took her a moment before she whispered, “Do it.”
“I feel awful,” Willow said suddenly as she looked up from her hot cocoa. Sitting across from her was Buffy and Dawn, each with their own cup of caffeine. “A-and not just because of…”
“Tara.” Dawn supplied quietly, seeing how pained the redhead was to even say her name.
It hade been a week. A week since Tara’s funeral. Since Krissy disappeared unannounced. Since Xander left Anya. Since Spike just…left.
“Yeah,” Willow continued quietly, “I can’t understand why he just left. It’s not adding up.”
“He was having doubts at the wedding.” Buffy said logically, more concerned with the way Spike had left.
“But I talked sense into him.” Dawn said. She paused, scrunching her eyebrows and frowning. “At least, I think I did.”
“There’s something else.” Buffy said then. Willow and Dawn looked at her. “There’s something we’re not seeing.”
“Damn right there is,” Krissy said, sitting down next to Willow. “And I can’t figure out for the life of me what that is.”
“Spike. Haven’t seen you since the wedding,” Clem said, watching his friend sit at the table.
“Yeah?” he questioned. Then he looked at the Melvik demon that everyone just called ‘Mel.’
“Deal me in, Vik.”
Except for Spike.
“Trouble in paradise?”
“Not sure it’s your business,” Spike growled, snatching up his cards.
“Why do you waste your time? You pretend you belong here, with the slums, the inferiors.” Buffy said, standing by the wall like the first time she’d come with Spike.
“Not pretending anything.” Spike muttered, placing his bet of two Siamese.
“Nobody said you were,” Clem said and Spike looked up from his hand to see the other demons looking at him.
“Can we get on with this?” Spike asked, glaring. The other demons turned away.
“Do you see? They don’t understand, Spike. They won’t understand your power. And I want to show you. I want to show you the world, Spike. Our world. The dark. There is no middle ground.”
“Can’t play with all your chattering.” Spike said, not even caring what the other demons thought about him having a conversation, seemingly by himself.
After a week, he was pretty sure he was certifiably insane.
Drusilla then said, “The pieces are going to come tumbling down. Falling down…do you remember the song?”
“The one about the London Bridge? Pretty much, yeah. You went on for three weeks, thinking it would actually fall.” Spike muttered.
“Yep. Think, Spike. What’s the metaphoric bridge?” Kita asked, pushing away from the wall and kneeling just inside of his peripheral vision. “C’mon…the bridge is…”
“Buffy and her friends,” Spike said, seeing it. Buffy, Willow, Xander, Anya, Tara, and Dawn. They were the bridge. And they were falling apart. First Tara died, and then Xander left Anya.
Kita stood straight, satisfied. “Starts way before that, Spike. Started the minute the watcher left so that they could all fall. Hard.”
The next time Buffy saw Spike was in the cemetery. She had spent the entire night looking for him and it was pretty much dawn when she came across him, sitting out in the open and seemingly waiting for something. Dawn.
Buffy didn’t know what happened to him. She really didn’t want to know. All she knew was that him burning in the sun wasn’t and option. And she ran. “Spike!”
Kita sat on a tombstone, watching interestedly as the slayer raced across the grass, yelling for Spike to get up, to get out the open.
Her grin only widened as the sun rose and shone down on him. And…nothing happened. A short bark of laughter passed her lips as Buffy slowed to a stop, face scrunched in confusion and mouth gapped open.
“Going to catch flies, Slayer.” Kita said, brusque in her comment.
Buffy’s mouth snapped shut as she turned towards the brunette on the slab of stone. “You died.”
“Was for three years.” Kita shrugged.
“No. Spike killed you. Put a stake in your heart.”
“Oh. That. Death’s never permanent, Buffy. Thought you of all people would know that.” Kita stood, taking steps Buffy’s way.
“For weeks, months even, you’ve been living in the dark about what the hell has been going on? Why did the watcher leave? Why did Drusilla wait so long to come back for Spike again? Why did Xander and Spike leave at the same time? Why did Tara die? It’s all me, Buffy. Every single mishap was me, whispering in your ears.”
“You did all that?”
“Normally, I’m not one to toot my own horn, but…” Kita grinned, “‘Toot!’”
Buffy swung at her, only for her fist to go through. She stared at Kita, who only continued to smile. “What are you?”
“Oh, now I’m hurt, Buffy. I mean, I know Angel and I only talked for a little while a few years back...mostly about killing you, and later himself, but…” She trailed off as the obvious implications were acknowledged.
“The First Evil. So, what; you’re just going after every single one of my vampire boyfriends now?”
“Just the special ones,” She retorted. “Seriously, though? It’s not about you, Buffy. Not really.” Kita became Kendra. “It’s about ‘im,” she pointed at Spike, who still lay in the sun, “and what he can do for me.”
“Leave him the hell alone.”
“Oh. I can’t.” Kendra said, sorrowfully fading away into Drusilla as they suddenly stood in the alley the dark vampire had dusted in.
“I gave him all my parts…and now he’s everything the King wants.” She whispered, as if sharing a secret with Buffy.
“The King?”
“Evil. The First. The ultimate general, the stars whisper. Can’t save him ‘less you take away my parts. And you can’t-“
“Take away your ‘parts’ unless he’s dead,” Buffy murmured.
“Good, dear.” Her face became serious. “Save him. Keep him on middle ground.”
Buffy sat up in her bed, chest heaving. Two words stuck with her.
Save him.
Willow did a locator spell. Spike was hiding out at the bar. Buffy decided to go alone, one-on-one talking in mind. The only good thing was that when she did enter, all the demons quieted.
She said nothing, heading towards the back. As soon as she entered, the other demons playing scrambled out. Clem waved and she was unable to resist giving him a quick smile.
“Spike,” she said, taking the seat beside him.
“Didn’t expect you.” Spike replied.
“Why not?”
“You’re not supposed to come. Well, not a lot. Ever wonder if this is real?” Spike changed the subject abruptly. “Vampires, demons, slayers. If you’re just dreaming.”
“Not since I was sixteen.” Buffy said calmly, watching his hands as he shuffled the deck of cards.
“I’ve thought about it a lot, you know…since I tried to kill everyone.”
A silence than lapsed and Buffy sat back, to think. She had to hand it to the First. It did a number on Spike, on all of them, without them even seeing what was happening right in front of them.
“Spike, I need you to come back with me,” Buffy tried.
“Why?”
“Why?” The blonde slayer echoed.
“Yeah. Why? Why should I go anywhere with you? You don’t trust me and maybe I shouldn’t trust you.” He replied.
“Because I...you’re in my heart, Spike. Because, because I need you next to me. Because the First Evil is trying to manipulate you, trying to use you.”
Spike froze, looking Buffy in the eyes. Seeing that he was ready to believe Buffy, and not wanting to end her game yet, Anne said, “Now, you wouldn’t believe that harlot over you dear old mother, would you?”
Mentally answering her question, that yes, he would, she moved on the plan B. She cleared her throat. “Do you remember our song, William? You loved this song. I used to hum, or sing, as you wrote your poetry. It was wonderful.” She kneeled by his ear. “Let me sing for you, my dear boy. Early one morning, just as the sun was rising, I heard an old maid singing in the valley down below.”
Buffy was startled when Spike suddenly lost the soft look in his eyes, dropping the cards as the blue of his eyes disappeared within a feral yellow and ridges formed.
“Spike-”
He growled and she had an instinctive bad feeling, just before he tackled her over the table, knocking it and a few other things down.
Anne stood, watching as cards flew through her non corporeal form and a chair fell through her legs. She only smiled endearingly. “Oh, don’t you leave me. Oh, don’t deceive me. How could you use a poor maiden so?”
Krissy left her apartment, noticing almost immediately that the door to what had been Anya and Xander’s apartment was open. She walked towards it slowly, hoping she was just being paranoid.
Then the door opened fully and Anya came outside, a box in hand. “Krissy.”
“Anya. Hi. Are you moving?”
“Yes. To a motel until I find a place.” She looked back at the door to her apartment, disbelieving that she was leaving her home of two years.
“I…” Krissy trailed off. She felt for Anya and didn’t really know how to go about asking the blonde. “I have an extra bedroom,” she hinted.
“You’re asking me to move in with you?” Anya asked, a smile forming.
“Um…yes?”
“Thank you!” Anya dropped her box in favor of hugging Krissy. “I will try to be respectful to your things.”
“That’s great, Anya,” she said when Anya let her go. “How about we go and get your things?”
Anya picked up her box and walked across the hall to Krissy’s apartment.
“What are you trying to accomplish?” Spike asked.
“Trying to stop you.” Krissy replied, entering the apartment and lifting a box.
“We’ve got history. You can’t throw that away.”
“I don’t know what you’re trying to do, but it ends now.”
“Really? How will you stop me?” the First asked smugly, knowing it was impossible.
Krissy bristled. “Believe me, I’ll find a way, even if it kills me.”
“I’m counting on your death then.”
Krissy walked away.
Buffy tossed Spike off her, flipping to her feet as he slammed into a shelf of supplies. She was confused. Something happened, because she was sure he’d been just about to leave with her. She knew he was…
The First is controlling him, she told herself as she ducked a punch. This is all the-
She flew back into the wall when he kicked her in the stomach and rolled to her feet slowly. She eyed Spike with a sense of wariness that she didn’t know was possible to still feel for him. “Spike. Stop.”
“There’s no stopping an animal like that,” Anne then became visible to Buffy. She smiled softly. “I love it.”
“Spike is not an animal.” Buffy caught his wrist and swung him onto the wall. She wasted no time, backhanding him across the face. He stumbled back and she proceeded to kick him twice in the gut.
“Then what is he?” Anne asked, not showing a hint of emotion as she watched her plan work itself out. “If not an animal, if not a demon?”
“He’s…” She paused, slamming her fist into his face with regret, hoping to tire and/or knock him out. And it came. He staggered back into the wall from the force behind the hit and slid to the floor, unconscious.
“He’s a man. He’s…he’s more than anything I could say.” She stared down at him. “At least to me.”
She then went over to him, kneeling before his prone figure. She touched his cheek lightly, slightly smiling.
“You humans are utterly pathetic, you know that?” Anne said, then disappearing.
Buffy pulled Spike to her feet, putting one of his arms around her neck as he awoke slightly. “Hey…” she said, “Let’s go home, okay?”
He gave no reply so she proceeded to get him out of the bar.
“You think he’s okay?” Dawn asked, stealing a glance at Spike, who sat completely still in the dining room, alone with whatever thoughts he was having. It completely freaked Dawn out and she was worried about him, and with good reason, according to Buffy.
“No,” Buffy answered. “But then again, I haven’t actually thought so since…”
“Since the thing with Drusilla. Yeah.” Dawn finished. She sighed. “Did you talk to Anya or Krissy?”
“Willow said they moved in together.”
“Oh.” A silence fell between the two sisters. “What about Xander?”
“He’s moving back into the apartment now that Anya’s gone. She served him yesterday.” Buffy replied. Off Dawn’s confused look, she continued, “Divorce papers.”
“Oh.” Another moment lapsed and Dawn looked back into the dining room. “He’s staying here.” It wasn’t really a question, just a statement on Dawn’s part.
“Yeah,” Buffy said and Dawn stood, nodding. She began to leave the room.
“I shouldn’t have let him leave. This entire time, the First was manipulating him and I let him leave.”
Dawn turned around. “Buffy, it’s not your fault; you didn’t know.”
The doorbell rang. Buffy frowned at Dawn, and she shrugged, going to answer the door. She pulled it open, her eyes widening in shock. “Oh! Um…” she gave Buffy a quick glance and then in the loudest voice possible, because, well, letting Giles find out about Spike would be stupid, she said, “Hi, Giles!”
A/N: What does Buffy’s dream mean? How the hell does Krissy know the First? And why is Giles in town? The first two are kind of long off, but the last one, that’s in the next chapter. Chapter Five: A Solution?