Chapter Sixteen

Giles stood in the doorway and watched her, confused. She was packing her things.
“Buffy, what are you doing?”
She jumped a mile and she glared at him. He grinned.
“I’m packing my things. I’m going to my mother’s today and I figured now is as good time as any to move back.”
Giles furrowed his brow. “Why?”
She looked at him, “what do you mean, why? Aren’t you tired of having me here? I must be crimping your, uh, wild bachelor lifestyle.” She giggled at the last part and he pursed his lips together.
“Oh yes, because it’s a regular animal house here otherwise. With all the drinking and orgies.” Giles said dryly as he rolled his eyes.
She looked at him quizzically. “Are orgies a bachelor thing or a British thing?”
He looked at her sternly and she bit back a smile. He sat down on the bed. “I think you should stay.”
She stopped packing and looked at him, surprised. “You think I should stay?”
He nodded. “It’s not so unusual. Students in the Craft used to live with their Priests and/or Priestesses all the time. Helped them properly train. Besides, over the past week with the vampire gang, the magic, and well, Spike, I think it would be best. For you and your mother if you stayed here. Who knows if that vampire gang would have went after your mother first.”
“So you’re saying I put them in danger by living with them? That’s way comforting, Giles.”
“I’m saying that staying here is more convenient for you. Here you have me, your Priest at your disposal to help and guide you. I’m more apt to protect myself against predators than your mother and sister. In cases of emergency, such as when Spike came with news over the vampire gang, we could get down to work immediately. It’s convenient for me, for you, and for Spike for you to live here.”
She smiled and sat down next to Giles. “Giles, do you think you could say that you want me to live here because you like having my company? Or is this all about the convenience?”
Giles gave her a shy smile, “I do want you to live here, Buffy. It’s rather nice having you here. You come and go so frequently, you might as well live here already. I’m alone a lot of the time and it’s nice having someone here to keep me company.”
“What about all those orgies?”
Giles smiled, “no attachments there. It’s purely physical.”
Buffy laughed. “It does make more sense and I really was hoping you didn’t want me to leave. You are high strung—“
“Thank you,” Giles said in a tone that meant he didn’t mean the sentiment.
“But, not as uptight as my family. You know more about what I do than they do and it is safer for them. Plus, you’re easy to live with.”
Giles smiled shyly again. “Thank you,” and this time he meant it.
“Welcome. So, um, what do we tell people—namely women whom you might date in the future about this arrangement?”
“Easy. You’re my stepdaughter.”
“Stepdaughter? What about daughter? And would they really buy that anyway?”
“Buffy, dear, I’m thinking that if I ever get that close to a woman to be able to tell them that you are a witch with superhuman powers who just happens to slay demons and vampires on the side, I’m thinking I’m going to be marrying that woman and said woman will have to be someone who can understand my relationship with you. As well as with Spike.”
“Spike, huh? Has he been over during the orgies?”
“He is a great guest.”
Buffy grinned and then frowned. “No, I don’t like that idea.”
“Not to worry, Spike would never.”
She nodded and bit her lip. “Giles, do you—do you trust him now?”
Giles took off his glasses and began to clean them on his sweater. “What Spike did set him back in my esteem a great deal. I had my reservations about him in the beginning, but he proved himself to be a help. He also proved to care about your welfare and desired to be your friend. He tried his best to prove not only to me, but to you as well that he was a white hat and cared deeply for you.”
“Something I took for granted many times,” she said guiltily.
“Yes, I daresay you did. That however gave him no right to take the choice from you on whether or not to be his mate.”
“Do you think we would have eventually ended up in that place?”
Giles sighed, “I daresay that yes, I believe that eventually it would have.”
“I told Spike that I thought so too,” she admitted, nodding. “I think that’s part of the reason I went away for so long. To avoid the inevitable. Maybe try to have a life that wasn’t so Spike-centered.”
“And now?”
“Now things have changed. I feel as close to him as I used to before I left.”
“You must feel more than that? Otherwise you wouldn’t have spent so long—what’s the term?—sucking face? With him last night.”
She buried her face in her hands, “Giles! You knew about that?”
He laughed, “I heard you when you first arrived home—outside—and then I heard you enter the home. The length of time was great. I naturally assumed you were doing more than talking.”
“You know what they say about assuming.” She said cheekily.
“What?”
“When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me!” She giggled as Giles processed it and then shook his head. He filed it away for later though.
“You don’t have to tell me about your relationship with Spike as far as romantic feelings are concerned if you do not feel comfortable doing so. As long as he is not harming you and instead helping and protecting you, that is all I need to know.”
“I know, Giles.”
“However, if you do feel you need someone older and I hope wiser to help you or give advice, I would be happy to do so.”
“Thank you, Giles. I know, Giles.”
He smiled and nodded. He looked down at the carpet and silence ensued.
“So, is there anything you’d like to share?” He asked.
“Subtle, Giles, real subtle.”
“Well, I know that things have changed drastically from when you left, came home, he bit you and now.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m all about drastically changing my feelings at the drop of a hat,” she responded dryly.
“I won’t entirely argue with that.”
“Hey!”
“You said it first.”
She pouted, “yeah, I know. Admitting you have a problem is the first step.”
“Well, in all fairness, you did have a right to your harsh feelings toward him.”
“Thank you.”
“And now?”
She sighed. “Is it all right to say ‘I don’t know’?”
“Do you honestly not know?”
“I’ve been trying not to think about it.”
“Why?”
“Because when I think about things too much, stuff happens. For once I didn’t want to analyze, I just wanted to feel.”
“It just so happens that’s what I’m asking—how you feel.”
“Yes, I know Mr. Smarty Pants. But, in order to process how I feel, I have to think about it.”
“We’re not getting anywhere.”
“I’m aware. Okay, how do I feel about Spike? He’s my best friend, he’s sexy, he’s sweet, he loves me, he’s kind, he’s possessive and easily jealous. He protects me with all he is and sometimes it’s as if he worships me. Sometimes, he overwhelms me. When I’m with him, it’s like the world falls away and it’s just us. I look in his eyes and I melt. I find I’m unreasonably jealous of any girl that hits on him. I suppose I’m also envious of Drusilla because I find myself asking about her a lot. I don’t necessarily compare myself to her, but Spike then compared to Spike now. Her Spike and My Spike. He seems to think that Her Spike would have loved me anyway. I have my doubts.
I feel completely at ease with him. He’s seen the best and worst of me and still loves me. I’ve seen the best and worst of him and I still trust him. Is that wrong? Is it sick? I care for him a great deal and don’t want to hurt him any more than I already have. I missed him while I was gone and I felt so awful for how I hurt him when I came back. Not that I’m excusing how he chose to react to that. I don’t think I’m fully in love with Spike yet, but I think I’m on my way. How is that?”
Giles nodded, processing what she said. “I think you do love him. I think a part of you always has. It’s just a matter of letting your head catch up with your heart. Sometimes we have a way of talking ourselves out of things we’re afraid or unsure of.”
“So what you’re saying is that by feeling instead of thinking, I’m in fact following my heart and loving him, but when I start to think about it, I stop myself and second guess myself?”
Giles smiled at her astuteness. “Exactly.”
She chewed her lip thoughtfully. “So, should I continue feeling and not thinking or try to incorporate both?”
“What do you feel is right?”
“I think it would be best to continue how we are for now. Going slow is working for me. Having to think about it too much will make me run for the hills.”
“Then concentrate on that. The rest will eventually fall into place.”
“One can only hope.”
“Spike is a patient man. Has to be, when it comes to you—“
“Again with the ‘hey!’”
“He’s waited a long time for him to matter to you.”
“He’s always mattered to me, Giles,” she pointed out softly.
“Except you were too thick-headed to let him know that. You pushed him away something awful for a long time.”
“I know. And when I came back seeking his company he took me back with open arms.”
“He loves you.”
“Really? I thought that was just a rumor.”
“No reason to get snarky.”
“Aside from the fact that it’s so much fun.”
“You should let him know some of these things. He deserves to know. Give him as much as you can handle for right now. Just keep it in the back of your mind that one day, he’s going to need it all.”
She sighed heavily. “I find myself saying this a lot with you, but I know.”
“I imagine you have plans with Spike this evening?”
“I do. I don’t know what he has planned for me yet.”
“Well, don’t forget your key. I promise not to notice when you suck face.”
She laughed and hugged him warmly: Daughter to her Father.
“Thank you for everything Giles.” She murmured against him and then bounded off to her mother’s.





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