Chapter Eight
FLASHBACK
“Stop swinging!” He shouted when she swung at his fake and he ended up grabbing her and swinging her around so that her back was against his chest.
“Oh yeah?” She grabbed his arm and flipped him over onto his back and then used the plastic stake and poised it over his chest. She dropped it by his side and smiled smugly at him.
He couldn’t help but chuckle. He propped himself up on his elbows.
“Spike, what did you do last night?”
“I went out, why?”
“Did you have a date?”
He shook his head, “no, why?”
She shrugged. “Anya thought she saw you coming out of a strip club.”
“I wouldn’t take a date to a strip club,” he chuckled.
“Yeah, I know, but I figured I’d give you a way out.”
He jumped up and grinned. “Well, Anya was right.”
“You were at a strip club?”
He raised his eyebrows, “do you not remember going to one with Faith and Anya? I remember hearing something about thongs and Purple Rain.”
She let out a laugh, “yeah.” Her eyes got a far away look of remembrance.
“So, how is it that I’m getting beef for going to one?”
“Because it’s different.” She protested.
“How?” He challenged.
“Because women strippers are worse. They get completely naked and let you fondle and grope. They get all touchy feely with themselves. They’re pigs and I don’t like the idea of you going to see them!”
Could she be jealous? Please!
“Well, I’ll have you know that they did not get completely naked, I did not fondle and grope and they did not get touchy feely with themselves. Not that it’s any of your business if I do decide to see them. That’s kind of a double standard, don’t you think?”
She looked down. “I guess.” She kicked at imaginary dust on the floor. “You are a man. Men do that sort of thing.”
“As do women. Listen, luv. A friend of mine blew into town and he just broke up with his girl. He wanted to go out and see strippers.”
She looked up at him. “A vampire?”
He nodded, “with a soul.”
“I just got all Slayery on you, didn’t I?”
“Little bit.”
“I didn’t mean to get all…weird. You have every right to see strippers if you want to. It’s just…some are skanky. I don’t equate you with skank. I’m…protective of you. You’re my best friend. You always look out for me, and I know it’s your job to protect me and all that, but I want to protect you too.”
He swore his heart was going to start beating. “Thank you, pet. That means a lot to me.”
She nodded. “Okay, I’m done with that Hallmark moment.”
He laughed and then sobered. “You do know that you’re not just a job to me, don’t you?”
“Well, it is your job to—“
“No, pet. Whistler gave me a choice if I wanted to do it. After I met you, I made my choice.”
“Why? I mean, you could be traveling the world, living the un-life.”
He shrugged, “I’ve seen the world pet. I’ve had my share of living the un-life. This is the best I’ve had it.”
She didn’t look like she believed him.
“I’ve got a family here,” he told her. His voice dropped with raw emotion.
She smiled at him. “That you do. A bratty little sister to boot.”
“Sister?”
She rolled her eyes, “me, who else?”
“Of course, pet.” He forced a smile. Never his sister.
“So, can I tell you what you’ve been doing wrong when we spar?” She chirped far too eagerly.
Bratty, definitely.
END FLASHBACK
“You’ve got to hone your senses, luv. Feel it in your gut. Let’s try again. Close your eyes and try to anticipate my move.”
She nodded and closed her eyes. She breathed deep in her gut and shifted her focus from her head to her stomach. She reached out with her senses to feel him. She listened and waited. She felt an arm come close and she swung out, blocking him.
“Good, pet, good,” he whispered.
Leg coming close and she blocked it, round housing his leg away. Sensing him behind her, she spun, blocked, punched and kicked. He fell down with a ‘oof’. Her eyes flew open and saw him sprawled out on his back.
“Did I hurt you?” she asked.
He smiled at her. “I’m fine, luv. Vampire healing and all that.”
She nodded. “How’d I do?”
“Perfect. Help me up?”
Without thinking she reached out her hand and he took it. Instead of rising however, he pulled her down. She landed on him with an ‘oof’ and he started to chuckle.
“You’re a jerk,” she muttered.
“I know,” he shrugged. “Come on, I’ll help you up.” He started to get up, but quick as a cat she straddled him and flipped his arms up over his head. She smirked at him.
“Gotcha,” she said victoriously, her head bent close to his. She felt a tingle shoot through her at his close proximity and she found herself staring shamelessly at his lips. She made her eyes move away and found his eyes watching her.
His gaze met hers and there was no mistaking the look in his eyes: Desire.
She gasped as his bite began to ache almost to the point where she actually wanted him to bite it to make it go away.
“Spike,” she whispered, disconcerted.
“Yes, luv?”
“It—it’s aching.”
He groaned beneath her and ground his pelvis into hers. “I know.” He whispered. She jumped at the contact when she felt his very hard erection pressing against her.
“I don’t—how does it—make it stop,” she begged him.
“There’s only one way, kitten.” Somehow he had maneuvered her hands off of his wrists and entangled their hands together. He reached up and nuzzled her neck.
That was the wrong thing to do. Memories of how the first bite hurt took away all words Giles had used to describe it. Erotic was not how it felt the first time. She pushed herself off him and stood with lightening speed.
Then she did the unexpected. She burst into tears. Christ, why did she have to go and do that? Didn’t she know how much that hurt him?
“Buffy,” he said, softly, standing up quickly and reaching for her.
“Just don’t.” She told him, holding out her arm to stop him.
“I’m so tired,” she wept.
He wasn’t sure where she was going with that. Metaphorically or physically? Mentally or emotionally? He stood rooted where he was. Despite his intuitive nature, he was still a man that was clueless with a woman. Especially with the woman he loved.
“I just don’t know what to do. I want to…but I can’t. I feel it and I don’t know what to do about it. I’m so confused. I want you to tell me what to do, and yet I don’t,” she was mumbling to him and to herself.
This time he succeeded in pulling her to him. He wrapped his arms around her and she buried her face in his chest. “It’s all right, luv,” he whispered to her.
She shook her head, “but it’s not okay,” she whimpered, burrowing closer to him. He bent his head so that his lips were near her ear.
“What do you feel?” He whispered.
“Whenever you’re close by, I feel you around me, near me, surrounding me. My neck goes crazy and I just want you to…”
“Bite.”
She looked up at him. This time she did not move away, she stayed where she was. In his arms. She looked desperate. He studied her, trying to convey that whatever she needed and wanted, he would give to her.
“Spike…when did you…?”
He smiled softly, “immediately. With the risk of sounding clichéd, when I laid eyes on you.”
“I was seventeen.”
“I’m also two hundred and five years older than you. Everyone born in this century is jail bait.”
She chuckled and buried her face back in his neck again. He rested his cheek on her head. Sometimes, she just needed to be held.
“Am I anything like Drusilla?”
She was comparing herself to Dru now? Yes, she definitely was complex.
“Nothing like her. Except for the strength. Dru didn’t have a soul. She could be heartless and cruel. She loved to torture her victims. She loved me, sure, but only as much as she could for one so fragile. She was insane, quite literally.”
“Was she pretty?”
Spike smiled at the memory of his Dark Princess. “She was.”
“If you lost your soul, would you go back to her?”
“I doubt it, pet. Soul or no soul, you’re still my mate. The demon recognizes that and he loves you. Whether I lose it or not, he’ll still love you. Vampires don’t leave their mate.”
“Ever?”
“Not ever, pet.”
“You tied yourself to me for eternity. I knew that, but I never grasped it. Do you regret it? Do you wish you could be free of me?”
He bent down and whispered in her ear, making sure she understood every word. “I only regret hurting you and the way I did it. I do not regret claiming you. I don’t regret binding myself to you forever. It’s what I wanted for so long, pet.”
“So, you’re saying you would have preferred my consent, and while you’re regretful that it was done with such brutality, you don’t regret the end results of that which means I belong to you?”
“Right. You forget one thing, pet.”
“What?” She looked up at him, her green eyes questioning. He smiled tenderly at her. He pushed a stray strand of hair away from her beautiful, shining face and traced her jawline with his finger. Her skin was so smooth, he wanted to explore every inch of her.
“I belong to you too,” he said simply, gently.
“But I thought that I would have to…bite you.”
He shook his head, movements small and unassuming. “It would seal it further, yes. We’d be united in ways that no one could touch. But biting you made me yours as well. It’s my mark, my bite. Your blood is inside of me now, coursing through my veins. Your essence, your vitality, your life. It binds me to you as well. But luv…I already did belong to you. You knew that, didn’t you?”
She bit her lip and looked away. “I didn’t. I thought maybe a few times, but I just didn’t think…”
“Think what?” He urged.
“That you’d want me.” She burrowed her face again.
He was stunned. She didn’t think--? How could she not know? Had she been completely blind?
“How could you not know that?” He murmured against her hair. “How did you not know that you’re my world? You’re everything to me. All I need, all I want, all I desire and cherish, love and adore all in one woman.”
“When you say things like that, you make me dizzy,” she whispered.
He left a kiss on her head, “you make me dizzy too, you know.”
She looked up at him again, “Spike…you’ve been with a lot of women haven’t you?” It wasn’t a rhetorical question. She really wanted to know.
“I was faithful to Dru. That time with her, I wasn’t with anyone.”
“After Dru? Post-soul?”
“Post-soul…I was with a few. Nothing serious, nothing I remember. Mostly to satisfy a physical craving. Then, I met you.”
“Are you saying you haven’t been with any women since you met me?”
“Nope, haven’t. Haven’t you figured out yet that I’m loyal to those I love?”
Hiding her face again, she sighed. “You know that I…I’ve never…”
“I know luv,” he murmured in her ear.
“I don’t know why I’m telling you this,” she muttered.
“Are you cold, sweetheart?”
“A little.”
“Why don’t we go to my place?”
Her head shot up, “I don’t know, Spike. Giles—“
“Has a phone and I can call him. I want to talk to you, sweetheart. You have questions, concerns…I want to help suss them out.”
She nodded her assent and he took her hand, entwining her fingers with his. She didn’t protest and he marveled at yet another step. He missed this, just the talking, connecting, exploring. When she had been gone for that year, he’d been utterly miserable. He’d missed his angel so much. He watched her as they walked to his apartment. Watched her deep in thought and he wondered what other questions and thoughts were swirling around in that mind of hers. He was happy they were talking, it was better than her taking off and leaving him or them yelling at each other. If they had just done more of that before, maybe she would never have had to leave.
“Race you,” she said suddenly as she detangled her fingers from his and took off on a run.
He laughed and sprinted after her, his duster flapping in the wind. This was the metaphor of their entire relationship. He was always chasing after her and she always remained just out of his grasp. He wondered if he would ever catch her, and if she would ever stop running.
He trailed after as she ran up the stairs to his apartment and he grabbed her around the waist. She squeeled as he hauled her over his shoulder and unlocked his door. Shutting the door with his foot, he placed her down. Her cheeks were red, her blond hair wind-blown and she was slightly panting. She was beaming and he wanted badly to kiss her. He couldn’t though. The first time he kissed her it was brutal, the second was quick and the third, hard. He seemed to bollocks every kiss. Besides, he didn’t want to ruin this moment with her by trying to make a move.
“Call Giles. I’ll be right back.”
Instinctively he knew she was going to use the bathroom and he did as she instructed and called Giles.
“Where the hell have you two been?” Giles shouted into the phone.
“We did some training, and a little bit of patrolling. We’re at my place now.”
“Oh?”
“We’re talking, Rupert, that’s all. I’m not about to do anything stupid with her.”
“Don’t push her for anything, Spike and you should be all set.”
“Thanks, Rupert. We may or may not be coming round tonight.”
“Just take care of her.”
“Always.”
She came back in the room, practically skipping. “Did he yell?”
“A little. Nothing I couldn’t handle, pet.”
She wandered around the living room. “You moved it around,” she murmured. “Hey, where did you get this?” She held up a framed photo of them before she had left. Before he knew she was leaving. It was Halloween and she was dressed up as Wonder Woman. He’d done his usual black upon black. Nevertheless, her mother made them pose together. She was beaming and he had his usual smirk.
“Your mum gave it to me after you…after you left for England.”
She placed it back down with an “oh.”
“Did you want something to drink, luv?”
She smiled at him teasingly, “since when do you play host? I know where the kitchen is Spike. How many times have I been here?”
“You haven’t been here in over a year actually.”
Her smile fell. “I know.” She sat down on his couch and her smile returned. She loved the times when they would sit on the couch and watch TV for hours. She’d made him watch the Thursday night lineup and while he grumbled at first, soon he was laughing alongside her. She looked up at him.
“Sit with me?”
He didn’t have to be asked twice. He sat next to her on the couch and waited.
She began to toy with the pillow on his couch, settling it in her lap and playing with the fabric. “You know I wrote you a lot when I was away.”
“You did?”
She nodded, “I never sent them, obviously. But I did write you. I missed you.”
“Didn’t feel like you did,” he couldn’t help the bitterness that escaped.
She bit her lip and nodded. “Well, I did.”
Silence fell and if it weren’t for his enhanced vampire hearing he never would have heard her ever-so-silent apology.
“What?” He asked, not because he hadn’t heard, but because he was in shock that she’d said it.
“I’m sorry. I have a hard time saying it, but I’m sorry.” She didn’t look at him, she stared straight ahead.
“Don’t leave me again,” he said softly.
“I don’t think I could. I wanted to leave again after you bit me. I knew I couldn’t though.”
He shook his head. “I’d find you.”
“I know,” she sighed then. “What did you do while I was gone?”
“Patrolled, visited your family, drank. Visited Giles now and then too. Missed you, missed you and missed you.”
“Spike, could we watch TV? Like we used to?”
“We can do anything you wish, my love.”
He flicked the TV on and found some late night reruns of Friends. Instantly, she curled up next to him, resting her head on his shoulder and he wrapped an arm around her, inhaling her scent and resting his head against on hers. This was how it was meant to be. His witch nestled in his arms watching TV. There was enough normalcy in it to content her and all of what he needed at that moment to content him.
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