Chapter Eleven
Buffy lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling. Nate hadn’t woken up yet and Buffy decided to take advantage of these few moments of peace to relax in bed and think. Something she didn’t get to do much of these days.
So, Angel.
She sighed heavily. Yes, she liked that kiss. Yes, she had wanted more kissage. But did she want more kissing because of Angel himself or because she hadn’t had that in so long? He was attractive, there was no getting around that. She just could not shake the feeling that something was missing. Something vital. And, if she really was into Angel, shouldn’t she still be on a high from last night? Shouldn’t she not be questioning this?
Okay, so, what’s the checklist? Intelligent-check. Likes kids-check. Double check, actually. Kind-check. Honest-well, yeah as a doctor, but as a guy? Who knows? The only guy she’d ever been able to trust was Spike. Spike. Her bottom lip jutted out into a sappy pout. How cute was he with Nate? There was something so sexy about a guy with a child—whoa! Hold the phone. Sexy? Spike? No, she wasn’t saying that. She was just thinking about how sweet it was, how NICE it was to see them together like that. Wasn’t she? She bit her lip. What about that warm feeling she got when she was watching them? It hadn’t been so much about THEM per se, more about Spike. He was most definitely her rock, someone she loved, adored and trusted with her life and god he just looked so cute as a Mr. Mom type. Definitely someone she wanted part of Nate’s life. He could teach Nate all sorts of things. Nate could definitely go to Spike for man- to- man chats—although, he would NOT be allowed to teach him anything naughty. She could see them going on picnics together, and oh, Spike could teach him how to shave when he got older and he could maybe even do Dad type things with him at school events. She remembered what it was like not to have a dad to do those things with, how she felt like such a loser because her dad couldn’t be bothered to do those things with her and Faith. He was just nonexistent. Much like Nate’s. Would Spike be willing to do those things for Nate though? She thinks he would, but it wasn’t very fair of her to make these plans without him. He was her best friend, yes, but that didn’t mean he wanted the responsibility of being the man in Nate’s life. That wasn’t fair to Spike. He still had a life in front of him. He would one day have a family of his own. Buffy frowned sadly at the thought. What would she do without Spike? She sat up. This was exactly what she was afraid of. If she allowed herself to lean on Spike too much, she’d come to depend on him to the point where he had no other life than tending to her and Nate and that was not fair to him. He deserved to have a life. He deserved to find. . . love. Love with a nice girl. A nice, single girl that adored him as much as she did.
This all came back to Angel. Angel was there and he was interested. He also knew she had a child to care for and that hadn’t bothered him in the least. Just because he was good with kids though did not mean he was good with her. And Buffy needed someone good with her too. Someone who didn’t put up with her bullshit, who knocked her down off her high horse once in a while and showed her the gray areas instead of always seeing thing in black and white. Could Angel do that? He just seemed so. . . agreeable. She needed someone she could fight with as well as laugh with. The only person she knew that was like that with her was—
Spike.
She had a headache now. This apparently is what happens when she’s left with her thoughts for too long. They just run rampant. Taking a deep breath, Buffy decided it was time to get ready for the day and enough with the thinking and laying about. She had things to do today. She had a woman to see about daycare. And, there would be no more thinking about Spike and Angel. None. No more. It was impossible to compare the two because Spike was her friend and Angel was her. . . was her. . . all right, enough thinking Buffy.
Buffy was beaming from ear to ear as she entered work. She absolutely LOVED Willow and what was more; Nate loved her too. He took to her right away. She met the other teachers at the school and found herself adding a point in Angel’s favor. He’d done good by giving her Willow’s card. She had daycare for Nate and now she was going to tell Spike she could only do days. He knew it was eventually coming, he was just biding his time until she had found it so he could find someone to do nights.
She came in with Nate babbling in her ear and she was giggling at him. As soon as she entered she saw Spike talking with Lorne, his back turned. She set Nate down and pointed at Spike. “Go get Uncle Spike,” she told him and he bounded off after him, running up to him and hugging his legs.
Spike jumped and turned a bit in order to see Nate hugging his legs and babbling loudly at him. His face broke into a wide smile and he bent down and scooped Nate up in his arms.
“Where’s Auntie Buffy?”
Nate pointed to Buffy.
Buffy and Spike locked gazes and she found herself blushing. She was BLUSHING IN FRONT OF SPIKE! Why? When the freaking hell did THAT happen? Shaking herself out of it, she started for him.
“To what do I owe this honor?” He asked.
“We’ve come to talk to you.”
“Oh?”
“Can we go to the office?”
“Sure, Lorne I’ll be out back.”
“Sure thing Boss. Hey Buffy, I’ll watch the little guy if you want. It’s not very busy right now and I’m sure he could probably get some business going on account of his adorable face,” Lorne reached over and lightly pinched Nate’s cheek, causing the boy to squeal and laugh in delight.
“Uh, sure. Just be careful. Make sure he doesn’t get into anything.”
Lorne raised his eyebrows, “Buffy, I’m not going to let him hurt himself. Geez, I’m just going to have him help me set the tables. You know, give him some knives and forks to run with.”
“Very funny, Lorne.”
“I do my best, buttercup. Come see Uncle Lorne, yes that’s right.” Lorne took a laughing Nate away and Spike offered his arm to Buffy.
“Mi’lady?”
She giggled and took the offered arm.
“What’s this all about? You’re not leaving me are you?” He asked and Buffy could hear worry in his voice.
“Nope, not leaving you. I found daycare for Nate.”
“Ah, I see,” Spike shut the door behind him as they entered his office. “So, Willow was good, yeah?”
She nodded, “LOVED her. And, so did Nate. Everyone was so nice. I know he’ll be good there.”
Spike smiled, “good. I’m glad. Seems Angel came through. Again.”
“Again?”
“Well, with him being sick.”
“Oh yeah, right.” She nodded, not wanting to talk about Angel right now.
“You all right? You look a little funny. Tense, anxious.”
She shook her head, “I’m fine. I think I’m just hungry.”
“Well, say no more. Has Nate eaten yet?”
“No.”
Spike picked up the phone, “hey, it’s me. Yeah, can you make two big plates of Hamburgers and French Fries? Oh, and a couple cokes and a cranberry juice. Very funny, the juice is for my nephew smart ass.”
“Thanks, Spike.”
“Welcome.”
“Spike, if Nate had a dad day at school, would you go for him?” Buffy blurted out.
“Come again?”
“Say Nate has like a special fathers thingie, you know, like a concert for dads or a fathers day lunch or something like that, would you go for him?”
He stares at her for a long moment and she swears his chest puffs with pride and he even seems a bit, well, sentimental. “Is there something going on for him?”
“No, not yet, but if there was—“
“I’d be honored Buffy,” and Buffy can see that he meant it.
Smiling she nods and a second later, Lorne comes in with Nate. “Sorry to do this poodle, but it’s starting to get busy now and I don’t want anything to happen to the little tyke.”
“Thanks, Lorne.”
As soon as Nate is free, he runs directly to Spike and tries to crawl in his lap. Spike’s smile stretches from ear to ear as he picks him up. Buffy watches the two interact and wonders if Angel would be as good with Nate as Spike was. If he’d garner the same affection that Nate had for Spike and vice versa. Wasn’t she supposed to NOT be comparing the two?
“Buffy, luv, you all right? You look upset.”
“I’m fine,” she chirped, “just hungry.”
“Should be on its way soon luv. Why don’t you tell me what brought on this line of questioning?”
“I don’t. . . I just. . . I was thinking.”
“Care to elaborate?”
Not really. “Well, Faith and I might as well have grown up without a father and Nate most definitely does not have an active father figure. I know how lonely and depressing it is not to have a dad, and I can only imagine that for a boy it has to be even harder. I mean, girls need their moms for stuff like periods and boys—“
“I get the picture there, Buffy.”
“Right. So, I was thinking that one day Nate is going to need someone to talk to about girls and. . . other stuff. I just thought that if you were still around in his life—“
“What do you mean ‘still around’ Buffy? Do you think I’m going somewhere?”
“Well, no, not in the sense that you’re moving away. Although, conceivably one day you could.”
Spike furrowed his brow, “where?”
“Wherever your wife wants you to move.”
He was clearly confused, “and whom am I marrying?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then how is it that you have me married and moved already?”
“I don’t. I’m just saying that it could happen one day.”
“And you don’t think I’d be here for you and Nate?”
She looked down, suddenly feeling very foolish. “I think you’d always be there for us, but things change. People move on. They even die,” she spoke very quietly, “so it’s conceivable that one day you could leave.”
“Buffy look at me,” he half-demanded as he moved to sit in front of her on the desk, Nate resting against him.
She looked up at him.
“I’m never leaving you, Buffy. Never. When are you going to stop thinking that I will? When are you going to realize that I’m here to stay, that you are NEVER going to get rid of me?” He sounded so earnest, even almost angry at the thought of ever leaving that Buffy felt guilty.
“I’m sorry. I just, I’m just used to people leaving that it just seems that it’s inevitable. Ever since Faith died I’ve almost felt like I have to gear myself up for it and that I can’t really count on anything—“
He stopped her, taking her hand in his. “Buffy. Luv, you can ALWAYS count on me.”
Her eyes welled up with tears, not having been prepared for her abandonment issues to rear its ugly head. As tears tracked down her cheeks, she said a silent “thank you.”
“I hate it when you cry,” he moaned and tugged on her hand, forcing her to stand up. She did so and he cradled her against his side as he held Nate against his chest. The boy was now asleep against him.
“Well, we’re even because I hate to cry,” she admitted, wiping at her tears and attempting a light laugh.
She stepped back so that she could put Nate on down on Spike’s leather couch he had in the office. They set chairs in front so that he wouldn’t roll off and fall to the ground and once done, Spike gathered Buffy up in his arms.
She held onto him as if he were her lifeline and really, at that point, she felt that he was. God only knew where she’d be without him.
“Thank you for being so stubborn,” she told him.
He pulled back and wiped her tears away with the pads of his fingers. “I don’t think it was a trait I had well honed until you came along Summers.”
She giggled at that.
“Now that’s a good sound,” Spike told her softly, “music to my ears.” He pushed some hair away from her face and she found herself being taken in by him. His eyes. . . my god they were blue. Like sparkling blue gems. So intense and beautiful.
“Knock, knock. Food’s here,” Lorne pushed the door open.
Moving away quickly from Spike and trying to stop the blush that seemed to start from her toes, she went to Lorne to help him carry the food in. Her stomach growled at the smell and sight of the food.
“Someone’s tummy’s rumbling!” Lorne chirped.
She laughed, “I just want to stick my head in a vat full of fries,” she picked up a fry and munched on it. She closed her eyes in utter bliss, “well slap my ass and call me Sally this is good.”
Spike and Lorne laughed and Spike, of course, took it upon himself to slap her ass playfully. “Dig in Sally.”
Buffy’s eyes widened that he had actually did that and then lost herself in the heaven that was food.
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