A/N I write love scene after love scene for you people and everyone likes the smoochies from the last chapter LOL! I’ll have to remember that for future reference. I do want to thank everyone who has reviewed and I know Allison loves all of the reviews, as well. We’re getting to the point where Buffy finds out, but we’re going to string you along for another chapter or two :-) I know, we’re evil, but it will be worth it. Enjoy the update and, as always, please review! ~Ash
Chapter 11 – Denial
The next morning, Spike woke up early and hopped in the shower, praying that he could avoid Buffy at all costs. He had no idea what he was going to say to her, knowing that she’d definitely need answers to what had happened.
‘Well, here’s what happened- I’ve wanted her since the first moment I saw her, and I decided to take a chance last night like the bloody moron I am,’ he thought, standing under the hot spray of water. ‘How do I even begin to explain this to her? Am I ready to admit the truth to her?’ He paused. ‘She’s going to kick me out when she finds out, isn’t she? Our friendship is based on a lie. A big one, at that. I have a feeling she’s never going to forgive me for letting it get this bad.’
After getting dressed and ready to leave the apartment for a few hours, he got out of the bathroom and headed towards the kitchen to get his keys. Unfortunately for him, Buffy was awake and standing in front of a set of cabinets, grabbing a box of cereal. She looked at him and instantly averted her eyes, too afraid to address the situation they had found themselves in the night before.
‘Why did I kiss him back?’ she asked herself. ‘I mean, besides the fact I have Angel, I know Spike doesn’t like me like that. We’re friends, and he has Xander. Why did he kiss me like that in the first place? Maybe he’s bi,’ this thought caused Buffy to pause before another one fluttered through her brain. ‘Oh God, maybe it was more like I forced myself on him. Maybe he was just going with what I was doing and didn’t want to stop for fear of hurting me.’ She shut her eyes, cursing herself. ‘Good job, Summers. How’re you going to explain your way out of this one?’ She noticed him looking at her. ‘How do you explain to your gay roommate that you want him?’
“Buffy, I don’t know what happened last night,” Spike began, shoving his hands in his pockets, trying to figure out what he should tell her. “I’m sorry if I was out of line, and I didn’t mean for it to get that far. I hope you can forgive me.” She looked at him, surprised.
‘He’s blaming this all on him?’ she thought to herself, raising an eyebrow.
“Um, yeah,” she said quietly. “It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.” He nodded and headed to the door. “Where are you going?” He stopped as he gripped the doorknob, not turning to look at her for fear that she’d see how he was really feeling about their situation.
“To see Xander,” he answered, letting himself out and closing the door behind him. Buffy leaned back against the counters and sighed, upset.
‘Things aren’t going to be the same ever again, are they?’
* * * * *
Xander looked at his friend sitting across from him at the dining room table, trying to be helpful.
“Do you think she was mad that you kissed her?” Xander asked. Spike shrugged.
“I have no idea how she feels about it besides the fact she looked freaked out before she ran out of my room and up to hers,” he answered, drinking from his beer bottle. “I mean, I’d be upset if my gay roommate forced himself on me, wouldn’t you?” Xander laughed slightly. “Shut up, whelp, this is serious. What the sodding hell am I going to do now? I’ve dug myself into this hole and I don’t know how to get out without serious consequences. She probably wants me to move out.”
“Did she say that?” Xander asked. Spike shook his head. “What exactly did she say?”
“I asked her if she’d forgive me, and she said ‘it’s okay’ and ‘don’t worry about it’,” Spike muttered. “Obviously it’s not okay and I’m worrying about it.” He finished his beer. “I don’t want to go back there, Xand. Not yet.” Xander looked at his watch.
“You can stay here for a while if you’d like,” he offered. “Anya and I are meeting up in a couple of minutes for lunch.” Spike looked at him graciously. “Try to be gone before we come back, though. I’ve been trying to prove my masculinity ever since the charade we pulled in L.A.” Spike chuckled and patted his friend on the back.
“Thanks,” Spike replied. “I owe you one, Xander.” The two exchanged a smile before Xander stood up and left the apartment. Spike stared down the neck of the empty beer bottle, lost in thought again.
‘You’ve got to face her sometime, Spike. You dug your own grave, and now it’s time to crawl your way out of it.’ He paused. ‘Right, I’ve got all day to get out of it.’ He rested his head down on the table and shut his eyes, hoping he wouldn’t have any dreams of Buffy.
* * * * *
Buffy spent most of her time in town that day, avoiding her apartment. She knew she and Spike would have to talk about everything eventually.
‘There’s no way you can just ignore a make-out session like that,’ she thought sadly.
After spending sordid amounts of money at the mall for the second time that month, she decided to walk through the art gallery that was nearby.
‘At least that might take my mind off of him,’ she thought. ‘Hopefully.’
She spent at least an hour there, looking at the art and watching a class of students take notes on several paintings. She smiled at them, remembering how she had several field trips here for her college art classes.
After leaving, she walked into the local coffee shop next door and had just placed her order when she saw Xander sitting at a table with a pretty blonde woman.
‘I wonder if those two are like me and Spike,’ she said, studying the two, laughing at something Xander had just said. Xander took the woman’s hand in his and kissed the top of it, looking into her eyes. She raised an eyebrow at the display but shrugged it off, grabbing her drink from the guy behind the counter.
When Buffy turned back around to leave, her eyes fell on Xander and the woman, watching as he leaned over and kissed her. She stopped walking.
‘That’s nothing- just a chaste kiss,’ she thought, watching them intently. ‘A chaste kiss with tongue…oh my god.” She quickly left the café, going back to the apartment and having a mental breakdown. ‘What am I going to tell Spike?’
* * * * *
When Spike finally mustered up the courage to return to the apartment, it was almost dinnertime. He still was at a loss of what to say to Buffy, but he knew there was no use in putting off.
‘Time to face it like a man,’ he frowned. ‘Because you’re the pillock who kissed her.’
When he walked into the apartment, he saw Buffy sitting on a chair in the living room area, her head in her hands. He raised an eyebrow, instantly worried.
“Buffy?” he asked, and her head shot up, her eyes looking at him. “What’s wrong, luv?”
“I have something I need to tell you,” she said quietly. Spike put down his keys and walked over to her, crouching down in front of her. She looked at him and took a deep breath.
“You can tell me what’s wrong, pet,” he said, scared that she was going to ask him to move out.
‘You probably deserve it,’ he thought sadly. ‘Or maybe I should offer to leave.’ Before he could open his mouth to suggest it, she spoke.
"I saw Xander and a woman in town today," she began, looking down. "He's cheating on you."
Spike couldn’t help the smile that overtook his features as he looked at Buffy. She was so stressed out and obviously concerned that this bit of information was going to hurt him that he felt so much sympathy for the
poor girl. He also found her even more attractive since she was worried about him.
‘Now’s the time,’ Spike thought. 'It’s perfect, just come out…bad choice of
words…just tell her the truth.’
“Buffy,” he said softly, taking her hand in his as she looked into his eyes.
“Xander’s not gay.”
‘Coward.’
Buffy’s eyes widened in shock. “What?”
“I asked him to go with me to your mum’s, but he’s not gay. He’s just my
best friend…nothing more. He has a girlfriend, and I’m guessing she’s who
you saw today.” Spike paused for a moment, his brow furrowing as he thought
of something. “And if she wasn’t the one you saw, I’m going to have to go
kick his ass.”
“Wh-why did you say he was gay?”
“I never really did,” Spike said with a shrug. “I didn’t want you to think
I was a ponce since I didn’t invite anyone."
Buffy breathed a sigh of relief hearing the news. She didn’t know if she
was relieved because, more or less, that let her off the hook for the kiss
last night, or because Spike was still single.
Spike watched as Buffy gave him a dazzling smile before wrapping her arms around his neck in a tight hug. Realizing what she was doing, Buffy jumped away, causing Spike to look at her in confusion. “Something wrong, pet?” When Buffy didn’t answer, Spike gently took her chin in his hands, turning her to face him. “I don’t want things to be weird between us, Buffy,” he said softly, looking directly in her eyes.
“It’s just last night…”
Spike brought his other hand up to cup her face as he looked at her. “Was
special,” he finished in a whisper. “It’s a night I will always
remember...in a very good way.”
Buffy gave him a tentative smile as his hands left her face to pull her
closer to him for another hug. She clung to him, thankful that things were
getting back to the way they were supposed to be.
“What do you say we have a movie night, pet?” Spike asked, pulling away to look at her with a hopeful expression. ‘And maybe I can get the courage to tell you the truth.’
Buffy looked at him with remorseful eyes. “I can’t,” she said softly. “I
have a date.”
Spike pulled back slightly, feeling more hurt than he had any right to be.
“With Angel?”
Buffy nodded, biting her lip.
“Right then,” Spike replied, backing toward the door.
“Spike, please don’t be mad-“
“Not mad, luv,” Spike replied with an obviously fake smile. “I’ll be out
for the evening.”
“Spike-“
‘It’s fine, Buffy, really,” he said in a tone that was almost uncaring.
“Okay,” she said softly, breathing a heavy sigh when the door closed behind
him.
* * * * *
Spike had waited until he was sure Buffy had left for her date before
returning to the apartment. It was now close to midnight, and Spike could
hear the front door opening and closing. He was relieved she was back. He
always felt better when she was safe and sound inside their apartment.
He gave Buffy a few minutes, knowing she would want to change, before he
would go see how her date went. Closing his book, he walked out of his
bedroom, down the hall, and into the living room, surprised to see the lights
were all turned off.
‘Surely she wouldn’t go to sleep without saying goodnight…or at the very
least making sure I was home.’
Spike felt along the wall until he found the switch and flipped it on.
‘Bloody hell, I should have left it off,’ he thought as Buffy jumped,
disentangling herself from Angel’s arms as Angel shot the other man a death
look at what he had obviously interrupted.
Buffy stood, straightening her clothes as she offered nervous smiles to both
men. Neither of whom noticed, since they were too busy glaring at each
other.
“Spike,” she said in a voice that was abnormally high pitched. “I didn’t
think you were home.”
Spike took a deep breath, trying to control every nerve in his body from
attacking the other man. “Just on my way out, luv.”
“No! You don’t have to do that- we’ll leave.”
“We will?” Angel asked, his eyebrows raised. “It seems to me this
apartment is big enough for all of us.” Spike glared at him as he stood up,
walking over to Buffy and wrapping an arm around her waist. “We can just go
to your bedroom,” he said to her in a low tone.
Buffy’s eyes never left Spike’s as she tried to gauge his reaction. Spike
kept a careful mask in place as he looked at her. “You two stay down here,”
he said softly, ignoring her date. “I’m just going out to buy some
smokes…I’ll be back in a little while.” The last statement was directed at
Angel as he smirked at the other man.
Buffy nodded, her eyes saddened for reasons Spike didn’t understand as he
turned and walked out of the apartment. Shutting the door behind him, Spike
leaned back and squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to think about what
might be going on behind that door.
“Spike?”
Normally, that voice would grate on his nerves, but tonight it was a welcome
distraction. “”Yeah, Andrew?”
“Is something wrong?”
Spike opened his eyes, looking at the younger man. “Just had to get out for
a while…needed some space.”
“Oh…I get that. You know, as long as you…need some space, you could always come over to my place.”
For some strange reason, Spike found the invitation as a comforting break
from his life. Andrew really was a nice guy, and he was nothing if not
entertaining. “You got beer?” Spike asked, walking toward his door.
* * * * *
After Andrew let Spike into his apartment, Spike couldn’t help but look at all of the action figures and posters scattered about. The apartment was in the same set-up as Buffy’s, but Andrew had obviously filled it up with a lot of geek paraphernalia.
‘Why are you shocked?’ he thought to himself. ‘He’s the type of guy you’d picture enjoying Star Trek.’ Spike eyed a little figurine on a stand and picked it up. He heard Andrew gasp.
“That’s a limited edition, 1979 mint condition Boba Fett,” Andrew said, looking terrified. Spike raised an eyebrow, looking at him. “Will you please put that down?” Spike did as asked and raised his hands in surrender, taking a step back. Andrew breathed a sigh of relief. “Sorry, I’m just very skittish about people touching my collectibles.”
“I can see that,” Spike replied, managing a smile. Andrew walked to the refrigerator and pulled out two beers before handing Spike one. “Thanks.” Andrew smiled, and the two men opened the bottles, drinking some. Spike noticed the odd look Andrew had after drinking his.
‘The kid has beer but doesn’t drink it?’ he thought, confused. ‘Maybe it’s only for company.’
“So, why did you need space?” Andrew asked casually, leaning back against the kitchen counter.
“Buffy has her great oaf of a boy-toy over,” Spike muttered, drinking a large gulp of beer.
“Riley’s back?” Andrew asked, shocked. Spike looked at him and shook his head. “Then who?”
“Angel, a fellow student at UC-Sunnydale,” he answered sarcastically. “You know about Riley?”
“That I do,” Andrew said. “Do you know about him, too?” Spike shrugged. “She didn’t tell you all about it?” Spike shook his head. “Well, how about we have a seat then? This could take a bit of time.” Andrew motioned to his couch, and Spike sat down. Andrew sat on a parallel couch, looking at Spike.
“How long were they dating? What went wrong? What was he like?” Spike asked quickly, his mind spinning with questions he wanted answered.
‘If Buffy won’t tell me, I’ll get my information from the next best thing- gossipy Andrew.’
“Slow down, tiger,” Andrew said before smiling. “Let me tell it my way.” Spike motioned for him to proceed. “Well, they began dating about two years ago, when she was a freshman in college.” Spike relaxed on the couch, eager for more. “Well, the long and short of it is, they were a happy couple, always together, the picture of perfection. Until things started going wrong for them.”
“What exactly went wrong?” Spike asked, becoming worried. Andrew sighed. “Andrew?”
“Well, Riley wanted to get married, and Buffy wasn’t ready,” Andrew shrugged. “It all started to go downhill after that. I began seeing Riley come back to the apartment with random girls while she was out.” Spike clenched his fists, becoming furious. “Buffy found out about two months ago and kicked him out. As far as I know, she hasn’t talked to him since.”
‘At least my girl is smart enough to not keep him around after he’s shagging behind her back,’ he thought to himself.
“I think it really hurt her because her father cheated on her mother,” Andrew said, looking at the 98 % full bottle in his hand. Spike raised an eyebrow.
‘That explains why she called her father ‘absentee’ before,’ he sighed. ‘And why she freaked out when we were kissing the other night- she doesn’t want to cheat on Angel.’ Spike looked down and shut his eyes.
“Spike, are you okay?” Andrew asked, causing Spike to look at him.
“I’m fine, Andrew,” Spike answered, smiling softly. “Thank you for telling me about Riley.”
* * * * *
An hour had passed since Spike left, and Buffy was really starting to get worried. Around one o’clock, she pulled away from Angel and stood up. He looked at her, confused.
“I have an early morning tomorrow,” she lied. “Do you mind if we call it a night?”
“Oh,” Angel said, standing up. “Okay.” She smiled politely at him and led him to the door.
“Good night, Angel,” she said, leaning up to kiss him softly. He smiled at her.
“Good night, Buffy,” he replied. She let him out and watched him get into the elevator before going back inside the apartment and quickly dialing Spike’s cell phone number. After about two rings, he finally picked up.
“Where are you?” she practically hissed. “It’s one o’clock in the morning!”
“I’m just visiting with my old pal Andrew here,” Spike answered. Buffy raised an eyebrow.
‘What? He’s hanging out with Andrew?’ she thought, shocked. She hung up the phone and stormed down the hallway, knocking on Andrew’s door. Andrew opened it, smiling at her.
“Hi,” he said. “Would you like to come in?” She shot him a look, and he backed off, letting her go over to Spike. He looked at her, smirking.
“Come to take me home, pet?” he asked, putting down his second beer bottle of the night.
“Let’s go,” she said. “It’s getting late.”
He sighed. “Yes, Mum,” he muttered, following her to the door.
Buffy rolled her eyes. “Night, Andrew.”
“Thanks,” Spike said, smiling at the younger man.
Andrew smiled back at him. “Good night, you two,” he said, watching them go to their apartment. “See you around.” Buffy opened their door and let them in before locking it behind her. She walked to her stairs, ready to go to sleep, when Spike gently grabbed her arm.
“Why do you seem so upset?” he asked, looking at her, concerned. “Did that ponce do something to you?”
“No, it was you,” she replied, tilting her head. “You said you’d be back soon, and you weren’t. Not that I believed you were really going out for cigarettes at midnight, but I gave you the benefit of the doubt.” She crossed her arms, frowning.
‘She’s pretty cute when she’s angry,’ he thought, looking at the fire in her eyes.
“Do you know how worried I’ve been?” she asked, looking down. “Anything could’ve happened to you.” He smiled and tilted her chin up, looking into her eyes.
“I’m fine, luv,” he replied. “And I’m sorry I worried you.” He kissed her forehead softly. “Now why don’t you go to bed? You look exhausted.” She nodded and hugged him. He hugged her back, not wanting to let her go but finally releasing her from his embrace. “Good night, Buffy.”
“Good night, Spike,” she said quietly before yawning. She walked up the steps to her room while Spike made his way down the hallway and into his own room.
'I didn't mean to worry her,' he thought, sitting on his bed. 'Maybe I can make it up to her tomorrow.' He smiled at the thought and laid back on his pillows, looking out the open window.
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